Winters Solace

by Magnolia Robbins

  “And when Iris didn’t know to put her napkin in her lap at dinner,” I laugh. “Mom was so agitated the whole entire time.”

  “You didn’t care then, did you? What she thought?”

  I ponder his question for a moment. “No, not really. I just thought she was crazy.”

  “Your mother can be a little high strung sometimes,” my father agrees. “But she’s well intentioned.”

  “I know,” I sigh, running my hand through my hair. “I just wish she wasn’t so quick to judge.”

  “Are you happy?” My father asks me, and I don’t hesitate to nod.

  “Then she’ll come around, just be patient.”

  He leads me to the door, and we hug again briefly before I take my leave. As I walk back, the snow trickles down around me. I admire how beautiful it looks under the light of the streetlamps. I can’t help but think about my mother’s comment. That I lived in San Francisco. That we barely knew each other. As angry as she had made me, she was right about that. I was falling hard for someone that I couldn’t really have. Even so, I wasn’t about to let it end. Not for now at least. Not while it was still in my grasp.

  As I make my way back home, I take a detour onto the small road leading up to Wellesley College. The small journey sends a wave of nostalgia through me. I make the big loop around campus, picturing it in my mind like it was yesterday I was a student here. When I make it to the parking lot, I spot the trail out to Lake Waban. The street lamps guide me as I make my way to its edges. The moon reflects off of it, casting a pretty glow.

  My hands fidget in my pocket, and my fingers wrap around Tim’s engagement ring. I had forgotten it was in there until that moment. It slides from my pocket into my palm, and I stare down at it for a long while. So many emotions flood through me when I look at it.

  Just as I’m about to pocket it, my mind changes at last minute and I find myself chucking it over my shoulder, sending it sailing into the water. My heart races when my hand falls down at my side. I wait for the panic to set in for making such an impulsive decision, but it doesn’t come. It seemed as if my days were full of impulsivity lately.

  All I feel is peace when I think of it floating to the bottom of that lake. Peace that it was finally over. Peace that I could finally move on.

  When I reach Iris’ house, I don’t hesitate. I walk straight up to the door and walk inside. She is waiting for me stretched out on the couch watching a movie.

  “What took you so long?”

  I don’t answer. Instead, I move swiftly towards her, pulling off clothes as fast as my fingers can work. As they hit the floor, Iris stands up from the couch to meet me. Her lips fall into mine, and the two of us come together, a mess of bodies.

  Chapter 10

  Iris

  “WHERE ARE WE GOING?” Katlynn asks as I drive down the highway on the evening of New Year’s Eve. The two of us have spent nearly every waking moment with one another. We barely left each other’s arms.

  “We’re almost there,” I reply, turning off onto the exit into the city.

  “Wow, Boston hasn’t changed a bit,” she comments as I turn onto a side street and park along the sidewalk. I pay the meter, and then the two of us wander down holding hands as we make our way out to the main stretch of road. The pond filled with skaters lies across the street, the trees around it filled with Christmas lights. We’d come at the perfect time. It wasn’t as crowded as it normally was.

  I pay the fee for both of us to rent skates, much to Katlynn’s disapproval. As we make our way out onto the ice, I watch her move gracefully, like a practiced professional. She waits for me as I move timidly out, trying to catch my bearings.

  “I thought they didn’t have ice in San Francisco,” I reply, somewhat embarrassed at my clumsiness.

  Katlynn laughs. “They do. I go every year.”

  She holds my hand and moves with me slowly as I start to gain a rhythm. When I finally gain my confidence, the two of us glide along together side by side, just enjoying each other’s company. Every once in a while I turn to look at her. Every time I did, it sent a little flutter through me.

  Once we’ve worn ourselves out, the two of us sit on a bench for a while, watching the other skaters as they made their way around the pond. Katlynn reaches for my hand and squeezes it softly in hers.

  When I look at her, and we both meet eyes, I find I can’t help myself. “I have something I’ve wanted to tell you.” She turns towards me, and her intense stare sends a shiver down my spine as I work up the nerve to speak. Just as I’m about to, a burst of light shoots into the sky above us. A symphony of fireworks explodes into the night sky, and the two of us watch. By the time it is over, I’ve lost my nerve.

  Katlynn looks down at her watch. “Come on, we better go if we don’t want to be late.”

  EVERY YEAR ROCKY PATTERSON threw a huge New Year’s Eve bash at the diner. Usually, I was forced to go by David and Megan, but I always ended up having a good time. This year was no exception. They’d asked well in advance, and Katlynn had swooped in and told them that we’d be there “without a doubt.”

  The place was packed when we entered. There were familiar faces abound and Katlynn, and I wandered around talking for a long while before we finally found a seat to ourselves. Katlynn reaches her hand across the table for mine, and when I take it, she smiles.

  “You were going to tell me something earlier?” She asks me. I can feel my heart beat in my chest when she says it.

  “I’ll tell you later,” I promise, getting to my feet. “Want to dance?”

  The two of us join Megan and David in the crowd dancing in the center of the restaurant. We lose ourselves in the music. In spite of the millions of qualities Katlynn excels at, I am pleased to discover she lacks an ounce of rhythm. I watch her bounce awkwardly to the music, and when I laugh, she laughs too.

  “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she admits.

  “Clearly,” I reply, taking her in my arms and kissing her. We sway together, watching David and Megan move like crazy fools across from us. We dance for a while until suddenly the music quiets and Rocky turns the televisions in the corners of the restaurant up as loud as they’ll go. The countdown for the Times Square ball drop is nearly over.

  Katlynn turns towards me, and the two of us meet eyes as the crowd erupts into cheers for the New Year. The two of us collide, our mouths intertwining.

  “Now we’ve spent two more years together,” I laugh as we pull apart and she smiles.

  The next day Katlynn and I arrive bright and early at the hospital to pick my mother up. While Katlynn waits in Sarah’s Prius for us, I wander upstairs to wish Robert a Happy New Year. I’m surprised to find him up and about when I get down the hall.

  “Well good morning,” he smiles at me, his hand pressed against the side of the wall. I move to him and offer him my arm, which he gladly accepts. The two of us wander around for a few minutes chatting.

  “I’m surprised you’re at work today,” he admits as we turn the corner back towards his room.

  “My mom’s going back to the assisted living center today,” I smile at him. “They’re discharging her now.”

  Robert looks pleased. “And Katlynn?”

  “Waiting in the car,” I reply as we make it back to his room. I help him back into bed, and he stretches out, yawning.

  “When does she leave?” He asks me, and I feel a tinge of sadness run through me.

  “We haven’t talked about it yet,” I reply, though I know it’s soon. We’d both pushed it far from our minds for the past week.

  Robert takes my hand in his and smiles. “You know, I talked to Stephen the other day about her. He said he’d really like to meet her if she was up for it.”

  “The business in Boston?” I ask him, and Robert nods. My excitement must be shining through on my face because he squeezes my hand. “You know, you should really tell her how you feel, Iris.”

  If he only knew how many times I’d tried. I nod, giving hi
m a hug. “Happy New Year, Robert.”

  When Megan wheels my mother outside, relief floods through me. I never thought I’d be so happy to have her go back to Park Ridge. The three of us ride in the car, my mother in the front and Katlynn behind her, holding her shoulder the entire ride home.

  “I’m glad you’re doing better,” she says as she helps walk us to the front door. Just before we get inside, I watch her fish through her pockets for her cell phone.

  “I’ll be in the car,” she says to me, looking down at the screen. I nod and walk my mother inside.

  When I find her in the car a few minutes later, the look on her face is unreadable. She cradles her phone in her hands and looks up at me when I hop inside.

  “What’s going on?” I ask her curiously.

  “I’m not sure yet,” she admits, pocketing her phone. “When I do, you’ll be the first to know about it.”

  That night Katlynn and I order Chinese food and stay in at Sarah’s. We thumb through the pitiful looking board game collection in the basement, and the two of us sit over a glass of wine playing dirty Scrabble. We hadn’t made it halfway through when I’d pulled her to me, and the two of us made a mess of the board on the floor. Just as I’d started to tear her clothes from her, there was a rattle of keys at the door.

  Katlynn looks in a panic as the two of us get to our feet. Just as we do, Sarah appears in the hallway, dragging along a suitcase behind her. Her husband Michael and son Tommy follow shortly behind her. I watch Katlynn’s face erupt into a smile as the two of them rush to each other. They hug for a while, and when they break, Sarah turns to me, not the least bit surprised to see me.

  “Iris,” she smiles, offering me a tight hug. “It’s good to see you.”

  “I didn’t think you were going to be home for a few more days!” Katlynn says, ruffling Tommy’s hair.

  “We wanted to see you for a couple days before you left,” Sarah explains, and Katlynn looks thrilled. The mention of her leaving again sends a wave of sadness through me.

  The five of us stand in the hall for a while chatting until I finally decide to take my leave. Katlynn walks me to the porch and stands outside with me for a minute. She looks slightly disappointed to see me go.

  “Spend time with your sister. I can see you tomorrow,” I reply, leaning in to kiss her. She puts a finger to her lips after.

  “Goodnight, Iris,” she smiles at me, kissing me again quickly before she turns to go back inside.

  AS I LIE IN BED THAT evening, I can’t sleep. It had been nearly the first night since Katlynn had arrived in Wellesley that I’d slept alone and I hated it. I lie there jealous of the fact that Sarah was spending time with her instead of me, and it made me feel awful.

  Just as I felt myself start to settle down, I hear a faint knocking downstairs. When I reach the door, Katlynn is standing outside in her pajamas and coat.

  “Let me in, I’m freezing,” she whispers, scooting around me.

  “What are you doing here?” I reply, following her back into the house.

  “I couldn’t sleep,” she admits, turning towards me. We stand there in the hallway looking towards each other. I offer her my hand, and we make our way back to my room. The two of us lie facing one another. Katlynn puts her hand on the side of my face and stares at me in such a way it sends a shiver through me. Suddenly I find myself asking the question that’s been haunting me for days but that I was too afraid to ask.

  “Have you booked your ticket yet?”

  She stares at me for a moment before she shakes her head and my heart beats a little faster in my chest knowing she didn’t want to leave. I lean in to plant a soft kiss on her lips. Just as I start to move away, she pushes into me, kissing me again fervently.

  Chapter 11

  Katlynn

  THE NEXT MORNING I wake up early to find Iris snuggled up beside me. I push into her for a moment, feeling her warm skin against me. It had been like this every day for over a week now, and it was marvelous. Last night had been the first time I’d really come to realize that it was going to end.

  I stay as long as I can before I worry it was getting too late. When I leave the bed, I feel her reach for me. She holds my wrist for a moment, and I lean down to kiss her briefly.

  “I have to go back to Sarah’s,” I remind her. When I pull back from her, she sits up in bed, wiping the sleep from her eyes. For some reason, I expect her to argue with me but she doesn’t.

  “I’ll see you later?” She asks me.

  “Of course.” I kiss her again and then let myself out.

  The gate leading to the back of Sarah’s house is unlocked, so I make my way inside using the door from the kitchen. As I close it, I hear a clatter of the pan hitting the stove. My sister stands sipping on a cup of coffee, watching me as I sneak inside.

  We don’t speak at first, she just smiles at me, shaking her head. I can feel the heat radiating off of my cheeks. As I sit down at the bar, she pours me a cup of coffee, and I sit in silence sipping on it. Every once in a while she turns to give me a glance.

  Finally, she says something to break the awkward silence. “Do you want some breakfast? I was thinking about waking the boys up soon and making some pancakes.” I nod before she turns back to the counter and stirs the batter she’d been working on, adding chocolate chips.

  “I didn’t realize you and Iris had gotten so close,” she says after another brief silence. We meet glances for a moment as I take another drink of coffee.

  “I don’t know what to do,” I admit, putting my head on the counter. It was supposed to be this simple thing. Now it was more complicated than I could have ever imagined it being.

  Suddenly I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. It’s a San Francisco number. It’s barely going on five in the morning there, so I can’t imagine who’d be calling. I walk into the other room putting the phone to my ear.

  When I come back into the kitchen a few minutes later, Sarah is looking at me funny. I guess by the expression on my face it was clear I was in shock.

  “What is it?” She asks as I sit back down at the counter.

  “It was work,” I admit, staring at her. Sarah looks concerned for a moment before I continue. “They said they’re going to offer me a lead software engineer job for a new project when I get back. I’ll get to program again.”

  “What?” Sarah smiles at me. “Katlynn, that’s amazing!”

  When Michael and Tommy wake, we all celebrate with pancakes. All the while all I wanted was to be able to go tell Iris my good news. I spend the majority of the day with Sarah and my parents, who arrived shortly after breakfast. My mother and I had recovered from our spell at Christmas. Now I could barely keep her away from me, prodding me with questions. Finally, in the midst of conversation, she asks something I’d never expected her to.

  “Do you think Iris would like to come over for dinner tonight? With the family?”

  I stare at her stunned, unsure if I had heard her correctly. “I can ask her.”

  “Tell her to be there at six,” my mother said, which knowing Iris meant I should tell her five thirty. It was already going on after three, so I excuse myself and make my way next door.

  Iris answers the door almost immediately and pulls me inside. “I’ve missed you all day.”

  “I missed you too,” I breathe as she pins me against the wall and pushes herself against me. We kiss deeply, and I feel her mouth move down the side of my neck. Her hands move down my hips, and she holds me firmly to her.

  “I have something I need to talk to you about,” I tell her as she works. I’m finding it hard to breathe, let alone concentrate. Iris has me so engaged that I can’t find any more words to speak. All at once, we’re both lying on her carpeted floor, pleasuring each other once more.

  We sit against the wall on the floor beside each other afterward, panting softly. Iris looks to me, and we both start to laugh.

  “I need to leave you more often,” I tease. As soon as I say it, I realize the
reality of those words and the mood turns suddenly somber. For a while, we are quiet until I take her hand in mine and look to her.

  “Would you like to come to dinner tonight at my parent’s house?”

  IRIS BRINGS A PIE FROM Rocky’s with us that evening to surprise my mother. In her forty years of living in Wellesley, I doubted she’d been in the diner once, but I’d told her the way to my mother’s heart was through apple pie and she had obliged.

  “Your house is as beautiful as I remember,” Iris says to her as she closes the door behind us. She’d spent many of hours inside of it during college when we used to study together. My mother takes our coats, and the two of us make our way into the dining room where Sarah, Michael, Tommy and my father are all waiting for us.

  “Iris!” My father says, standing up from his chair. “It’s a pleasure to see you.” The two of them hug before Iris sits down next to me at the table. I reach for her hand underneath the table cloth, and she holds it gently in her own.

  “Katlynn tells me you’re good friends with Robert,” my father gives her a smile.

  “He’s been a patient of mine for years,” Iris replies. “He’s a great guy.”

  “I’ll have to go pay him a visit, it’s been a long time.”

  “I’m sure he’d love that,” Iris says, reaching for her water glass on the table.

  Just as she does, my mother comes through the doorway with the Cornish hens she’d made for dinner. My sister and I jump up from the table, both rushing into the kitchen to help her with the remaining food. Like at Christmas, my mother had outdone herself with the cooking.

  “Mom, gee wiz,” Sarah says, toting a bowl of mashed potatoes out into the dining room. “It’s like you’re cooking for an army.”

  “I can’t help it if the Walker’s like to eat,” she replies, and Sarah and I give a laugh.

  Dinner goes better than I anticipate it would. Iris fits right in, in spite of my worries about my mother. Everyone takes turns asking her questions and even my mother pipes in every once in a while to make conversation.