Me Dying Trial

by Patricia Powell

  When Peppy hear this, all she could do is shake her head. For sometimes even now, if it wasn’t for Percy Clock, many a night them would go to bed hungry. Now and again him come by, hands rarely empty. Sometimes him bring bread and milk, othertimes meat. But him don’t come often, not since the day Walter threaten to call the police if him ever set foot in his house again. This was about two months after the mother left, Rudi explain to her.

  ‘Percy come by to see me the evening. Him knock. Daddy meet him up at the door. And I don’t know,’ Rudi look off into the distance, ‘maybe him never see Daddy’s car park up under the orange tree or maybe him just never care. But all I hear was the commotion outside. And when I step out there, I hear Daddy shouting at the top of his voice and asking Percy if him come to poison the children’s mind against him, if mashing up his marriage wasn’t enough.’ And almost as if to clarify whatever thinking was going on inside Peppy’s head, Rudi tell her, ‘You see, him think Percy the reason me mother leave.’ Rudi clear his throat.

  ‘And poor Percy only grin as if nothing a tall the matter, but you could see the fright in his face. Him tell Daddy no need to quarrel, him and Mama just friends, almost like brother and sister. But Daddy didn’t care, him move towards Percy with fists fold up, and by the time I could bawl out, Percy was running up the street, leaving only dust behind him.’

  Rudi say him never see Percy again until about a month later park up outside the school gate. There was have another man in the car, a tall man, tall and slim and good looking, with his hair cut short and a slight moustache growing. Percy call Rudi to the car and introduce him to the man inside, Martel. Then them drive away together. Percy tell Rudi him hear from Gwennie and that from now on she will send money once a month by way of him.

  Rudi don’t offer out much information about the mother. Sometimes Peppy is the one who have to ask how she doing, if she alright, for him don’t usually show her the letters to read. Him keep everything personal. Sometimes him answer that she okay, other times, him just shrug his shoulders and mumble something under his breath.

  One time she boldly ask him if his mother didn’t plan to come back. ‘I thought she was only gone for few months.’ The two of them were lying down inside the bed them share, her head up at the top, his down at the bottom. The lights were off and the house was quiet except for Walter’s light snores coming from the room at the other end of the passageway. Outside one or two cars toot as them drive pass the house.

  Rudi shift his foot. ‘Yeah, she was only supposed to go for vacation, but she decide to stay.’

  ‘How come?’

  ‘More work over there. Chance for better schooling.’ Him sigh, uncomfortable.

  ‘Then, what your father say about it?’

  Rudi kiss his teeth. ‘What him must say. All him do is drink white rum and curse every day.’

  ‘She plan to come back?’

  ‘She want all of us to come over. She say she have a lawyer who trying to get her a permanent visa. And that the lawyer looking about papers for us too, but everything take a long time. She say she want the older ones to come over first, like me and Delores and Dave, so we can work and help pay for the house she trying to buy. Then after that, she plan to send for the others so them can finish school.’

  Peppy wonder to herself if she included as well. ‘When you going to leave?’ she ask Rudi.

  His feet shift round. ‘I think it depends on the lawyer. After him give the okay, she will mail out application forms. She plan to send extra money so we can get physical and passport pictures.’

  Plenty time pass before Peppy ask her other question: ‘You miss her?’

  ‘Sometimes,’ Rudi answer, sighing kind of loud as if frustrated by all this questioning. Peppy could hear the irritation straining through. ‘But she write all the time. She send barrel every Christmas with plenty clothes and food and things for the house.

  ‘She send clothes for Daddy. But him refuse to wear them. When his friends come over, him show them the clothes and laugh. I can’t bear that man,’ Rudi say through his teeth after shifting round his feet again. ‘I can’t wait to leave from this blasted place.’

  Him turn onto his belly afterwards, and not long after, Peppy could hear his breathing deep and even. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. Each day the same. Him cook and tidy house, wash clothes and take care of Rosa. The remainder of time him walk around the house glum forehead always in a furrow. Since graduation from high school, him wanted to enrol up at the University about a mile from the house. But Rosa only two and can’t start school yet, so him stay home since the money Gwennie send not enough to pay baby sitter.

  ‘I hate to do it,’ Rudi complain to her all the time. ‘It make me feel like a woman too much. Coop up inside the damn house all day with this frigging baby. And is not even mine.’

  Peppy never usually know what to say when him get like this, hostile, irritable. Is only for a short while longer, she would tell him, but him only kiss his teeth and kick whatever in reach.

  The only thing that seem to liven him up though, is the weekend visits to Percy Clock’s house. For him would always come back bubbly-bubbly and full of stories about the various places them dine, Martel’s matches box collection, Percy Clock’s grandiose house that have a figurine collection on display inside a large glass chest, imported Venezuelian rugs you barely want to walk on, hand-made furniture from some country or other you afraid to sit on. And when is not news about fabulous restaurants and ostentatious dishes is about Martel’s dance class where him teach folk, and how when him dance, a more tall and graceful sight you can’t behold.

  And so one day when Rudi was going on and on about the two men, Peppy couldn’t help but ask him: ‘What’s the position between Martel and Percy?’ She didn’t mean anything by it really. For she know him don’t have many friends. But there was something peculiar about the way them relate. Something funny about the kinds of presents she hear Percy give Martel. Gold ring at Christmas. Bracelets at Easter. Special kinds of underclothes that fit certain ways.

  Rudi look at her, face sobering up all of a sudden.

  Him look thinner Peppy think, jawbone sink in more. Clothes just hang off. She like the new moustache him start to grow. Look more dignified with it, especially when him laugh and you can see the dimple in his chin. She know him growing it to look like Martel’s.

  ‘How you mean?’ His eyes, deep set and round like Grandpa’s, look from beyond hers to somewhere over her head-top.

  ‘Well, them not family, yet everyday Martel driving up in his car, everyday him over his house, everyday . . .’

  ‘Them good friends,’ Rudi shout at her. ‘Good friends like you and Jasmine. Or like you and Vin. You understand. Good friends.’

  Rudi stomp out the kitchen the day, and Peppy just look on till him disappear inside the room and slam the door.

  III

  The second letter to Peppy from Aunty Cora come two months after the first. She did have plenty to say about her eye operation and the two weeks stay in the hospital. She still can’t see properly yet, even though them take out the eyes and scrape off the cataract, everyday she have to wear a bandage, rest whole heap, and only for few hours wear the special glasses them give her. Aunty Cora say the special glasses so thick and heavy, that to make sure it don’t constantly fall down on her nose and cut off her air supply, she have to tie it up firm around her head with a strong piece of English cord.

  Aunty Cora say she hope things going well and that Peppy getting along with Walter. Peppy pause after she read this. For if Aunty Cora did only know what took place in the house this pass week, she would jump on the next plane and come take her away. Rudi still shaken-up about the incident. Him walk round the house like duppy, not a sound, not a smile, nothing.

  It happen the evening Martel come over. Him don’t visit often. But whenever him come, is grand occasion, for Rudi like his company and him always have interesting tales to tell. All three of them were in the
room, Peppy, Rudi and Martel, sitting down on the bed, talking, the room door half-way open. Not much was in the room: only Gwennie’s old Singer machine that Rudi use to sew Jeff’s khaki school uniform and dresses for Rosa; a small table housing Charlie and Brut spray colognes, a bottle of underarm deodorant, a few mystery and romance paperbacks, and the book of poetry Rudi borrow from the Branch Library.

  And as them go on talk, them never hear when Walter push his key into the lock, turn it and slide open the glass door to the house. It seems as if him never drive the car that evening, for the muffler have a tendency to rattle and roar with such ferocity, frightening any hard-of-hearing person out of the way.

  Walter did have to pass Rudi and Peppy’s room on route to his own. And it was the sound of the strange man’s voice coming through the door that stop him, it seems. For without even a knock or a hesitation, him kick open the door so hard with his shoes, the door handle slam-up into the wall, chipping off a little bit. Three pairs of eyes open-up-wide turn to him as him walk over and stand up in front of Martel. Silence deafen the room.

  ‘Who are you, sir?’ Walter’s voice was slurred from the plenty rum drinking.

  Martel stand up same time and extend his hand. But Walter only turn away his head in scorn.

  ‘You,’ him point to Rudi’s face, ‘you think you own this blasted place? Inviting your friends in here as if your damn name on the lease. Or is your sister you bring him here to?’ Walter turn to Peppy who was standing with her back to the door.

  Peppy roll her eyes and kiss her teeth, disgust write all over her face. Walter slap after her face with his hand, but Peppy was too alert, she duck his hand, and slide out the door, out the room.

  ‘Blasted little shit!’ Walter call out, staggering off balance.

  Now all of this happen so quick, Rudi and Martel still never have a chance to do anything. Them just continue sitting on the bed edge looking on.

  ‘You,’ Walter walk over to Martel, after regaining some kind of composure.

  ‘Leave him alone,’ Rudi pipe in, stepping between Martel and his father. ‘Is me friend.’

  ‘Friend,’ scorn fill Walter’s voice. ‘You think is your blasted house. Bringing in people like you have a mind. You better hurry up and go to you mother, that worthless thing. That old whore.’

  ‘Leave me mother out of this.’ Thunder rattle out of Rudi’s voice. ‘Leave her out of this.’ Peppy could hear it filling the house. Jeff and Rosa huddle behind her.

  ‘That no-good wretch. That fucking old whore.’ Walter’s face was close up to Rudi’s, eyes barely open. ‘Pick up her tail. Leave me alone with the whole bunch of you, ungrateful wretches. Is which man she over there with, huh, which man? She leave the other fool here and gone.’

  Martel try to pull away Rudi, but him wouldn’t budge. Rudi and his father were about the same height, except Rudi was a little bit more broad in the shoulders, Walter’s body was running down. ‘You think you is man, now,’ Walter taunt him, ‘you think you big now . . .’

  Peppy was outside when she hear the noise and then the grunt, and when she run back into the room, with Jeff and Rosa behind, Walter was holding Rudi by the throat, back ram-up into the wall. Martel did have his bag in hand. Not long after, him slip out.

  Rudi’s eyes bulge out. Him try opening his mouth, gasping loud as him struggle for air. But Walter hang on, cursing all the while. Him curse Rudi. Him curse Gwennie. Him curse Grandma. Hand refusing to ease off from around Rudi’s throat.

  Peppy wasn’t sure where the force came from all of a sudden, but in a flash she find herself on Walter’s back, tugging him one way, pushing him another, till him lose balance and stumble to one side, his grip onto Rudi’s throat finally loosening. But him start on Peppy.

  ‘You little shit,’ him bawl out, pulling her clothes from off hangers inside the closet, flinging them on the floor, trampling on them. ‘Don’t let morning catch you in here. Take you shit and go. Go back to New Green. You not me pickney, me not you father. Out of the kindness of me heart I take you in. But you not good, you just like you mother, damn ungrateful same way. Take you shit and leave me house tonight. And you,’ him turn to Rudi who was back to normal by this time, armed with the only thing in reach, the broom him use to sweep out the room earlier before Martel’s arrival, ‘you and she pack your shit and leave. Don’t make I see you in here tomorrow.’

  And as him go on quarrel and fling out more clothes and shoes and books, Peppy get to thinking. She was sitting down outside on the carport by this time, but she could still hear him inside cursing, quarrelling, pacing round and round. And she wonder what Walter mean exactly when him say she not his pickney. Him not her father. She wonder how much it have to do with the story Vin did accidentally tell her one evening.

  It happen while she was still living at New Green. Vin was fifteen years old then, Peppy eleven. Vin was in the kitchen cooking dinner. Peppy did have on her new watch with the round face and thin black band that Walter give her on her last birthday. Aunty Cora caution her against wearing it unless is big occasion, but she was too eager to show it off. Peppy was sitting on top the mortar them use to parch coffee and pound corn. Vin was close by, on the hearth near the fireside, making flour dumplings to put in the pot. Flour dust was in her hair and sprinkled over her shiny face.

  ‘You like it,’ Peppy ask her, limping her wrist so Vin could have a better look.

  Vin shrug. ‘It alright.’

  ‘Me father give it to me. Also the gold chain, the one with the cross on it. Him buy me bag for school too, and shoes. Him always buying me things. You know the red and purple . . .’

  ‘You know him is not your father,’ Vin lift off the pot cover and drop in the seven dumplings she just made. The steam was hot, and so she scowl up her face.

  Peppy look at Vin as she cover the pot and start to peel green bananas. Vin’s frock was dirty, speckled white from the flour dust. It had a tear by the underarm. She never have on any shoes. Peppy’s frock was dirty too. Them been playing dandy-shandy all afternoon.

  ‘But is where you get this nonsense from though, Vin?’ Peppy laugh out loud. ‘Of course him is me father. Who else could it be.’

  ‘Somebody else.’ A glint shine-on up in Vin’s eye, but then her face cloud over and a furrow appear on her forehead. ‘Maybe, me shouldn’t tell you.’

  ‘No. Tell me. Tell me.’ Scorn was in Peppy’s voice, disbelief on her face. ‘What you know about me father?’

  ‘You have to promise not to tell.’

  ‘Lightning strike me down, dead.’ Peppy make the sign of the cross over her chest.

  ‘Alright.’ Vin swallow saliva. ‘Aunt Doris . . . well, me overhear her telling somebody that Mass Walter isn’t your father. That your father is another man.’ She lift up the pot again, scowl up her face, drop in the peeled green bananas one by one, and cover back the pot. Then she start to season up the chicken she and Peppy did kill and pick earlier. ‘Them never mention his name. Only that him used to work on bridge. Contractor man.’

  ‘Lie.’ Peppy jump up from off her seat on the mortar. ‘Pure lie. All because you jealous. All because you don’t have father.’

  Vin kiss her teeth. ‘Go way, me have father. Him live abroad.’

  ‘Yeah. Then show me what him give you.’ Peppy did have two feet plant apart, arms akimbo, eyes flashing. ‘Show me what him give you. Him give you clothes? Him send you watch? Him post you money now and again.’

  ‘No, but is me father, nevertheless. Me know it and everybody else too.’

  Peppy look at Vin long and hard. Eye water was in her eyes, but she wasn’t going to let Vin see it. But Vin wasn’t even looking the whole time. She sorry she did ever open her mouth and say anything. Peppy grab up her paper ball, and tell Vin she gone home. ‘Don’t tell anybody,’ Vin call after her, but Peppy never answer.

  And even after Aunty Cora confirm and tell her yes is true, Walter not her father, she continued to wrap and weigh sugar, as if nothing
a tall unusual about the question, even though the glass of rum she was drinking afterwards did have plenty more rum than water in it. But not another word mention about it. Aunty Cora and Grandma and everybody continue on calling Walter her father, and she just continue on to think the same thing, except for now. Now, Walter own self was saying it.

  And Peppy start to fret, from where she sit down outside, her face long and sad-looking, her chin lean-up on her knee and her body bend over. For she didn’t have any place to go. She too afraid of Leslie to go back to New Green by herself. Even Miss Gertie never stay long after Aunty Cora leave, she hear, for she and Leslie couldn’t get on. The only other place she could go and stay is with Grandma, but then again it so far from her school.

  And as Peppy go on fret and worry about where she going to live till Aunty Cora come back, Rudi came out and sat down next to her in the darkness. All she could see was the white of his eyes and his teeth. There wasn’t a moon or a star up in the sky the night.

  ‘Don’t let him bother you,’ Rudi’s voice was shaky. ‘Him just drunk and crazy as usual.’

  ‘But you hear him, ‘Peppy bawl out, ‘you hear him say me must leave for me not his pickney, him not me father.’

  Rudi kiss him teeth. ‘Him don’t mean it. Before you come, him used to say the same thing about all of us. Jeff, Dave, me, Delores and Rosa, him say all of us don’t belong to him.’ Rudi pause. ‘Him just crazy and crack-crack when him drink. Don’t worry, tomorrow him back to normal. We can’t leave. For who will look after Jeff and Rosa? Him just running his mouth as usual.’

  And Peppy did stop the fretting for the time being. It didn’t quite sit easy with her, what Rudi tell her, it didn’t quite clear up all of the questions forming themselves in her mind, but Rudi must know. Him live with the man longer than she. Him must know. She was afraid to tell Rudi what Vin tell her, for she don’t want him feel bad for his mother. But she still have plenty questions.