Complete Works of Plautus
Page 18
2nd BACCHIS
How charmingly you do talk.
PISTOCLERUS
Where I’m to take a turtle-dove instead of a sword, and where another puts into my hand the goblet instead of the cestus; the drinking-cup is in place of the helmet, the wreathed garland instead of the crest, the dice in place of the lance. For the coat of mail I should have to assume a soft cloak; where, too, in place of a horse a couch must be given me, — for shield, a strumpet may be lying by me. Avaunt from me — avaunt!
2nd BACCHIS
O, you’re too fierce.
PISTOCLERUS
I am attending to my own interests.
2nd BACCHIS
You must be softened down; and, in fact, I offer you my aid in this.
PISTOCLERUS
But you are too expensive an assistant.
1st BACCHIS
Do pretend that you are in love with me.
PISTOCLERUS
Whether should I be pretending that in jest, or seriously?
1st BACCHIS
Well said! better to do the last. When the Captain comes here, I want you to embrace me.
PISTOCLERUS
What need is there of my doing that?
1st BACCHIS
I want him to see you. I know what I’m about?
PISTOCLERUS
And I, i’ faith, I know not what I’m in fear of. But what say you —— ?
1st BACCHIS
What’s the matter now?
PISTOCLERUS
Well, suppose perchance on a sudden a breakfast or a drinking bout, or else a dinner, should take place at your house, just as is the wont in such places of resort; where, then, should I take my place?
1st BACCHIS
Near myself, my life, that with a she wit a he wit may be reclining at the repast. A place here, at our house, should you come late, is always at your service. When you wish right merrily to disport yourself, my rosebud, you say to me, “Do let me enjoy myself to-day,” I’ll provide you a delightful place where it may be so.
PISTOCLERUS
Here is a rapid stream; not without hazard can this way be passed.
1st BACCHIS
aside . And, by my troth, something must you lose amid this stream. Aloud. Give me your hand and follow me.
PISTOCLERUS
O, by no means. 1st
FIRST BACCHIS
Why so?
PISTOCLERUS
Because to a man in his youth nothing can be more alluring than these — night, women, wine.
1st BACCHIS
Away, then, with you; for my part, I don’t at all care for it, but for your own sake. The Captain, then, shall take her off; don’t you be present at all if you don’t choose.
PISTOCLERUS
to himself . And am I a thing of nothing, who cannot moderate my own passions?
1st BACCHIS
What’s there for you to fear?
PISTOCLERUS
There’s nothing; all nonsense. Madam, I resign myself to you. I’m yours; to you do I devote my services.
1st BACCHIS
You are a dear man. Now I wish you to do this. To-day I want to give a welcome entertainment to my sister. For that purpose I shall at once order the money to be brought you from in-doors. Do you take care and cater for us a splendid entertainment.
PISTOCLERUS
No, I’ll stand treat; for it would be a shame, that on my account you both should take trouble for me, and by reason of that trouble should pay the expense from your own means.
1st BACCHIS
But I can’t allow you to give anything.
PISTOCLERUS
Do let me.
1st BACCHIS
Well, I’ll let you, if you choose. Prithee, do make haste.
PISTOCLERUS
I shall be here again, before I cease to love you. (Exit PISTOCLERUS.)
2nd BACCHIS
You entertain me pleasantly upon my return, my sister.
1st BACCHIS
How so, prithee?
2nd BACCHIS
Because, in my way of thinking, this day a lucky haul has fallen to your lot.
1st BACCHIS
He’s mine, assuredly. Now, sister, with respect to Mnesilochus, I’ll give you my aid, that here at home you may be receiving gold, rather than be going hence together with the Captain.
2nd BACCHIS
That’s my desire.
1st BACCHIS
My aid shall be given you. The water’s warm; let’s go in, that you may bathe. For, as you have travelled on board ship, you are faint, I think.
2nd BACCHIS
A little so, sister. PISTOCLERUS is seen at a distance. Besides, he’s beginning to cause I don’t know what bustle. Let’s begone hence.
1st BACCHIS
Follow me this way in-doors to bathe, that you may relieve your weariness.
Enter PISTOCLERUS, accompanied by People with Provisions for the Entertainment, followed by LYDES.
LYDUS
For some time, Pistoclerus, I’ve been following you in silence, watching what you were doing in this dress. For, so may the Gods favour me, even Lycurgus himself seems to me as if he could be led into debauchery here. Whither now are you betaking yourself hence in an opposite direction with such a train?
PISTOCLERUS
To this place pointing to the house .
LYDUS
Why to this place? Who lives there?
PISTOCLERUS
Love, Pleasure, Venus, Beauty, Joy, Jesting, Dalliance, Converse, and Sweet-kissing.
LYDUS
What intercourse have you with these most destructive Deities?
PISTOCLERUS
Bad are those men who speak evil of the good. You speak not well of even the Gods themselves; you do what is not right.
LTD.
Is Sweet-kissing, then, some God?
PISTOCLERUS
And do you not think she is? O Lydus, why, what a barbarians you are, you, whom I had deemed to be far more wise than Thales hinself. Go to, you are more foolish than Potitius, the foreigner, who, at an age so advanced, knew not the names of the Divinities.
LYDUS
This dress of yours pleases me not.
PISTOCLERUS
But no one prepared it for you; it was prepared for myself, whom it pleases well.
LYDUS
And do you commence upon your repartees against myself even? You, who, if you had even ten tongues, ought to be silent.
PISTOCLERUS
Not every age, Lydus, is suited for school. One thing especially is just now on my mind, how the cook may with due care attend to these things as befits the elegance of the entertainment.
LYDUS
Now have you undone yourself and me and all my labours, me who so oft have shown you what is right, all to no purpose.
PISTOCLERUS
In the same place have I lost my labour where you’ve lost yours: your instructions profit neither me nor yourself.
LYDUS
O obdurate heart!
PISTOCLERUS
You are troublesome to me. Hold your tongue, Lydus, and follow me.
LYDUS
Now, see that, please; he no longer calls me “tutor,” but mere “Lydus.”
PISTOCLERUS
It seems not proper, nor can it be fit, that, when a person is in a house, and is reclining at the feast together with his mistress, and is kissing her, and the other guests are reclining too, the tutor should be there too in their presence.
LYDUS
Are these provisions purchased for such a purpose, pray?
PISTOCLERUS
My intentions, indeed, expect so; how it falls out, is in the hands of the Gods.
LYDUS
Will you be having a mistress?
PISTOCLERUS
When you see, then you’ll know.
LYDUS
Aye, but you shall not have one, and I won’t allow it. Go back again home.
PISTOCLERUS
Do leave me alone, Lydus, and beware of mischief.
LYDUS
What? Beware of mischief? O yawning gulf, where art thou now? How gladly would I avail myself of thee! Already have I lived far longer than I could have wished. ‘Twere much better now to have once existed than to be living still. That any pupil should thus threaten his tutor!
PISTOCLERUS
My years are now advanced beyond your tutorship.
LYDUS
I want no pupils for me with heated blood. An up-grown one may harass me thus devoid of strength.
PISTOCLERUS
As I guess, I shall become a Hercules, and you a Linus.
LYDUS
I’ faith, I fear more that through your goings-on I shall become a Phœnix, and have to tell the news to your father that you are dead.
PISTOCLERUS
Enough of these stories.
LYDUS
This youth is lost to shame; the man’s ruined. And does it then recur to you that you have a father?
PISTOCLERUS
Am I your servant, or you mine?
LYDUS
By my troth, you made an exchange not desirable for that age of yours, when you gained these impudent ways. Some bad master has been teaching you all this, not I. You are a scholar far more apt at these pursuits than at those lessons which I taught you when I was losing my labour. Troth, ’twas a bad piece of deceit you were guilty of at your age, when you concealed these vicious tendencies from myself and from your father.
PISTOCLERUS
Lydus, you have thus far had liberty of speech; that is enough. So now do you follow this way, and hold your tongue. They go into the house of BACCHIS.
ACT II.
Enter CHRYSALUS.
CHRYSALUS
All hail, land of my master! which I joyfully behold after the two years that I have been absent hence at Ephesus. I salute thee, neighbour Apollo, who dost have thy shrine close by our house, and to thee do I make my prayer, that thou wilt not let me meet our old gentleman, Nicobulus, before I have seen Pistoclerus, the friend of Mnesilochus, him to whom Mnesilochus has sent the letter about his mistress, Bacchis.
Enter PISTOCLERUS from the house of BACCHIS.
PISTOCLERUS
to the FIRST BACCHIS within . ’Tis strange that you are so earnestly begging me to return, who am able by no possible means to depart hence, if I were willing, so bound down, and so enchained with love do you hold me.
CHRYSALUS
O, ye immortal Gods, I espy Pistoclerus! O, Pistoclerus, hail!
PISTOCLERUS
Hail, Chrysalus, to you!
CHRYSALUS
I will at present compress many speeches for you in a small space. You are glad that I am come; I give you credit for it. You promise me lodging and an entertainment coming from my journey, as it is befitting, and I agree to come. I bring you the sincere greetings of your friend. Would you ask me where he is? He’s come.
PISTOCLERUS
Is he alive and well?
CHRYSALUS
That I was wishful to enquire of yourself.
PISTOCLERUS
How can I know?
CHRYSALUS
No one better.
PISTOCLERUS
Why, in what way?
CHRYSALUS
Because if she has been found whom he so loves, he is alive and well. If she is not found, he is not well, and is like to die. His mistress is the very life of a lover. If she is away, he is non-existent; if she is with him, his property is non-existent, and himself worthless and wretched. But what have you done in respect of his commission?
PISTOCLERUS
And ought I not to have his request complied with against his arrival, which his messenger brought to me from him? I’d sooner be dwelling in the realms of Acheron than not.
CHRYSALUS
How now, have you found out this Bacchis?
PISTOCLERUS
Yes, and a Samian one too.
CHRYSALUS
Prithee, do take care that no one handles her carelessly: you know how soon a Samian vessel is wont to break.
PISTOCLERUS
What now, your old habit?
CHRYSALUS
Prithee, do tell me where she now is.
PISTOCLERUS
Here, where you just now saw me coming out.
CHRYSALUS
How capital that is! She’s living almost next door. Does she at all remember Mnesilochus?
PISTOCLERUS
Do you ask me that? Aye, him alone does she esteem at the very highest value.
CHRYSALUS
Indeed!
PISTOCLERUS
Yes, and were you to believe her, distractedly in love — she quite longs for him.
CHRYSALUS
That’s good.
PISTOCLERUS
Yes, Chrysalus; see, now; not even so small a space of time ever passes by as this, out that she is uttering his name.
CHRYSALUS
I’ faith, so much the better. Moving, as if about to go.
PISTOCLERUS
Yes; but — Holds him. CHRYS. Yes, faith, I’d rather be off.
PISTOCLERUS
And do you so unwillingly hear how your master’s interests have prospered?
CHRYSALUS
No, not the subject, but the actor offends my feelings with his tediousness. Even “Epidicus,” a play that I love quite as much as my own self, were Pollio to act it, no play would I see so reluctantly. But, does Bacchis seem handsome, as well, to you?
PISTOCLERUS
Do you ask the question? Had I not got a Venus, I should pronounce her a Juno.
CHRYSALUS
I’ faith, Mnesilochus, as I find these matters proceeding, there’s something ready for you to love; ’tis needful that you find something to give her. But, perhaps you have need of gold for that other one?
PISTOCLERUS
Yes, some Philippeans.
CHRYSALUS
And you have need of it directly, perhaps?
PISTOCLERUS
Aye, and even sooner than directly. For there’s a Captain coming here just now ——
CHRYSALUS
A Captain, indeed!
PISTOCLERUS
Who is demanding some gold here for relinquishing Bacchis.
CHRYSALUS
Let him come when he pleases, and so there be no delay. The money’s at home; I fear not for myself, nor do I go begging to any man; so long, at least, as this heart of mine shall be armed with its inventiveness. Go in; I’ll manage here. Do you tell them in-doors, that Mnesilochus is coming to Bacchis.
PISTOCLERUS
I’ll do as you request. Goes into the house of BACCHIS.
CHRYSALUS
The money business belongs to me. From Ephesus we have brought twelve hundred golden Philippeans, which our entertainer owed to our old gentleman. Hence, some contrivance will I this day contrive, to procure gold for this son of my master thus in love. But there’s a noise at our door — who’s coming out of doors, I wonder? Stands aside.
Enter NICOBULUS from his house.
NICOBULUS
to himself . To the Piræus will I go; I’ll go see whether any merchant-ship has come into harbour from Ephesus. For my mind misgives me; my son lingers there so long, and does not return.
CHRYSALUS
aside . Now, I’ll finely unravel him, if the Gods are propitious. There must be no sleeping; gold is requisite for Chrysalus. I’ll accost him, whom for sure this day I’ll make a ram of Phryxus of; so, even to the quick, will I shear him of his gold. Accosting him. His servant Chrysalus salutes Nicobulus.
NICOBULUS
O, immortal Gods! where is my son?
CHRYSALUS
Why don’t you return the salutation first, which I gave you?
NICOBULUS
Well, save you. But where on earth is Mnesilochus P
CHRYSALUS
He is alive and well. Nico. Is he not come?
CHRYSAL
US
He is come. Nico. Hurra! you’ve brought me to my senses. And has he all along been well?
CHRYSALUS
Aye, well as a boxer and an athlete.
NICOBULUS
But what as to this — the business on account or which I sent him hence to Ephesus? Has he rot received the gold from his entertainer, Archidemides?
CHRYSALUS
Alas! my heart and my brain are cleft, Nicobulus, whenever mention is made of that fellow. Why don’t you call that entertainer of his your enemy?
NICOBULUS
Troth now, prithee, why so?
CHRYSALUS
Because, i’ faith, I know for sure, that Vulcan, the Moon, the Sun, the Day, those four Divinities, never shone upon another more wicked.
NICOBULUS
What, than Archidemides? Dear me!
CHRYSALUS
Than Archidemides, I say.
NICOBULUS
What has he done?
CHRYSALUS
What has he not done? Why don’t you ask me that? In the first place, then, he began to make denials to your son, and to assert that he didn’t owe three obols to you. Forthwith, Mnesilochus summoned to himself there our ancient host, the old gentleman, Pelago; in his presence, he at once showed the fellow the token, which you yourself had given to your son to deliver to him.
NICOBULUS
Well — when he showed him the token?
CHRYSALUS
He began to say that it was counterfeit, and that it was not a true token; and how many reproaches he did utter against him so undeserving of them! and he said that in other matters he had committed forgery.
NICOBULUS
Have you not the gold? In the first place, I want that to be told me.
CHRYSALUS
Yes, after the Prætor had appointed delegates; being cast, at length compelled by force he paid down twelve hundred Philippeans.
NICOBULUS
He owed that much.
CHRYSALUS
Besides, listen to another struggle of his, as well, which he was desirous to enter on.
NICOBULUS
What, besides, as well? Oho! this will turn out now a regular hawk’s nest. I’ve been deceived. I’ve entrusted my gold to an Autolycus for my host!
CHRYSALUS
Nay, but do you listen ——
NICOBULUS
Well, I wasn’t aware of the disposition of my avaricious entertainer.
CHRYSALUS
Afterwards, at last we had got the gold, and embarked on board ship, desirous for home. By chance, as I was sitting on the deck, while I was looking about me, at that moment I beheld a long bark being fitted out by this cheating knave.