The Life You Stole

by Ann, Jewel E.

  My gaze shot to his. I didn’t want to look at it in any way, shape, or form. Nor did I want it pressed to my back. I cleared my throat, hating the flushed feeling in my cheeks that Graham could see, that fed his ego. “Why is she showering before the beach?”

  Graham wet his lips, rubbing them together for a few seconds. “She got into a … sticky situation.” He winked.

  I cringed, fighting the bile working its way up my throat.

  “Listen…” he adjusted himself “…all kidding aside …”

  Kidding? That was his idea of kidding? Had Ronin seen him pinning me to the counter with his erection, it would have turned into a bloody fiasco, ruining friendships, and terrorizing the minds of my young kids.

  Graham continued, “I’m glad you suggested this. Lila and I love spending time with you guys. You really are family, more so than my own family.” He shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck. “I need to do a better job of finding balance. Once my term is up, I’m going to get out of politics. As much as I don’t love the family business with my dad still having his hand in everything, it’s a good job. It would allow me to be home with my family more often.”

  Family.

  There he went again. Whiplash. He manipulated me in a way I couldn’t prove without taking the risk of ruining not only my relationship with him, but with my best friend. Graham played in the gray area, stepping out of bounds just long enough to say or do something inappropriate then falling back in line before anyone else noticed.

  “So you’re planning on having a family?”

  Again … AGAIN he did it—raking his gaze along my body like he had the right to do it. “I don’t know what the future holds.” He ogled my breasts, the breasts he liked to poke fun at. “But at the very least, I want to spend more time with Franz and Anya. Skiing, golfing … attending their plays and sporting events. You’re my best friend, Evie. I love your kids like my own.”

  “Mommy, I’m hungry.” Franz ambled into the kitchen, holding a Lego boat. His blue eyes alight with pride and his hair messy like mine. Thankfully, he inherited some color to his skin so he didn’t have to go through life looking like his White Walker mom. It was my completely unbiased opinion—we made really beautiful children.

  “You’re hungry? Hungry!” Graham scooped Franz up into his arms, buried his face into Franz’s neck like gobbling him right up.

  Franz giggled.

  It was endearing, as I’m sure was Graham’s intention.

  Befriend me.

  Make me indebted to him.

  Marry my best friend.

  Befriend my husband.

  Spoil my children.

  Remind me on a daily basis why I loved him.

  Then … remind me on a daily basis why I had grown to resent and even hate that same friendship.

  There were reasons why people said some gestures were too grand, making it impossible to ever be repaid. People like Graham and all the other Porters thrived on the eternal indebtedness of everyone else around them.

  Graham set Franz on the counter. “I’ve got you covered, little man.” He retrieved a plate and proceeded to fill it with crackers, cheese cubes (that someone had piled neatly onto a tray in the fridge), grapes, strawberries, pumpkin seeds, and a few chocolate squares. “My nanny used to hide two little squares of chocolate beneath the healthy stuff on all of my snack plates.” He winked at Franz.

  A nanny raised Graham. I wasn’t sure if that explained why he was such an asshole ninety percent of the time or if the nanny was actually the reason why ten percent of the time he wasn’t an asshole—a true friend to me, a kind husband to Lila, and the fun uncle who spoiled my kids.

  “Mommy hides chocolate in her closet.” Franz outed me. Traitor.

  Graham slid his gaze to me, quirking an eyebrow accompanied by a knowing smirk. “You still hide chocolate?”

  “Yes, in her sock drawer,” Ronin piped up, carrying Anya into the kitchen.

  “How do you know that? Are you snooping in my drawers?” I glared at Ronin.

  He set Anya on the counter next to Franz and grabbed my face. “It’s called putting away laundry, babe.”

  Before I could respond, he planted a solid kiss on my mouth, something our kids saw on a regular basis. But Graham didn’t get to see it very often. And I wanted—needed—him to see it. So when Ronin started to pull away, I grabbed his shirt and jerked him back to me. No tongue or anything inappropriate in front of the kids. Just a good, solid, I-love-this-man-and-he-loves-me kiss.

  “Get a room.”

  I grinned against Ronin’s mouth for a second before releasing him and turning toward Lila’s voice.

  “We could.” I laughed. “Or ten. You have enough of them.”

  She fetched a plate and put food on it for Anya. Our friends would be good parents. Maybe having their own kids would force Graham to fall in line and embrace the blessings in his life, treat me in an appropriate way, and fix all the pieces that felt broken at that moment.

  Maybe.

  “Now I feel underdressed.” I frowned at Lila, who usually showcased her perfect curvy body in a chic bikini. Not that day. She wore board shorts and a swim top. “Where’s your bikini?”

  She shrugged, cutting up grapes for Anya. “I had several moles removed from my back last week, and I’m not supposed to expose the area to the sun.”

  “Bandage them,” I suggested, stealing a grape and popping it into my mouth while Graham set out more plates of food, mumbling something to Ronin like “eat up.”

  “I have to lather sunscreen on my back, and then the bandages don’t stick. I know you like how I look in a bikini, but you’ll just have to wait until my back has healed.”

  Graham laughed. Ronin seemed to ignore the whole conversation. And Lila cracked a tiny smile, giving me a quick glance.

  I held onto my frown in spite of my desire to smile back at my friend cracking a joke. Lila had a knack for covering the truth, no matter how grim it was, with her own brand of humor. Much like myself, she could cover tragedy and sadness with a wicked smile and a dose of untimely humor. Ever since the accident, I felt like something broke Lila’s spirit. On my birthday, she came to life again, but that was just the alcohol or maybe it was just a cover-up. Fake happiness.

  However, we were in the Hamptons to have fun, so I put a lid on the scrutinizing and decided to make the most of our time there.

  “I do like you in a bikini, but I’m good with you covering up for a few days. Less competition for attention on the beach. This forty-year-old mom needs all the catcalls she can get. Enjoy your thirties while they last … for the next six months.”

  “No. You don’t need the attention.” Ronin glanced up from his plate of food, leaned against the counter, giving GQ Graham a run for his money. There was a lot of sexiness in the kitchen that day.

  I stuck my tongue out at him.

  “Mommy!” Franz giggled, sticking his tongue out at Ronin as well.

  My husband rolled his eyes at me. “Nice role modeling, babe.”

  “I try.”

  “Margo can make us lunch. She should be back soon.” Graham pulled the barstool out from under the island and sat beside Franz’s dangling legs, giving the bottom of his bare foot a tickle until Franz jerked on a giggle.

  “I think this spread is plenty.” I laughed, gesturing to the buffet of food Graham arranged on the island.

  “Do you paddle board?” Graham asked Ronin.

  “Yes,” he answered without elaboration or much enthusiasm in his voice.

  Something was up with him. I just didn’t know what it could be.

  “Lila is amazing at it.” Graham winked at her.

  She returned a small smile.

  “I bet Franz will be a natural too, unlike his mom.”

  “Baiting me in front of my kids where I can’t properly defend myself is not fair, Graham Cracker.” It just came out. I hadn’t called him that in a while. And it felt good.

  “Graham Cracker?�
� Franz laughed.

  “Sorry.” I smirked. “Franz, we’re supposed to call him Governor Graham Cracker.”

  More giggles ensued.

  Lila kept herself occupied, helping Anya eat her snacks while Ronin pulled out a stool and took a seat as well. I wedged my way between Ronin’s body and the counter, perching my ass on his shorts-clad leg.

  He pressed his left hand to my bare abdomen and fed me a strawberry with his right hand. After I chewed a bite, I twisted toward him, giving him a narrow-eyed inspection. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I whispered.

  His gaze shot over my shoulder to everyone else, studying them for several seconds before relinquishing a tiny nod.

  We left the food out for Margo, Graham’s and Lila’s cook, to put away so we could soak up some sun. I offered to stay on the beach and play with Anya while everyone else paddle boarded. Graham was right. Franz stood right up and kept his balance, although he seemed to enjoy sitting on it, letting Ronin paddle him around.

  Lila meandered around on her board for a while before returning to the beach to hang out with Anya and me under the blue sun umbrella. We played with the bucket of beach toys supplied by our overly generous friends.

  “I love watching you and Graham with the kids.”

  “Well…” she pulled a cloth out of her bag and wiped her sunglasses “…we love being with them.”

  “Yet … you don’t have your own kids. I’m not trying to harp on you, but did you hear me mention you’ll be forty before long? I feel like if you don’t have children soon, you won’t have them at all. And I know you’ve always wanted to have children of your own.” I listened to the string of words tumbling from my lips, internally scolding myself for having that conversation with her when the talk I should have had with her involved my blessing for her to leave him.

  Leave the politics.

  Leave the spotlight.

  Leave the man who said and did inappropriate things to her best friend.

  I so badly wanted her to leave him, but on her own accord. My indebtedness to Graham left little room for me to be the instigator of their breakup. But if Lila decided to leave him without any interference or encouragement from me, then he couldn’t hold that against me and my family.

  Instead of saying any of that to her, out of fear of how Graham would react, out of fear of how she would react (since she always defended him), I encouraged her to make herself even more connected to him. The insane part? I thought a child might bring them closer together. I thought it would bring happiness to Lila’s life and reset Graham’s priorities—maybe fix his moral compass. How was it possible to want them together and apart at the same time? I didn’t know. It had to be Lila. Her happiness meant as much as my own. I wanted to share mom stories. Pregnancy cravings. I wanted to see her dreams come to fruition like mine had.

  “I’m sure we’ll have them sometime.” Fake smile.

  I recognized it because I invented it.

  Equal parts fright and elation filled my chest. That was a yes. Even fake answers held a spark of truth. What I saw inside earlier, the two of them interacting with Franz and Anya, was real. At least, it felt real. Lila would be a great mom, and Graham would pull his head out of his ass and be a great dad. The thing with Graham was his competitive spirit wouldn’t allow for anything less than greatness. I knew he’d feel the need to be as great of a dad as Ronin and far superior to his own father.

  My nose wrinkled. “I know this sounds terrible, but I needed to hear you say that. I needed to know things would be okay between you and Graham. It’s your life, but I’ve never been able to fully separate your lives from mine, and when you’re not doing well, I’m not doing well. Not in the sense of Ronin feeling you, but just because I still feel responsible for the success or failure of your relationship.”

  “I’m glad.” Lila tipped her head back in the beach chair. “I feel responsible for your happiness too.”

  Ouch …

  That felt wrong. A gut punch of reality. Was that how it sounded when I said it to her?

  “Wow …” I exhaled a breath of reality. “That’s not good. How did I not see it until you said it back to me? Being responsible for someone else’s happiness is a lot of pressure.”

  Lila rolled her head to the side. I couldn’t see her eyes behind her glasses, but I imagined them filled with deep thoughts. “Thank you,” she whispered.

  “For what?”

  “For finally seeing that.” She straightened her head again.

  Ouch … just … ouch …

  A few minutes later, the rest of the paddle boarding crew trudged up the beach with their boards in tow.

  “Mommy! Mommy! That was so much fun!” Franz tried to run toward me, getting tripped up in the sand.

  “That’s great, babe. I knew you’d like it.”

  “Where’s my hat?” He stabbed his little hand into the bag, coming up empty.

  “Did you leave it on the counter?” I frowned at him, knowing that was exactly where he left it.

  “I’ll run and get it.” Ronin slipped his feet into his flip-flops.

  “I’ll go with you.” Lila stood. “I need to use the restroom.”

  They took one of the two golf carts parked at the end of the path that connected the house to the beach. Franz plopped down in the sand, sorting through the beach toys.

  “Will you put more sunscreen on my back, Franz? I think I’m burning.” To leave plenty of room in the shade for Anya to play, I sat halfway in the sun, my back taking the brunt of its rays.

  “Okay,” he mumbled as I slid the lotion from the side pocket of the bag.

  “I’ve got it.” Graham plucked it from my hand and dropped to his knees in the sand behind me.

  “I see people with serious zoom lenses on their cameras, just over the hill. I don’t think you should lay a hand on me. It won’t look good in the tabloids tomorrow.” And … I didn’t want him spreading lotion on my back. Not since he’d made it clear that making me uncomfortable was his favorite game.

  “It’s a well-known fact that you’re my best friend. The kids are right here. Our spouses were just here too. I’m not worried about the tabloids.”

  That was bullshit and he knew it. The photos wouldn’t have the kids in them, and the gossip articles wouldn’t mention Lila’s and Ronin’s presence either.

  I stiffened when his hands, slathered with lotion, moved along my back. “It doesn’t have to be a lot, just get some on my shoulders really quick and that will be good,” I squeaked before clearing the trembling frog from my throat.

  “It won’t. Your whole back is pink.” He made the slowest fucking strokes along my back. Thoroughly covering every inch of it.

  Slipping his hand under the straps to my top, then sliding lower until his fingertips just barely breached the inside of my bikini bottoms. Every move so very slow as I held my breath and smiled at my kids. Smiled for the cameras.

  “Graham!” I seethed as his hands slid around to my abdomen. “I can reach that area just fine.” My hands covered his hands to stop his motion.

  “Sorry, I just had some extra lotion on my hands.” He chuckled, climbing to his feet and brushing off his knees before claiming Lila’s chair and tossing his hat over the front of his board shorts.

  He had an erection. I didn’t see it, and thank god, I didn’t have to feel it that time, but I knew it. And I hated it.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Ronin

  “I’m not going to say anything to Evie … yet.” I broke the silence after a wordless ride to the house.

  Lila opened the front door and glanced over her shoulder, giving me a slow inspection followed by a single nod. “Thank you.”

  “Some people live a long time with leukemia if treated promptly and managed properly.”

  “True,” she slipped off her sandals and padded toward her bedroom.

  I kicked off my flip-flops and headed to the kitchen to find Franz’s hat.

  “Hello.” A brunette, mayb
e in her fifties, glanced over her shoulder as she poured some sort of batter into a pan.

  “Hi. I’m Ronin.” I grabbed Franz’s hat.

  “I’m Margo. It’s nice to meet you. Are you enjoying your stay in the Hamptons?”

  “Yes. So far it’s been good.”

  “Can I get you anything?”

  I smiled. If I needed something, I’d get it myself. They lived a much different life than I had ever experienced. It wasn’t that my family was ever poor. My parents did well, but there was a huge difference between “well” and the top one percent.

  “I’m good but thank you.” I headed back to the foyer to wait for Lila.

  I waited.

  And waited.

  Concerned, I ventured toward her bedroom, tapping the door several times. “Lila?”

  She opened the door. Again, she gave my whole body a long inspection. So much sadness resided in her eyes. Nothing like the Lila I met in Vancouver. “Right now, can you feel me?”

  “I don’t know. Some days it’s hard to separate my own feelings, my own aches and pains, from yours. I attribute the inexplicable to you.”

  “So you feel what I physically feel?”

  Twisting my lips, I thought about the right answer. I wasn’t sure I possessed it. “Well, I thought my connection to you was purely physical but now I think it’s more than that.”

  “More how? You know what I’m thinking?”

  I chuckled. “I can’t read your mind, if that’s what you’re asking. It’s still just a feeling, but I think it’s emotional. So if you’re depressed right now, then yes, I feel you. I think I feel you when you’re so …” I shook my head. I didn’t need to go there. This part of me felt a strong need to crawl into her head to know how much of her I really felt.

  “When I’m so what?” Her head canted to the side.

  “Nothing.”

  “Finish it, Ronin.” She sounded just like Evie.

  After blowing a quick breath out of my nose, I continued, “I think I feel your … libido. Or maybe lack thereof. Maybe you’re sort of turned off by Graham. I feel like I’ve felt your lack of desire to be intimate with him. I’ve felt that toward Evie, and I don’t have a damn clue why that would be … unless it’s you.”