The Life You Stole

by Ann, Jewel E.

  I should have just died all those years ago. If I would have run out of her house right then, it would not have mattered. The damage was done. The irreparable damage.

  Her body shook with silent sobs.

  Guilt.

  Pain.

  Heartbreak.

  I felt all of it. And I hated it.

  I turned her toward me and held her as close as possible. My fucking erection didn’t even matter at that point. She knew it was there. I knew it was there.

  “I’m sorry …” she cried.

  “Shh …” I kissed her forehead. And when I kissed her forehead, I felt as though someone I loved was kissing my forehead. I felt Evie’s love.

  It felt incredible.

  Lila fisted my shirt and nuzzled into my neck, radiating comfort like the way I buried my face into Evie’s neck, her soft skin, her flowery scent.

  It felt incredible.

  I kissed along Lila’s face, being gentle with her cheek. When my lips reached her lips, I stopped. Again, we remained still, our lips a breath away.

  “What do you feel?” Lila whispered with her voice weak from crying.

  “I feel Evie.” I also felt Lila’s desire to kiss me, a physical ecstasy and an emotional torture. I knew if I kissed her mouth, it wouldn’t stop there. Like the Oxy, feeling her desire and mine would be too much for any human to resist. We were breathing, yet it felt like a slow death.

  “I feel her too,” Lila rested her good cheek on my shoulder.

  Over the next few minutes, my erection disappeared, along with all the pain and the guilt. I knew it might return later, but I felt too complete with Lila in my arms and Evie in my thoughts to think about anything beyond that moment.

  After sleeping with Lila for nearly four hours … I eased my arm out from underneath her and sat up on the edge of the bed. It wasn’t normal to sleep that long during the day unless you were exhausted.

  “The chemo is draining you.”

  She didn’t respond, but it was the only logical explanation.

  “You felt me … you felt what I felt, didn’t you,” she whispered.

  The desire …

  I nodded without looking back at her.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. Nothing happened.”

  Something happened. However, my Lila-high prevented me from making more of it. Worrying about it. And our time together did something to her as well. I felt her sense of peace too. Maybe we should have felt more regret. There were a lot of maybes.

  Maybe I should have died.

  Maybe Lila should have died.

  Maybe life was far more complicated than anyone could fully comprehend.

  I stood. “Thank you.”

  Just as I reached the bedroom door, Lila whispered, “You’re welcome.”

  I messaged Evie before pulling out of the Porter estate, letting her know I’d be home in time for dinner. While I had no right to feel good, not after what happened with Lila, I couldn’t help it. I had a high and I wanted to ride it until I crashed to the earth again.

  Just as I pulled into the city limits of Aspen, Evie messaged me. I veered off the road to read it.

  Evie: Broken shipment arrived today. Sophie’s at our house watching the kids while I figure out what to salvage. I’ll be home in about an hour. Tell Sophie thanks and that I’ll see her Monday.

  Fate winked at me, and some greater power—a need—steered my car in the direction of Clean Art. I dug out my key since it was after closing time and let myself inside, locking the door behind me.

  Music played from the back room. Twenty-one Pilots “My Blood.”

  Evie glanced up at me, wiping the outside of an amber glass bottle. Something—maybe lemon or grapefruit—hung heavily in the air.

  “Hey! What are you doing—”

  I grabbed her head and kissed her hard, making her stumble back into the opposing stainless-steel bench. Until I tasted the recesses of her mouth, I didn’t fully understand how badly I needed my wife. All of her.

  Evie could right wrongs, even if she didn’t fully understand it. And from the way she gasped for breath when my mouth gave her a short second of reprieve, she didn’t understand anything happening at that moment.

  “Roe … what the… Roe …” I had her sweatpants and panties at her ankles in under two seconds and my mouth between her legs.

  “Jesus … Roe …”

  Evie clenched my hair in her hands to steady herself as we shared drunken gazes. Maybe she didn’t know why I drove to her shop, why it couldn’t wait, but no words questioned my intentions in that moment. She didn’t question my need to fill her, fucking her from behind, on the table, and one more time just for good measure against the bathroom sink after she cleaned herself up.

  “Ronin …” She finally relinquished a concerned expression as I wordlessly put back on my clothes and fished my keys out of my pocket.

  “See you at home.” I winked, leaving her with a half-sorted shipment of broken products and a million questions. I also left her with three pretty spectacular orgasms.

  Evie wouldn’t find a bottle of Lila in my pocket, but she knew something wasn’t normal. Normal felt like an unreachable goal by that point in our marriage.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Evelyn

  After the sex ambush at my shop, I arrived home to dinner on the table and the kids ready for bed. That meant one thing … I wasn’t going to get much sleep that night. Ronin sang his karaoke heart out in the shower while I put the kids in bed.

  “I think you have some explaining to do.” I crossed my arms and leaned against the side of the bathroom doorframe as Ronin toweled off.

  “About what?” He smirked, sauntering in my direction.

  “You know about what.”

  “Oh, that? Well, we can talk about that later.” He hung his towel on the hook before bending down to whisper in my ear, “Because I’m not done yet.”

  I followed his naked body into the closet, knowing the only thing keeping him from ripping off my clothes was the fact that Franz had only been in bed for ten minutes.

  “At the risk of sounding forty, is there a reason why we can’t have normal sex three or four times a week, instead of Tarzan and Jane sex every couple of weeks for like … seven hours straight?”

  Ronin slid on a pair of boxer briefs. “Is there something wrong with Tarzan and Jane sex? I like it … a lot.”

  I liked it too. Although, by the time he lifted me onto the bathroom vanity at my shop and rammed into me for round two, like a robot with an endless battery supply, I longed for the days of quiet, slow, missionary sex with a child in our bed sleeping and oblivious to our actions.

  “I didn’t say there was anything particularly wrong with it, I just asked if there was a certain reason for it.”

  He shrugged, shouldering past me (but not without swatting my ass) to brush his teeth. “I’ve been plagued with so many headaches and whatnot that a moment of reprieve feels like a chance to seize the moment—show my wife how much I desire her. Is there anything wrong with that?”

  Wrong? No.

  Right? Also no.

  It was just … odd behavior.

  “Have you thought about seeing a doctor? Why are you getting so many headaches? Do you think Lila is having headaches?”

  He brushed his teeth and shrugged again. “Maybe,” he mumbled over his toothbrush. After he spit, he dried his mouth. “How do you feel about sixty-nine tonight?”

  Who is this man?

  Ronin grinned, delighted with the embarrassment seeping into my cheeks.

  “How do you feel about a back rub and spooning?”

  “Sixty-nine. You on top.” He kissed me long and hard again.

  It didn’t persuade my tired ass to do that. “Back rub. Just you. And spooning with me behind you.”

  “Sixty-nine and we watch your favorite horror movie.” Ronin tossed the decor pillows from our bed and pulled down the sheets.

  “Missionary
and no horror movie,” I changed into my nightshirt in the closet.

  “Blowjob and we can be done negotiating.” He poked his head in the closet and gave me a single raised eyebrow with his head cocked to the side.

  I curled my hair behind my ears, parking my hands on my hips. “How about you sleep on the sofa and I sleep in peace?”

  Ronin rolled his eyes. “Fine. Missionary sans horror movie. Brush your teeth and get in bed.”

  I brushed my teeth, took a shower, applied facial cream, and prayed Ronin was asleep. No such luck. He grinned and lifted the covers as I padded toward the bed, rubbing lotion on my hands.

  “Don’t,” he said as I reached for the hem of my nightshirt to remove it. “Just get in bed.”

  After eyeing him for signs of sincerity or ulterior motives, I turned off the light and slid into bed. He turned on the TV, illuminating the room again. IT started playing.

  “We agreed on missionary and no horror movie.”

  He rubbed my back as I watched the screen. “Horror movie. I rub your back. No sex.”

  I love you, Ronin.

  I smiled over my shoulder at him. “Thank you.”

  Kindness bred more kindness.

  Ronin gave me a long back rub. Then he fell asleep before the movie ended. After I turned off the TV, I slid out of my nightshirt and panties and kissed him all over. The Ronin I married awoke with gentle hands and patient lips. We made love—missionary—and it was perfect.

  Three days later, things returned to their new normal. Ronin lost his sex drive, and he spiraled into a depression.

  “Have you thought about antidepressants?” I cringed while saying the words as he filled his canteen with coffee for work.

  Ronin sighed. “I’m not going down the medication road again. I’ve taken some herbs, they haven’t helped. I’m sure it’s temporary. Sorry you have to deal with me.” He rubbed his left shoulder, face contorted into a grimace.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know. I woke last night with serious shoulder pain. It hurts to move my arm. Not sure what I did.”

  I screwed the lid on his canteen for him and kissed his cheek. “Hope it feels better soon. Have a good day. Okay?”

  “Yeah,” he replied with another long sigh.

  When he wasn’t on a one-to-two-day sexual rampage, he spent most of his time sighing, frowning, and complaining about aches and pains. His interactions with the kids were forced, at best, and his interactions with me were nonexistent, unless I made him speak and acknowledge me. It was like he ran out of effort to engage after giving what little he had to work and the kids.

  I waited for a fake smile, a tiny wave, even a simple glance before he walked out the door.

  Nothing.

  After the door closed behind him, I released my one exasperated sigh. “Enjoy your day to yourself,” I mimicked the words the old Ronin would have said. “Hope you get a lot done.”

  Sue agreed to watch Anya at her house while Franz was in school so I could have a day alone to thoroughly clean the house and go through the kids’ closets to evaluate what clothes they needed before winter.

  Loud music.

  Caffeine.

  And chocolate.

  I didn’t let Ronin ruin my time. As soon as I had the house to myself, I found a great playlist and dug into the mess.

  Before I could get one toilet cleaned, my phone rang. I turned down the music and answered it on speaker so I could keep scrubbing. “Yes?”

  Graham laughed. “Why the attitude?”

  “I took the day off to get some stuff done at home while everyone else is gone. What do you need?”

  “I’m concerned about Ronin. Something showed up on my desk this morning. I’m not sure who it’s from or why they sent it to me. Maybe because people know about my relationship with you and Ronin.”

  “What is it?”

  “I don’t want to say over the phone.”

  “Then why did you call me?”

  “To find you.”

  “Well, you found me. So either tell me what it is or let me get my shit done.”

  “Down girl. Really, what has you so pissed off? Is there trouble in paradise? I fear there might be.”

  I tossed the toilet brush into the bucket and sat back on my ankles, glaring at my phone on the bathroom vanity and the voice inside it. “I don’t need this today.”

  “Evelyn, there’s never a good time for shitty things to happen in your life, but they happen anyway. I’ll see you soon.”

  “What? No!”

  Too late. He disconnected the call.

  I turned up the volume and let my frustration feed me as I tore through my house, cleaning every little corner and crack. Just as I started to go through Franz’s closet, the doorbell rang.

  “Please don’t be Graham. Please don’t be Graham.” I opened the door.

  “Graham.” I gritted my teeth, shooting his security guys a tight smile.

  He stepped past me and shut the door, leaving his team outside.

  “Evelyn.” He glanced around. “Looks good. Smells clean. I’ve always loved your domesticated side.” His creepy gaze gave my body, clad in ripped jeans and a tight tee, a slow inspection. “But if I’m being honest, I’ve loved all your sides.”

  “Whatever you came to say or show me, just do it. Franz will be out of school in three hours. If you fuck up my day, I’ll kill you.”

  He opened a large envelope. “I have a meeting at three, so I can’t fuck you or your day, given my time restraints. Maybe I can pencil you in next week.”

  Smack!

  I hugged my hand to my chest. It stung after connecting so hard to Graham’s face. He rubbed his cheek and had the audacity to grin.

  “I am married and so are you. What the hell is wrong with you?”

  “Nothing is wrong with me.” Graham pulled a handful of photos from the envelope. “But something definitely doesn’t feel right about this.” He shoved the photos into my chest.

  I squinted as some of them were fuzzy, but others were quite clear. Adrianne getting into Ronin’s car. Ronin going into her apartment. Them coming out of her apartment. The photos were timestamped. He spent an hour in her apartment.

  “He’s not a cheater.” I let the photos fall from my shaky hands to the floor.

  Graham bent down and picked them up, maneuvering them back into the envelope. “I think he loves you. But just because a man loves his wife doesn’t mean he’s immune to temptation.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to ignore the twisting of my stomach, sending waves of nausea along my skin and burning the back of my throat. “Have you cheated on Lila?”

  He smirked. “You know the answer to that.”

  “How would I know the answer to that?”

  “Because you’d be the first to know.”

  “You should go.”

  “You’re right.” He tossed the envelope on the counter. “Maybe find a place for those where the kids won’t find them.”

  “They’re in the same support group. That’s how they met. I’ve met her. She was actually at the house not that long ago. She’s changed. And Ronin is a nice guy who does nice things for other people. She probably needed a picture hung or something like that.”

  Graham blinked several times, returning a blank expression. “I like Ronin. You know this. But if he hurts you, I’ll end him.”

  I nearly choked on the irony of the most hurtful person I knew pointing fingers and making threats against the most loving person I knew. But I couldn’t find the right words to say because I didn’t understand why Ronin was at Adrianne’s place, and I didn’t recognize the protective side of Graham. My world flipped and everything felt upside down.

  Graham rested his hand on the back of my neck and kissed the top of my head. I felt too numb to react to his touch.

  He brushed his lips down my cheek, and I barely felt that either. “I love you,” he whispered in my ear. “I would never c
heat on you.”

  But Lila … he would cheat on Lila with me.

  Fuck my life.

  Ronin

  Lila answered her phone by the third ring. What I wouldn’t have done for a few pills to numb the pain.

  “Hi.”

  “What happened, Lila?”

  “Wh-what do you mean?”

  “My shoulder aches. My head hurts. I feel like I broke my wrist. I’m depressed as fuck. And Evelyn is taking the brunt of my misery. What. Happened?”

  “I’m sorry. I felt weak and nauseous after my treatment. On the way to the bathroom, I fell and dislocated my shoulder and broke my wrist. I’m … really sorry.”

  I stared out my window, debating whether or not I should go to the meeting or go home. “I’m sorry.” I sighed. “I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m fine. My wrist is wrapped and my shoulder is in a sling. I have a few stitches in my head from it catching the corner of the bathroom cabinet, but … I’ll be fine. Do you need anything?”

  Yes. I needed to see her. I needed to touch her. I needed the pain to subside.

  “Lila …” I grunted a partial laugh. “I’m not going to let you do anything for me while you’re healing.”

  “It’s not just for you.”

  I touched Lila. Lila felt good. When Lila felt good. I felt good.

  “Lights on. Daytime. Sofa instead of a bed. Maybe you read me a book. Or we work on a crossword together. Do you like crossword puzzles?”

  “Yeah,” I whispered.

  “If it doesn’t rain Saturday, Graham’s planning on golfing with his dad since snow is predicted next week. Can you come to Denver?”

  Another Saturday away from Evie and the kids. She wouldn’t like it. But she didn’t like me at the moment, and a few hours with Lila would change that. I’d be my old self again, even if it didn’t last.

  “Maybe. I’ll call you.”

  I sent off a message to Evie to let her know I was going to a meeting. She replied with a simple OK.

  “Hey.” Adrianne caught sight of me the second I walked through the door. “You look unusually distraught.”

  I shook my head. “It wasn’t a usual day.”