by Finn
“Pete, only really old people give a damn these days. You’ll be fine.”
“I wouldn’t say Mitchell was old.”
“Mitchell?” Blaire questioned, and I glanced at her, watching her knot her eyebrows. “The guy who loiters behind Donny all the time, hoping to get noticed?”
“That would be the one.”
“What did that exfoliated asshole say?” Blaire pressed, anger beginning to coat her face. “Because I will destroy him emotionally, physically, and mentally.”
“Remember last year how we talked about your anger management skills?” I asked, snickering, and Blaire glared at me. “He basically said it was lucky I wasn’t a fag, or something like that,” I quickly muttered, and silently prayed Blaire didn’t yell and wake everyone up.
“One,” Blaire whispered after a moment of her taking some deep breaths and making a few graphic hand gestures. Some of which looked as though she was practising ripping someone’s head off.
“One… one what?”
“Person,” Blaire stated, placing her hand on my shoulder again. “That’s only one person. You already have that many people on your side, ready to punch the living fuck out of that slimy slab of mucus.”
“I’m glad you’re taking this well,” I said, smiling as I turned back to my computer, waking it up and logging in.
“Oh, don’t you worry. My anger management has improved. I now internalise it all. So many scenarios playing in my head of what I will do to that scrawny rat of a man if he says anything or lays a finger on you.”
I stole another glance at Blaire as my computer loaded up, only to see a broad smile on her face as she, no doubt, played through those scenarios in her head.
“I’ve let a psycho into my house, haven’t I?” I asked, turning back to my computer and opening up the internet.
While Blaire may have been coming on a little strong, I couldn’t help but feel safer knowing she had my back. I knew all too well that Blaire wouldn’t actually do anything to hurt Mitchell—too much—if he ever did something, but having her by my side was more than enough. Besides, I now had Andy and Leroy, too. I could do this.
For the first time in forever, I felt like I was going to be okay.
“Perhaps,” Blaire said, and I felt her move closer beside me.
As we both looked at my computer, I clicked on the bookmark of the school's social wall and waited for the website to load, all while Blaire quietly chanted, egging me on.
“I’m so proud,” she whispered into my ear as I scrolled through the main feed of the website. “But what about your parents?”
“What about them?”
“I thought you’d want to tell them first.”
“I…” I trailed off as I thought of my parents.
I wish I could say that I had no doubt they would accept me with open arms, but I couldn’t. I wanted them to know, but I didn’t know if I could face them if they didn’t look at me the same. I knew that there were people who would look down on me. Mitchell was an example of that. What if my parents were the same?
I had no way of knowing. Everyone else’s ridicule—if there as any—I could face. If I had Andy, Blaire, and Leroy. But my parents? There was nothing in this world that could help me if they turned their back on me.
I wasn’t ready for that. I couldn’t face it. Not yet.
“I don’t think I can,” I muttered, and I felt Blaire gently touch my shoulder.
“It’s okay. I’ll support any decision you make,” Blaire said, and I rested my hand on top of hers as the website finally loaded.
The layout was like any other social media site, though, inside of a giant ‘fuck you’ to its userbase, all the posts were in chronological order. The posts that I scrolled by were all generic. People complaining about anything and everything and posting memes.
So many memes.
“If I should not do this, you need to tell me. Stop me,” I said, slowly clicking to make a new post.
“No, no. I support this decision, but only if you are comfortable with this.”
“Well, I don’t know. I think so? I mean, I have you, and Andy, and Leroy. That’s all I need.”
“Pete, if you’re not sure, don’t do it.”
“No. I want to!”
“Okay. Now, I’m just going to double-check to make sure you don’t want to tell your parents first?” Blaire asked, and as I clicked on the video to upload it, I leant back in my chair and sighed.
“I can’t. It’ll be fine. I’ll… face them after. No, I should tell them first. No. I shouldn’t. Should I? I can’t!” I rambled, my mind now starting to race as I watched the upload bar gradually fill up.
“Stop panicking, and calm down,” Blaire said, placing her hand on my shoulder. “Just let the video do the talking.”
“Telling me to calm down does nothing.”
“Okay, just listen—”
“Oh, God, it’s finished,” I cut Blaire off as a notification popped up on my computer’s screen telling me that the video had been uploaded.
“Hit post!” Blaire said quickly, and I looked at her excited face.
“I don’t know if I can.”
“What’s stopping you?”
“What… what if I don’t have a home after this?” I asked, my voice shaking as I did.
It was not something I wanted to think about, but the thought was now circling my mind. I had heard about parents kicking their children out of the house for being gay. I didn’t want to believe my parents would do that, but how the fuck was I supposed to know?
“You will always have a home,” Blaire said quietly. “Even if it’s not here—which I know it will be—you are always welcome to stay with me. My parents love you.”
“What if they—”
“They won’t see you any different.”
“Can I stay for a few nights? I just… need that time before I…” My voice trailed off as I tried to find the words to say.
I could feel tears starting to build up behind my eyes as I thought about the possibility of losing my parents because of who I was. I couldn’t bear it.
“You can take as long as you need,” Blaire said, tightening her grip on my shoulder.
“Thank you. For everything,” I whispered, before turning back to my computer. “New beginnings.”
Hitting post on the video, I quickly closed the browser and shut the computer off. Quickly wiping my eyes, I got up from my chair and grabbed an empty bag from under my bed.
“What are you doing?” Blaire asked, and I stared at her as I dragged clothes out of my dresser.
“Grabbing clothes?”
“You need that many clothes for a few days?” Blaire laughed, and I rolled my eyes, shoving clothes into my bag.
“This is just a precaution. In case things go horribly wrong.” My voice was still shaking, even though I was doing my best to steady it.
“Alright, well, the good news is, you can have some peace and quiet once we get to my place. At least for a night,” Blaire said, continuing to watch me pack. “Mum and Dad are up the coast anyway for the twin’s swim meet, and they took Lachlan with them. And Jordan is… somewhere. No idea where he is.”
“Perfect.”
Walking across my room, I opened my door and slipped quietly into the hallway with Blaire following me. Soon, we found ourselves downstairs. Thankfully, my parents had gone out. Sadly, my brother hadn’t.
“Oh, Slither Dick and my favourite of the brain trust,” Brad’s voice greeted us before we reached the front door, and I turned to see him standing at the bottom of the stairs.
“I’m the favourite?” Blaire asked, smugness lacing her voice.
“The bar isn’t set very high,” Brad replied with a shrug, and I glanced at Blaire to see her pout. “I saw you posted the video.”
“Yeah,” I said quietly, looking down at the floor and gripping the strap on my bag.
“I’m, uh, Blaire, block your ears.”
I looked at Blair
e again, who raised her eyebrows at Brad for a moment before doing as he said.
“I’m proud,” Brad finished, and I stared back at him as he looked at the bag hanging over my shoulder. “You don’t wanna face mum and dad.”
“Astute,” I muttered with a small nod. “I just want to give them time if they need it. To adjust.”
“They won’t care. You have to know that.”
“I don’t, though. And… I’m scared.”
Brad nodded slowly. “You know, Mum isn’t going to sleep until you come home?”
“I’ll text her saying everything is okay. Just having a friendly sleepover,” I said, feeling my gut fall at Brad’s words.
I wished there was an easy choice to take.
“I get it. I’ll do what I can to make her not worry.”
“Thanks. Blaire,” I added, turning to Blaire and gesturing for her to take her fingers out of her ears, which she did. “Let’s go.”
With one last look at Brad and a subtle nod in his direction, I grabbed my keys from the bench near the front door and headed outside with Blaire by my side and my heart in my throat.
I really hoped I hadn’t fucked everything up.
-Fourteen-
Miscommunication
True to Blaire’s word, no one was at her house when we arrived, and they wouldn’t be back until Monday afternoon. At least, everyone aside from Jordan, as he hadn’t gone to the swim meet. Which meant I had one more afternoon without worry. Without questions. I could try to relax—which is what I did.
Thankfully, Blaire kept quiet too, knowing how much stress I was under—especially when it came to my parents. It gave me time to try and clear my mind, which was something I desperately needed to do. Eventually, as I laid in Blaire’s room as darkness began to overtake it, I fell asleep.
I wasn’t sure how I managed to fall asleep, considering the plan to clear my mind had not worked one bit. Add the fact that I may have done the most idiotic thing I could ever do.
I had no idea how long I had been asleep for, but as I slowly started to stir, my brain began to throb. Trying to shake it away, I did my best to fall back asleep, but to no avail.
Sighing to myself, I strained my eyes open and was met with the darkness that had enveloped the room. I rolled over in Blaire’s bed—which she surprisingly hadn’t tried to kick me out of—I looked to see if there was a clock anywhere in the room. I had no luck, however, and, instead, threw my hand onto the bedside table and felt around blindly to try to find a phone, either my own or Blaire’s.
I knew that I hadn’t put my phone there when we arrived, but maybe Blaire had put hers there. As I felt around, knocking a few things over, an alarm started blaring around the room, and a phone next to my hand lit up and began to vibrate, scaring the shit out of me.
“Turn it off,” I heard Blaire mumble from somewhere in the room as I reached for the now visible phone.
Listening to the alarm as I picked the phone up, I realised that is sounded familiar, and tugging the phone from the charger, I saw that it was mine.
Swiping to shut the alarm off, I looked at the time.
“What the fuck!” I yelled, sitting up in Blaire’s bed, causing my head to pound in pain.
“Ugh, what?” Blaire groaned, and I threw the blankets off me and stood up.
“It’s already Monday morning!” I stated, scooting carefully around Blaire’s room to reach the light switch.
“Yeah, I know. Just let me have a little more sleep,” Blaire said as I turned the light on, and she yelled. “Pete, what the fuck?”
“It does not feel like I’ve been asleep for that long!”
“You sound like every person who has to get up early in the morning to do things,” Blaire said with a chuckle, sitting up, and I turned to see her rubbing her eyes.
“I need more time,” I muttered, looking down at my phone to see messages and missed calls from my parents and Andy.
“You’re not going to have a panic attack, are you?” Blaire asked, watching me carefully, and I shook my head.
“I-I don’t think so.”
My breathing was heavier, and I could feel myself getting sweaty, but I was partially confident I wasn’t going to freak out. Though, I had every right, too.
“Just go for a shower. Maybe hot water will help,” Blaire suggested, and I nodded.
Throwing my phone onto the mattress Blaire was on, I turned around and walked out of Blaire’s room and down the narrow hall. Once in the tiny bathroom, I grabbed a spare towel from under the sink and got ready to shower.
I wished I could have stayed under the water for longer, but I knew I couldn’t prolong what was to come, no matter how hard I tried, and I was soon standing back in Blaire’s room with a towel around my waist.
After all, I was a complete idiot who forgot to take my clothes with me.
“Wow, you still look like crap,” Blaire stated, inspecting my face. “When was the last time you actually had a proper sleep?”
Grabbing my phone from the mattress and knotting my eyebrows, I tried to think.
“Uh,” was all I could get out, not being able to think of an answer.
The truth was, excluding the previous night, I hadn’t slept in a very long time. With everything that was playing on my mind, I hadn’t been able to get into a restful sleep for more than an hour.
“My point. Now, can you put some clothes back on?” Blaire asked, falling back onto the single mattress set up on the floor.
“Uh, yes, of course,” I muttered, feeling my face heat up. “You should also get ready for school. We need to leave soon to pick up the guys and go to the coffee place,” I said, scanning the small bedroom for my bag, which I found sitting at the end of Blaire’s bed.
“We aren’t doing that this morning,” Blaire muttered as I reached my bag and began grabbing my school’s uniform out of it.
“What, why?”
“I’m not sure. Andy just said they needed to do something,” Blaire said, slowly clambering off the mattress.
“Maybe I should ring him,” I muttered to myself, clutching my school clothes and trying to keep my thoughts in check.
It wouldn’t be because of me. It couldn’t be. They said they were okay, and that nothing would change. That, however, would mean there was something else going on, and I couldn’t help but think it had something to do with Leroy’s dad.
“Do whatever, just get out of my way. I need to shower.”
Blaire shoved me out of the way to open her closest and get her uniform out while I looked down at my phone again, looking at the missed call notifications.
The thought of ringing my parents shot through my mind, but I knew that I should talk to them face-to-face first. Instead, I wrote up a quick message telling them that I was okay and that we would talk. After all, I didn’t want them to worry, even though the missed calls already indicated they were.
“Because a text will stop that from happening,” I muttered to myself as I watched Blaire walk out of her room to go for a shower.
After waiting a few moments, I threw my phone onto Blaire’s bed and quickly got undressed and pulled my school uniform on. Swiping my phone up from the bed, I went into my missed calls and clicked on one of the ones from Andy.
“Hey, Renegade Raspberry!” Andy chirped, though I could hear a waver in his voice.
“Hey… Fishnet… Fish,” I said back, scolding myself at how bad I was with coming up with names. “Blaire said you’re not coming to The Coffee House this morning.”
“Yeah, sorry, Pete. Just dealing with Leroy stuff.” Andy spoke slowly and cautiously as if he were trying to avoid saying the wrong thing. “Look, Pete, there’s a lot I wanna say, like, I’m proud and that I don’t care, and all that, but I have to go now. I’ll talk to you at school!”
With that, Andy ended the call, leaving me standing in Blaire’s room in silence—my thoughts racing in my mind. What kind of Leroy stuff could he have to be dealing with? Were there still prob
lems with his father? Was he still staying with Andy?
Shoving my phone back into my pocket, I walked out of Blaire’s bedroom and down the short hall and headed straight outside, paying no attention to my surroundings as I thought about Andy’s words.
What did he mean by he didn’t care?
As the cold, spring, morning breeze rushed around me as I stepped onto the front steps outside, I couldn’t stop thinking about those words. He already knew I was gay, right? So, what did the video have to do with that? Then again, we hadn’t spoken after the afternoon I’d had with Leroy, so, maybe he was referring to that. Perhaps it was a belated reaction.
Taking in a deep breath, I heard Blaire call my name from inside the house, and seconds later, the door behind me opened, and Blaire walked out, coming to stand beside me.
“That was a quick shower,” I said, looking at Blaire as she brushed her hair.
“When I don’t have to wash my hair, my showers are always quick,” Blaire explained, tugging a knot out of her hair. “Why are you out here?”
“Just thinking.”
“Nervous about today?” Blaire asked, and I looked out toward the road where my car was parked.
I hadn’t even thought about what was going to happen today. Everyone would be seeing me for who I really was for the first time, and I had no idea how anyone was going to react. Especially Mitchell. I already knew his thoughts on people like me. God knows how many others shared his opinions.
“A bit,” I said truthfully, feeling my stomach begin to churn and sweat start to form on my palms.
“You’ll be fine,” Blaire said, nudging me. “Did you talk to Andy?”
“For, like, a second. He had to do something for Leroy.”
“Yeah. I really think his dad did a number on him.”
“It’s all my fault,” I said quietly, hanging my head, and I felt Blaire’s arm slither around my shoulders.
“It isn’t—”
“It is! I should never have tried to kiss him!”
“What!” Blaire’s arm left my shoulders and, instead, my left one was met with a sharp pain as her fist connected with it.
“Ow! What the hell?”