Couch Potato Chaos- Gamebound

by Erik Rounds

  “Then that’s what I’m going to do. I’m already level 19 in couch potato. What level do I need in couch potato and mage?”

  Kiwi checked. “It says level 30 in couch potato and level 20 in mage.”

  “Then I’ll just keep leveling couch potato until I reach 30 before switching to mage. It’s decided. I’m going to unlock the saint class.”

  Kiwi looked at her with surprise. “Nobody’s ever done that to my knowledge. It shouldn’t be reachable given the human lifespan, but maybe with your rapid leveling ability… it might not be impossible. If you’re done, let me use the NPC. I’m going to switch to healer and set mage as my subclass.”

  After the princess finished changing her class, her body underwent a transformation. She was still beautiful, but not to the extent that she had been. Her face was less perfect, with minor flaws and imperfections. She even had a small amount of belly fat. It made her seem more real somehow.

  “Back to level 1,” Kiwi said, “That means I’ve lost my stat points from mage, but I’ll get half of them back as I level up Healer.”

  “Pffpt,” said Slimon.

  “Thanks, Slimon, that’s sweet of you to say. Don’t worry, Tasha. I’ll try not to slow you down. Even without your leveling ability, the first handful of levels can be gained fairly quickly.”

  “It’s nothing to worry about,” said Tasha. “I’ll help level you back to 20, and then you can get your sage class. Let’s get going, while we still have sunlight.”

  The six travelers rode through the city gates toward adventure. As they began their journey, none of them noticed the small figure that was little more than a dot in the skies behind them. In the cloudless sky, the steam dragon named Kaze watched them. He made sure to keep his distance but kept them in sight at all times as they traveled away from the city.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  The next few days of travel passed easily. Since they were still within the Questgivrian borders, they traveled along the road, which was protected against random encounters with mobs. On the third day, they reached the bridge. A significant amount of work had already been done, considering that construction had only started a few days ago. A team of dwarves wearing hard hats were hard at work building the foundation of what appeared to be a suspension bridge. It was nowhere near finished, though, so they ended up hiring a ferryman to carry them to the far side.

  They had finally crossed beyond the borders of Questgivria and into the Slime Federation. Having abandoned the open road, the company of six was riding in a northeastward direction across hilly terrain. There wasn’t much opportunity for level growth. Half of the time their route took them across an area of low-level monsters, which provided minimal XP. Whenever this happened, they simply avoided combat so as not to lose travel time.

  Other times the party encountered regions of higher-level monsters, which they were forced to circumvent. As a result, their actual route ended up being a sort of zigzagging pattern. At the outset, Tasha had assumed that moving over the open country would be fast, but nothing could be further from the truth. She quickly grew to miss the monsterless roads.

  They simply couldn’t risk one of them dying. If someone died, they would have to backtrack to the beginning of their journey, where they had most recently saved.

  On rare occasions, their route took them across similarly leveled monsters, which provided a reasonable amount of experience, but typically that resolved to only three or four profitable random encounters per day. Those few encounters were enough for Kiwi to reach level 3 in the healer class, however.

  The nature of the random encounters varied greatly from day to day and seemed to change based on the region. Some of the mobs were simple animal-based constructs like wild boars, giant killer squirrels, and mountain lions, and others were boblins, orcs, and ogres. There were also more outlandish ones, ones that didn’t seem to have any analogue in the animal kingdom or typical fantasy monsters.

  One example of this was a monster in the form of a floating thundercloud. Physical attacks were ineffective against it, and Kiwi’s low-level fireballs just went straight through it. Tasha scanned it and determined that it was weak against earth-based elemental attacks but strong against all other elements. Though Kiwi had some earth spells, those were higher-level mage spells that she didn’t have access to in her subclass. She would eventually be able to use most of her subclass’s spells but only once her healer class was high enough.

  Since nobody had any earth-based weapons, Slimon and Ari ended up throwing rocks and clumps of dirt at it. The damage was very minimal, but eventually they were able to bring it down through the sheer force of tenacity.

  After the fifth day, Pan finally reached level 21, though Tasha was still only halfway to level 20.

  In the evenings, when they made camp, they would watch Earth movies together. Tasha continued to employ the illusion spell that she had concocted to make her phone appear big-screen TV sized. Ari and Pan generally enjoyed action movies with lots of fiery gas explosions and car chases, while Kiwi preferred drama and romance. Slimon enjoyed shonen anime.

  Hermes grumbled constantly about the lack of dwarven representation in film. In response to this, Tasha did her part to placate him with The Hobbit, Snow White, and Time Bandits.

  On the tenth day, they reached a ravine. High cliff faces separated the east and western edges. A river ran through the canyon deep below and flowed southward to feed the ocean.

  “This could be a problem,” Tasha said. “I don’t see any way across.”

  Ari was looking over the folded map. “Let’s follow the ravine. There should be a bridge further upstream.”

  For the next day, they traveled northeast along the edge of the ravine. Along the way, Pan spotted a swarm of flying creatures in the distance above the ravine, moving southward.

  Ari looked through Pan’s spyglass at the approaching flock. “Everyone, hide! Those aren’t birds—it’s a murder of flying monkeys.”

  They moved the raptors to an outcropping on the terrain that would hopefully serve to conceal their presence. Several minutes later, the sky was darkened by a cloud of flying monkeys. There were hundreds of them, hooting and gibbering in the skies above. It took a minute for them to pass overhead and fly out of sight.

  “Flying Monkeys are agents of Queen Murderjoy,” Princess Kiwi said. “She must be searching for me. They seem to be patrolling the ravine.”

  Tasha pointed at a bridge in the distance from where the monkeys had approached. “There! We can get across. Let’s hurry before they come back.”

  They rode at high speed toward the bridge. It was a rickety rope bridge with wooden planks. “I’m not sure this is safe,” Tasha said. “We should go one at a time.”

  The group looked at the bridge apprehensively.

  “I’ll go,” Tasha said. She put one foot on the first plank and shifted her weight onto it. The plank immediately snapped in two and collapsed. One of the pieces fell into the canyon far below. Tasha’s foot fell forward, and she nearly fell in, but Ari grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back.

  “Ari… Th-thanks for saving me again.”

  “It’s no trouble, Tasha.”

  “That must not have been one of the good planks. I guess I shouldn’t have had that burrito for lunch.”

  “Are you sure about this?” he asked.

  She put her foot on the second plank, and though it curved downward under her weight, it held. She took firm grip of the handholds and continued onward. When she looked back, she saw that Ari was watching her, concerned.

  After five minutes of moving carefully across the bridge, she finally reached the far side. None of the other planks had broken. Maybe it was because Tasha had kept part of her weight on the rope handholds.

  Pan led Denver across bridge next, and they were both able to make it across. Then came Ari. Though he weighed more than she did, none of the wooden rungs gave out.

  That left the dwarf, the elven princess, the slime, and the
rest of the raptors.

  It occurred to Tasha that the dwarf would most likely destroy the bridge if he attempted to cross. Despite his small frame, he had to be at least twice her weight. On the far bank, it seemed as though they were discussing something, though it was impossible to pick up any of the conversation given the distance.

  Kiwi and Slimon were exchanging words with Hermes, who suddenly seemed agitated. Hermes began backing away from the slime and elf, shaking his head, and put his hands in front of his body as if to ward off an attack. Without warning, Slimon fired a tentacle at Hermes, wrapping it around his body and lifting him into the air. It swung him around in a wide arc twice and then released him. The dwarf flew in an arc across the canyon, over Tasha’s head, and into some bushes a dozen meters away.

  Ari and Tasha both ran to where he landed. He had lost fourteen of his heart containers but still had six left. She fished out a health potion and offered it to him. Ari gave him a hand, helping him to his feet.

  Hermes took the health potion and downed it in a single gulp. “Next time I see Slimon, I’m going to kill him! Toss a dwarf, will he?”

  Tasha grinned. “Well, you were pretty aerodynamic.”

  “Hrmf,” was the dwarf’s reply.

  “You do realize it was the only way to get you across. The bridge couldn’t have held up under your weight.”

  “Are you saying I’m fat?” he demanded.

  “Um… n-no… of course not…” Tasha stammered. “Oh hey! It looks like Princess Kiwi is about to cross.”

  Kiwi stepped onto the bridge, her leather shoes pressing against the wooden planks. With each step she took, the wooden planks bent but did not break. She made it about halfway across when a flurry of rapidly shifting shadows moved across the bridge. Tasha turned her head to look upward and squinted. There were a large number of shadowy objects suspended in the air against the sun. They looked like birds.

  Tasha pointed at them. “The flying monkeys are back! Kiwi, hurry!”

  Then Tasha turned back to the rope bridge and started running across it.

  “Tasha, no!” Ari yelled. “It’s too dangerous. You’ll fall!”

  One of the planks gave out under her weight but she recovered and kept going. Kiwi looked at Tasha, confused. She must not have sensed their presence. Tasha pointed above her. “Monkeys!”

  It was too late. Two of the flying monkeys grabbed the princess and slowly lifted her off her feet. She swung her hands, trying to knock the monkeys away, but a third one grabbed her hands, restraining her.

  Tasha quickly equipped her sword and jumped the remaining distance, driving the gunblade into the neck of one of the flying monkeys holding her friend. It died, falling into the ravine below.

  Another one took its place, grabbing Kiwi and lifting her into the air. Slimon was jumping through the air across the bridge. He shot out tentacles, grabbing the edges of the bridge for support and wrapped another one around Kiwi, pulling her back onto the bridge.

  Kiwi screamed in pain as her body was torn in different directions. A flurry of gunfire ripped across the bridge, some of the bullets hitting flying monkeys. Most of them missed. One of the bullets struck Tasha’s leg, dealing half a heart of damage.

  “Not helping!” Tasha yelled at the dwarf.

  She aimed her gunblade at one of the flying monkeys holding Princess Kiwi. Pulling the trigger produced a ball of compressed steam that took the monkey out but also dealt a small amount of splash damage to the princess. The monkey let go and fell into the canyon below. Slimon was being surrounded by dozens of flying monkeys, and Tasha tried to go to his aid, but there were just too many of them.

  Several of them grabbed Tasha and tried to pull her over the edge of the rapidly collapsing bridge. From the periphery of her vision, she could see Ari, Pan, and Hermes fighting against their own monkeys on the other side.

  Kiwi wasn’t able to do much with her recent class change. Unable to defend herself, she watched helplessly as everyone else was overrun by more flying monkeys than they could deal with.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  While all of this was happening, above them and far to the south, a dragon flew. Kaze had been trailing the group for over a week from as far a distance as he could manage. His plan was to approach them and offer to join their group. They had an elf, a dwarf, a slime, and even a few humans, but they didn’t have any dragons. Kaze didn’t entirely understand this Entropy business, but it was clear that this was an important quest, and the dragons were being left out.

  It was hard to tell at this distance, but it seemed like they were being attacked by a large number of small flying creatures. Curious, he gradually reduced his altitude and moved in.

  Several minutes later, he was finally near enough to properly make out the princess’s attackers. It was rare to see flying monkeys this far to the north. Flying monkeys were a semi-sentient species native to Zhakara. Well, whatever brought them here, they were obviously causing trouble for the princess.

  Maybe this would be his big chance to prove his value to her as a traveling companion. He would swoop in, fight the monkeys off, and once all was said and done, they would be so grateful that they beg him to join their group.

  Of course, that plan was problematic. Despite being a mighty steam dragon, he was still only level 19. Against so many enemies, how much help would be really be?

  He glided toward the bridge—if it could even be called a bridge. It was more like a few bits of rope connecting the two ends of the ravine. A battle HUD popped up in his field of view as he glided toward the battle. He twisted his neck downward to read through the enemy list. He couldn’t manipulate the menu while airborne since his arms couldn’t reach, but simply reading the battle HUD was no trouble.

  There were several hundred flying monkeys, ranging in level from 12 to 23 with an average level of 14. Their strength lay in their vastly overwhelming numbers.

  Several of the flying monkeys were trying to drag the princess off the bridge and into the air. He picked his targets and dove, unleashing his breath, sending jets of super-hot steam into his enemies. The heat from the steam quickly transferred to the monkeys’ bodies, killing one and draining the health of the others. They released their grip on the princess, who was struggling to stay on the bridge.

  The dark-skinned human, the one they described as a player, was helping the princess back onto the bridge. They were trying to make it to the far end, but the flying monkeys were swarming the pair. Kaze banked and prepared to make another pass. None of the monkeys were attacking him, as they seemed focused on attacking the princess. He would have to do something about that.

  If he couldn’t deal enough damage to reduce their number by a significant margin, maybe he could draw them away.

  Steam dragons dealt less damage than fire dragons, but they had far more versatility. While dragonfire could melt stone, such attacks only lasted for a few dozen seconds before the dragon completely ran out of fuel. Fire dragons needed to conserve their attacks for critical moments in battle. The same was not true of steam dragons, however. While his breath attacks lacked the raw power of fire, he could continue using it for hours before needing to refuel.

  As he made his next pass, he targeted clusters of flying monkeys and hit them with wide blasts of steam, dealing only small amounts of damage. Though these enemies weren’t bound to the same laws of aggro as mobs, many of them broke off and started chasing him. He turned around and fired a narrow stream of steam, damaging several of them.

  He made another pass, targeting additional groups. This was working—nearly half the monkeys were now focused on Kaze rather than the princess. The player and the princess had nearly reached the far end of the bridge.

  The rope bridge was swaying from side to side in response to the constant movement. There was a snap as one of the ropes that secured the bridge gave out. The rungs swung in one direction, having lost their lateral support. The bridge was collapsing—the stress from the combat had been too much.


  Given enough time, she probably could have made it. Unfortunately, the ropes snapped off at the western end, removing all support from the bridge. It gave way, causing the princess and player to tumble unsupported into the cavern below.

  Kaze dove toward the princess in an attempt to catch her, but she was falling too quickly, and she slammed into the water below along with the player. A moment later, the two of them emerged on the surface of the water. The river carried the princess and the human for a time until it wound into an underwater cavern.

  The dragon followed them into the cavern, and thankfully most of the monkeys who had been following him kept their distance. A notification appeared:

  Now generating dungeon: The Bunny Grotto

  Recommended levels 23–27, party of 3 to 8

  Stand by… Dungeon will be ready in 3 minutes.

  He could still see the remaining monkeys gathered at the cave entrance, seemingly wary of entering. He didn’t know how long the monkeys would remain there but suspected that he would not be able to leave the same way that he had entered. He pulled the unconscious pair from the water and onto the bank.

  Swirls of purple mist began to form into torches on the wall next to a doorway that materialized in the rock wall. A few minutes later, the dungeon’s generation counter ran down, and door opened on its own, revealing a detailed artificial stone corridor lined with torches. A grinding noise came from its direction—the sound of the rest of the dungeon being generated from the raw material of the cavern.

  Kaze had heard of dynamically spawning dungeons like this but had never encountered one. It was a rare form of random encounter—an entire dungeon would form from solid rock. These sorts of dungeons were short-lived and would despawn once cleared.

  Thanks to the flying monkeys, going back wasn’t an option. They would have to progress inside and hope that another exit presented itself.

  Chapter 26