by Plautus
THEUROPIDES
Prithee, don’t you take possession of the altar.
TRANIO
Why so?
THEUROPIDES
You shall hear; why, because I especially want this, for them to be taking refuge there. Do let them; so much the more easily shall I get him fined before the judge.
TRANIO
What you intend to do, do it. Why do you wish to sow further strife? You don’t know how ticklish a thing it is to go to law.
THEUROPIDES
Just get up, beckoning this way; it’s, then, to ask your advice upon something that I want you.
TRANIO
Still, as I am, I’ll give my advice from this spot: my wits are much sharper when I’m sittings. Besides, advice is given with higher sanction from holy places.
THEUROPIDES
Get up; don’t be trifling. Just look me in the face.
TRANIO
looking at him . I am looking.
THEUROPIDES
Do you see me?
TRANIO
I do see — that if any third person were to step in here, he would die of hunger.
THEUROPIDES
Why so?
TRANIO
Because he would get no profit; for, upon my faith, we are both artful ones.
THEUROPIDES
I’m undone!
TRANIO
What’s the matter with you?
THEUROPIDES
You have deceived me.
TRANIO
How so, pray?
THEUROPIDES
You’ve wiped me clean.
TRANIO
Consider, please, if it wasn’t well done; is your nose running still?
THEUROPIDES
Aye, all my brains besides have you been wiping out of my head as well. For all your villanies I have discovered from their very roots; and not from the roots, indeed, i’ faith, but even from beneath the very roots. Never this day, by my troth, will you have planned all this without being punished. I shall at once, you villain, order fire and faggots to be placed around you.
TRANIO
Don’t do it; for it’s my way to be sweeter boiled than roasted.
THEUROPIDES
Upon my faith, I’ll make an example of you.
TRANIO
Because I please you, you select me for an example.
THEUROPIDES
Say now: what kind of a person did I leave my son, when I went away from here?
TRANIO
One with feet and hands, with fingers, ears, eyes, and lips.
THEUROPIDES
I asked you something else than that.
TRANIO
For that reason I now answer you something else. But look, I see Callidamates, the friend of your son, coming this way. Deal with me in his presence, if you want anything
Enter CALLIDAMATES, at a distance.
CALLIDAMATES
to himself . When I had buried all drowsiness, and slept off the debauch, Philolaches told me that his father had arrived here from abroad; in what a way too his servant had imposed upon the man on his arrival; he said that he was afraid to come into his presence. Now of our company I am deputed sole ambassador, to obtain peace from his father. And look, most opportunely here he is. Accosting THEUROPIDES. I wish you health, Theuropides, and am glad that you’ve got back safe from abroad. You must dine here with us to-day. Do so.
THEUROPIDES
Callidamates, may the Gods bless you. For your dinner I offer you my thanks.
CALLIDAMATES
Will you come then?
TRANIO
To THEUROPIDES. Do promise him; I’ll go for you, if you don’t like.
THEUROPIDES
Whip-scoundrel, laughing at me still?
TRANIO
What, because I say that I’ll go to dinner for you?
THEUROPIDES
But you shan’t go. I’ll have you carried to the cross, as you deserve.
TRANIO
Come, let this pass, and say that I shall go to the dinner. Why are you silent?
CALLIDAMATES
to TRANIO . But why, you greatest of simpletons, have you taken refuge at the altar?
TRANIO
He frightened me on his arrival. To THEUROPIDES. Say now, what I have done amiss. Look, now there’s an umpire for us both; come, discuss the matter.
THEUROPIDES
I say that you have corrupted my son.
TRANIO
Only listen. I confess that he has done amiss; that he has given freedom to his mistress; that in your absence he has borrowed money at interest; that, I admit, is squandered away. Has he done anything different to what sons of the noblest families do?
THEUROPIDES
Upon my faith, I must be on my guard with you; you are too clever a pleader.
CALLIDAMATES
Just let me be umpire in this matter. TO TRANIO. Get up; I’ll seat myself there.
THEUROPIDES
By all means: take the management of this dispute to yourself. Pushes him to one side of the altar.
TRANIO
Why, this is surely a trick. Make me, then, not to be in a fright, and yourself to be in a fright in my stead.
THEUROPIDES
I consider now everything of trifling consequence, compared with the way in which he has fooled me.
TRANIO
I’ faith, ’twas cleverly done, and I rejoice that it was done. Those who have white heads ought at that age to be wiser.
THEUROPIDES
What am I now to do if my friend Demipho or Philonides ——
TRANIO
Tell them in what way your servant made a fool of you. You would be affording most capital plots for Comedies.
CALLIDAMATES
Hold your tongue awhile; let me speak in my turn. — Listen.
THEUROPIDES
By all means.
CALLIDAMATES
In the first place of all then, you know that I am the companion of your son; he has gone to my house, for he is ashamed to come into your presence, because he knows that you are aware what he has done. Now, I beseech you, do pardon his simplicity and youthfulness. He is your son; you know that this age is wont to play such pranks; whatever he has.done, he has done in company with me. We have acted wrong: the interest, principal, and all the sum at which the mistress was purchased, all of it we will find, and will contribute together, at our own cost, not yours.
THEUROPIDES
No mediator could have come to me more able to influence me than yourself. I am neither angry with him, nor do I blame him for anything: nay more, in my presence, wench on, drink, do what you please. If he’s ashamed of this, that he has been extravagant, I have sufficient satisfaction.
CALLIDAMATES
I’m quite ashamed myself
TRANIO
He grants pardon thus far; now then, what is to become of me?
THEUROPIDES
Filth, tied up as you hang, you shall be beaten with stripes.
TRANIO
Even though I am ashamed?
THEUROPIDES
Upon my faith, I’ll be the death of you, if I live!
CALLIDAMATES
Make this pardon general; do, pray, forgive Tranio this offence, for my sake.
THEUROPIDES
I would more readily put up with your obtaining any other request of me than that I should forbear sending to perdition this fellow for his most villanous doings.
CALLIDAMATES
Pray, do pardon him.
TRANIO
Do pardon me?
THEUROPIDES
Look there, don’t you see how the villain sticks there? Pointing to the altar.
CALLIDAMATES
Tranio, do be quiet, if you are in your senses.
THEUROPIDES
Only do you be quiet in urging this matter. I’ll subdue him with stripes, so that he shall be quiet.
CALLIDAMATES
Really, there is no need. C
ome now, do allow yourself to be prevailed upon.
THEUROPIDES
I wish you would not request me.
CALLIDAMATES
Troth now, I do entreat you.
THEUROPIDES
I wish you would not request me, I tell you.
CALLIDAMATES
It’s in vain you wish me not; only do grant this one pardon for his offence, pray, for my sake, I do entreat you.
TRANIO
Why make this difficulty? As if to-morrow I shouldn’t be very soon committing some other fault; then, both of them, both this one and that, you’ll be able to punish soundly.
CALLIDAMATES
Do let me prevail upon you.
THEUROPIDES
Well then, have it so; begone, unpunished! TRANIO jumps down from the altar. There now, pointing to CALLIDAMATES return him thanks for it. Coming forward. Spectators, this Play is finished; grant us your applause.
PERSA
Translated by Henry Thomas Riley
CONTENTS
THE SUBJECT.
THE ACROSTIC ARGUMENT.
ACT I.
ACT II.
ACT III.
ACT IV.
ACT V.
THE SUBJECT.
TOXILUS, who is left in charge of his master’s house in his absence, is desirous of obtaining the liberty of his mistress Lemniselene, who belongs to the Procurer Dordalus. He applies to his friend Sagaristio to lend him the sum necessary for that purpose. Sagaristio has not the money himself, but succeeds in finding some for the use of his friend. With the view of getting back the money when paid to Dordalus, Toxilus prevails on the Parasite Saturio to allow his daughter to be sold by Sagaristio to Dordalus, as though she were a slave. While these arrangements are being made, Lemniselene sends her attendant Sophoclidisca with a letter to Toxilus, and he at the same time sends the boy Pægnium with a message to Lemniselene. On receiving the money from Sagaristio, Toxilus pays it to Dordalus, who sets Lemniselene at liberty. Immediately after this, Sagaristio, dressed as a Persian, brings the daughter of Saturio, also dressed as a Persian captive, and sells her to Dordalus, without warranty, for a large sum of money. Immediately upon the departure of Sagaristio, Saturio makes his appearance, and claiming his daughter, takes her away Toxilus and Sagaristio conclude with a feast, and make merry over the Procurer’s misfortunes.
THE ACROSTIC ARGUMENT.
[Supposed to have been written by Priscian the Grammarian.]
HIS master being absent (Profecto), Toxilus purchases (Emit) his mistress, and contrives that the Procurer sets her at liberty; and he then persuades him to buy of her capturer a young woman, a captive (Raptam), the daughter of hit Parasite being dressed up (Subornatâ) for that purpose; and (Atque) as he carouses, he makes sport of Dordalus, thus cajoled.
ACT I.
Enter TOXILUS and SAGARISTIO, on different sides.
TOXILUS
to himself . He who, falling in love, destitute of means, has first entered upon the paths of love, has in his own labours exceeded all the labours of Hercules. For with the lion, and with the Hydra, with the stag, with the Ætolian boar, with the birds of Stamphalus, with Antæus, would I rather contend than with love. So wretched am I become with hunting after money to borrow; and yet, those whom I ask know of nothing to answer me, except “I have got none.”
SAGARISTIO
apart . The servant that is desirous faithfully to serve his master, i’ troth, it surely does behove him to treasure up full many a thing in his breast which he may think will please his master, both present and abroad. I neither serve with cheerfulness, nor am I quite to my master’s satisfaction; but, as though from a running eye, my master is still unable to keep his hands off me, in giving me his commands, in making me the support of his affairs.
TOXILUS
Who’s this that’s standing opposite to me?
SAGARISTIO
Who’s that that’s standing opposite to me?
TOXILUS
It’s like Sagaristio.
SAGARISTIO
Surely this is my friend Toxilus.
TOXILUS
Certainly it is he.
SAGARISTIO
I think it is he.
TOXILUS
I’ll go meet him.
SAGARISTIO
I’ll go up and accost him.
TOXILUS
meeting him . O Sagaristio, may the Gods bless you.
SAGARISTIO
O Sagaristio, the Gods grant you what you may desire. How fare you?
TOXILUS
Just as I can.
SAGARISTIO
What’s the matter?
TOXILUS
I still live.
SAGARISTIO
Quite then to your satisfaction?
TOXILUS
If the things come to pass which I desire, quite.
SAGARISTIO
You deal with your friends in a very silly fashion.
TOXILUS
How so?
SAGARISTIO
Because you ought to give them your commands.
TOXILUS
As for myself, you were already dead to me, because I haven’t seen you.
SAGARISTIO
Business, upon my faith ——
TOXILUS
In the iron chain line, perhaps.
SAGARISTIO
For more than a twelvemonth I’ve been promoted in chains to be commanding officer in the basting line at the mill.
TOXILUS
Why, that’s your old line of service.
SAGARISTIO
Have you been quite well all along?
TOXILUS
Not very.
SAGARISTIO
I’ faith, it’s with reason then you are so pale.
TOXILUS
I’ve been wounded in the battles of Venus; Cupid has pierced my heart with his arrow.
SAGARISTIO
Do servants then fall in love here?
TOXILUS
Why, what could I do? Was I to be struggling against the Gods? Was I, like the sons of Titan, to be waging war with the Deities, with whom I am not quite able to cope?
SAGARISTIO
Do you only take care that “catapultæ” made of elm don’t pierce your sides.
TOXILUS
In right royal manner I’m celebrating the feast of Freedom.
SAGARISTIO
How so?
TOXILUS
Because my master’s gone abroad.
SAGARISTIO
Do you say so? Is he gone abroad?
TOXILUS
If you can bear to be enjoying yourself, do you come: you shall live with me; you shall be treated with right royal entertainment.
SAGARISTIO
Out upon it rubbing himself ; my shoulder-blades are quite itching now, because I’ve heard you mention these things.
TOXILUS
But this one thing is torturing me.
SAGARISTIO
Why, what is it?
TOXILUS
This day is the very last day, to determine whether my mistress is to be free, or whether she is to endure lasting servitude.
SAGARISTIO
What, then, do you now desire?
TOXILUS
You have it in your power to make me your friend for ever.
SAGARISTIO
In what way?
TOXILUS
In lending me six hundred didrachms, for me to pay the same for her freedom, which I will forthwith refund you in the next three or four days. Come, do be good-natured; give me your help.
SAGARISTIO
With what assurance, you impudent fellow, do you venture to ask so much money of me? Why, if I myself were to be sold all in one lot, it’s hardly possible for as much to be received as you are asking me for; for now you are asking for water from a pumice-stone, which is all a-dry itself.
TOXILUS
Ought you to be treating me in this fashion?
SAGARISTIO
What am I to do?
TOXILUS
Do you ask the question? Beg it on loan from somebody.
SAGARISTIO
You do the same as you are asking me.
TOXILUS
I’ve been trying; I’ve found it nowhere.
SAGARISTIO
I really will try, if any one will trust me.
TOXILUS
Am I then to consider it as a thing in possibility?
SAGARISTIO
If I had had it at home, I’d promise it at once. This is in my power, to use my best endeavours.
TOXILUS
Whatever it is, come you home to me.
SAGARISTIO
Still do you try to get it; I’ll carefully do the same. If anything shall turn up, I’ll let you know at once.
TOXILUS
I entreat you, and entreat over and over again, do give me your stanch help in this.
SAGARISTIO
O dear! you are worrying me to death by your importunity.
TOXILUS
It’s through the fault of love, and not my own, that I’m now become a silly prater to you.
SAGARISTIO
Then, i’ troth, I’ll now be taking my leave of you Moving.
TOXILUS
Are you going away, then? A good walk to you. But betake yourself back as soon as you can, and do take care that I haven’t to seek you; I shall be close at home until I have cooked up a mishap for the Procurer. (Exit SAGARISTIO, and TOXILUS goes into the house.)
Enter SATURIO.
SATURIO
to himself . The old and ancient calling of my forefathers do I follow, and hold, and cultivate with great care. For never was there any one of my forefathers, but that by acting the parasite they filled their bellies: my father, grandfather, great-grandfather, great-great-grandfather, his father, and his grandfather, just like mice, always fed on the victuals of others, and in love of good eating no one could excel them. Hard Heads was their surname. From them have I derived this calling, and the station of my forefathers; nor do I wish myself to turn informer, nor indeed does it become me, without risk of my own, to go seize upon the goods of other people; nor do those persons please who do so; I’m speaking out. For whoever does this, more for the sake of the public than of his own benefit, my mind can be induced to believe that he is a citizen both faithful and deserving; but if he should not prosecute to conviction the breaker of the laws, let him pay one half of the intended penalty to the public. And let this, too, be written in that law; when an informer has prosecuted any one, let the other in his turn sue him for just as much, and upon equal terms let them come before the Triumvirs. If that were done, assuredly I’d make those nowhere to be seen, who here with their whitened nets lay siege to the property of others. But am I not a simpleton, to be taking care of the public interests when there are the magistrates, whose duty it is to take care of them? Now I’ll in-doors here; I’ll go look after the scraps from yesterday, whether they have rested well or not; whether they have had a fever; whether they’ve been well covered up or not, so that no one could creep up to them. But the door is opening; I must pause in my steps.