To Make Sport for our Neighbours

by Ronald McGowan

  "What is his name?"

  "Bingley."

  "Is he married or single?"

  "Oh! single, my dear, to be sure! A single man of large fortune; four or five thousand a year. What a fine thing for our girls!"

  "How so? how can it affect them?"

  "My dear Mr. Bennet, how can you be so tiresome! You must know that I am thinking of his marrying one of them."

  "Is that his design in settling here?"

  "Design! nonsense, how can you talk so! But it is very likely that he may fall in love with one of them, and therefore you must visit him as soon as he comes."

  "I see no occasion for that. You and the girls may go, or you may send them by themselves, which perhaps will be still better, for as you are as handsome as any of them, Mr. Bingley might like you the best of the party."

  "My dear, you flatter me. I certainly have had my share of beauty, but I do not pretend to be any thing extraordinary now. When a woman has five grown up daughters, she ought to give over thinking of her own beauty."

  "In such cases, a woman has not often much beauty to think of."

  "But, my dear, you must indeed go and see Mr. Bingley when he comes into the neighbourhood."

  "It is more than I engage for, I assure you."

  "But consider your daughters. Only think what an establishment it would be for one of them. Sir William and Lady Lucas are determined to go, merely on that account, for in general you know they visit no newcomers. Indeed you must go, for it will be impossible for us to visit him, if you do not."

  "You are over scrupulous surely. I dare say Mr. Bingley will be very glad to see you; and I will send a few lines by you to assure him of my hearty consent to his marrying which ever he chooses of the girls; though I must throw in a good word for my little Lizzy."

  "I desire you will do no such thing. Lizzy is not a bit better than the others; and I am sure she is not half so handsome as Jane, nor half so good humoured as Lydia. But you are always giving her the preference."

  "They have none of them much to recommend them," I replied; "they are all silly and ignorant like other girls; but Lizzy has something more of quickness than her sisters."

  "Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such a way? You take delight in vexing me. You have no compassion on my poor nerves."

  "You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these twenty years at least."

  "Ah! you do not know what I suffer."

  "But I hope you will get over it, and live to see many young men of four thousand a year come into the neighbourhood."

  "It will be no use to us, if twenty such should come since you will not visit them."

  "Depend upon it, my dear, that when there are twenty, I will visit them all."

  Having obtained the desired effect of silence on the part of my better half, I applied myself to doing justice to luncheon. I had not intended to ride over to Netherfield for some days yet, but the news of the Lucas and Long involvement inspired me to forestall my rivals. Unmarried daughters are not quite ten a penny in the neighbourhood of Meryton, but there are quite enough of them to make a father uneasy as to the shortage of eligible bachelors. I admit to no great desire to part with any of my daughters, least of all with Lizzy, but I also admit that I am not, alas, immortal, nor am I in a position to bestow a fortune upon each – or even any - of my girls. All hopes of an heir apparent having been long abandoned, I could not help but be aware that they would be destitute upon my death unless they could make a suitable marriage in the mean time.

  It was in this knowledge that I set out to pay a call upon this Mr. Bingley. I had no great hopes of him when I set out, and they were no greater when I returned, but at least I had done my duty.

  The new tenant of Netherfield proved to be something of an enigma. I came away still knowing far less of him than I should have wished.

  He was, at any rate, possessed of the usual number of arms, legs and heads, and they all appeared to be in working order. He was quite sufficiently handsome, in an insipid sort of way, and his money was real enough.

  But I found myself unable to judge of his character as I should have wished. This is not to say that he struck me as disreputable, or, indeed, that he struck me in any way at all. Indeed, the word “strike” would be far too positive a word for the impression that the young man created.

  He was perfectly polite, even charming, in his way, and gave the impression of being entirely forthcoming in response to my enquiries. Yet never once during the course of our conversation did he volunteer a fact, let alone anything that might be construed as an opinion.

  My feeling was that he was happy, no, more than happy, intent, on telling me what I wanted to hear. This is not to accuse him of sycophancy nor yet of reserve, for there was no trace of either in his manner. This makes him sound as though he must be guilty of the terrible sin of confidence, but that was not the case either.

  It was as if he were a tabula rasa, on which the interlocutor could write his own character, and, moreover, he was happy to be so.

  And yet, this is not right, either. It makes him sound diffident, but I am equally far from intending to convey that impression. In fact, I do not know what I mean, other than that his character was demonstrably unexceptionable, as far as I could make it out, but I could not make it out very far.

  There was nothing in this that declared him to be in any way unfit for society, and one of my girls might be able to bring him out better than I could myself. I admit that I am aware that my manner does not always put everyone entirely at their ease.

  I made sure therefore, not to miss the opportunity to invite him to call upon us at Longbourn whenever he wished.

  He accepted the invitation with perfect good breeding, and promised to call as soon as might be.

  “I shall be so glad to meet your family, Mr. Bennet,” he said, as he showed me to the door personally, “and I hope soon to have a further addition to your society here in Meryton. I am to return to London soon to escort my sister here, and I hope to prevail upon a dear friend of mine to pay a visit to Netherfield at the same time. I can see that you are a reading man, Mr. Bennet, and I am sure you will like my friend. Some people find his manner off-putting on first acquaintance, but I assure you there is no better fellow in the world than my friend Mr. Darcy.”

  Chapter Thirteen : A Time to Dance

  On returning home, I was met by the sight of all my daughters gathered around their mother, busily trimming bonnets or some such other frippery. I make no doubt this was intended to impress upon me what good, industrious girls they all are, and how deserving of their father’s interest with any bachelor new to the district.

  This pleased me, as it gave me the opportunity to remark to the nearest,

  “I hope Mr. Bingley will like it Lizzy."

  "We are not in a way to know what Mr. Bingley likes," said her mother resentfully, "since we are not to visit."

  "But you forget, mama," said Elizabeth, "that we shall meet him at the assemblies, and that Mrs. Long has promised to introduce him."

  "I do not believe Mrs. Long will do any such thing. She has two nieces of her own. She is a selfish, hypocritical woman, and I have no opinion of her."

  "No more have I," said I; "and I am glad to find that you do not depend on her serving you."

  Mrs. Bennet deigned not to make any reply; but unable to contain herself, began scolding one of her daughters.

  "Don't keep coughing so, Kitty, for heaven's sake! Have a little compassion on my nerves. You tear them to pieces."

  "Kitty has no discretion in her coughs," I agreed; "she times them ill."

  "I do not cough for my own amusement," replied Kitty fretfully.

  I considered asking Mary for her opinion on coughs, but decided to forego that pleasure.

  “When is your next ball to be, Lizzy?" I asked.

  "To-morrow fortnight."

  "Aye
, so it is," cried her mother, "and Mrs. Long does not come back till the day before; so, it will be impossible for her to introduce him, for she will not know him herself."

  "Then, my dear, you may have the advantage of your friend, and introduce Mr. Bingley to her."

  "Impossible, Mr. Bennet, impossible, when I am not acquainted with him myself; how can you be so teasing?"

  "I honour your circumspection. A fortnight's acquaintance is certainly very little. One cannot know what a man really is by the end of a fortnight. But if we do not venture, somebody else will; and after all, Mrs. Long and her nieces must stand their chance; and therefore, as she will think it an act of kindness, if you decline the office, I will take it on myself."

  The girls stared at me. Mrs. Bennet said only, "Nonsense, nonsense!"

  "What can be the meaning of that emphatic exclamation?" I cried. "Do you consider the forms of introduction, and the stress that is laid on them, as nonsense? I cannot quite agree with you there. “What say you, Mary? for you are a young lady of deep reflection I know, and read great books, and make extracts."

  Mary, I am sure, wished to say something very sensible, but, for the nonce, thus assailed without preparation, knew not how.

  “While Mary is adjusting her ideas," I continued, "let us return to Mr. Bingley."

  "I am sick of Mr. Bingley," cried my dear wife.

  "I am sorry to hear that; but why did not you tell me so before? If I had known as much this morning, I certainly would not have called on him. It is very unlucky; but as I have actually paid the visit, we cannot escape the acquaintance now."

  The astonishment of the ladies was just what I should have wished; that of Mrs. Bennet perhaps surpassing the rest; though when the first tumult of joy was over, she began, of course, to declare that it was what she had expected all the while.

  "How good it was in you, my dear Mr. Bennet! But I knew I should persuade you at last. I was sure you loved your girls too well to neglect such an acquaintance. Well, how pleased I am! and it is such a good joke, too, that you should have gone this morning, and never said a word about it till now."

  "Now, Kitty, you may cough as much as you choose," I remarked, and, as I spoke, I left the room, fatigued as usual with the excessive raptures of my wife.

  During the ensuing days I made shift to elude the skill of all my womenfolk in attempting to extract further information about the newcomer. This was not difficult, since I truly had nothing to say about him that they had not already heard, and they were at last obliged to accept the second-hand intelligence of their neighbour, Lady Lucas. Her report was highly favourable. Sir William had been delighted with him. He was quite young, wonderfully handsome, extremely agreeable, and, to crown the whole, he meant to be at the next assembly with a large party. Nothing could be more delightful! To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love; and very lively hopes of Mr. Bingley's heart were entertained.

  "If I can but see one of my daughters happily settled at Netherfield," was Mrs. Bennet’s comment to me, "and all the others equally well married, I shall have nothing to wish for."

  The longed-for call was at last made. In a few days Mr. Bingley returned my visit, and sat about ten minutes with me in my library. He so far exerted himself as to assert that he had entertained hopes of being admitted to a sight of the young ladies, of whose beauty he had heard much. No entreaty of mine, however, could prevail upon him to stay a little while longer and actually attain that end, although he could produce no reason why that should be. The ladies were somewhat more fortunate, for they had the advantage of ascertaining from an upper window that he wore a blue coat, and rode a black horse.

  Mr. Bingley sat very elegantly, simpered very nicely, partook of tea and cucumber sandwiches with the appropriate élan, and proved quite as accomplished in exchanging commonplaces as might be hoped.

  I still could not see anything in him, but, in the interest of domestic peace, an invitation to dinner was soon afterwards dispatched; and already had Mrs. Bennet planned the courses that were to do credit to her housekeeping, when an answer arrived which deferred it all.

  Mr. Bingley was obliged to be in town the following day, and, consequently, unable to accept the honour of their invitation, etc. Mrs. Bennet was quite disconcerted. She could not imagine what business he could have in town so soon after his arrival in Hertfordshire; and she began to fear that he might be always flying about from one place to another, and never settled at Netherfield as he ought to be.

  The indispensible Lady Lucas quieted her fears a little by starting the idea of his being gone to London only to get a large party for the ball; and a report soon followed that Mr. Bingley was to bring twelve ladies and seven gentlemen with him to the assembly. The girls grieved over such a number of ladies, but were comforted the day before the ball by hearing, that instead of twelve he brought only six with him from London--his five sisters and a cousin.

  Of the ball itself, I have nothing to say. I avoided it on some pretext or another, and was reduced to being consoled by accounts related to me afterwards, upon the return of the festive party.

  As far as I can tell, from the more reasoned accounts given by my two eldest daughters, the evening had passed off altogether as pleasantly to the whole family as might reasonably have been expected.

  Mrs. Bennet had seen her eldest daughter much admired by the Netherfield party. Mr. Bingley had danced with her twice, and she had been distinguished by his sisters. Jane was as much gratified by this as her mother could be, though in a quieter way. Elizabeth, though admitting to no great pleasure on her own part, felt Jane's to a high degree. Mary had heard herself mentioned to Miss Bingley as the most accomplished girl in the neighbourhood; and Catherine and Lydia had been fortunate enough never to be without partners, which was all that they had yet learnt to care for at a ball.

  They returned, therefore, in good spirits to Longbourn, where they found me still up. With a book I am regardless of time; and on the present occasion I had a good deal of curiosity as to the event of an evening which had raised such splendid expectations. I had rather hoped that my wife's views on the stranger would be disappointed; but I soon found out that I had a different story to hear.

  "Oh! my dear Mr. Bennet," cried my dear wife as she entered the room, "we have had a most delightful evening, a most excellent ball. I wish you had been there. Jane was so admired, nothing could be like it. Everybody said how well she looked; and Mr. Bingley thought her quite beautiful, and danced with her twice! Only think of that, my dear; he actually danced with her twice! And she was the only creature in the room that he asked a second time. First of all, he asked Miss Lucas. I was so vexed to see him stand up with her! But, however, he did not admire her at all; indeed, nobody can, you know; and he seemed quite struck with Jane as she was going down the dance. So he inquired who she was, and got introduced, and asked her for the two next. Then the two third he danced with Miss King, and the two fourth with Maria Lucas, and the two fifth with Jane again, and the two sixth with Lizzy, and the Boulanger -"

  "If he had had any compassion for me," I was here constrained to cry impatiently, or we should never have got to bed, "he would not have danced half so much! For God's sake, say no more of his partners. Oh that he had sprained his ankle in the first dance!"

  "Oh! my dear, I am quite delighted with him. He is so excessively handsome! And his sisters are charming women. I never in my life saw anything more elegant than their dresses. I dare say the lace upon Mrs. Hurst's gown--"

  Here she was interrupted again, while I protested against any description of finery. She was therefore obliged to seek another branch of the subject, and related, with much bitterness of spirit and, I dare say, some exaggeration, the shocking rudeness of Mr. Darcy.

  "But I can assure you," she added, "that Lizzy does not lose much by not suiting his fancy; for he is a most disagreeable, horrid man, not at all worth pleasing. So high and so conceited that there was no enduring him! He walked here, and
he walked there, fancying himself so very great! Not handsome enough to dance with! I wish you had been there, my dear, to have given him one of your set-downs. I quite detest the man."

  So much for Mr. Bingley’s “no better fellow in the world”. It goes without saying that I have complete and unshakeable confidence in Mrs. Bennet’s judgements. I resolved, however, on this occasion, to defer forming any opinion upon the gentleman until I should actually have met him, thus enabling myself to continue, for the time being, in the perfect equanimity of complete indifference.

  Chapter Fourteen : Allowed to be a sweet girl

  The ladies of Longbourn soon waited on those of Netherfield, and the visit was returned in due form.

  For those with an eye to observe, and an ear to hear, that is to say, to less than half of their audience, it was evident that Miss Bennet's pleasing manners grew on the good will of Mrs. Hurst and Miss Bingley; and though the mother was found to be intolerable and the younger sisters not worth speaking to, a wish of being better acquainted with them, was expressed towards the two eldest.

  By Jane this attention was received with the greatest pleasure; but Elizabeth, I could tell, still saw superciliousness in their treatment of every body, hardly excepting even her sister, and could not like them; though their kindness to Jane, such as it was, had a value as arising in all probability from the influence of their brother's admiration.

  Quite soon, it was generally evident whenever they met, that he did admire her; and to the same discerning observers it was equally evident that Jane was yielding to the preference which she had begun to entertain for him from the first, and was in a way to be very much in love.