Winters Solace

by Magnolia Robbins

  By the time we’re through, we’ve emptied most of the dishes of their contents. My mother goes and fetches Iris’ pie, and between the seven of us, we devour the whole thing. Just as we’re finishing up, I catch glances with my father who is beaming at me.

  “Your sister tells me you have some good news,” he says, wiping his mouth with his napkin. “Something about work, I hear?”

  As soon as he says it, my attention turns towards Iris, who looks at me curiously. I sit back in my chair, taking a breath. “Tim recommended me for a new position on a brand new project. I’d get to do programming again.”

  “Oh honey, that’s fantastic news!” My parents both beam at me happily. I hear the chair move beside me and suddenly Iris has walked from the room. Everyone pauses for a moment watching her. I get to my feet quickly. “I’ll be right back.”

  By the time I’d reached her, Iris was standing outside the front door of the house.

  “Iris,” I start and she turns towards me, tears in her eyes.

  “If there was a way for you to stay in Wellesley, would you?”

  The question comes out of nowhere. “What do you mean?”

  “I’m saying if there was a way you could stay in Wellesley. If you could stay here with me, would you?” When I don’t answer, she continues. “Robert talked to me yesterday, and his son is really interested in meeting you. I think he wants to hire you.”

  “For the job in Boston?” I ask. When she nods, I stand there for a moment, my mind racing in a completely different direction. Staying in Wellesley. Being with Iris.

  Then reality came crashing back down on me.

  “Iris,” I say, and I can tell by her facial expression she knows what’s coming. “I can’t just leave my job. I’ve been there ten years. Moving across the country. Starting completely over somewhere I don’t even know if it will work. It’s crazy.”

  “What about us?” She asks me, taking my hand in hers. “You really want to go back to a job with your ex-fiancé?”

  The minute I say it, I wish I could take it back. “We said it was just a temporary thing.”

  The look on her face kills me. She can’t even look my direction after that. The minute the words come out of my mouth she’s already walking away from me.

  “Where are you going?” I run down the steps after her into the driveway. She keeps walking. “Iris!” Before I know it she’s disappeared down the street without another word.

  The entire rest of the night at dinner I am distracted. I excuse myself to look up plane tickets on my phone and book them. I’m grateful when my sister finally decides to head out after Tommy had fallen asleep on the couch. The four of us take our leave after being smothered in hugs and kisses from my mother and father.

  “Why don’t you ride with us?” Sarah asks me, as she loads Tommy in the car.

  “I think I’m going to walk,” I reply. It’s painfully obvious how upset I am.

  Sarah walks to the front of the car and leans in to talk to Michael for a minute. When she moves back out, he takes off down the street without her, and she turns to me, wrapping her arm around mine.

  “Come on, let’s walk.”

  The two of us stay silent for a while, just enjoying the peaceful winter air. Finally, I can’t take it anymore, and I feel tears coming down my face.

  “Oh, Katlynn,” Sarah says, pulling me to her and holding me tightly.

  “I think I made a huge mistake,” I sob into her shoulder.

  I feel her hand run down the back of my head softly, shushing me. “You didn’t make a mistake, sister. You know that.”

  When I’m able to breathe again, I pull back from her. “I should have never gotten involved with Iris,” I sigh. “All we did was make a huge mess.”

  Sarah smiles at me. “I hate to break it to you, but you two have been involved with one another since your first day of college.” The two of us start walking again, and I sigh.

  “I’m leaving tomorrow night, Sarah.”

  Sarah looks sad then when I say it. “Wow, that was fast.”

  “They want me back as soon as possible. I don’t think I can stay here any longer given the circumstances and that’s the earliest flight out.”

  “Are you going to tell Iris?”

  I realize just as she says this that we’re standing at the corner of Parker Street. I can just make out her house in the distance. Sarah gives me a hug before I part from her and walk next door. I stand outside a while, trying to work up the nerve to knock. When I do, it’s only seconds before she answers the door. I can tell by the look on her face she’d been crying too. We stare at each other for a long moment before she takes my hand and leads me inside.

  Chapter 12

  Iris

  WHEN THE KNOCK CAME, I had been lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling. It was like my chest had opened up the minute I’d heard it, and all at once I could breathe again. We both looked terrible, standing there in the doorway, staring at one another. Finally, I pull her into the house and shut the door behind her.

  After I pour us both a tall glass of wine, we sit on the couch together. It is a while before either of us speak.

  “Iris,” Katlynn starts, and I interrupt her.

  “There’s something I need to tell you,” I say, turning so I was facing her completely. “Before you say anything. Something that I’ve wanted to tell you for a really long time.”

  She sits quietly, watching me as I take her hands in mine.

  “I’m in love with you.” I take a deep breath. “I think I’ve been in love with you since the first day I ever met you. I don’t think I’ve ever stopped being in love with you.”

  I can feel my heart racing inside of my chest. We stare at each other for a moment before I pull her to me, pressing my body into hers. I breathe her in, tasting the sweetness of the wine on her lips, feeling their softness as they move against me. My hands hold the side of her face as our tongues run together between our mouths.

  Our clothes fall to the floor, one piece at a time, till there is nothing but skin between us. We snatch kisses from each other as I lead her to my bedroom. As she lays across the bed, I fall on top of her, holding her close. My mouth draws over her skin, tasting it as I make my way down the length of her. No part untouched. I wanted to remember everything.

  She sighs as I move across her breasts, teasing them with my mouth, touching them with my fingers. As I roll down her stomach, I can feel her body pushing up into mine in eager anticipation. I make careful work of it, growing slower and slower as I draw closer.

  My fingers caress the inside of her thighs and on the bottom half of her stomach. She watches me as I linger above her, breathing hot air into her middle. Her eyes are pleading, and I savor it for a moment until I let myself fall down into her.

  A moan escapes her that fills the room. I feel her hand hold the back of my head as I work. My fingers and mouth move together, pleasuring her in every way imaginable. When she releases, her whole body quivers beneath me.

  Our bodies combine again, and she presses her mouth to mine. We tease each other, barely drawing our lips together. Each of us trying to outlast the other. Finally, I give in, pulling her close to me, letting our mouths press firmly together so she can taste herself on me. Before long, she’s moved on top, looking down into my eyes longingly. She draws her fingers over my lips, and I kiss them as they pass. Her hands trail down the upper half of my body as if she was memorizing every piece.

  When she moved down me, every touch was like fire on my skin. Every kiss drove me closer to the edge. By the time she made it down to my middle, I was gasping each time we connected. I watched her disappear between my legs, and my heart went wild. Wave after wave crashed into me until I fell back into the sheets, breathing softly. Katlynn came up to meet me, and our mouths met again for a moment, just to breathe each other in. We lay stretched out beside each other, and I feel her grasp my hand in mine. Now grounded back in reality, the feeling of her touch makes me ache i
nside.

  I ask the question I’ve been dreading to know the answer to the entire night. “When do you leave?”

  Katlynn rolls on her side to face me. “Tomorrow night.” Her hand gently strokes the side of my face, and I watch her until she closes her eyes and I can hear her breathing rhythmically. I pull her into my arms and lay holding her close, fighting sleep as long as I can.

  When sunlight hits my eyes, I don’t want to open them. Katlynn’s lips trace over the skin of my face until I look up at her. She brushes a stray hair away and leans down to kiss me once more. “Good morning.”

  That image of her looking down at me, her strawberry blonde hair falling along the sides of her face and her big green eyes watching me intensely; I wouldn’t forget it.

  I VOLUNTEER FOR THE night shift at work so I can spend the day with Katlynn. Most of it is filled with tearful goodbyes. We eat breakfast at Rocky’s and spend time with my mom. In the afternoon we meet Sarah and her parents at the house. I let them spend some time alone and take a long walk through downtown and over into the streets that lead to Wellesley College. I sit on a bench along the edge of Lake Waban, admiring the view.

  Just as I’m about to leave, I feel a hand on my shoulder. When I look up, Katlynn stands behind me, smiling.

  “What are you doing here?” I laugh, surprised she found me.

  “I just wanted to go for a walk,” she replies, sitting down next to me on the bench. “What are you doing here?”

  “Just thinking.” I look away from her again, and I feel her hand softly wrap into mine. We sit quietly for a while, just being with one another.

  The first time we’d sat on this bench together had been one of my favorite memories of her. It was spring of our second semester. The trees had just started to bloom and there was beautiful color all around the lake. We’d just finished our lunches and Katlynn was feeding the crust of her sandwich bread to the mallard ducks in the lake. They’d chase after the pieces and she’d let out her sweet and beautiful laugh when they did.

  I remembered it so fondly because as I watched her, in that simple memory that would most often be forgotten years from now, I realized how much she meant to me. That she wasn’t just this girl who had turned into my best friend in a mere matter of months. She was more than that. Someone I could imagine spending the rest of my life with.

  “Do you think maybe you’d want to come visit me in San Francisco?” Katlynn says, leaning her head on my shoulder.

  The idea had crossed my mind. “I’d love that.”

  We don’t speak for a minute. Finally, Katlynn sits up, and we turn to look at one another. “Iris,” she says, squeezing my hand in hers. “I’m really glad I met you.”

  The airport is bustling with people commuting home from holiday visits. We stand on the side of the passenger drop off, the two of us holding each other tightly.

  “Call me when you get home?” I tell her as we part, doing my best not to cry.

  “Of course,” she smiles at me, wiping her face with the back of her hand.

  I wave goodbye as she takes off across the street. Just as I’m about to turn to get back in the car, I notice her little black glove lying at my feet. My hands wisp over it swiftly, and I sprint across the road after her.

  “Katlynn,” I gasp as I catch her at the doorway inside. She turns to me, and our mouths collide. I hold her in my arms, pressing myself against her so tight I could feel her heart beating.

  “I’m always losing my gloves,” she laughs when we part, tears streaming down her face. I kiss each of them away softly and then hold her face in my hands for a moment. We don’t speak, just stand there with each other. Taking in those last few precious moments. Finally I take her hand in mine and squeeze it gently before I turn away from her.

  “Iris,” I hear her call out to me and I turn back for a moment.

  “I love you too,” she says, smiling and I watch her until she disappears out of sight.

  KATLYNN AND I STAY in close touch the first few weeks after she gets back. I talk to her multiple times a day, filling her in on all the latest happenings in Wellesley, which didn’t seem nearly as exciting now that she wasn’t there. Eventually, the phone calls start getting harder to stomach. By the end of the month, after Katlynn had become engrossed in her new position, they stopped nearly altogether.

  One evening before a night shift, I meet Megan and David at the hospital cafeteria. We sit together sharing a coffee. I can’t help but notice the two of them seem even cheerier and more affectionate than they normally were. If that was humanly possible. We make small talk for a bit before I can’t stand it any longer.

  “What’s going on?” I asked when they wouldn’t stop smiling at each other.

  “We have some news,” Megan says as she reaches for David’s hand. “You’re going to be an Auntie!”

  I nearly drop my coffee in my lap in surprise. “What?”

  “We just found out this morning! Look!” Megan hands me a sonogram from her purse, and I stare at in in awe. I stand up, hugging both of them. “I can’t believe it.”

  It might have been the night shift, or it might have been the fact that I’d been feeling particularly down, but it was the longest twelve hours of my life. By the time morning came, I was ready to go home and collapse in my bed.

  “Iris,” Dr. Edwards catches me as I’m about to go put in my hours for the day. “Can you help Robert Shaw with his discharge papers before you go?”

  “Robert’s being discharged?” I repeat him.

  “I figured it’s about time we let him go home,” he says, giving me a smile.

  I don’t think Robert could have looked any happier when I entered his room that morning. He stood looking out the window as I came walking in and when he turned to me he was all smiles.

  “I guess Dr. Edwards told you the good news.”

  “It’s about damn time!” He says, laughing as he made his way back to the bed.

  The two of us sit and chat a while as we wait for Stephen and Isabelle to come pick him up. Mostly it’s just small talk but eventually he asks what I figured he would.

  “How’s Katlynn?” I can feel his glance, even though I wasn’t looking at him.

  “I haven’t heard from her in a while, to be honest.” I reply and the two of us meet eyes. “We both have just been busy.”

  “Can I tell you something?” Robert says, taking my hand in his. “There’s always enough time for the people you love. Don’t forget that.”

  When Stephen arrives, I walk with them down to his car and help load Robert inside.

  “You should come by for a visit,” he says, giving me a smile.

  “I’ll do that,” I reply as I shut the door behind him. As they drive away, I can feel myself getting choked up for the first time. In all the times he’d left me, I’d never felt it like today.

  I SPEND THE MORNING shoveling the snow that had accumulated over the night from Sarah’s and my driveway. As I’m finishing up, I watch a white pickup truck pull out front of my house. When Katlynn’s father Mark steps out, I’m surprised. We wave to one another as he approaches.

  “Sarah’s at work,” I note, as he comes to lean on the white picket fence that divides our properties. I brace myself on the shovel as the two of us meet eyes.

  “I thought I’d come visit with you, actually,” he says, smiling at me. “See how you were doing. I was in the neighborhood.” That got a laugh from both of us, since he lived right down the street.

  “About as good as I can be,” I admit, leaning into the shovel. Before I can help myself, I add. “Have you talked with Katlynn?”

  Mark looks me over for a moment before he nods.

  “How is she?” I ask, trying not to sound as desperate to know as I actually was.

  “Not great,” he admits, steading himself on the fence. I want to ask more but I refrain and instead stand there quietly with him for a minute.

  “Listen,” he says finally, meeting my gaze again. “I d
on’t know what happened between you and my daughter. Quite frankly, it’s none of my business. I just know that I haven’t seen her that happy in a long time.” He pauses for a moment, scratching his chin before he continues. “Did Katlynn ever tell you about her mother and I?” When I shake my head, he smiles softly. “We were high school sweethearts. When I went off to college in Seattle, we were apart for almost two years before I finally figured out I needed to come back home. It was the best decision I ever made.”

  Again, I don’t know what to say. We stand there and stare at each other for a minute. Finally he reaches out to pat my shoulder softly. “All I’m saying is life is short.”

  Mark takes his leave and I stand there for a while, watching as his truck disappears down the street. I finish shoveling the driveway and head back into the house. All afternoon Katlynn consumes my thoughts. Eventually I pull out my phone and call her.

  “This is Katlynn. You know what to do.”

  When I hear the beep, I pause for a moment and leave her the message. The message I’ve wanted to leave for over a month since she’d left me. The words I finally was able to speak.

  And then I called Megan.

  “I need you to take me to the airport.”

  Chapter 13

  Katlynn

  “REGENCY TECHNOLOGIES, this is Katlynn.” It is the fifth interruption this morning. I sat at my desk, listening to another software engineer from a sister office in New York ramble on about how they were going to be late on a deadline because of bugs they were still trying to work out in the new release.

  It had been a month since I’d returned back home from Wellesley. Four weeks since I’d started my new role on a brand new project. Four weeks of me realizing that nothing had changed since I’d left. Since I returned, it felt as if I hadn’t touched a computer once. Instead, I was stuck in meetings or on telephone calls, much like the one I was on now, trying to resolve people’s concerns or explain procedures.