Winters Solace

by Magnolia Robbins

  “Is everything okay?” I ask, setting my coat on one of the chairs in her small kitchenette. I look from my mother back to her.

  She turns to me and smiles. “Just some routine bloodwork.”

  “I’m perfectly fine!” My mother says, loudly. I walk over to sit beside her on the couch. Love Actually is playing on the television. It had been her favorite movie since its inception. We watched it every year.

  “I’ll let you know if anything comes up,” Rachel says, and I give her a nod as she lets herself out of the room.

  My mother takes a deep breath through her nose, taking in the oxygen from her cannulas. I watch her concerned for a moment, and she finally smiles at me.

  “Quit your worrying,” she says, patting me on the leg.

  “You sure you’re feeling okay?” I ask again, and she nods.

  “Fit as a fiddle.”

  The two of us sit and talk and watch most of Love Actually for a while chatting intermittently. I told her about my visit with Katlynn yesterday, and she fills me in on the latest bridge table gossip from earlier that morning. Towards the end of the movie, she starts to doze off, and I take my leave. I kiss her on the forehead before I go and wrap her in her blankets. When I leave the room, I give a wave to the nurse’s goodbye and head back to my car.

  As I pull into my driveway, I notice a black glove sitting in a pile of snow near Sarah’s house. I hop from my car and retrieve it, assuming its likely Katlynn’s from this morning. As nervous as it made me approaching her, I decided to anyway. After I’ve parked my car, I make it up to the house and give a knock.

  When she answers, she is in her pajamas, her eyes red and puffy and she is sniffling. She wipes her face with the back of her hand and does her best to smile at me.

  “Are you alright?” I ask her, a genuine hint of concern in my voice.

  “I’m fine, I’m fine,” she assures me. “I was just watching my favorite Christmas movie, and it always gets me emotional.”

  “Love Actually?” I ask, and she laughs.

  “How did you know that?”

  “It’s my mom’s favorite too. We were just watching it.” I shake my head. “I can’t stand it.” I hold out the glove to her, offering a smile.

  Katlynn looks down at the glove in my hand. “Oh, I was looking for that! I’m always losing my gloves!” I hand it to her, and our fingers brush again lightly. It sends a shiver through me, and I can’t help but stare at her. She looks adorable in her pajamas, even if she had just been crying.

  “Do you want to come in?” She asks me, holding the door open. I stand there for a moment, contemplating turning her down after the events that had transpired the previous night. I wasn’t sure if I could still hold myself back yet. Finally, I decide to go against my better judgment and I enter the house.

  “Wow, it’s nice in here,” I comment as I set my coat on a bench near the door. “I haven’t seen the inside of this place in years.”

  “Yeah, my sister likes to keep a clean house that is for sure.”

  Katlynn makes a pot of coffee, and the two of us sit in the living room chatting away. Our conversation ends up back on the movie.

  “Why don’t you like Love Actually?” She asks me.

  I roll my eyes. “When the guy professes his love to that girl on the poster boards outside her house?”

  “That’s my favorite part!” Katlynn argues and I shake my head laughing. “I can’t help it. I’m a romantic.”

  After a while, I see her get a twinkle in her eyes.

  “What is it?” I ask her curiously, finishing off my coffee.

  “When’s the last time you decorated a Christmas tree?”

  Before I know it, the two of us are in Sarah’s Prius, driving down towards the opposite end of town. I don’t ask questions until we end up at a Christmas tree farm on the outskirts of Wellesley.

  “How on Earth did you find this?” I ask her as we both exit the car.

  “My Dad used to take Sarah and me here when we were kids,” Katlynn explains. “I honestly can’t believe it’s still here.”

  The two of us wander through the trees, and I watch her as she runs her fingers through the pine needles as she walks. I imagine what it would be like for her to be touching me with those delicate hands.

  When she finally stops and turns towards me, I find myself blushing from the thoughts that had entered my mind. She doesn’t seem to notice, however.

  “This is the one!” She exclaims, motioning to a beautiful shorter but broader looking tree that looked so pristine it could be featured in a magazine. It looked like just the type she’d pick out. We manage to get it wrangled up on top of the Prius and tied down.

  The next hour is spent at the store, buying out nearly the entire stock of Christmas decorations they had left. Katlynn had insisted one of everything. I picked up a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc for us to share while we worked. As we make our way to the register, Katlynn wraps her hand in mine, interlacing our fingers. I can hardly breathe when she does. She doesn’t let go until we reach the car and even on the way home, she reaches for me again, and I let her.

  The tree barely fits through the front door, but somehow we manage. It sets up nicely at the far end of the living room. We sort through Christmas ornaments and lights and spend the next few hours decorating away. Every once in a while, I take a step back and watch Katlynn work. She is so precise and delicate with everything she does. It is mesmerizing.

  When we finish, we both have nearly downed the entire bottle of wine. I’m starting to feel it a little as we sit on the couch and admire our handiwork.

  “I think that turned out pretty great,” Katlynn notes, looking at me with a smile.

  “I think you must get a lot of practice,” I reply, smiling back. She lets out a little laugh, and it runs through me like a bolt of electricity.

  “I’ve put up a tree or two in my day,” she agrees. When she turns her head towards me, the two of us lock eyes. For a while, we just stare at one another. The way she is looking at me sends a shiver down my spine. Finally, I turn away, unsure of what I would do if I didn’t.

  I feel her hand reach out to the side of my face. Her fingers graze my skin softly as she turns me back. When we meet eyes, I can tell by her expression that she’s hungry for something. After a moment, I watch as she draws just the slightest bit closer to me. Every fiber of my being starts to lose control, but I wait there patiently, watching what she does. There is such a curiosity to her face. She adjusts herself a bit, moving so her legs are tucked underneath of her, and she’s drawn closer still. I am finding it hard to breathe.

  Her other hand lays against my other cheek. I feel her pull me towards her and I go, without any reservation. The world moves in slow motion as we draw closer and closer together until there’s no space between us.

  Chapter 5

  Katlynn

  ALL NIGHT I HAD BEEN losing my mind. Every time we were near each other, it was like a fire was burning inside of me that I couldn’t extinguish. Every time our fingers would accidentally touch, or we’d bump into one another, my mind would lose a little more control. My heart raced in my chest every time she looked at me. And when we finally sat there on the couch, I knew I wanted her. More than I had wanted anything in my life.

  I can taste the remnants of the white wine on her lips when we meet. They are soft and delicate and graze mine ever so gently. Her touches are maddening. We take our time, drawing kiss after kiss until I feel her tongue tease my lips. I let her go, and we chase each other between our mouths until we are breathless.

  Our eyes linger on one another for a long moment, and then I feel her push me down into the couch, pulling herself on top. My body aches when she is against me. She puts her mouth back to mine, and we kiss for a moment before she draws her lips down my face and onto my neck. Her hands run slowly over my waist and hips. A soft sigh escapes me as she touches me. When her fingers draw at the hem of my sweater, I take pause for a moment, and the two o
f us meet eyes. Neither of us speaks, but I finally nod my head at her.

  Iris holds out her hand to me, and I grasp it in my own. I move off the couch and am lead through the hallway and up the stairs. I pull her down to the far end of the hall to my room. When we make it inside, she shuts the door behind us.

  Our bodies are only inches apart, our hands together, breathing one another’s air. We kiss again, in a tender way, just barely letting our lips come together. The edges of her fingers trail the bottom of my sweater and I tremble. The nervous and excited energy that runs through me is overwhelming.

  I raise my arms above my head, and Iris removes my sweater, tossing it to the floor. Her fingers move over me most delicately, tracing the outline of my body. I watch her study me for a long while. We take turns, slowly removing garments from one another until we are both completely exposed and vulnerable.

  Our frames are similar, tall and lanky, with smaller breasts and hints of curves. I study Iris, letting my hand run over her naked flesh from her collarbone down to her stomach. She shivers at my touch.

  We stand there for a moment more before Iris carefully moves me to my bed and lays me against the comforter. I can feel myself shiver again as she stares down, pulling herself on top. When our flesh connects, it’s like we melt into one another. Every piece of her falls into me. We lay that way until she brings her lips back to mine.

  Our mouths separate, and she moves to my neck and collarbone, drawing kisses all over my skin. When she reaches my breasts, I feel her hands caress them softly for a moment before she takes each of them into her mouth, one at a time. It had been a long time since someone had touched me that way. My entire body trembles as she works. She moves further down my body, onto my stomach, letting her fingers trace the outline of where her lips had been.

  As she draws closer and closer to my middle, my heart starts to race in my chest. I am about to say something when I feel her fingers and lips draw up the length of the inside of my thighs. I gasp softly and realize, all I want is for her to touch me.

  I prop myself up a little, and the two of us meet eyes. Iris strokes my skin with her fingers again, drawing closer and closer. Eventually, I feel her move over the top of me. The feeling is surreal. My body falls back into the sheets, and I close my eyes, taking in every sensation as she worked.

  When her mouth moves over me, I look down at her again, and she continues, rhythmically. It barely takes a minute before I feel the heat radiating through my body. My fists clench around the fabric of the sheets, and my thighs come together onto the sides of her head as the powerful wave overcomes me. It continues, over and over, until I am panting softly. When she is sure I’m finished, Iris removes herself from me and pulls her body over top of mine again until our mouths meet.

  We lay together, our bodies intertwined. I run my fingers down her naked flesh, and she gives me kisses every once in a while. Before long I am hungry for her again and have worked up the courage. I push her softly over so I can lay on top of her.

  I’ve never felt more fear in my entire life. It was the exciting fear. The kind you felt with something new. My mouth fell onto the side of her neck, and I worked my way down her, letting my hands move over her simultaneously with my lips. Iris had known the touch of a woman before, but I wanted her to remember my touch. I worked carefully. Gently. Traced every part of her. Breathed everything in.

  I made it down the length of her, and we met eyes. I watched her prop up her body to look at me as I hoovered over her. My fingers swept through her middle, and she let out a soft whimper as I did. I teased her for a moment, letting her anticipate what I might do next. Finally, when my mouth fell over top of her, we met eyes. I watched her head roll back, and a gentle moan escapes her. She reached down to run her hand through my hair and hold the back of my head as I worked. I had little idea what I was doing until she whispered, “Right there.”

  When pleasure ripped through Iris, it caused her legs to buckle and her body to fall back into the bed. Her hand still rested on the back of my head while I felt her twitch below me. She gasped softly as each crest hit her until finally she relaxed and I felt her pat my head.

  I tangle my body into hers. As she draws me into her arms, I rest my head in the crook of her neck, breathing in her sweet scent. “I can’t believe that just happened.”

  “Me either,” she agrees.

  The next morning I awaken still lying in Iris’ arms. It takes me a moment to remember where I am. When I do, I lean into her, enjoying the warmth of her body against me. I feel her stir and the gentle touch of her lips on my forehead.

  “Good morning,” she whispers to me, and I look up at her.

  “Good morning.” We smile at each other for a long moment before I want to kiss her again. I lean in, and our mouths fall together seamlessly. Before I know it, we’re lost in each other all over again.

  When we finish, we lie across from each other on the bed, catching our breaths. Iris gently strokes the side of my face. Just as I lean in to kiss her, the doorbell rings.

  “Who on Earth,” I mumble. Iris and I both sit up from the bed. “I’ll be right back.” I quickly find my clothes scattered along the floor and make my way downstairs. By then the doorbell has ringed twice more.

  When I answer, my parents are outside.

  “What are you doing here?” I say in surprise. They come bearing groceries in hand. When I move to the side, they hustle in, making their way towards the kitchen.

  “We just thought we would bring you over some things to eat,” my mother says as she sets the bags on the island. She immediately starts to unload the bags, and I look to my father.

  “I’m a grown woman, I think I know how to go to the grocery. What’s going on?”

  I look between them, and my mother pauses what she is doing. They share a glance with one another, and suddenly I feel a pit in my stomach, and I don’t know why.

  “Come sit down for a minute, sweetheart.” My father wraps his arm around me and ushers me over to the kitchen table. The three of us sit together, and I can tell by the very concerned look on my mother’s face that whatever is about to come out of her mouth is not good.

  “I heard from Patricia this morning,” my mother starts. The minute she says it, I definitely know I don’t want to hear it. Patricia Evans was Tim’s mother. I never really got along with her, but she and my mother had been attached at the hip ever since they’d met each other.

  “Oh?” I try my best to hide the fact that I had absolutely no interest in hearing the rest of this story.

  “Well, she had some news.”

  Again, the way she says it stirs me.

  My father reaches out and takes my hand in his. “Sweetheart, Tim and Andrea got engaged yesterday.” As soon as he says it my ears start to ring and for a moment I can’t hear a word either of the two of them say. The world gets hazy, and my face falls into my hands.

  “I’m so sorry,” my father says, rubbing my back gently.

  Just as I thought I was starting to get over the whole mess he had put us in, it came crashing down on me again. I let the tears fall for a few minutes before I finally look up at them.

  “Thanks for telling me,” I say, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

  “Do you need us to stay?” My mother asks me. “I can make you some breakfast, have you ate?”

  “I think I’d just rather be alone,” I admit, looking at them.

  The three of us walk to the front door, and they both hug me again tightly before they leave. Once I close the door, I hear Iris walking down the steps behind me. When I turn, I can tell by the look on her face that she must have heard the conversation.

  “Are you okay?” She asks me, making her way up to me.

  “Not really,” I reply as she takes me into her arms.

  Iris manages to scrounge up some peanut butter and jelly and makes us sandwiches for breakfast. “I really can’t cook,” she says shamefully. They taste good either way, although I don’t have
much of an appetite. After we eat, the two of us sit quietly on the couch drinking coffee. In spite of the fact it is all I can think about, Iris doesn’t ask me any questions about the situation, and it is a relief.

  Finally, we meet glances, and I let out a long sigh. “Iris, what are we doing?”

  She looks at me curiously for a moment, not understanding.

  “I mean us. This. Don’t you think we're crazy?”

  “I think we’re enjoying ourselves,” Iris says, reaching out to take her hand in mine. “I think we both are going through some stuff and it’s good to take our minds off of things.”

  “I don’t want you to be just a distraction,” I reply, surprised of the words that come out of my mouth. Iris seems surprised too, and the two of us sit quietly for a moment.

  “Last night was amazing,” I reply, and I can’t help but smile at her when I do. “I just.. I don’t want either of us to get hurt, you know?”

  “So you’re saying we should just be friends?” Iris asks me, and after a brief hesitation, I nod.

  “I think that would be for the best.” Saying that hurt just as much as anything. I could tell it hurt Iris too, but in the long run, we both knew it was likely the best decision.

  Iris and I spend the early morning picking up the remnants of our Christmas tree decorating excursion and tidying up the house. When we’re through, I walk her to the door.

  “See you later?” I reply, smiling softly. She looked so pretty all I wanted to do was kiss her. It took everything in my power not to.

  “See you later,” she says, forcing a smile back to me. We hug just for a moment before she disappears out the door. When she does, I suddenly feel terrifyingly alone.

  Chapter 6

  Iris

  CHRISTMAS WAS ALWAYS one of the busiest times of the year at the hospital. When I called that morning to ask if I could pick up a shift, they graciously accepted my offer, and I was there shortly after. My morning flew by, visiting patients the entire time. I didn’t stop once.