by Izzy Hodder
I turned around, Sam was standing there looking at me.
“Yeah, yeah just…”
“People are idiots, come with me,” he said grabbing my hand and bringing me into the examination hall.
“Amy, there you are,” said Tara, the hall was pretty much empty. Filled with desks for each of us, she gave me a hug.
“I’m so sorry, I tried waiting out the front but when I didn’t see you I thought you must already be in here.”
“I came in the back,” I said, “thought it would be easier that way…”
“People are such dicks,” said Sam simply.
“Watch your language young man,” said a voice; appearing behind us. It was Mr Longwood, our business teacher. We were all in that class together.
“Sorry sir,” said Sam quickly.
“Why; might I ask, would one be referring to their peers in that manner,” Mr Longwood always liked to speak in long terms and fancy words, I think he did it sarcastically most of the time.
“Just people being idiots,” said Tara quickly.
“Yeah people giving poor Amy abuse,” said Sam, oblivious.
“And why would that be?” asked Mr. Longwood, “Amy?”
“Oh it’s nothing really,” I said.
“You don’t seem to be the kind of girl who would rub people up the wrong way?” commented Mr Longwood; obviously curious.
“Yeah, that would be me,” Tara joked, trying to lighten the mood,
“I just think its bullshit,” said Sam, “I mean if Luke were there he would have…”
“What’s going on Amy? Does the school need to intervene?” asked Mr Longwood seriously.
“No; it’s fine. Really, schools almost over everything will be fine,” I said, smiling tightly.
Just then Luke walked into the hall.
“Amy, there you are. Lily just started screaming at me outside, I know you said she took it bad but…” His voice trailed off when he saw that Mr Longwood was standing with us.
“Hey Luke,” said Sam and Tara in unison.
“Hello Luke,” said Mr Longwood, he coughed. “Okay well looks like you kids have stuff going on, but don’t let it affect your exams. English starts in twenty minutes.” He put his hand on my shoulder, “ignore them kiddo,” he said awkwardly before walking out.
“What was that all about?” asked Luke.
“Nothing,” I said, “he just started asking questions, Luke everyone’s talking about it, how did they all find out?”
“Lily,” said Sam.
“What do you mean?” asked Tara, “there was no word of it last week when Amy was out.”
“Apparently she told her old mate, you know Ally? They used to be close, yeah well what I heard from the guys was she told Ally at the weekend and well you know Ally.”
“Can’t keep her mouth shut,” sighed Luke.
“Yep,” nodded Sam. “I mean that’s how I find out, I only heard this morning,” he looked at me. “I hope you’re, you know okay,” he said.
“You too Luke, I mean you guys are crazy good at hiding this, the guys said it’s been months.”
“It has,” said Luke.
"And you?’ asked Sam turning to Tara.
“I’ve only known since last week,” she said. “I couldn’t tell you.”
The two of them had been spending a lot of time together the past week or two, and I’d never seen her happier. I didn’t think she was getting sick either.
“Yeah that’s fair,” said Sam.
“But what just happened with Lily?” I asked, remembering what Luke had first said.
“Oh shit yeah, I bumped into her outside the school. I was like okay I’ll say hi, maybe she’s chilled out now ya know?”
I nodded, Sam spoke, “Did Lily freak out when you told her or something? Is that why she told Ally ’cause I thought that was pretty weird of her, I mean I thought I knew Lily.”
“So did we,” said Tara.
I explained Lily’s reaction to Sam.
“Holy shit, that’s crazy, she’s so chill usually.”
“I know,” said Luke, “so that’s why when I said hey to her this morning I wasn’t expecting her to start screaming at me about what an idiot I was, how this was terrible. I mean what did she want me to say?”
“I don’t know, she’s acting crazy,” I said.
“I think a part of it could be that she didn’t know, maybe she thinks I did. She hasn’t talked to me since before the hospital and in school she literally just avoided me. Luckily, I had Sam,” said Tara.
“Yeah, well I didn’t even see her last week,” said Luke. He had stayed at home to study; a lot of people did that in the last week.
“I’m sorry,” I said, “I feel like I’ve caused this whole mess, I mean we were friends. We were all best friends.”
“It’s not your fault Amy, don’t be silly,” said Tara.
“She’s being completely irrational,” agreed Sam.
“You don’t need her,” said Luke.
Just then the bell rang and everyone started filing into the hall, I got so many looks and whispers. People were so obvious, I thought. It made me think about all of the times I’ve talked about people without actually knowing them or their situation and how I would never do it again.
Tara seemed to be thinking the same thing, god I am never whispering again.
“Come on,” said Luke, “Let’s go sit down.”
“My desks over here,” I said, we had assigned seats.
“I’m that way too,” said Sam, “Row 11?” He asked.
“Yep, that’s me, you’re right behind me I think,” I said.
“Great,” said Luke, “look after her for me.” He gave Sam a friendly pat on the shoulder. I gave Luke a look as if to say ‘I don’t need anyone looking after me, thank you’ but I also thought it was sweet, so maybe it was a mixed look.
“Boys,” said Tara, rolling her eyes, “Good luck,” she whispered, heading towards her desk.
Sam and Luke had always been friends, but never super close. But I hadn’t seen any of Luke’s best friends say anything to him this morning so I had a feeling him and Sam were about to become good mates.
I walked with Sam to the other end of the hall, Lily walked by me; almost bumping into me. Our eyes met. She looked me up and down.
“Good luck Sam,” she said, looking at him then.
Sam didn’t say a thing, she walked away shaking her head.
I couldn’t believe it, a week ago that girl was my best friend. Now she couldn’t stand to speak to me. I couldn’t help it, it made me feel like it was my fault.
“Just ignore it,” said Sam, we were at our desks now, he was right behind me, “do your best, good luck.”
“You too,” I said my mind racing, but there was no time because the examiners were now here handing out papers. I did my best.
Chapter 19
The next few weeks were a blur; I felt like my stomach had just tripled in size. Even though it hadn’t; the fact that now everyone knew made me think it must be obvious. Some people were nice, girls from classes came up to me and told me to ignore anyone being rude or mean and I appreciated them. But it was so hard, there can be so many good people and kind people but your mind will always fixate on the one bad, the mean words. People starred all the time, and whispered, some boys were being okay to Luke but mainly all of them felt awkward so they either made slut or whore comments to me from the safety of a group. Or they didn’t say a word. Myself, Tara, Sam and Luke spent a lot of time together. Despite it all we had fun, neither Luke nor I felt judged by them and the four of us became even closer during those exam breaks and lunches.
I think I did okay, I mean I already had my offers and they were unconditional, meaning I had already gotten in on previous results so long as I didn’t completely fail these I would be fine. On the last day of exams everyone was going to a big party in one of the boys’ houses.
“I’m not going to go,” I said to Tara at l
unch on the last day.
“Yeah, I didn’t think you would, are you sure though?” she asked.
“Yeah, I mean it wouldn’t be enjoyable, plus I have never been so tired in my whole life,” I laughed.
“I don’t know how you’re actually hiding it so well it’s crazy.”
’Oh no, it’s there Tara is it not obvious?" I asked, holding my bump.
“Not at all, seriously.”
“Thank god, it’s these jumpers, I never thought I’d appreciate how awful they are,” I said.
“They’re pretty bad alright, but oh my god, this is the last day we will ever wear them? How crazy is that?”
“You know, with everything I had actually forgotten that this is the end. I’m kind of sad, I was always so happy here, Tara.”
“You deserved to be,” said Tara, “after the hell you went through beforehand.” She was referring to all the bullying and lack of friends.
“This place became my second home; I mean it was amazing really. I had you and then Lily and Luke.” I suddenly felt really nostalgic. This was the end of something so special in so many more ways than one.
“It’s so sad about Lily,” said Tara, “I mean I thought we were like sisters.”
“Maybe she’ll come around.”
“Would you want her to? She was pretty awful to you Amy.”
“I know but look, it’s not worth losing such a friendship over is it?”
“You’re right, nothing is,” agreed Tara.
When I arrived home, that evening Mum, Dad and Mike were all in the kitchen; a rare sight for our busy family.
“Hey guys,” I said, “what’s going on?”
“We’re going for dinner,” said Mum.
“With Luke’s family,” added Mike, rolling his eyes.
“What?” I asked.
“Well I decided to call Sandy earlier, you and Luke finished your exams today and I know neither of you will be going out like all your friends. So I thought we would celebrate all together, plus, your father and I think all of us need to get together and talk about what’s happening these next few months.”
“Oh okay… you mean with the baby? Will you all be okay together, you don’t really know each other?” I said.
“I know,” said Mike, “it’s going to be insanely awkward and weird.”
“Mike stop it,” said Dad, “we will be fine, we’re going to be…” he coughed. “Family I guess… okay well get ready to go.”
“Fine, fine, I’ll just take of my uniform,” I ran upstairs, thinking how insane my family were and how much they had changed since this all happened. Mum was insanely shy and would never before call a woman she didn’t really know and Dad didn’t like social outings with anyone other than his college friends. He also hated going out for dinner, full stop. I make them sound incredibly unsocial but really they just stuck to themselves and they liked Luke obviously but they were never the kind of parents who made him and his family a part of ours, Luke was my boyfriend not the families if that made sense. I threw on a pair of leggings because jeans did not fit and a big baggy jumper of Mike’s.
We walked together to a local place and when we arrived Luke and his parents were already there.
Everyone exchanged awkward handshakes and hugs.
“This is so weird,” Luke whispered to me, I nodded at him in agreement.
We ordered food and then there was an uncomfortable silence.
“So, I can’t believe you two are finished,” said Luke’s dad after a moment.
“Crazy right,” I said, sipping on my water.
“They’re so grown up now,” said Sandy looking at the two of us, a certain fondness in her eyes that gave me hope.
“More than we’d like,” said Dad, he meant it as a joke I know but no one but Mike laughed.
“Sorry,” said Dad immediately, “that came out wrong.”
Mum looked embarrassed.
“Don’t worry,” laughed Sandy, “it’s a new situation for us all.”
"Thankfully,’ added Luke’s dad and this time we all laughed.
The ice broken, we talked openly over dinner about what we were going to do once the baby was born.
“Are you sure you’re up for looking after the baby though Liz?” asked Sandy.
“I mean what choice do we have,” said Mum. “I wouldn’t want it to go to anyone else and I don’t want Amy or Luke to miss out on their futures.”
“We did talk about Luke taking a year out,” said his dad, “we could support the two of them in raising the child.”
“Yes but where and what happens when the year is over?” said Mum.
“She’s right,” agreed Sandy, speaking to her husband. “Luke and Amy have plans, I’m sure this is what a lot of families do right?” She looked to Mum. I noted that she seemed slightly in awe of Mum’s calmness and the solid plan she had. I felt proud of my mum.
“It seems to be the best option, that way Amy and Luke will obviously still be involved but they can continue their futures.”
“It won’t be that long really,” said Luke. “I mean in four years’ time we will be done and we can get jobs and actually a proper place and…”
“Whoa young man,” said his dad, as all our parents’ eyes widened at his naïve future plans. I knew Luke thought all of these things would come true and even though I didn’t actually believe in the future so much in the way he did. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that, he was so good and positive how could I?
“What Luke means is,” I said, “is that we have time, with this plan, we have time to figure out how and what’s the best way to raise Alice.”
“Alice?” they all asked. Luke and I looked at each other.
“That’s the name we decided on,” he said.
“It’s pretty and simple. I once read a book with a girl called Alice in it and she was the most incredible person,” I said.
“Just like our Alice will be,” said Luke smiling.
“I’ve always liked Alice,” said Sandy.
“It is sweet,” agreed Mum. Our dads rolled their eyes.
“To Alice,” said Mike, I had almost forgotten he was here, he raised up his glass.
“To Alice,” we all said raising our glasses together.
Chapter 20
July
I got a new phone at the start of the summer holidays, I accidently dropped my old one into the toilet but that’s a whole other story; but because I had a new phone; when I woke up one morning in the middle of July, a week before my birthday to a missed call from an unknown number I didn’t think twice about calling them back.
It was Lily on the other end.
“Amy,” she said, “its Lily.”
“Lily,” I said, sitting up slowly in bed, “ehm hi.”
“I’ve messed up really bad,” she was crying.
I stayed silent. I didn’t know what she wanted from me.
“Can you come over?” she asked. I’m either a very weak or strong person because my first response was yes.
“Oh thank you Amy; I’m so sorry, for everything,” said Lily.
“It’s okay Lily but can you actually come here,” I looked down at my stomach, I was due in less than two months and it had seemed like I became massive overnight. “I’m actually quite pregnant you know?”
We both laughed. “I’m on my way,” said Lily.
I knew things weren’t going to be okay straight away, but I knew had to at least try. I called Tara.
“What’s up?” she said picking up, “it is like early.”
“Lily’s on her way over.”
“What the fuck, how?” asked Tara, suddenly sounding very awake.
“She just called me, crying and talking about mistakes. Can you come over? I don’t know what it’s going to be like.”
“God what the hell, yes of course, I’ve just gotta get up and shower but I’ll be there as quick as I can.”
“Great see you soon.”
“Love you, b
ye.” She hung up. I got up and got myself slightly dressed. These days that means tracksuits and baggy tops, more like pyjama wear than anything else to be honest. I washed my face and the doorbell rang. I heard Mum answer it.
“Ehm Amy,” she called urgently up the stairs. I should have told her Lily was on her way, she knew all about how we hadn’t talked in weeks.
“It’s okay, Mum,” I said coming out of bedroom and on to the landing, from where I could see Lily standing in my hall, looking out of place.
“Hey Lily,” I said calmly, “come on up.”
“You’re okay Amy?” asked Mum as Lily started up the stairs.
“I’m perfect,” I said. Lily hugged me when she reached me. I hugged her back cautiously. We walked into my room and sat on my bed. I thought she was about to start talking about the ignoring and maybe even apologise for telling everyone.
“Amy,” started Lily.
“Yeah?” I said.
“I had sex,” she said, her lip quivering.
“Oh…” I was speechless.
“And I know I’ve been terrible to you and I’m sorry but then this happened and I didn’t know who to turn to.”
Okay, there was my apology. It seemed to be the most I was going to get at this stage.
“I’m so sorry Amy, I should never have told anyone and I shouldn’t have freaked out the way I did, I mean the whole thing still…” she looked down at my stomach, “it still freaks me out a bit but I was a bitch and I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I smiled and tried to ignore the fact that me being pregnant ‘freaked her out’.
“So what the hell happened!” I asked.
She put her head in her hands, it looked like she was crying.
“Hey, hey what’s wrong Lily?” I said, moving closer. There was a knock on my door and Tara walked in.
“Well isn’t this a sight,” she said simply. “I didn’t think you’d be the one crying.” She gave Lily daggers.
“Hey Tara,” said Lily, looking up.
“Well, what’s going on,” she asked looking at me.
“Everything’s okay, Lily apologised. I think things just got out of hand right?” I looked at Lily, trying to send her brain signals to also say sorry to Tara.