All of Me

by Emily Smith

  “That was the last time my father told me he was proud of me.” Galen and Suzie had snuck in so quietly Rowan hadn’t noticed. Either that, or Rowan had been so consumed by her white-picket-fence fantasy that she hadn’t heard them.

  “It’s a great picture of all of you.”

  “That was my graduation from Yale. Undergrad, obviously. 4.0 GPA. Salutatorian. The works. My acceptance to Harvard was in the bag, and Henry Burgess looked at me and said, ‘You did well, Galen.’ Last time I ever heard that. First time, too, actually.” Galen’s face fell a little, and Rowan turned from the photo and made her way toward her.

  “You know what I think?” She placed both of her palms on Galen’s strong chest and smiled. “You are the smartest, most talented, most tenacious and charming human being I’ve ever met, including your father. His perceived disapproval is only a reflection on him, not on you.”

  Galen kissed her with what felt like an undertone of gratitude, and once again images of a future overwhelmed her. “You are amazing. Did you know that?”

  “No. But you can tell me any time you like.” Galen took Rowan in her arms more forcefully, holding her around the waist in a way that made Rowan feel both wanted and needed. She realized in that moment that the two things were not one and the same. Not at all. “Will you please take me to bed now?”

  Her question was met by another kiss, until Galen broke free and led her down the hall to her bedroom.

  “God, you’re gorgeous.” Galen watched as Rowan slowly, deliberately slid her hands up her stomach and underneath her shirt, grazing her breasts with her fingertips as she did. Galen was swallowing nervously. Much to her surprise, never once had Rowan worried that she was too inexperienced for Galen when it came to sex, or just being with women in general. It all felt so easy. Besides, she didn’t think of Galen as “female” or “male.” She was just this person—this incredible, brilliant, sexy person—that Rowan was already falling helplessly in love with.

  * * *

  Galen had never been one for sleepovers. She could count on one hand the number of girls she’d actually spent the night with, and it was usually only when she couldn’t find a reasonable escape route. Yet, for the second morning in a row, she woke up next to Rowan, this time in her own bed. The mere idea of it all should have frightened her into running full speed out the door. But it didn’t.

  It was still dark when the alarm clock on her cell phone went off, but Galen had already been up for several minutes. For a moment, it was just another morning, just another five am, another day grinding her life away in the OR. But a warm body next to her reminded her that this was not just another morning. Rowan was still asleep, wearing only Galen’s old Yale T-shirt and her panties. Galen remembered the night before, in the call room. She could get far too used to waking up to that sleeping face every morning.

  The unpleasant buzzing of the alarm finally roused Rowan, who opened her eyes and immediately smiled at Galen. Galen knew that expression. She’d seen it on girls before.

  “What’s that look?” Galen asked her, closing what little space was left between them and curling her arm over Rowan’s body.

  “What look?”

  “That look. That’s your smitten face, isn’t it?”

  Rowan sneered at her, but a smile hid underneath. “I don’t have a smitten look. You must be mistaken.”

  “Liar. And do you know how I can recognize it?”

  “All of the bazillion girls you’ve made fall in love with you over the years?” Rowan flicked her eyebrows sarcastically.

  “No. I’m trying to have a moment here. Will you shut up and let me?”

  “Okay, fine. How can you recognize this look I supposedly gave you, Galen?”

  “Because it’s the same one I’ve given you over the last couple of days.”

  Rowan blushed and looked up at the ceiling. “You are annoyingly charming. Did you know that?”

  “That’s the goal.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Where are you? We need to talk.

  Galen sat in her office, sending her third unanswered text to Teddy, the panic engulfing her like flames.

  “Where the hell are you, Teddy?” She tapped nervously on her desk, staring at her phone, willing it to ring. This was not the panic she was expecting. It was not the panic she was used to. Galen had fully expected the usual fear of commitment and claustrophobia she experienced when someone got too close. But this wasn’t that. She was horrified, that was true. But she wasn’t afraid of Rowan falling in love with her. Galen was afraid Rowan wouldn’t.

  She had absolutely no idea what was happening to her. And she desperately needed someone to talk to about it.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?” Teddy was at her office a few minutes later, his tall, thin frame looming in the doorway like a welcomed hug.

  “Damn it. Am I glad to see you.”

  Teddy came in and sat on the desk in front of Galen, paying no mind to the papers and empty espresso cups he sent flying everywhere. “What’s going on?”

  “I’m having a crisis,” Galen said, glancing at the door to make sure no other prying ears were nearby.

  “What kind of crisis?”

  “Promise you won’t tell anyone. Like, anyone, Ted.”

  “Jeez. Okay. I promise.” Teddy gestured impatiently.

  “Rowan and I…well, you know.” Galen couldn’t even say the words, and she wasn’t sure why.

  “Had sex?” Teddy looked largely unimpressed.

  “Yes, that.”

  “Uh, yeah, of course you did. Am I supposed to be shocked or something?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, you’ve never exactly been one to deprive yourself of something you wanted. And you wanted Rowan. Of course you slept with her. So what’s the big deal?”

  Galen found herself slightly annoyed with Teddy’s nonchalance that was in direct juxtaposition to her inner turmoil. “You know I’m her boss. We’d both be screwed if it ever got out.”

  “Then don’t sleep with her again. I’m not going to tell anyone. And Rowan seems like the private type. I wouldn’t worry about it, G. Just keep it in your pants.”

  “Thanks, bud. That’s helpful.” Her frustration boiled hotter.

  “What? Is there more to it than that?” Teddy suddenly appeared drastically more interested in the topic at hand. “There is, isn’t there? You wouldn’t have called me into your office at ten just to tell me you stuck it to one of the interns. You and I both know you’ve done far worse things in this hospital.”

  “There’s more, yes. I think I’m falling for her, Teddy.”

  Teddy stared at her silently, the disbelief on his ruddy face far from subtle. “You’re serious.”

  Galen groaned and crossed her arms, angling her chair away from him. “Obviously. And I don’t know what to do about it. I’m completely messed up. All I want to do is be around her, constantly. You know she actually slept over last night?”

  “You’re kidding.” Teddy’s skepticism appeared genuine.

  “No. And I even liked it. A lot.”

  “Damn. What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know! If my dad finds out, I’m done. Sleeping with the nurses is one thing, but an intern? He’ll hang me.”

  “But you aren’t just sleeping with Rowan. You care about her. You want to be with her. Right?”

  Galen thought about it, but she had made that decision days ago. “Yes. I want to be with her.”

  “Then maybe Dr. Burgess will understand?”

  Galen sighed in exasperation. “Have you met my father?”

  “Just do one thing for me, okay?”

  “What’s that?”

  “Don’t throw this away because of him. Don’t let that guy dictate every part of your life anymore. The child of Henry Burgess the First or not, you’re a rock star, G. You don’t need his blessing to be happy.”

  * * *

  Talking to Makayla about her relationship w
ith Galen probably wasn’t the best idea Rowan had ever had. But the truth was already out there, and anyway, Makayla was no dummy. She’d figure it out on her own even if Rowan didn’t come to her. Besides, she needed someone to talk to. Her mother wasn’t an option. She had yet to decide how to broach the topic of her newfound queerdom, if that were even a term, with her, and dealing with the fire-and-brimstone talk was really the last thing on Rowan’s to-do list. She had her friends from Dartmouth, but no doubt they were all dealing with their own baggage. And it might be nice to talk this over with someone who knew Galen. Maybe she wasn’t giving Makayla enough credit. Maybe she could keep her secret.

  “How about grabbing a drink tonight?” Rowan had tracked Makayla down outside one of the ORs later that morning.

  “Really? You want to go out? You want to do, like, normal-people things?”

  “Ugh. Yes, I want to do normal-people things. With you.”

  Makayla smiled. “Sounds fun. Count me in. Meet you in the lounge around eight?”

  “Great.” Coffee wouldn’t cut it for this conversation. Rowan needed wine. And lots of it.

  * * *

  “I’m ready and fabulous,” Makayla shouted, standing in the doorway of the surgeons’ lounge, holding her hands dramatically over her head. She wore a pair of tall, strappy heels that looked impossible to walk in and a sequined shirt cut far too low for the falling temperatures outside.

  “You really are a gay man trapped in a woman’s body,” Rowan quipped.

  “Totally. Come on. Let’s blow this place. I’m over it.”

  A short walk later, Rowan found herself seated at the bar of one of the local pubs down the street from the hospital.

  “What are you drinking? I’m buying,” Rowan said. Maybe if she got Makayla drunk enough, she could talk to her without her remembering anything.

  “In that case, a cosmo, please.” Makayla pouted her full, red lips at the tall, lumberjack bartender. “He’s cute,” she mumbled to Rowan through clenched teeth.

  “Are you ever not on the prowl?”

  “Hey. You never know when I may meet the future Mr. Doctor Makayla Danvers.”

  “You are absolutely ridiculous.” The lumberjack brought over their cosmos, and Rowan extended her glass for a toast. “To new friends. Thank you for coming out with me tonight.”

  They clinked their drinks together. “To new friends,” Makayla answered. “Now,” she took a torturously long sip, “spill it.”

  Rowan’s heart rate took off. “What?”

  “We already went over this, Texas. You’re a smart girl. So am I. Don’t belittle me by playing dumb. You. Galen. You promised me details. And I will accept no substitute.”

  In a strange sort of way, Rowan was relieved she didn’t have to do much to broach the subject. Truth be told, she’d been ready to explode for the last fourteen hours. It would be nice to be able to say Galen’s name aloud without it being followed by “after you clamp the hepatic duct, do you want to irrigate the common bile duct or cut the surrounding tissue?”

  “I see there will be no beating around the bush with you,” Rowan said.

  “Is that your idea of a lesbian joke? Do you make jokes now?”

  “Remind me again why we’re doing this?”

  “Because. You need a friend. And here I am.” Makayla waved emphatically.

  “You’re right. And thank you. Thank you for being here for me.”

  “You’re welcome. But we had a deal. Now tell me. Everything.”

  Rowan picked up her glass, chugged enough of her cosmo to make her shudder in distaste, and took a deep breath. “The last time you and I talked, you told me to go get her. Right?”

  “Oh God, I love this so much.” Makayla nearly bounced out of her seat with excitement.

  “I went down to the OR, and we talked about her thyroid tumor for about two seconds, and then, I just kind of kissed her again.”

  “You kissed her again? I had no idea you were so aggressive, Texas. Nicely done.”

  “Whatever. She was sending some pretty strong signals, okay? Anyway, we ended up in one of the on-call rooms.”

  Makayla shook her head repeatedly. “No. Hell no. You think you’re going to get away with that PG level of vagueness? What happened when you got to the on-call room?”

  Rowan finished the rest of her drink in one more gulp and raised her hand to signal to the lumberjack she wanted another—many others, actually. “We kissed. A lot. And then clothes came off. She touched me…” The alcohol was beginning to kick in now, and Rowan’s anxiety and shyness were turning into giddiness. “It was incredible, Kayla. I mean, I’ve had sex before, or, at least, I thought I had. But this was otherworldly. The things she can do with her hands, with her mouth…I didn’t even know people were capable of them. I think I came four times.”

  “Shut up.” Makayla’s eyes bulged. “Galen Burgess lives up to the hype then.”

  “Exceeds it.” Rowan grinned, and at the mention of Galen, all she wanted was to be naked in her bed again.

  “Jesus, Texas. What happens now? I mean, has it happened since?”

  Rowan looked at the floor, her cheeks burning from some combination of the drinks and the topic at hand. “Yes.”

  “How many times? This is serious! Galen rarely has doubleheaders like this!”

  “Let’s see…The other night was the call room. And the next morning, she went home and made coffee for me, and we made out in her office when she came back. Then, later that night, she took me out to dinner at Porto—”

  “Hold up. Stop. Right there.” Makayla held her hand up directly in Rowan’s face. “She took you to dinner?”

  “Yeah?” Rowan failed to see what the issue was.

  “Galen doesn’t do dates. At least not from what I’ve heard. And I’ve heard a lot. She fucks girls in her office, call rooms, whatever, but she does not do dinner. I was right. This is serious.”

  “Stop it.”

  “Uh-huh. If I’m wrong, then tell me what you did after dinner.”

  “We went back to her place, and I spent the night. So what?”

  “I’m sorry.” Makayla shook her head again, this time in clear disbelief. “I’m just having a hard time processing how you’re a semi-functional human right now. You spent not one, but two nights with Galen, one of which was at her place?”

  “That’s right.” Rowan took another drink, enjoying the warmth settling in her belly.

  “Oh my God. What’s that face? You’re making a face right now, Texas.”

  “Why does everyone keep saying that?” She groaned but couldn’t stop herself from smiling like the idiot she felt she was.

  “You’re falling in love with her!”

  “I am not!”

  “Wow, that happened fast. I mean, I heard Galen has some sort of magic fingers or some shit like that, but damn. She sleeps with you twice, and the sweet little straight girl from Texas is in love? Amazing. People should study that woman.”

  “Why am I strongly regretting my decision to tell you any of this?” But Rowan was still grinning.

  “Galen is dangerous, Rowan.” Makayla’s face had grown serious.

  “How do you know so much about her love life anyway?”

  “I may have scouted out a couple of the nurses she was with to get the inside scoop.”

  “Who are you, Woodward and Bernstein? Why would you do that?” But Rowan had to admit she was flattered that Makayla cared enough to want to protect her.

  “You’re my friend. And I don’t have a whole lot of those, if you can believe it. I don’t want to see you get hurt like those other girls did.”

  Rowan let her head collapse into her hands, the disappointment she would have normally felt magnified tenfold by the second cosmo she’d just finished. “Am I being the world’s biggest moron right now?”

  “Honey, no!” Makayla rubbed Rowan’s shoulder. “Here’s what I know. Galen is a player. And she is an enormous liability.” Rowan lifted her head
and scowled. “However…I also know that her spending this much time with you, letting you sleep in her bed, encouraging it even, is not her norm. If I learned one thing from talking to the others, it’s that Galen doesn’t take girls home. And I also highly doubt she looks at them the way she looked at you the other morning when she came into the lounge trying to find you.”

  “You…you really mean that?” Rowan’s spirits rose and soared into the sky.

  “You’re damn right I do. Does Dr. Makayla Danvers ever say things she doesn’t mean?”

  “Does Dr. Makayla Danvers always refer to herself by doctor, and in the third person?”

  “When the mood calls for it.”

  Rowan laughed hard and hugged Makayla with all her strength. She wasn’t a hugger—not by any means. But in that moment, she was grateful beyond words for the new friendship she was fortifying.

  “Easy, Texas. I don’t want you falling for me next,” Makayla said, teasing her.

  “Way to ruin it, Kayla. Way to ruin it.”

  “I’m happy for you. I really am. But what are you going to do about work? I mean, if you guys do this, what’s going to happen to your jobs?” Rowan had been avoiding that question for days.

  “I don’t know. I guess I’ve been sort of waiting on Galen to figure that one out. She’s so strong and decisive. Besides, it’s her father who’s going to be the issue.”

  “Listen.” Makayla slid her barstool closer to Rowan and folded her hands intently in front of her. “I didn’t want to say this before I had all the facts, but I did a little sleuthing. It turns out that the hospital revoked its ‘no fraternization’ clause back in the early nineties, after one of the CEOs married his assistant. Technically, you and Galen are free to date.”