Return to Grace

by Bethany Surreira

  “You sure?” my dad asked. “We can wait for you.”

  “I’m sure. I could use a little alone time and fresh air. Thank you, though,” I said and kissed him on the cheek.

  “She’s been like this since she was a little girl,” I heard my dad say to Josh as they walked out the side door. “A walk in the cold air did something for her and her mother. I, on the other hand, prefer to be warm when I think.”

  I smiled and walked back down the aisle to the direction of my mother’s casket. Father James hadn’t closed it yet, so I knew I had some time with her before he needed to. The actual burial wasn’t until the day after, but it would be closed by then and just us. I knelt down and stared at her. She looked so peaceful and beautiful and alive, almost like she was sleeping. I stared hard, hoping to catch a glimpse of her chest rise and fall. But I knew that wasn’t possible. I knew I wasn’t going to wake up from this nightmare because it was actually our new reality.

  “Mom, I don’t know how many times I can say I’m sorry before I’ll stop feeling guilty for leaving you the way I did. If I knew then what I know now, things would have turned out so differently. I know you wanted me to be happy and I let myself believe it was easier to push you away. But I’m here now. I’m present and I’m home. I promise to come back more often and take care of Dad. And Mom? I am with you always,” I said, touching my pearl earrings.

  I took an envelope out of my jacket pocket and slipped it into my mother’s hands. “I love you so much,” I said.

  “I didn’t think you would still be here,” came a voice behind me.

  I froze before I slowly turned around.

  “Caleb, what are you doing here?” I asked.

  “I didn’t get to pay my respects before Brittany needed to get something done for work. I wanted to make sure I saw your mom before…you know.”

  “That was kind of you. Thank you for coming,” I replied. I couldn’t believe how not awkward this encounter was. “I should get back to the house now.”

  “Do you want a ride? The car is just outside. Brittany is with me, of course, but you’re more than welcome.”

  “That’s all right, but thanks. I think I prefer to walk,” I said. There was no way I was getting into a car and going anywhere with her. I wasn’t even sure if I would have said yes if he were alone.

  “Are you sure? We really don’t mind. And it’s pretty cold out.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure. I should get going. My dad and Josh are waiting for me,” I said quickly, knowing what Caleb thought about me and Josh but not caring. “Thanks again for coming and for the offer. I’ll see you guys at the house.”

  Once again, I turned around and walked away from him. Leaving uncomfortable situations like this was beginning to happen far too often and that needed to change.

  24

  “Leah, are you ready? I’m just about done here,” my dad called upstairs. I could just picture him taking a big swig of his coffee while looking at his watch.

  “Yeah, I’ll be right down. Can you put some coffee in a to-go cup for me, please?”

  “You got it,” he replied. I could hear him talking to Josh. “We won’t be gone too long. An hour and a half, tops. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen. There’s more coffee in the pantry, and there’s more wood right outside in the woodshed if you need to throw another log onto the fire. You shouldn’t have to, but just in case.”

  “Thanks, Paul. I appreciate it. Are you sure you don’t want me to come?” Josh asked.

  “That’s kind of you, Josh, but Lucia made me promise that the burial was only to be me, Leah, and Father James, or whoever the priest was at the time of her passing. She was a stubborn woman, and I don’t need her raising hell because I didn’t follow her wishes.”

  “Fair enough, sir.”

  I bounded down the stairs and grabbed my coffee from my dad. “Thanks, Dad. I’m ready now.”

  “You look cute, pumpkin,” he said. “I’m glad you’re wearing her sweater today.”

  I put my coat on and wrapped my scarf loosely around my neck. I held my coffee tightly between my hands and inhaled the sweet aroma. “I wanted to feel close to her when we let her go.”

  “Understandable. Shall we?”

  “Be back soon, Josh. Text me if you need anything from town,” I called out as I shut the door and followed my dad to the cemetery.

  “Dad?” I asked after ten minutes of walking silently.

  “Yes?”

  “This is really the last time we’ll see her,” I said. “Well, you know what I mean.”

  “No, pumpkin, it’s not. She will forever be all around you, and when you feel like you can’t see her anymore, close your eyes and you’ll feel her. She is in everything that you are and everything that you do. She never left you when she was on this Earth and she most certainly won’t start now.”

  He held onto my hand and we walked into the cemetery to meet Father James. The sun was beating down, almost blinding me with the reflection off the snow, and it felt surprisingly warm for a December day in New England. It was almost as if my mom were smiling at us and letting us know she was with us.

  The minutes ticked by, and as the casket was lowered into the ground and the men began to cover it with dirt, I felt a sense of calm envelop my body. I hugged my dad tight and we watched until my mom’s casket was completely underground.

  “Thank you for coming home, pumpkin. I know how hard this was for you.”

  “Oh, Dad. I’m so sorry I made you think I wouldn’t want to. I promise to come home much more often.”

  “I know you will,” he said. “Now, let’s get back home before we freeze and Josh burns the house down.”

  “Good idea. My coffee is getting cold, and I want to rest a bit before the festival tonight. Is it bad that I’m looking forward to it? I mean, after the funeral and all?”

  “Not at all. Your mother would have wanted you to continue going about your business as normal. You know that. You can’t stop living your life because of the guilt you feel for something out of your control,” he told me.

  “Yeah, I know,” I replied. “Josh is pretty excited about it too, and it’ll be fun to show him a bit of the town.”

  “What’s up with you two, anyway?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

  “Nothing. It’s done. He’s here as a friend. And even if he wants more, I made it clear I don’t have any romantic feelings toward him anymore. Besides, it wouldn’t be fair to be with someone just for the sake of not being alone.”

  “What about Caleb?” he pried, as he usually did in times like these.

  “What about him? He’s engaged,” I exclaimed, horrified at what my father was insinuating. “And he is definitely over me.”

  “If you say so.”

  “Hey, Josh. We’re back,” I called, slamming the door behind me and tossing my snow-covered boots into the mudroom.

  “Leah, look,” my dad whispered.

  Josh was asleep on the couch in the den, snuggled up with Gnocchi. That was a sight to see. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and quickly snapped a few pictures of the two lovebirds. I texted it to Sara immediately, then I giggled as I showed my dad the pictures.

  “What’s so funny?” Josh asked groggily, wiping drool from the corner of his mouth.

  “Oh, nothing,” I answered. “Did you enjoy your nap?”

  “It’s too cozy in here. How can you get anything done in this house? I’ve slept more here than I usually do in a whole week in the city.”

  “Good,” my dad said. “Then all of the work I’ve put into this house has paid off. You should always build a life you don’t have to run from and a home you don’t need to vacation away from. That’s what makes it so special here.”

  I smiled at my dad and the way he spoke of this house. Not for the first time, I wondered if I could stay. I didn’t have to go back to the city right away. Maybe I could convince Cameron to let me do my work remotely and teleconnect for any meetings. It would be
nice to spend more time with Dad. I’d have to bring it up to him after the festival.

  “Are you still excited about tonight?” I asked Josh, pushing his legs over on the couch so I could sit down.

  He lifted himself up onto his elbows and awkwardly got himself into a sitting position. “Definitely. I really want to taste that hot chocolate you were telling me about.”

  “It’s outta this world, son,” my dad chimed in. “You’re never gonna want to leave Grace Valley after you’ve tried it.”

  “Ain’t that the truth?” I giggled. “It starts at seven, so we have plenty of time before we need to leave. How about I put a pot of soup on the stove and then we can watch a movie?”

  “Sounds good,” Josh said. “Paul, your house, your choice.”

  “Me?” Paul asked. “I choose Home Alone. The first one. We watched that so much when Leah was a kid that we broke the VCR. Thank goodness DVDs came out quickly after.”

  “Oh my gosh.” I laughed out loud, walking into the kitchen to start the soup. “I completely forgot about that! We should make that a new Christmas Eve tradition.”

  I could easily see into the den from the kitchen, and I watched as my dad smiled, a look of content spreading across his face.

  “Does this mean you’ll be coming home every Christmas, now?” he asked.

  “Absolutely,” I said, returning his smile. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  I guess you made it to the other side, Mom. You’ve done your job and we’re all okay over here.

  My dad looked to Josh, who was still standing in the kitchen doorway. “So, Josh, do you have any family holiday traditions?”

  “No, we’re pretty simple. My parents usually have their decorator come to the house two weeks before Christmas to get everything set up. And then we have Christmas Eve dinner at the club.”

  “The club?” Dad asked.

  “Yes, my parents are members of the Maidstone Club in East Hampton. We’ve been going there for as long as I can remember.”

  “Oh,” he said. “Well, that sounds fun.”

  “Yes, it’s nice. The food is wonderful.”

  “Do you have any special family traditions you share on Christmas?” Dad asked.

  “We generally wake up and have brunch and then open gifts and carry on with our day as usual. Mom usually does some work for her charity, and Dad is always busy working on something political. You know how it is,” Josh said.

  “Is the soup almost ready, pumpkin?” my dad asked me.

  “Yep, I just need to get it in the mugs. Can you grab some napkins and spoons?” I asked right back. “Hey, Josh, do you mind setting up the TV trays in the den? They’re right behind the big chair, against the wall. And throw another log on the fire while you’re in there, would you?”

  “No prob,” Josh called from the den.

  We ate our soup in silence with the exception of our own laughter during the movie. I sat on the big couch with my dad while Josh and Gnocchi were on the loveseat. Josh had always hated cats, so it was quite the sight to see the two of them snuggling up so close.

  “All right, kids,” my dad said at the end of the movie. “It’s six-thirty. Do you want to clean up and head to the festival?”

  “Yes,” Josh answered. “I can’t wait to see what this is all about.”

  We bundled up and walked to the town green.

  25

  Grace Valley’s town green looked as if it were plucked right out of a Hallmark Christmas movie. It was amazing how much more had been added overnight. The stars twinkling in the dark night sky created an almost simulated atmosphere. A sea of red floated up and down the sidewalks as most of the little kids were dressed in their Santa sweatshirts, almost ready for the Children’s Christmas Concert to begin in the gazebo.

  On the right side of the green, the stations were almost finished being set up. Buckets of props were being carried over to the snowman building station. I could see by the items in one bucket that my dad had donated some of his old shirts. Tables were being brought in for stocking decorating, and I laughed at the thought of the last stocking that I decorated.

  “What’s got you laughing, Leah?” Josh asked.

  “I was just thinking of the festival before I left for college. I entered the stocking decorating contest but instead of decorating a Christmas stocking, I brought an old pair of my mom’s stockings and decorated those instead. Everyone thought it was so funny, except for Bill Palmer’s mother. She was pissed that she had decorated hers so fancy and ‘a bratty little jokester’ had beat her,” I said, doubling over with laughter.

  “Quite the prankster, were you?” he replied. “What did you win?”

  “You know, I can’t even remember. I do know that I donated it back to the children’s hospital, but I can’t for the life of me remember what it was.”

  Station after station made me happy and sad all at the same time. I couldn’t stop asking myself why I had ever left. There were familiar faces at every turn, and everyone seemed so happy to have me back. Josh looked around us with wide eyes, as if he were a child noticing the magic of Christmas for the first time. He bent down to pick up a giant fake snowball that had rolled off the gazebo.

  “Thanks, mister,” a young boy said, as he plucked the snowball out of Josh’s hands and ran back up the steps to put it back into place.

  “Cute kid,” Josh said. “Seeing all this small town has to offer, I feel like I missed so much growing up. I can see why you love it so much.”

  “Yeah, that and the people,” I said, noticing some movement coming from the next station over.

  “Hey, Leah,” Tammy called, her head popping up from behind the hot cocoa station. She had melted chocolate smeared across her cheek and mini marshmallows stuck in her hair.

  “Tammy, what is going on?” I laughed. “You look like you jumped into a vat of chocolate. Not that it would be a bad thing.”

  “I’m trying to help set up for the hot cocoa contest and I tripped over the basket and… You know what, never mind! How are you, honey? Are you enjoying the festival?”

  I nodded over to Josh, who was making his way over to me. “We just got here. My dad is putzing around here somewhere. Are you judging the contest this year?”

  “No, I actually joined it. Trying my hand on a new cocoa take. I’d tell you but then you would know which one was mine.” She winked, her eyes lighting up as bright as the night sky.

  Josh stood uncomfortably close to me during my conversation with Tammy. His hand quickly met the small of my back just as Caleb and Brittany rounded the corner to the hot cocoa booth.

  “Hey, Mom,” Caleb said to Tammy and kissed her on the cheek.

  “Hi, honey. I was just telling sweet Leah and her friend that I was competing in this year’s hot cocoa contest,” Tammy said, rubbing Caleb’s arm.

  Caleb looked over to Leah and Josh and extended a hand out. “Caleb,” he said, shaking Josh’s hand.

  “Nice to meet you, Caleb. I’m Josh, Leah’s,” he started as I slyly elbowed him in the ribs, “friend from New York.”

  “Welcome to Grace Valley, Josh. I hope you enjoy your time here in our little town,” he replied. “Leah, pleasure.”

  I smiled uncomfortably and nodded. Was there a hole somewhere I could crawl into? Brittany was staring at me, as usual, and I couldn’t stand being there any longer.

  Tammy must have seen the pain creeping across my face because she quickly reached out and pulled me closer to her. “Leah, sweetheart, there’s something of your mother’s I’ve been holding onto that I think she would want you to have. Do you mind stopping by my house tomorrow morning?”

  “Of course,” I answered. Just please make sure Caleb is nowhere to be found.

  Bill Palmer came over from the other side of the tent and smiled at me and Caleb. “Well, isn’t this a nice surprise seeing the two of you together again in Grace Valley.”

  “Hi, Bill. What’s up?” Tammy asked.

  “We nee
d a third judge for the contest. Marina is out. She had to help the kids get ready for the concert. One of the parents couldn’t make it so she offered. Do you know of anyone who would be interested?”

  “I could do it,” Brittany offered.

  Everyone turned and looked at her and an unhidden look of disgust spread across Tammy’s face. She quickly recovered and smiled at all of us.

  “What about you, Josh?” Tammy asked him instead of responding to Brittany. “Would you be interested? You’ll definitely get the full Grace Valley Christmas Festival experience.”

  “I just said I would do it,” Brittany snapped.

  “Oh, I know, dear. But I think it would be fun for Josh. And I know how much you try to stay away from sugar.”

  I don’t know how I had any strength left inside of me, but I held my laughter in. I couldn’t believe the way Tammy was talking to her son’s future wife. It was incredible.

  “Okay, so it’s settled then,” Bill said. “Josh, we’ll see you in about forty-five minutes. Thanks a bunch. Leah, Caleb, so nice to see you both again.”

  “Wonderful to see you, too, Bill,” I said.

  “Likewise,” Caleb chimed in.

  “Oh, and Caleb, please do stop by my office before you go back to Tennessee. There’s something I would like to pick your brain about,” Bill said.

  “Will do.”

  Brittany rolled her eyes and hooked her arm tightly onto Caleb’s. If looks could kill, I would drop dead right there on the sidewalk.

  “Come on, Caleb,” she whined. “I want to get some cookies before they’re all gone.”

  Caleb followed suit, but not before leaning over to kiss his mother on her cheek. “Good luck, Mom. I’ll try to head back this way in time for the judging.”

  “Caleb,” Brittany whined again, glaring at Tammy. “I said let’s go.”

  What a bitch. No man could ever keep me from spending time with my father.

  Somehow, Brittany’s ring seemed to sparkle even more from the reflection off the snow than it had the day she was leaving The Flower Pot. I shivered and Josh put his arm around me, pulling me close to keep me warm. I quickly pulled away and turned to face him, noticing that Caleb was watching as he walked away.