Return to Grace

by Bethany Surreira

  “Let me head to the kitchen and ask. I wasn’t here when the order was placed. I didn’t even know you were coming in,” Tammy said.

  “Where are my manners?” Brittany said, her hand extended out toward mine. “I’m Brittany, Caleb’s fiancée.”

  “Pleased to meet you,” I said, my mouth twisted into an uncomfortable smile. “Leah Abernathy.”

  Brittany ripped her hand away from mine and her eyes widened. “Leah? As in Caleb’s Leah?”

  “Well, I guess you could put it that way; although, I haven’t been Caleb’s anything in over seven years. Congratulations on your engagement,” I said with a forced smile.

  The door to the kitchen swung open, and the man behind the door called over to Tammy to let her know that Brittany’s order was ready. Talk about saving the day. Tammy looked over apologetically at me, but I could tell it made her day to see her future daughter-in-law so uncomfortable.

  “It was, um, nice to meet you, Leah. I’ll see you back at the house, Tammy. Thanks for lunch,” Brittany said confidently and unfazed, which made me hate her more.

  As soon as the door closed, I looked Tammy dead in the eyes. “You are a mischief maker, Tammy Patterson.”

  Tammy shrugged her shoulders and smirked. “She will never be you.”

  17

  “So, tell me all about life in The Big Apple. How’s work? Your apartment? Are you seeing anyone?” Tammy prodded but I didn’t mind. I loved her so much and appreciated her genuine interest in my life post-Caleb.

  “Life is really great there,” I gushed, ignoring her question about love. “My job is amazing. It’s something I’ve always wanted, but honestly, never thought I could have. I just found out I’m being promoted, and it will bring on so many incredible opportunities. I can’t imagine my life any other way.”

  “And love?” Tammy asked again. I knew better than to pull a fast one on her.

  “I was seeing someone for about two years, but we ended it before I came back to Grace Valley. He’s a good guy, but we aren’t right for each other,” I admitted. It felt good to tell the truth.

  “Love is hard. It isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. You’ll know when you’ve met the one and then you won’t need to question anything anymore,” Tammy reassured me. “Your dad called earlier and left a message about food, but I can’t find the note anywhere and my line cook doesn’t remember what it said. Do you know what he needed?”

  “We’d like to have a small luncheon after the funeral. Mom didn’t want a fuss, but Dad feels it’s important to have some people over to the house to celebrate her life. If you wouldn’t mind catering it for us, we would be eternally grateful. I know it’s last minute and that it’s asking a lot, but we really think she would want it to come from you.”

  “Of course! I was planning on bringing something over anyway. What were you thinking in terms of trays? Finger foods? Sandwiches? Appetizer samplers?” Tammy asked.

  “All of the above?” I laughed softly.

  “Absolutely. I would do anything for you Abernathys. Absolutely anything.”

  The door chimed and in walked Dooley Butler. His goofy grin hadn’t changed in all the years I’d known him. I knew that bumping into him would happen sooner or later given he was married to Becky and was my dad’s best friend. I just hadn’t thought it would be in the diner.

  “Hey, Tam! Just came in to pick up some soup and sandwiches for Becky and Jackie. They’re swamped over at The Flower Pot. How’s your day?” he asked, not noticing I was sitting across from Tammy.

  I slowly turned my head and smiled at Dooley. His eyes lit up like fireworks on the Fourth of July. He grabbed me and pulled me in for a massive bear hug, quite literally ripping me from my seat.

  “My little Leah. How I have missed your face. How are you holding up, kid?” he asked, his face still smushed up against the top of my head.

  “I’m okay. Sometimes I feel like I should be more upset, and I don’t understand how I can be out catching up with everyone when my mother just died. Other times I feel like, if I had just called her, maybe she would still be here. But if I had called her, maybe I wouldn’t be here right now and I don’t know. Maybe I’m not okay.”

  My words came out all jumbled, and I struggled to say what I actually felt, which was I’m the reason your best friend is dead.

  “Oh, Leah, no. This isn’t your fault. There’s no way to know that the same thing wouldn’t have happened if she were driving somewhere else that morning,” Dooley said, trying to reassure me.

  “I know the weight grief bears on someone,” Tammy said. “It’s been almost twenty years since Brad passed, and it still feels like yesterday. It’s okay to let yourself feel the pain, Leah. It’s supposed to hurt. It’s supposed to make you mad as hell and question everything you thought you knew. What it’s not supposed to do is change you into someone you’re not. Your mother knew how deeply you loved her. Don’t let something silly ruin what little memories you have left of her.”

  I knew I could always rely on Tammy to be a mother to me, even if I wasn’t romantically involved with her son anymore.

  Dooley laughed and made an uncomfortable situation even weirder. That was the Dooley way, though. Tammy and I looked at him like he was crazy.

  “Oh, sorry,” he said. “I was just thinking about the time when Brad fell backward into horse manure.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “I forgot about that day!” Tammy exclaimed. “I had to wash his jeans at least four times to get the smell out.”

  Dooley laughed so hard he almost fell over. It was nice to be able to have these moments in the middle of a crisis. I knew my friends back in the city loved me, but the kind of love I shared with everyone in Grace Valley was unparalleled.

  “I need to know the story behind this,” I demanded. “You can’t say something like that and then just laugh it off.”

  “Brad and your dad came to the farm the day after my dad died to help me and my mom get the meadow set up for visitors after the funeral. Brad thought it might be easier to take a shortcut and run the horses back into the barn instead of tying them to the rope and walking them back up one by one. Your dad and I just let him do his thing because there was no convincing him otherwise. So, your dad was putting together the tents while I brought out all the chairs when we heard this god-awful scream.

  “We ran down to the lower meadow where Brad and the horses were and saw he was lying on the ground, screaming. We panicked and thought he got kicked in the face by one of the horses. As we got closer to him, we saw he was flat on his back in a pile of horse shit!” Dooley laughed, out of breath.

  “Oh gosh! I had never heard this story before,” I told them.

  “He walked home waddling because no one would let him sit in their cars,” Dooley said.

  “I hosed him down and made him strip down naked in the backyard before he could come into the house to shower,” Tammy told me. “He smelled so terrible, I was afraid the neighbors were going to think we were crazy. Spraying a naked man with ice cold water in the middle of the lawn. I miss days like those.”

  The last memory I had of Brad was in the very meadow Dooley just spoke of, nearly twenty years ago.

  Picnics in the meadow were a Sunday tradition. My family, Caleb’s family, and Dooley Butler would all meet there after Sunday services. Our father had been meeting there since they were kids and they kept the tradition alive mostly to just have an excuse to get together. I really missed those days.

  “Leah, sweetie? Are you okay?” Tammy asked me, gently rubbing the top of my hand.

  “Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking. I think I’m gonna go home and rest up a bit. Caleb is stopping by this evening to drop something off. I don’t know if he told you,” I answered.

  “Yes, he told me he saw you at the train station, too. Sounded like it was quite the eventful run in, no pun intended,” Tammy teased me.

  I had always felt so comfortable around Tammy. I never felt that way
with Josh’s parents, and I couldn’t imagine it would have eventually turned into what I have with her, either. It was too late to turn back time, but I hoped I always remained close to her.

  “That’s one way of putting it,” I said, my cheeks turning a couple shades of pink before they settled at bright red.

  “Don’t tell him I told you this, but he was very happy he saw you. Brittany, not so much. They got into a pretty heated argument when they got back to the house and he filled me in,” Tammy said.

  “Why did they argue? Nothing happened. I spilled my coffee on him, cleaned it up, and left as fast as I could.”

  “Oh, Leah. You’ll never be able to escape his heart. You’ll always be his one true love, regardless of if the two of you are together or with other people,” Tammy said. “You know it, he knows it, and I know it. Brittany can feel it, too. That’s why she was so upset. Instead of him just telling me he saw you, he went into detail and then started to reminisce about the day you left for college. I guess she couldn’t handle it. She threatened to leave on the next train back to Nashville. It took me and him to convince her that it was the past, and that you weren’t back here for good. I don’t know why she even cares. She has her hooks in him, and he’s going back with her after the festival anyway.”

  “You know I never meant to hurt him. I didn’t want any of this. I just wanted to be able to explore and live a life I’d always dreamed of. I really thought he would follow me and we could do it all together,” I told her.

  “You don’t have to explain anything to me, love,” Tammy reassured me. “Hang on one second for me.”

  She came out a few minutes later with a to-go bag full of food.

  “Take this home for you and your dad so you can have dinner. I know you both could use a night off, and this is my way of making sure you eat.”

  “Once a mother, always a mother. Thank you,” I said.

  “I love you like my own, Leah Abernathy. Don’t you ever forget that.”

  I smiled and took the bag from Tammy. Of course, I’d never forget that. I fought back tears as I walked back home. I almost felt as if I were grieving two mothers at the same time.

  18

  Dad wasn’t home when I got there, so I put the food in the refrigerator and wrote him a little note that I stuck to the freezer with a cat magnet. I went upstairs to shower and change my clothes. I wanted to look and smell good for Caleb. How many times had I showered since I got here? My skin was going to melt off. And why was I getting dolled up for him? I was terrible.

  I settled on leggings, an old Christmas sweater, and my fuzzy slipper boots. I dried my hair and put lotion on my face, but only applied a touch of mascara. I didn’t want to overdo it. After all, I wasn’t the makeup wearing type, and Caleb preferred a fresh face anyway. Wonder how he dealt with his fiancée painting her face every day.

  I still had forty-five minutes before he would get there, so I decided to call Sara to catch up. Once again, I picked at the skin on my thumb while I waited for Sara to pick up. This nervous habit was becoming an annoying one.

  “Hey, Leah! How ya feeling?” Sara boomed from the other end of the line. “I’m so happy to hear your voice.”

  “I’m doing okay. It’s hard but that’s expected. I’m actually calling because I need to tell you some stuff,” I told her.

  “Okay, everything all right?” she asked.

  “I broke up with Josh before I left to come here, and when my train arrived back home, I spilled my coffee all over my ex-boyfriend and then I met his fiancée in a flower shop and she’s horrific, and he’s coming over in like forty-five minutes to drop something off that the mechanic found in my mom’s car, and I think I’m still in love with him.” I stopped to catch my breath.

  “Wait, what? That was a lot. Start from the beginning and slow it down,” Sara replied. “It hasn’t even been a week and all of this is going on?”

  “Girl, I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. After we went to the pub that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that was wrong with my relationship with Josh. When I left the office the day my dad called about my mom, I went home and didn’t even bother to call him. He came over when he couldn’t get ahold of me and that’s when I told him,” I admitted.

  “What the hell is wrong with you? How do you forget to tell your boyfriend of two years? Jesus. What did he say?”

  “Well, he said he didn’t even know I had a mother because he didn’t remember me ever speaking about her,” I cried. “I’m the worst person in the world.”

  “No, you’re not. You just can’t help being so damn stubborn,” Sara said.

  “We got into a huge argument. The entire time, all I could think about was Caleb and how he would never have treated me that way. Then I asked him to leave and went and cried myself to sleep,” I told her, embarrassed at the response I expected to come next.

  Sara was the kind of friend that everyone needed in their corner. She was loving and loyal but would always tell you like it was, whether you liked it or not. Sometimes she was careful with her wording, and other times, she didn’t bother to censor her mouth. Either way, she never let me down. I had never met anyone like her aside from Caleb, although his words were always carefully thought out. I knew that Sara would always be a part of my life, even when I was being a bit much—like right now.

  “Shit, Leah. I mean, I’m not mad you ended it with him. You deserve more than you were getting, but you could have done it a little nicer. But keep going. You dumped your coffee over Caleb and then met his fiancée? You live a weird life, dude.”

  “I wasn’t paying attention at the train station, and I turned around quickly and bumped into him. I was mortified and went outside to wait for my dad, and I saw Caleb walk out with some chick. Fast forward to where I saw her again in a flower shop with the world’s biggest ice skating rink on her finger,” I said.

  “Ugh! I’m sorry. Did she know who you were?”

  “She didn’t in the flower shop, but she found out when I was sitting with Caleb’s mom at the diner having tea. His mom introduced us and let me tell you, it was horrific. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die, but also, I wanted to punch her in the throat,” I said.

  “Oh, I would pay top dollar to see that,” Sara responded. “What’s she like?”

  “Tall, lean, and redheaded.”

  “So, totally not you, then. What did she say when she found out she was talking to the Leah Abernathy, former love of her man’s life?”

  I filled her in on the past week, probably going into more detail than necessary but I missed my best friend.

  “That’s hysterical. But I’m confused. He’s going to your house tonight? Why again?” Sara asked.

  “I guess the mechanic found something in my mom’s car and he offered to bring it over. I’m not sure what it is, and I definitely regret saying yes to having Caleb drop it off. At the same time, I really want to see him,” I admitted. “That makes me a bad person, doesn’t it? He’s engaged to someone else, and I’m home for my mother’s funeral and all I can think of is him.”

  “You are not a bad person, Leah. Not at all. You’re allowed to have feelings, regardless of what they are. You absolutely cannot act on them, though. That’s not okay to Caleb or his fiancée. And that’s not who you are.”

  I wiped a tear from my eye and smiled. My best friend always knew the right thing to say. Just as I was getting ready to thank her for being the world’s greatest friend, a loud knock came from the front door.

  “Crap, he’s here. I have to go. How do I look?” I asked.

  “How the hell should I know? I can’t see you,” Sara joked. “But in all seriousness, you’re fine. Go answer the door before he leaves. I love you. Call me later.”

  “Ahhh! Love you, too. Bye.”

  19

  I threw the phone on my bed and ran down the stairs to the front door. I paused before I opened it and wondered if I should turn around and go back upstairs instead. T
hat would only make matters worse, and I knew I was bound to run into him throughout the week. It was now or never. He was just dropping off a box. I really needed to stop being so weird.

  When I opened the door, I almost fainted. Caleb stood on the other side of the threshold looking better than I ever could have imagined. For starters, he didn’t have on loafers. Instead, he was wearing pristine work boots, dark denim jeans, and an evergreen-colored peacoat. His scarf was loosely draped over his shoulders but wasn’t tied at his neck. His hair was a bit longer than he used to wear it, so it hung closer to his eyes. But it was perfect.

  “Um, are you going to let me in? It’s a little cold out here,” he asked.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry. Yes, please. Come on in,” I said and blushed. “Do you want anything to drink?”

  “Sure. What’ve you got?” he responded.

  My cheeks burned at the thought of him staying long enough to have a drink with me. I knew if I offered him anything alcoholic, I would lose all inhibitions and morals and that would not be good for either of us.

  “Water, tea, coffee? I could put a pot on quickly if you want,” I offered, knowing he could never say no to a hot cup of freshly brewed coffee, even if that meant staying long enough to drink it.

  “I’d love a cup of coffee. Thank you,” he said.

  I could feel his eyes on me as I moved throughout the kitchen. It was comforting and uncomfortable at the same time. Neither one of us said anything until the coffee was finished and we sat across from each other at the kitchen table. I handed him the milk and sugar bowl and took a deep breath.

  “You said in your message that you have something for me,” I blurted out. My aloofness surprised me.

  “Oh, right. Yes, there was a box found in your mom’s car. It hasn’t been opened, but I thought you might like to have it. Whatever it is,” Caleb said.