This Is Me

by Finn

  “We’re not dating,” I corrected him. “Not officially. I don’t think. But I know what I’m getting myself into.”

  “Just ask him to be your boyfriend,” Blaire said with Cooper nodding along.

  It's not that I didn’t want to, but I had never done anything like that before. I had no idea how I would even begin. I mean, we kind of already were dating. We’d kissed. Under fireworks. If that didn’t class as dating, then I had no idea what did.

  Seriously, I had no fucking idea what did.

  “Why don’t you ask Cooper to be yours?” I blurted out without thinking.

  As soon as they heard the words, Blaire and Cooper pulled their hands away from each other and shoved them under the table. Both of them looked at each other and blushed furiously.

  “It’s not like that,” Cooper started, and Blaire nodded.

  “I mean, like, yeah. We’re friends,” Blaire stated.

  “Exactly. Friends.”

  “Why would we be anything more?”

  Blaire and Cooper rambled, while progressively getting redder in the face, all while I rolled my eyes at them.

  “Whatever you say.” I chuckled and turned around as I heard The Coffee Shop’s door open and someone breathing extremely heavily.

  “And we’re going to make-out on your bed!” Leroy called out the door before letting it shut and walking toward our table.

  “He’s really taken to this not caring what people think about him,” Blaire said with a chuckle.

  I turned back to see her and Cooper recomposing themselves.

  “Yeah,” I said with a grin. “It, somehow, makes him even more attractive.”

  “Alright, keep it in your pants.”

  “How is my favourite Peer of the Year?” Leroy asked in between laboured breaths as he reached the table and slid in beside me.

  “I told you not to call me that,” I whined, and Leroy pulled me into a hug.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered into my ear, causing chills to run down my spine.

  “You’re really sweaty.”

  “Running does that to a person.” Leroy laughed and pulled away from me, looking across the table at the others. “Why are you two so red?”

  “No reason!” Cooper said quickly, and Leroy looked back at me with his eyebrows raised.

  “Actually, thank you for reminding me, Roy,” Blaire said, swiftly changing the subject. “I have your Peer of the Year sash in my little bag.”

  Blaire reached down beside her and lifted up her little black purse and placed it on the table.

  “How did you fit it in there?” I asked, and she shrugged.

  “I did have Cheetos in there, but I ate them to make some room.”

  “Why—” Cooper started, but I shook my head.

  “Don’t ask.”

  “Do you want to see it?” Blaire asked. “It’s pretty.”

  “No, no. I’m good.”

  “Oh, come on, Pete!” Leroy exclaimed, grabbing my hand again. “I think it’ll really suit you.”

  “Ugh, fine.”

  Leroy almost squealed as Blaire opened her purse and pulled the sash out, unravelling it onto the table. The golden material gleamed under the light, and the sparkling silver letters danced along with it. Tiny gold and silver tassels ran all around the edges, and I just had one thing to say.

  “No.”

  “Pete, you said you would!” Leroy whined, and I sighed, letting go of his hand and dragging the sash off the table.

  “I’m going to look like such a fucking idiot,” I mumbled, slipping it over my head and having it rest over one shoulder.

  “A little bit,” Blaire said with a laugh, and Leroy wrapped his arm around me.

  “What do you think?” I asked Leroy, who bit his bottom lip.

  “I was wrong.”

  “You all suck,” I muttered, pulling the sash off again and putting it on the table, listening to the others laugh.

  “Where’s Andy?” Cooper asked when he composed himself.

  “If my math is right, he should be almost at the door,” Leroy said, tilting his head as he thought. “He is not very fast. I got away pretty easily.”

  “I’m so proud,” I mocked, and Leroy gave me a bright smile, causing my heart to flutter.

  I couldn’t help myself from falling further in for him. Everything about him seemed perfect to me. Despite everything that had happened, whenever I looked at him, I couldn’t help but feel like I was going to be okay. That I was safe. I looked into his eyes, and I could feel myself falling into them. Falling into him, and I was okay with that. I wanted to. I had wanted to for the longest time, and now I could, and there wasn’t anything else I needed.

  “You peanut butter and jelly sandwich!” Andy’s voice came from behind at the same time I heard The Coffee House’s door open.

  “Safe zone!” Leroy quickly called as Andy’s footsteps approached, and I heard him groan.

  “Ugh. Why are you freakishly fast?” Andy mumbled, waiting for Blaire and Cooper to shuffle down the seat so he could sit down.

  “It’s just talent, Andy,” I chipped in, and both Leroy and I smiled at him.

  “It’s just talent, Andy,” Andy repeated in a high-pitched voice before grabbing the sash from off the table. “I’m taking this.”

  “Okay,” I said with a shrug, and Andy looked disappointed that it hadn’t had an effect on me.

  “So, have you two decided you’re dating yet?” he asked instead, and I sighed, but Leroy squeezed my shoulder.

  “What do you say?” Leroy leant in, and I felt his lips trail along my jaw, leaving goose bumps in their wake.

  “Is that you asking me?” I questioned, turning my head to see Leroy’s face centimetres from mine.

  “It is.”

  My heart dropped into vacant space where my stomach usually was, although, at the moment, it felt as though it had hit the ground. Though, no matter how I was feeling, or what my body was doing, I already knew what my answer was going to be.

  “In that case, my answer would be yes.”

  Leroy’s eyes crinkled, and although I was too close to his face to see him smiling, I knew that he was.

  “I would kiss you now, but, the whole Andy thing,” Leroy muttered, and I snickered.

  “That’s okay. We’ll save it for later.”

  “You fuckers!” Andy cursed as Leroy and I pulled our faces away from each other.

  “Oh, oh! We should post a video on the social wall of how the Peer of the Year is celebrating!” Cooper yelled, and Blaire quickly unzipped her purse to grab her phone.

  “Cooper, you absolute fucking genius.”

  “Oh, God.” I groaned, and Leroy pulled me closer to him, and I fell into his embrace.

  I never believed I would be where I was now. Sitting with all my friends, being who I was meant to be, with the person I wanted to be with. After everything that had happened, I was scared that I would never get to this point.

  That was how I had always lived my life. Scared. Always hiding and always worrying. It was odd knowing that it was all seemingly for nothing. Everything had fallen into place.

  I had always thought that people like me never got a happy ending. Every movie, and book, and everything I had seen had always shown us never making it to that point. There were constant obstacles. I had been conditioned to think that.

  But sitting here, in Leroy’s arms, watching my friends bicker and play around with each other as they started recording a video, I was beginning to think otherwise.

  They were starting to change my mind.

  “Okay, okay. Peter,” Blaire staring, focusing her phone’s camera on me. “You didn’t give a speech before, so, as Peer of the Year, what have you got to say?”

  I readjusted myself next to Leroy, sitting up a little straighter and looking around at him, grinning at him as he did the same. I turned to look at Andy, Blaire, and Cooper, who were all waiting for me to give my answer, and I bit my bottom lip.

&nb
sp; “Well, thanks for voting for me,” I started with a nervous laugh, feeling Leroy’s hand tighten on my shoulder. “Apart from the given title and over-the-top sash, it means a lot. Tonight… has been the best night of my life.”

  I turned my attention away from the camera and toward Leroy again, who was watching me intently. His eyes glistening in the light and a smirk stretching across his face.

  “And I know it hasn’t been that way for others, but I hope it’s getting better.”

  “Just kiss!” Andy yelled, and everyone at our table laughed.

  I could feel that Leroy was shaking, so I wrapped my arm around him and pulled him closer, and his arm tightened around me as I did so.

  “If only you weren’t here, Andy,” Leroy said, his voice shaking ever so slightly.

  No doubt the fact we were being filmed had him nervous, which I didn’t blame him if he was. Hell, I was nervous. My heart hadn’t stopped threatening to break out of my chest since Blaire had gotten her phone out.

  “Last time I had a camera on me, I came out as gay,” I said, keeping my eyes on Leroy. “Which, I’m sure everyone knows by now.”

  “Well, then it’s fitting that you announce your first relationship on camera, too.” Leroy smiled brighter at me, and I watched his lip quiver as he did so.

  It was taking all of my strength not to kiss him again.

  Every. Fucking. Ounce.

  “It saddens me that everyone at school won’t get to see this relationship blossom,” Cooper muttered with a sigh.

  “At least they can watch this on the social wall,” Andy chimed in, and Cooper hummed in agreement.

  “Come on, Pete. Announce it!” Blaire said, and Leroy gave me a small, encouraging nod.

  “Alright, well, everyone—” I began, but Blaire shushed me.

  “No, no. Do it like your original video!”

  “Oh, yeah! Do it!” Cooper added, and I stifled a laugh and shook my head.

  “Fine, fine.”

  Pulling my eyes away from Leroy, I focused them on the camera on Blaire’s phone. All of the group's eyes were on me as I took a deep breath.

  “My name is Peter Stone,” I started again, looking at Blaire, who gave me a thumbs up. “And almost three months ago, I told a camera I was gay. I said it aloud for the first time. Now, three months later… I’m saying it again, but this time, I’m not alone. I have my friends. And…”

  I trailed off and turned to face Leroy again—our faces barely an inch apart.

  “I have you.”

  “Fuck what I said about Andy before,” Leroy muttered, his eyes trailing down to my lips.

  In a matter of second, our lips met, but three words slipped from Leroy’s mouth before he leant in. Three words that echoed in my head and I let the world around us fade away once again.

  “This is us.”

  THIS

  IS

  ME

  Written by

  FINN

  What Did You Think of This Is Me?

  First of all, thank you for purchasing and reading this book, This Is Me. I know you could have picked any number of books to read, but you picked this one, and for that, I am incredibly grateful.

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  Novels by FINN:

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  Short Stories by FINN:

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