by Karen Deen
I’m feeling very clingy tonight and I know it’s the hormones and the wine. I need to snap out of it. Hopefully in the morning I’ll be back to the feisty Lilly Kane seems to like.
Between the scent of Kane and the comfortable bed, my eyes start to get heavier and I drift into a light sleep. I don’t even hear Kane come out of the shower or turn off the lights. I just feel him sliding into the bed and pulling me towards him. I go to my natural position which is curled into his side with my head on his chest above his heart. The thumping beat sends me straight into the deep sleep I’ve been longing for all week. The last thing I remember is Kane stroking my head as his breathing slows and I swear I hear him whisper, “I wish I could keep you,” as I fall into the world of slumber. But maybe I was just dreaming. I’ll never know.
***
The best sleep of a lifetime was interrupted by Kane’s stupid phone at six am.
“What is it about us and fucking phones?” I say as I bury my head under the pillow while he rolls over to grab it.
“Don’t panic, baby, it’s just my alarm. Remember, today is still a workday. No sleep-ins for either of us,” he groans as he lies back down and grabs me to drag me back into his arms.
“Well, it should be national no-work day. They should also have a national sleep-in day. Followed by a national fuck-Lilly day.” I giggle as Kane’s body tenses.
“Hold up. I’m all for the National no-work day and sleep-in day but the fuck-Lilly day is certainly not a national day. It’s a day only for the calendar of Kane. Actually, because I’m in charge of the rules and regulations of that calendar, I think we could schedule that holiday on a regular basis. There’s no way it can only be once a year. I’ll end up in an asylum, from blue balls which caused insanity from lack of ejaculation.”
My giggle now breaks out into laughing that has my body shaking against his. “Why is it when I make a joke you always have to go one better? You are such an idiot.”
“Oh wow, I’m so hurt. Idiot is a mean word.” He’s smiling like a big kid as his phone starts up again.
“Now I’m really starting to hate phones in the morning too.”
“I wish I could ignore it, but we can’t. I need to get to work and so do you. Plus, I need to sneak you out of here before your sister and that nosey old woman, Xavier, see you doing the walk of shame from this building. Come on, I’ll make you coffee and breakfast while you take a shower to freshen up.” He slowly leans down and kisses me softly on the lips. Not taking it too deep, just enough to make my mind start to turn to mush as he pulls away and then places a quick peck on my forehead. Then he’s up from the bed and I’m getting the amazing morning glory of his bare ass as he walks towards the bathroom.
“For god’s sake, close the door this time. No matter what you think, it is so not sexy watching you pee!” I yell as he sniggers at me and half closes the door.
“That’s what you call compromise,” he yells as I hear his pee hitting the toilet water.
“You’re gross, you know. No wonder when we’re little, people warn us against boys and say they’re yucky and have boy germs and cooties. You don’t lose that when you become a man, do you?”
“Be careful, otherwise I’ll give you boy germs for being cheeky.”
It’s too early in the morning for me to try to outwit him.
“Whatever, just hurry up in there, otherwise I’m going to wet your bed.” I start to get up and grab my clothes that are laid on the chair next to the bed.
“There’s only ever one way you’re allowed to wet my bed and it’s not from needing to go to the toilet.” He flashes his cheeky grin at me as he stands at the doorway to his walk-in closet. Fully naked and his semi-hard cock saying good morning.
“Seriously, don’t even start that talk. Especially when I can’t take it further. That’s just cruel. Coffee, now, big boy. That’s the only hot thing I’m looking forward to this morning.”
He places his hand over his heart. “Oh, you wound me with your disregard for my innuendos. You could mentally scar me with some of your comments.”
“I’m going to physically hurt you in a moment if you don’t cover up that dick that’s so tempting and get my coffee brewing. You know I’m not a morning person, if I don’t get my coffee shortly then you’ll see what I’m really like.”
“Yes, ma’am. At your service, ma’am. Is that with one lump or two, ma’am?” He’s still standing there watching me walk towards him. I’m not sure what he’s expecting but me walking past and ignoring his hot body sure wasn’t one of them.
“Don’t you forget it, either,” I tell him as I close the door and start stripping off. Showering here without any of my toiletries is not ideal, but hey, I’ll end up smelling like him and that certainly is not too difficult to bear.
***
It’s a weird sensation to be back dressed in my own clothes yet smelling like Kane. Walking to the kitchen, I can smell the coffee which is like liquid gold at this time of the morning. Thank god we didn’t have a gym session booked in for this morning, otherwise that could have been a little awkward. I wonder how much longer we can go on like this, sneaking around from our family and friends, before we get caught.
“Is this to madam’s liking?” He hands me the mug and taking a sip is like inhaling the first breath for the morning.
“Mmm, heaven.” I stand with my eyes closed and just let the calmness overtake me. This is the way I start every day. With a good strong coffee.
“Wow, I knew I was good but to be given god status, I’m feeling pretty proud.”
I open my eyes to look at him. “What the hell are you talking about?” I question his ramblings.
“You said I’m like heaven – you know, god.” He sniggers at me as he starts plating up the scrambled eggs he’s cooked for us.
“You are such a fool and I can’t even deal with your ego this early in the morning. I’m not even answering that comment. Now let’s eat this great-looking breakfast before I have to sneak out like a spy.” We both laugh a little and then get on with eating and cleaning up so we can get moving.
***
Standing in Kane’s bedroom after cleaning my teeth with his spare toothbrush, I wait for him to come out of the bathroom.
“Are you ready, Lil?” Kane heads into the walk-in closet.
“Sure, believe it or not, I’m waiting on you.” I follow him in. “What could you possibly still need to get?”
He crouches down on the floor at the back of the closet and goes to a safe. Punching in a code, he opens to it and pulls out a pistol and then holsters it under his jacket. I didn’t even notice the strap there before and I’m a little surprised.
“What else are you carrying there, mister policeman? Maybe a pair of handcuffs?” I can’t help but make a joke because the sight of the gun actually makes me feel a little nervous. I know what Kane does on a daily basis is dangerous but seeing a gun in his hands brings it all home just how dangerous.
“Pity my cuffs are at the station, because the things I can picture doing with you and those cuffs is a hot vision.” He starts towards me, as I back slowly out of the closet. “The pink blushing on your cheeks and your quick breathing tell me you might like to test out my cuffs too, am I right, Red?” By this stage he has me cornered against the wall and is running his fingers around my wrists. My breathing has become shallow and a little quicker. I can’t hide my thoughts. I don’t know how to answer him. I’ve never done that before, but I have a feeling I might like to. I’m just not sure how I tell him that without sounding too innocent. Kane is not with me for my innocence, I’m sure of that. So, I keep it simple.
“Maybe.” My reddening blush across my face lets him know his answer.
“Fuck, Red.” He slams his lips down onto mine and pulls away, breathless. “How am I supposed to get through today now? Every time I see someone at the station with cuffs, all I’ll see is a vision of you naked and cuffed to my bed.” He takes me again with a kiss that tells me he
wants that and maybe more. Breaking apart for air, he places his forehead on mine while we both try to calm down. “You slay me, Red, more than you know.” He places a delicate kiss on my forehead and walks away, leaving me panting against the wall and with the need for another shower. I might slay him, but little does he realize, my Big Bad Wolf has captured his Red, and she’s not sure she will ever escape, or even want to.
Our trip in the car to my place is quiet. Morning traffic noises, the music in the background and me trying to keep my legs crossed for relief. We’re both trying to focus on leaving Kane’s bedroom behind and worry about the day ahead.
Pulling up in front of my building, he puts his hand on my leg so I can’t move.
“Lilly, when will you be back in action? I desperately need to fuck you. Hard!” That voice makes me quiver every damn time. His brashness doesn’t even worry me when he talks dirty to me.
“Straight to the point.” I know my cheeks are blushing, my body shivering and my legs are going to have trouble walking.
“I’m hanging by a thread, what do you expect. I watched you flirt your ass in front of me, then I slept next to you all night, wearing my clothes, in my bed. Then you tell me I can cuff you. Jesus, woman, there is only so much a man can take before his dick explodes. I think I’ve almost reached that point. So yeah, I’m straight to the point. I want you and I’m becoming very impatient where you are concerned.” He’s leaning towards me and slides his hand behind my neck, pulling me closer.
I lose all strength when he controls me. “Tomorrow, hopefully,” I whisper.
“My place, tomorrow night. You’re mine. Be prepared to push some limits, Red. I’m sure you’ll love it.” Dropping his head to my neck, he starts nibbling and licking as he moves up towards my ear. “I’m going to make you come so hard that you’ll never forget me.” As he bites on my ear, I’m close to coming right now.
“Kane,” I moan. “You’re being mean.”
“Now you know how I’m feeling. Until tomorrow, Red.” He pulls back and hops out, coming around to open my door.
Helping me out, he wraps me tightly, kisses my cheek, and with a silly grin he gets back into his car and disappears down the road.
What the hell just happened?
I’m not even sure my legs will work to get me into the building. They feel like jelly and my brain is in a lust-filled fog.
Asshole.
Giggling to myself, I set off for the front door, happier than I’ve been for a long time.
***
Today is the longest day on record. Sitting at my desk, I’m thinking of this morning and what tomorrow will bring. I feel confused, the more I overthink it. This whole arrangement is supposed to be casual, yet Kane is becoming very demanding. In the best possible way. I’m not complaining, but our casual is becoming regular where both of us are desperate for the next time we get to meet. I know I’m having trouble keeping this a no-strings-attached affair. There’s part of my heart that already has plans to run to the hardware store and purchase a really thick, strong rope and attach myself to Kane so he can’t ever leave. These thoughts are crazy and dangerous. I’m just setting myself up to get hurt. He was very honest from the beginning on how he feels about a relationship. He was adamant he won’t ever do a normal relationship and we aren’t even talking serious things like marriage and kids. Kane just flatly refuses to get close to a woman to the point where they’re considered a couple. So, it’s not like he wasn’t clear. Why the hell my heart thinks it can take that road anyway is beyond me. Especially when I was clear I was on the same page as Kane. I just want fun, experience and no commitment. My heart was obviously too busy flirting at the back of the class like I used to do in high school. It wasn’t listening to the assignment instructions so is heading off in a completely wrong direction to the objective set.
This is going to get messy, I can just feel it.
Shit.
I’m not sure I can stop what I’ve started, though.
From the way Kane acted this morning, he’s not ready to either.
***
My bed just isn’t cutting it tonight.
There’s something missing.
The big comfy pillows, and the white-and-gold patterned quilt that’s wrapped around me doesn’t feel snug. The soft mattress feels lumpy.
I just can’t seem to settle. I’ve been lying here for three hours and sleep is not even close. I’ve tried, scanning my social media, watching Netflix, closing my eyes and listening to a podcast. I even resorted to a meditation sleep app on my phone. Nothing is helping.
It just feels all wrong and I have no idea why.
Well, that’s not entirely true. I have an inkling but I’m definitely not admitting to myself that spending a night in Kane’s bed, wrapped in his arms, has ruined me for every night without.
Nope, definitely not admitting his smell on his shirt I’m wearing tonight keeps taunting me and making me dream of where I’d rather be.
I’m punishing myself but I don’t care.
Screw it. The clock says twelve fifteen am but it’s a Friday night so that’s not late. Well, technically it’s a Saturday morning but hey, that’s just being picky.
Lilly: You awake?
Kane: Nope, sleep texting.
Lilly: Sorry, go back to sleep.
Kane: I’m joking. Yes, I’m awake. What’s up?
Lilly: Really? Do you want to answer that?
Kane: Was an innocent question but if you want to go there already, then he’s getting there.
Lilly: Haha. Since you asked, I can’t sleep.
Kane: Obviously, so you need me to help with that?
Lilly: No, I’m just bored and need company.
Kane: Note to self. Lilly has no humor when she’s tired. Good to know.
Lilly: Yes, and it will pay to remember that. Why is your bed so comfy?
Kane: Ummm, didn’t realize it was. It’s just a regular bed.
Lilly: No, it has something extra.
Kane: Yes, one hot studly cop
Lilly: The ego! But yes, I’ll admit you’re right.
Kane: I miss you being here too, Red.
I don’t know how to reply to that. It seems too intimate for what we’re supposed to be doing.
Kane: Where’d you go?
Kane: Red?
Kane: Lilly, are you there?
Why do I feel stuck on talking to him? I’m frozen looking at my screen as the messages pop up in front of me. I startle when it starts ringing in my hand. I know if I don’t answer this he’ll start freaking out. Swiping to answer, I just sit silent.
“Lilly, are you okay? What’s wrong?”
How do I say to him that I’m freaking out because I know I’m falling in love with him and it will never be returned?
“Goddammit, Lilly, if you don’t answer me, I’m on my way over there right now!” His voice is starting to sound panicked.
“Kane,” I whisper
“Lil, what’s wrong?” His voice has changed to the gentle one that always calms me.
“Where is this going?” I wait through the moment of silence.
“Don’t do this, Lil, we both know that’s not what we wanted.”
But what if ‘wants’ change? What if wants also become needs. The type of needs you feel lost without.
“I know. I’m sorry. I must need sleep,” I start to try to back out of the conversation. “Or stupid hormones. Don’t worry about it. I should go and let you sleep.”
“It’s hard, I know. You aren’t the only one, but we need to stick to what we agreed. It’s the only way it can work. Let’s just have fun.” The conversation pauses again as we’re both battling with our thoughts. I need to get on top of this, otherwise I’ll lose him. I’d rather hide my feelings than lose what we have.
“Yeah, let’s have fun,” I mumble
“Wow. Don’t sound so keen. Don’t you think I’m a funny guy?” I know he’s trying to make me laugh and lighten up, it’s just I’m
struggling.
“No. Not a chance. Cheeky, definitely.” Starting to find a way out of the melancholy I’m feeling, I try to throw back at him. “When did we have fun?”
“Oh, you did not just say that. You are in big trouble, Red. Big, big trouble!” He roars laughing down the phone.
“Why, what are you going to do? Spank me for being naughty?” I can do this. I can be the vixen and keep the touchy, feely Lilly locked away.
“You have no idea what you’re in for tonight, Red. No fucking idea how much fun, punishment and hardcore fucking we’re doing. All while you’re cuffed, helpless on my bed. The one you’re desperate to get into again. Let’s see after tonight how much you love my bed. Be prepared to come like you’ve never come before.” The wolf has shown up now, and all my worries are squashed. He always takes me to a place where I don’t need to think. Kane is in control and that’s what I love.
I never imagined I would want to be dominated sexually but he has awoken something deep in my soul.
Now I can’t imagine my life without Kane, my Wolf, and the places he takes me, and the pleasure he gives me there.
If this is all I can have then I’ll happily take it.
I’ll be his Red.
18
Kane
THIS IS WHY I don’t do relationships. This shit plays with your head and has you strung up tighter than you imagined. I feel like my balls are in a vice, and every time I see Lilly, she just turns the handle a few more twists. That woman could have me on my knees saying yes ma’am if she really knew how much she affects me. I tried to steer her away from the mushy thoughts last night, and back to the hot sexual feelings we stir in each other. Ending the phone call with her screaming my name and my hand firmly attached to my cock while I make a mess was one hell of a distraction.