by Plautus
Cleverly contrived, i’ troth.
CALLICLES
Megaronides, a common well-wisher of yours and mine, planned this.
CHARMIDES
Well, I applaud his device, and approve of it.
LYSITELES
behind . Why, in my foolishness, while I fear to interrupt their discourse, am I standing here alone, and am not forwarding the business that I was intending to trans act? I will accost these persons. He advances.
CHARMIDES
Who is this person that is coming this way towards us?
LYSITELES
going up to CHARMIDES . Lysiteles salutes his father-in-law Charmides.
CHARMIDES
May the Gods grant you, Lysiteles, whatever you may desire.
CALLICLES
Am I not worthy of a salutation?
LYSITELES
Yes; health to you, Callicles. It is right that I should give him the preference: the tunic is nearer the skin than the cloak.
CALLICLES
I trust that the Gods may direct your plans aright.
CHARMIDES
I hear that my daughter has been betrothed to you?
LYSITELES
Unless you are unwilling.
CHARMIDES
Nay, I am not unwilling.
LYSITELES
Do you, then, promise your daughter for my wife?
CHARMIDES
I promise a thousand gold Philippean pieces, as well, for a portion.
LYSITELES
I care nothing about a portion.
CHARMIDES
If she pleases you, the portion which she presents to you must be pleased as well. In fine, the object which you desire you shall not have, unless you shall take that which you do not desire.
CALLICLES
to LYSITELES . He asks but justice.
LYSITELES
He shall obtain it, you the advocate and the judge. On these conditions, do you engage that your daughter shall be given to me as my wife?
CHARMIDES
I do promise her.
CALLICLES
And I promise her likewise.
LYSITELES
O save you, my connexions by marriage. He embraces them.
CHARMIDES
But, in good sooth, there are some matters on account of which I still am angry with you.
LYSITELES
What have I done?
CHARMIDES
Because you have allowed my son to become dissolute.
LYSITELES
Had that been done by my consent, there would have been cause for you to blame me. * * * * * But allow me to obtain of you this one thing which I entreat?
CHARMIDES
What is it?
LYSITELES
You shall know. If he has done anything imprudently, that you will dismiss it all from your mind. Why do you shake your head?
CHARMIDES
My heart is tortured, and I fear ——
LYSITELES
What is it now?
CHARMIDES
Because he is such as I would that he was not, — by that am I tortured. I fear that if I refuse you what you ask of me, you may suppose that I am indifferent towards you. I won’t make difficulties, however; I will do as you wish.
LYSITELES
You are a worthy man. I am going to call him out. He goes to the door of the house of CHARMIDES .
CHARMIDES
’Tis a shocking thing if one is not allowed to punish bad deserts just as they merit.
LYSITELES
knocking at the door . Open the door, open quickly, and call Lesbonicus out of doors, if he is at home. The occasion is very sudden, therefore I wish him to come to me with all haste. Enter LESBONICUS from the house.
LESBONICUS
What person has been calling me out of doors with so loud a knocking?
LYSITELES
’Tis your well.wisher and friend
LESBONICUS
Is all quite right? — tell me.
LYSITELES
All’s well. I am glad to say that your father has returned from abroad.
LESBONICUS
Who says so?
LYSITELES
I.
LESBONICUS
Have you seen him?
LYSITELES
Aye, and you yourself may see him too. He points to CHARMIDES.
LESBONICUS
O my father, my father, blessings on you.
CHARMIDES
Many blessings on you, my son.
LESBONICUS
If, father, any trouble ——
CHARMIDES
Have no fear, nothing has happened. My affairs prosperously managed, I have returned safe. If you are only wishful to be steady, that daughter of Callicles has been promised you.
LESBONICUS
I will marry both her, father, and any one else besides that you shall bid me
CHARMIDES
Although I have been angry with you, one misery, in fact, is more than enough for one man.
CALLICLES
Nay, rather, ‘twere too little for him; for if he were to marry a hundred wives for his sins, it were too little.
LESBONICUS
But henceforth, in future, I will be steady.
CHARMIDES
So you say; if you will only do it.
LESBONICUS
Is there any reason why I should not bring my wife home to-morrow?
CHARMIDES
’Tis very good. And you, Lysiteles, be ready to be married the day after to-morrow. A COMEDIAN.
Give your applause.
TRUCULENTUS
Translated by Henry Thomas Riley
Truculentus once again concerns the relationships between prostitutes and their customers, offering one of Plautus’s most cynical depictions of human nature. The plot involves Phronesium, who relentlessly persuades every male she encounters to give her all their money, by means of trickery or more often by simple flirtation. The men are more than happy to comply with her wishes, although they complain frequently of their regrettable situation. They are essentially under her spell, and are completely unable or unwilling to do anything to break free from it. Her alluring outward façade masks her cold and greedy true nature. Diniarchus, the most frequent customer at her house, has almost entirely lost his wealth to her antics. By this point, he is all too familiar with the games she plays. He even assists her with deceiving other men, but nonetheless continues to be her victim as well.
The main deception is played on the soldier Stratophanes, who had lived with Phronesium prior to the play’s beginning, and before leaving the city had made many promises to her about starting a family together. Phronesium decides to borrow a baby to pretend she has just given birth, claiming that it is his when the soldier returns. He begins lavishing her with gifts; however, these are not enough for her insatiable appetite…
CONTENTS
THE SUBJECT.
THE ACROSTIC ARGUMENT.
THE PROLOGUE.
ACT I.
ACT II.
ACT III.
ACT IV.
ACT V.
THE SUBJECT.
PHRONESIUM, a Courtesan, has three admirers-Dinarchus, a dissipated young Athenian; Strabax, a young man from the country; and Stratophanes, an officer in the Babylonian army. To impose upon the last, she palms off a child upon him, pretending that it is hers, and that he is the father of it. In the first part of the Play, Dinarchus returns from abroad, and is admitted by the servant Astaphium into the house of Phronesium. After this, Astaphium goes to the house where Strabax lives, to invite him to visit Phronesium, but is roughly repulsed by Stratilax, his servant. Dinarchus quits the house of Phronesium, not having been allowed to see her, on the excuse that she is at the bath. Phronesium at length comes out, and, in their conversation, tells Dinarchus that she is pretending to have been pregnant by the Captain Stratophanes, and has procured a child to pass off as his. She also begs Dinarchus to
make her a present, which he promises to do, and then takes his leave. She then gets everything in readiness to look as though she had just lain in. The Captain arrives from abroad, and produces his presents; but as ready money does not form a part of them, Phronesium expresses extreme dissatisfaction and contempt. At this moment Geta, the servant of Dinarchus, come’s with his present, in money and provisions. A quarrel ensues between the Captain and Geta, who at last takes to his heels, on which Phronesium goes into her house. Strabax then arrives from the country with some ready money, and is admitted to visit Phronesium. Stratilax comes to look for him, and after some parley falls a prey to the allurements of Astaphium. Dinarchus then arrives, but, despite of his recent generosity, suffers a repulse. Before he quits the stage, Callicles, an old gentleman, comes with two female-servants, whom he examines as to what they have done with a female child that his daughter has been recently delivered of. They confess that they have carried it to Phronesium to be passed off as her own, and that Dinarchus is really the father of it. Dinarchus, in great alarm, overhears this conversation, and then accosts Callicles, and, confessing his fault, offers to marry his daughter forthwith. His offer is accepted; on which he revisits Phronesium, to request her to restore to him the child. She, however, prevails upon him to lend it to her for a few days, that she may fully carry out her design of imposing upon the Captain. After this, Stratophanes appears again, and brings fresh presents. He then has a quarrel with Strabax, and the Play ends by Phronesium promising to divide her favours between them both. The text of this Play is in a most corrupt state.
THE ACROSTIC ARGUMENT.
[Supposed to have been written by Priscian the Grammarian.]
THREE
(Tres) young men are desperately in love for the same woman — one from the country (Rure), another from the city, the third from abroad; and that (Utque) she may touch the Captain for a heavy haul, she secretly (Clam) passes off as her own a child that has been born by stealth. A servant uses great violence (Vi) and churlish manners, that Courtesans (Lupæ) >may not squander the savings of his master; and (Et) yet he is softened. The Captain arrives, and for the sake of the child (Nati) gives costly presents. At length (Tandem), the father of her that has been debauched comes to know all, and agrees that (Utque) he shall marry her who has seduced her; and he asks back his own (Suum) child that has been passed off by the Courtesan as hers.
THE PROLOGUE.
PROLOGUS
A VERY small portion of room does Plautus ask from out of your vast and pleasant city within the walls, whither, without builders, he may transport Athens. What then? Will you give it or not? They nod assent. I fancied, indeed, that I should obtain it of you without hesitation. What if I were to ask something of your private means? They shake their heads. Only see, i’ faith, how the ancient habit still indwells among you, to keep your tongues ever ready for a denial. But let’s to the point, on account of which I came hither. Let this be Athens, just as this is our stage, only for the while that we perform this Play. Here pointing to her house dwells a female whose name is Phronesium; she has in herself the manners of the present age; she never asks of her lover that which has been given; but what is left, she does her best that it mayn’t be left, by begging for it and carrying it off, as is the habit of the women; for all of them do this when they discover that they are loved. She is pretending to a Captain that she has been brought to bed, that the more speedily she may sweep away his property from him every atom. Why say more? If the life of this woman should only last, he will be sweeping off his substance with his very life into her hands.
ACT I.
Enter DINARCHUS.
DINARCHUS
to himself Not a whole life is sufficient for a lover thoroughly to learn, until he has become full well aware of this, in how many modes he may come to ruin; nor does Venus herself, in whose hands lie the sum and substance of lovers, ever instruct us in that art of reckoning — in how many ways one in love may be deluded, in how many modes he may come to ruin, and with how many modes of entreaty he may be entreated. How many blandishments are there in it, how many pettish ways in it, how many perils must be courted! Ye Gods! by our trust in you! Hey! what ground for perjury as well, besides the everlasting presents! In the first place then, there’s the yearly allowance; that’s her first haul. For that the favour of three nights is granted. In the meantime she’s trying for either money, or wine, or oil, or corn, to prove whether you are lavish or thrifty. Just like the person that throws a casting-net into a fish-pond; when the net has gone and sunk, then he contracts the folds; but if he has rightly thrown it, he takes care that the fish may not escape; then in this direction and that does he enfold the fish netted well, until he has taken them out of the water: just so is the lover. If he gives that which is asked for, and is lavish rather than thrifty, nightly favours are given in addition. Meanwhile he swallows down the hook. If once he has partaken of the cup of love unmixed, and that draught has made its way within his breast, forthwith both himself is ruined, and his fortune, and his credit. If the mistress is angry with her lover perchance, doubly is the lover ruined, both in fortune and in mind; but if one man is preferable to another in her eyes, just as much is he ruined; if he enjoys but few of her favours, in mind is he ruined; if he enjoys them in abundance, he himself is joyous, his fortunes are ruined. * * * Thus is it in the houses kept by procurers; before you’ve given a single thing, she’s preparing a hundred to ask for; either a golden trinket’s lost, or a mantle has been torn, or a female servant bought; or some silver vessel, or some vessel of brass, or expensive couch, or a Grecian cabinet, or there’s always something to be lost and for the lover to be replacing for his mistress. And with one common earnestness do we conceal these losses while we are losing our fortunes, and our credit, and ourselves, lest our parents or our relatives should know something; whom, while we conceal it from them, if we were to make acquainted with it, for them in time to restrain our youthful age, we should be giving what has been received from them before to our descendants in reversion; I’d be for causing, that as there are now more procurers and harlots, there should be fewer and fewer of spendthrift fellows than there are at present; for now-a-days there are almost more procurers and harlots than flies at the time when it is most hot. For, if they are nowhere else, the procurers with their harlots are around the bankers’ shops each day as though on siege. That score is the principal one; inasmuch as I know for certain, that now-a-days there are more harlots ready for the money than there are weights for weighing it. And I really don’t know what purpose to say it is to serve that these procurers are thus keeping them at the bankers’ shops, except as in the place of account-books, where the sums lent on loan may be set down — the sums received I mean, those expended let no one take count of. In fine, in a great nation, amid numberless persons, the state being tranquil and in quiet, the enemy vanquished, it befits all to be in love who have anything to give. Now, this Courtesan pointing to the house Phronesium, who dwells here, has totally expelled from my breast her own name. Phronesium, for Phronesis is wisdom. For I confess that I was with her first and foremost; a thing that’s very disastrous to a lover’s cash. The same woman, after she had found another out, a greater spendthrift, who would give more, a Babylonian Captain, whom the hussy said was troublesome and odious to her, forthwith banished me from the spot. He now is said to be about to arrive from abroad. For that reason has she now cooked up this device; she pretends that she has been brought to bed. That she may push me out of doors, and with the Captain alone live the life of a jovial Greek, she pretends that this Captain is the father of the child; for that reason does this most vile hussy need a palmed-off child. She fancies that she’s deceiving me! Does she suppose that she could have concealed it from me, if she had been pregnant? Now I arrived at Athens the day before yesterday from Lemnos, whither I have been on an embassy from this place on the public service. But who’s this woman? It’s her servant-maid Astaphium. With her too as well I’ve had some acq
uaintanceship. Stands aside.
Enter ASTAPHIUM, from the house of PHRONESIUM.
ASTAPHIUM
speaking to the SERVANTS within . Listen at the door and guard the house, that no one who comes may go away more loaded than he came, or who has brought empty hands into our house may take them full out of it. To herself. I know the ways of people; of such habits are the young men now-a-days. For as soon as ever the jolly companions have arrived at the courtesans’ houses, their plans are formed. When they’ve arrived in-doors, some one of them is incessantly bestowing kisses on his mistress. While they are engaged, the others are pilfering. But if they see that any one is observing them, they play some trick, by which to amuse the observer with pleasantry and sport. Full oft do they devour that belonging to us just as the sausage-makers do. Upon my faith, this is the case, and some of the Spectators to the AUDIENCE , i’ faith, you know full well that I tell no lie in this. There with them is the struggle and the valour, to carry oft a booty from the plunderers. But we again nicely give a like return to these robbers of us; for they themselves look on, while we are heaping up their property; indeed, of their own accord even do they themselves bring it to us.
DINARCHUS
apart . In those words she’s surely lashing myself; for I’ve been heaping up presents there.
ASTAPHIUM
in answer to some one who calls from PHRONESIUM’S house . I well recollect it. I’ troth, his own self, if he’s at home, I’ll at once bring here with me. Runs on.
DINARCHUS
calling out . Hallo! Astaphium, do stop a moment, before you go away.
ASTAPHIUM
Who’s calling me back?
DINARCHUS
You shall know; look back this way.
ASTAPHIUM
Who is it?
DINARCHUS
One who wishes many a blessing to yourselves.
ASTAPHIUM
Give them then, if you wish us to have them.
DINARCHUS
I’ll let you have them. Only do look back this way.
ASTAPHIUM