Winters Solace

by Magnolia Robbins

  “You look down,” Robert notes when I finally manage to visit him for a few minutes.

  As much as I wanted to tell him why I avoid it. “Did Dr. Edwards come by and see you yet?” I ask him. “Your white blood cell counts are lower than they should be.”

  “Iris,” I feel Robert’s hand wrap around my wrist. “What is going on?”

  “Did Dr. Edwards come?”

  “He comes in the afternoons,” Robert reminds me. I can tell by his facial expression he is genuinely concerned. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or do you like making an old man wait around?” He gives me a small smile when I look at him, and eventually I join him on the side of the bed.

  “So it’s the girl. Katlynn.”

  “It’s a long story,” I reply. When he gives me a curious eye, I decide to tell him anyway. I tell him everything. From school to her leaving and my regrets. To her returning and the events of the morning. As I finish, he sighs softly, shaking his head at me.

  “Take it from an old man Iris,” he says, patting my hand. “Life is too short.”

  Just then my pager buzzes on my hip. I look down and see it’s the nurse’s station calling me. I look up to Robert, and he smiles. “Go, we’ll talk later.”

  When I arrive, Megan is waiting for me. As soon as I see her face, I know something is wrong. She finishes up a phone call and turns to face me.

  “They just brought her in downstairs,” she says. It was all she needed to say. The world spun around me as I took off down the hall towards the elevators. Everything moved in slow motion as I caught the doors just as they were about to close. The entire ride down my mind was screaming for it to go faster. As soon as I reached the ground floor, I pushed my way through the small crowd of people and ran down the hall towards the emergency room.

  David is waiting for me when I get there.

  “Where is she?” I ask in a panic, trying to catch my breath. “What happened?”

  “They just took her into emergency surgery,” he says calmly, trying to get me to sit down in a chair. “She had a heart attack this morning.”

  My body is shaking, and I can’t get it to stop. I turn towards the doors leading down the hall to the surgery wing. “I have to go see her.”

  David is quick to catch me before I run off. I try to shake him away, but it is a futile effort. Eventually, he manages to get me to sit down in a chair, and he wraps his arm around my shoulders.

  “Iris, your Mom is going to be okay. They got to her in time.”

  “I need your phone,” I manage to speak, and he digs through his pocket to fetch it without questions. As soon as I take it from him, I dial Sarah.

  “Iris?” Sarah asks me when she answers. “Is everything okay?”

  “Can you get a hold of Katlynn?” I ask her. “It’s an emergency.”

  Katlynn arrives in record time, in spite of the fact that it feels like an eternity. She’s like a breath of fresh air the minute I see her, and when she gets to me, she pulls me in her arms, hugging me. When we finally part, we sit down next to each other, and she takes my hand softly in hers.

  David came back to sit next to me, and he looked between us. It took him a moment but when it clicked a smile crossed his face. “You must be Katlynn.”

  “Indeed I am,” she smiles back at him. “You must be David. I’ve heard a lot of good things about you.”

  “Oh, probably not as many as I’ve heard about you,” he smiles and Katlynn blushes.

  The three of us sit, chatting amongst ourselves as we wait. Megan came down a couple of times to make sure I was okay. Every once in a while David got up to check on the status of my mom. Katlynn left me briefly to fetch a granola bar and some coffee, and she hands it to me when she returns.

  “You need to eat.”

  Just about the time I’m finished, David comes back a final time and sits beside me. Relief is spread across his face, and I feel my body relax in my seat.

  “She just got out of surgery,” he says. “She did great.”

  A cry of relief escapes me. David hugs me tight while Katlynn still holds my hand in her own. “Do you want to go and see her?” He asks me, and I nod.

  “Will you come with me?” I turn to Katlynn. She nods at me, and the two of us stand up. Her hand doesn’t leave mine the entire walk.

  My mother is partially awake when we make it to the room. I can tell by her eyes she is relieved to see me, even in her groggy state.

  “You can’t go scaring me like that,” I tell her softly as I move to her bed. Katlynn releases my hand so I can lean down and hug her.

  “Someone has to keep you on your toes,” my mother says with a soft laugh. I smile at her and held my hand against her cheek.

  “I’m glad you are okay,” I reply.

  “Me too.” My mother looks past me towards Katlynn, who stands in the doorway.

  “Is that who I think it is?” My mother asks, her gaze not wavering.

  “Hi Emily,” Katlynn smiles at her and comes to stand next to me. They take hands, and my mother looks at her and sighs. “Still pretty as ever.” Katlynn blushes. The two of them talk for a few minutes until my mom starts to doze off.

  Katlynn and I sit down in chairs along the side of the room. I reach for her hand again, and she offers it to me immediately. We wait for a while until the nurses come to take her upstairs. Katlynn offers to run to my house and by Park Ridge and get some things for us while I stay with my mom.

  By the time she gets back, it’s late. My mother has slept through most of the evening. I had just started to doze off when I heard the door open. She comes in rolling a small suitcase. She has bags under each of her arms.

  “I tried to be as thorough as possible,” she whispers to me when she notices my surprised glance. I get up and help her into the room, and we set the things down on the floor. Katlynn had neatly packed several pairs of clothes for my mom and even thought to bring her favorite house slippers.

  “Does she still like those trashy celebrity magazines?” Katlynn asked me as she dug through the shopping bags she had brought with her. “I got her some of those too, just in case.”

  She hands me a pair of my pajamas and a bag stuffed with toiletries from my house. In another bag, there was a pillow from my bed and a throw from my couch.

  “Katlynn, I don’t know what to say, you didn’t have to go through all this trouble.”

  She smiles at me as she helps me set up the couch with the blanket and pillows. “You’re worth the trouble.” Her words send my heart aflutter.

  “I think that should take care of you for tonight,” she says, giving me a smile. “If you want I can come in the morning and see how you’re doing?”

  “Would you stay with me?” I ask her, suddenly feeling utterly terrified of being alone.

  Katlynn doesn’t hesitate. “Of course.”

  The two of us manage to situate ourselves on the couch, our heads nestled next to one another’s. We each share an earbud from Katlynn’s purse and watch a Christmas movie on her phone together. Before I know it, I feel her doze off on my shoulder, and I lie still, letting her sleep.

  My thoughts race all night long. By the time I manage to fall asleep, it is almost morning. When I awake from my brief slumber, it is just before the night shift ends. My mother lies awake, looking at me as I open my eyes. I can see her smile the minute I managed to make her out. Katlynn lays stretch across me, her head nestled into my chest. She looked content. My arms are wrapped tightly around her. I lean my head down to kiss her on the top of her head. Her hair smells like some sort of floral shampoo, and it is intoxicating.

  When I look back up to my mother, we meet eyes. “How long has it been?” She asks me quietly.

  “Ten years,” I reply, smiling.

  “She hasn’t changed a bit,” my mother notes, shifting herself in the bed. I nod in agreement, looking back down at her for a moment. She still breathed softly on my chest, fast asleep. A wave of emotions went through me then as I
looked at her.

  When I turn back to my mother, it’s as if she already knows what I’m going to say.

  “I think I’m still in love with her.”

  Just as she’s about to reply, the door creeks open and Megan’s face appears. I am not the least bit surprised that she weaseled her way onto my mother’s case.

  “Good morning,” she whispers as she enters, smiling at my mom. When she looks to me and sees Katlynn resting on my chest, she gives me an air high five. I let out a silent chuckle.

  “How are you feeling today, Emily?” Megan asks her as she checks her IV line.

  “I’m still kicking,” my mother replies and Megan lets out a little laugh. “We’re all glad about that.”

  As Megan works, I feel Katlynn stir. She blinks her eyes a few times and looks up at me for a moment before she sits up.

  “Good morning,” I smile at her, and she reaches for my hand and gently squeezes it. She looks embarrassed for a moment, but it fades.

  “I need some coffee, you want to come?” I offer her my hand, and she takes it gladly.

  Chapter 7

  Katlynn

  I THINK I’M STILL IN love with her.

  I’d been fading in and out of consciousness for a while that morning, enjoying the feeling of Iris’ arms wrapped around me, laying curled up on top of her. It was the most comfortable I had felt in a very long time. I didn’t want it to end.

  The phone call with Sarah comes rushing back to me. She was smitten with you all through college. If you didn’t catch on to that, you’re hopeless. Maybe I had been naïve. The funny thing was, as big of a thing as it was of her to say, it didn’t scare me. I felt it too, the connection we had. It was something I’d never shared with anyone else.

  I offer to buy coffee, and the two of us sit at a table in the lobby of the hospital. It is quiet still, being that it was still early in the morning. We enjoy the calm for a while, sipping our drinks. I feel her leg brush against mine under the table in an affectionate way to break the silence, and I look up at her.

  “Katlynn,” she says, looking longingly at me. “I don’t know what we’re doing. This thing between us.. But I don’t think I can stop it.”

  “Me either,” I reply. I reach across the table to hold her hand in mine.

  “Are we crazy?” She asks me with a smile.

  “Probably,” I laugh giving her hand a squeeze. “But right now I don’t care.”

  “Me either.”

  The two of us wander around talking, our hands clasped together. When we get back to the room, Emily is busy reading one of the magazines I bought her. Megan is fixing her IV. Iris swoops in to help her, and I watch as her friend bats her away.

  “Go sit down,” Megan says to her, snapping her fingers. Iris, looking defeated, sits on the couch next to me and I laugh at her softly.

  “So Katlynn,” Megan looks to me as she finishes the IV. “Did Iris invite you to our Christmas dinner tomorrow? We’d love for you to come.”

  I look back at her, and I see her head fall in her hands, embarrassed.

  “I’ll be there,” I smile at her.

  “Alright then, we’ll I’ll leave you to it. Emily, you call me if you need anything, okay?” Iris’ mother smiles and nods at her. When Megan leaves, I look to Iris.

  “You don’t have to go to that,” she says, still shaking her head from embarrassment. “They ask every year.”

  “And you don’t go?” I reply, looking at her.

  “I’m not a big holiday celebration kind of girl,” Iris says as she gets up to go sit next to her mother on the bed. “Besides, you need someone to keep you company.”

  “Sweetheart, I think you should go and take Katlynn,” her mother says to her, patting her on the back.

  Iris looks to her, “I’m not going to leave you alone in the hospital on Christmas, mom.”

  “I’m a grown woman, Iris. I’ll be just fine. You should go out and enjoy yourself. Both of you.”

  Later that evening, Iris sneaks me out of the hospital room after her mother had fallen asleep.

  “Come on,” she says, offering me a hand. “I have a surprise for you.”

  I look at her curiously. “It better not be a Christmas present. I didn’t get you anything.”

  “It’s nothing crazy. Come on. You’ll like it. The two of us leave the hospital, and Iris drives us to the far end of downtown.

  “Now, I know you may not remember this, but the last time we went, it was a lot of fun,” Iris says as she parks the car. The two of us hop out, and she takes my hand softly in her own. I lean into her as we walk down the street.

  The first Christmas I’d known Iris, my parents had gone to Florida with my sister while I stayed at home and worked through the holiday. On my days off, Iris made sure I was never lonely. We went out to eat, to the movies, up to Boston. But my favorite memory had been a few days before Christmas, when we’d walked downtown underneath the Christmas lights. It had been snowing lightly and Iris had been wearing one of her colorful scarves and matching beany over her long curly hair. We’d held hands, in a friendly way, telling jokes until we were laughing crying. When we turned the corner onto that street, both of us had gone quiet. It was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen.

  The Christmas lights were even more beautiful now than they had been then. There was so many more of them. They stretched everywhere and went down the street as far as the eye could see. I squeeze Iris’ hand as we walk, remembering that night so fondly, when we’d wandered this same stretch together, happy as we ever were. The street was surprisingly busy for Christmas Eve. Couples and families wandered by us as we enjoyed the scenery.

  As we drew back towards the car, Iris and I stopped to admire the Christmas tree in the center of town, dusted lightly with snow and decorated magnificently.

  “Katlynn,” Iris says, and I turn towards her. I feel her take my hands in hers. “I need to do something.” I felt a flutter in my chest as she says it. “Something I’ve wanted to do for a really long time.”

  Before I can utter a word, Iris takes me in one fluid motion and pulls me into her, planting a soft kiss on my lips. I sigh when she does, placing a hand against the side of her face. It only lasts for a moment, but it is fiery and filled with desire. I gasp when she pulls away. “What was that?” She nods upward. A branch of mistletoe hangs above us.

  A shiver runs through me when I look at her. “Want to go home?”

  “Like you wouldn’t believe.”

  Iris pushes against me from behind as I try to unlock the front door of Sarah’s house. I can feel her breath against my neck as her lips trace down my exposed skin. Her hands run up my subtle curves, and I moan softly at her touch. Her body grinds against me and I stand there for a minute, letting her lust for me.

  “I want you,” she says, her lips grazing my ear. It sends a shiver through me like none I’ve ever felt before. I set back to work again, promptly.

  As soon as I let us inside and shut the door, we turn to face each other. Our bodies move together in one fluid motion as we kiss. Iris’ tongue tickles my lips and I chase her into her mouth. She puts her hands on the side of my face, and I run mine down the length of her until I find the edges of her sweater.

  Our clothes start to hit the floor in seconds, while we move towards the living room. Once we’re naked, I push her down into the couch, laying myself on top of her. We intertwine as our lips come together. Each of us take turns kissing the other. Once I’m satisfied, I move my mouth against her cheek and then onto her jaw and neck. I take a deep breath in, smelling Iris’ subtle sweet scent and tasting the dewiness of her skin. My hands work over her, feeling her curves and cupping her breasts. Her hands hold my head softly as I move my mouth over them, one at a time. Each touch draws a gasp from her.

  Just as I move onto her stomach, Iris rolls over on top of me and moves till our mouths collide again. We share kisses for a minute before she sits up and lets her hands stroke down the length of my b
ody. Her fingers tease my nipples until they harden and when she runs them down my stomach it sends shivers down my skin.

  As she lays herself down on top of me again, I feel her hand move between my legs. She teases the insides of my thighs and draws her fingers gently over top of me. I gasp and feel my body buck up towards hers. Iris lets her hand roll over me slowly, building a rhythm. My own fingers fall down to meet her middle and the two of us work in tandem.

  She pulls her mouth onto the side of my neck and bites into my flesh softly. A cry of pleasure escapes me and I let myself go, my body trembling as pleasure overtakes me. Shortly thereafter I can feel her twitching beneath my fingertips, as her gasps fill the room.

  Iris and I lay together on the couch quietly after, holding each other in our arms. I can hear her breathing beside me. My hand traces over hers and I pull it to me and kiss it.

  “I wish there was something I could do for my mom,” Iris says finally, breaking the silence between us.

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “Christmas is her favorite holiday. I just feel bad she’s cooped up in the hospital.”

  Before I know it, I’ve gotten up from the couch. Iris reaches for my arm and pulls me back to her. I fall into her lap, and she wraps her arms around me, kissing me softly. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  “I have an idea,” I whisper, kissing her on the nose before I get up again. “Come on.”

  Iris and I make our way down into my sister’s dungeon of a basement to her storage closet. Everything is meticulously organized, so it doesn’t take me long to find Christmas decorations. We pull out the boxes, and I gather handfuls of things to put in bags. Sarah even has a small fake Christmas tree that looks like it had never been used.

  When I’ve gathered everything I need, the two of us load Iris’ Subaru and make the trek back to the hospital. A few of the night shift nurses that work with her meet us downstairs to help carry the few boxes of things we’ve brought to Emily’s room. Iris goes in first to make sure she is asleep, and the coast is clear. Afterwards, the two of us make our way inside, one box at a time.