To Make Sport for our Neighbours

by Ronald McGowan

  This was all very well, and might or might not lead to happier prospects. I was prepared to let nature take its course, secure in the confident expectation that, whatever might transpire, my Jane was far too sensible a girl to let her life be marred by some incurable, romantic dream.

  Not so Mrs. Bennet, however. She thought of very little else but of marrying her daughters. I suppose that when a mother reaches a certain age, or rather, when her daughters reach a certain age, she has nothing better to do than to busy herself with thoughts of matrimony. I exclude, of course, those rarities among the female sex such as Miss Herschel and Miss Burney who put their intellects to – I dare not say better – to other use.

  But such ladies are rare indeed, and Mrs. Bennet, as I had discovered, was not to be included among them. She took her responsibility to her daughters as seriously as might be supposed, and was ever on the lookout for their prospects.

  The town of Meryton is only one mile from Longbourn village; a most convenient distance for the young ladies, who were usually tempted thither three or four times a week, to pay their duty to their aunt and to a milliner's shop just over the way. The two youngest of the family, Catherine and Lydia, were particularly frequent in these attentions; their minds were more vacant than their sisters', and when nothing better offered, a walk to Meryton was necessary to amuse their morning hours and furnish conversation for the evening; and however bare of news the country in general might be, they always contrived to learn some from their aunt. At present, indeed, they were well supplied both with news and happiness by the recent arrival of a militia regiment in the neighbourhood; it was to remain the whole winter, and Meryton was the head quarters.

  Their visits to Mrs. Philips were now productive of the most interesting intelligence. Every day added something to their knowledge of the officers' names and connections. Their lodgings were not long a secret, and at length they began to know the officers themselves. Mr. Philips visited them all, and this opened to his nieces a source of felicity unknown before. They could talk of nothing but officers; and Mr. Bingley's large fortune, the mention of which gave animation to their mother, was worthless in their eyes when opposed to the regimentals of an ensign.

  After listening one morning to their effusions on this subject, I found myself constrained to observe

  “From all that I can collect by your manner of talking, you must be two of the silliest girls in the country. I have suspected it some time, but I am now convinced."

  Catherine, while looking disconcerted, made no answer; but Lydia, with perfect indifference, continued to express her admiration of Captain Carter, and her hope of seeing him in the course of the day, as he was going the next morning to London.

  "I am astonished, my dear," said Mrs. Bennet, "that you should be so ready to think your own children silly. If I wished to think slightingly of any body's children, it should not be of my own however."

  "If my children are silly I must hope to be always sensible of it.”

  “Yes—but as it happens, they are all of them very clever."

  "This is the only point, I flatter myself, on which we do not agree. I had hoped that our sentiments coincided in every particular, but I must so far differ from you as to think our two youngest daughters uncommonly foolish."

  "My dear Mr. Bennet, you must not expect such girls to have the sense of their father and mother. When they get to our age I dare say they will not think about officers any more than we do. I remember the time when I liked a red coat myself very well—and indeed so I do still at my heart; and if a smart young colonel, with five or six thousand a year, should want one of my girls, I shall not say nay to him; and I thought Colonel Forster looked very becoming the other night at Sir William's in his regimentals."

  "Mama," cried Lydia at this point, "my aunt says that Colonel Forster and Captain Carter do not go so often to Miss Watson's as they did when they first came; she sees them now very often standing in Clarke's library."

  Mrs. Bennet was prevented replying by the entrance of the footman with a note for Miss Bennet; it came from Netherfield, and the servant waited for an answer. Mrs. Bennet's eyes sparkled with pleasure, and she was eagerly calling out, while her daughter read,

  "Well, Jane, who is it from? what is it about? what does he say? Well, Jane, make haste and tell us; make haste, my love."

  "It is from Miss Bingley," said Jane, and then read it aloud.

  "My dear Friend,

  "If you are not so compassionate as to dine to-day with Louisa and me, we shall be in danger of hating each other for the rest of our lives, for a whole day's tête-à-tête between two women can never end without a quarrel. Come as soon as you can on the receipt of this. My brother and the gentlemen are to dine with the officers. Yours ever,

  "Caroline Bingley."

  "With the officers!" cried Lydia. "I wonder my aunt did not tell us of that."

  "Dining out," said Mrs. Bennet, "that is very unlucky."

  "Can I have the carriage?" said Jane.

  "No, my dear, you had better go on horseback, because it seems likely to rain; and then you must stay all night."

  "That would be a good scheme," said Elizabeth, "if you were sure that they would not offer to send her home."

  "Oh! but the gentlemen will have Mr. Bingley's chaise to go to Meryton; and the Hursts have no horses to theirs."

  "I had much rather go in the coach."

  "But, my dear, your father cannot spare the horses, I am sure. They are wanted in the farm, Mr. Bennet, are not they?"

  "They are wanted in the farm much oftener than I can get them."

  "But if you have got them to-day," said Elizabeth, "my mother's purpose will be answered."

  “I know perfectly well, my dear Lizzy,” I replied, “that the entire neighbourhood, including my family are convinced that I only claim my carriage horses are in use on the farm to avoid the Coaches and Carriages Tax but the simple truth is that the long meadow must be ploughed today if we are to get the seed in before the rain- which you will no doubt be glad to hear, Mrs. Bennet, is indeed expected – arrives. Every draught horse we can muster will be needed for the task.”

  Jane was therefore obliged to go on horseback, and her mother attended her to the door with many cheerful prognostics of a bad day. Her hopes were answered; Jane had not been gone long before it rained hard. Her sisters were uneasy for her, but her mother was delighted. The rain continued the whole evening without intermission; Jane certainly could not come back.”

  “This was a lucky idea of mine, indeed!" said Mrs. Bennet, more than once, as if the credit of making it rain were all her own.

  Till the next morning, however, she was not aware of all the felicity of her contrivance. Breakfast was scarcely over when a servant from Netherfield brought the following note for Elizabeth:

  "My dearest Lizzy,

  "I find myself very unwell this morning, which, I suppose, is to be imputed to my getting wet through yesterday. My kind friends will not hear of my returning home till I am better. They insist also on my seeing Mr. Jones—therefore do not be alarmed if you should hear of his having been to me—and excepting a sore-throat and head-ache there is not much the matter with me.

  "Yours, &c."

  "Well, my dear," I said, when Elizabeth had read the note aloud, "if your daughter should have a dangerous fit of illness, if she should die, it would be a comfort to know that it was all in pursuit of Mr. Bingley, and under your orders."

  “Oh! I am not at all afraid of her dying. People do not die of little trifling colds. She will be taken good care of. As long as she stays there, it is all very well. I would go and see her, if I could have the carriage."

  Elizabeth, feeling really anxious, was determined to go to her, though the carriage was not to be had; and as she was no horse-woman, walking was her only alternative. She declared her resolution.

  "How can you be so silly," cried her mother, "as to think of such a thing, in all this dirt! You will not be fit to be seen when
you get there."

  "I shall be very fit to see Jane—which is all I want."

  "Is this a hint to me, Lizzy," I asked, "to send for the horses?"

  "No, indeed. I do not wish to avoid the walk. The “distance is nothing, when one has a motive; only three miles. I shall be back by dinner."

  "I admire the activity of your benevolence," observed Mary, "but every impulse of feeling should be guided by reason; and, in my opinion, exertion should always be in proportion to what is required."

  "We will go as far as Meryton with you," said Catherine and Lydia.

  Elizabeth accepted their company, and the three young ladies set off together.

  "If we make haste," said Lydia, as they left "perhaps we may see something of Captain Carter before he goes.”

  Chapter Fifteen : The advantages of an indifferent constitution

  We were left for a short while without news of any of our daughters save Mary.

  This suspense lasted until almost four o’clock, when a servant arrived from Netherfield with a message from Elizabeth, saying that she intended to stay a few nights with her sister and asking us to send a supply of clothes.

  Other than that they were both, apparently, still alive, this left us no more enlightened as to the present state of Jane’s health – or, indeed, of Elizabeth’s, than we had been when the girls had set off after lunch.

  I expected much ado about this from Mrs. Bennet, but was disappointed.

  “And should you not like to know,” I enquired, “ whether your eldest daughter has contracted pneumonia riding across the fields in the wet, nor whether your second has succumbed likewise in her injudicious traipse across those same, even wetter, fields?”

  “Oh, as to that, Lizzy would be sure to have sent us word if there were any real cause for alarm, or Miss Bingley would if our daughters were both incapable of doing so. You mark my words, our Jane is not so simple as to let such an opportunity slip, and neither is your Lizzy. They will be making the most of their time there.”

  “The pursuit of Bingley I can comprehend, although I am not convinced that I can heartily approve of its being conducted in such a way. But I cannot see how the presence of her sister will assist Jane in this object. Or am I to assume that there is another young man at Netherfield to be swept into your nets, my dear?”

  “To be sure, there is only that disagreeable Mr. Darcy, and we all know, already, what he thinks of Lizzy, and she of him. Not that the thought of ten thousand L a year does not have its attractions. But in any case I make no doubt that Lizzy will be invaluable in distracting Miss Bingley- aye, and Mr. and Mrs. Hurst, and even Mr. Darcy, and enabling Jane and Mr. Bingley to get to know each other better.”

  How accurate the love of my life was in her appraisal of the situation we had no idea until two more nights had passed and a note had arrived, during breakfast from Lizzy.

  The note was immediately perused, and its contents as quickly complied with. Mrs. Bennet, accompanied by her two youngest girls, reached Netherfield soon after the family breakfast.

  Had she found Jane in any apparent danger, Mrs. Bennet would have been very miserable; but being satisfied on seeing her that her illness was not alarming, she had no wish of her recovering immediately, as her restoration to health would probably remove her from Netherfield. She would not listen therefore to her daughter's proposal of being carried home; neither did the apothecary, who arrived about the same time, think it at all advisable. After sitting a little while with Jane, on Miss Bingley's appearance and invitation, the mother and three daughters all attended her into the breakfast parlour. Bingley met them with hopes that Mrs. Bennet had not found Miss Bennet worse than she expected.

  "Indeed I have, Sir," was her answer. "She is a great deal too ill to be moved. Mr. Jones says we must not think of moving her. We must trespass a little longer on your kindness."

  "Removed!" cried Bingley. "It must not be thought of. My sister, I am sure, will not hear of her ”

  All this I had from my wife and daughters on their return, and the detail in their narration was by no means less than I have recorded. I omit Mrs. Bennet’s comments on Mr. Darcy, and also the effrontery of my youngest daughter in holding Bingley to his promise of giving a ball at Netherfield.

  Had they brought Jane and Lizzy back with them I should have been better pleased. I think Lizzy, at least, would have agreed with me, for the note we received from her after a further two nights had passed made it quite plain to me that they were in danger of outstaying their welcome.

  Mrs. Bennet, however, who had calculated on her daughters remaining at Netherfield till the following Tuesday, which would exactly finish Jane's week, could not bring herself to receive them with pleasure before. Her answer, therefore, was not propitious, at least not to Elizabeth's wishes, for she was evidently impatient to get home. Mrs. Bennet sent them word that they could not possibly have the carriage before Tuesday; and in her postscript it was added, that if Mr. Bingley and his sister pressed them to stay longer, she could spare them very well.

  This provoked the obvious reaction from Lizzy, namely her requesting the use of the Bingleys’ coach to return home with Jane, and although they were prevailed upon by the kindness of Miss Bingley to defer their return by one further day, the week’s absence, on which Mrs. Bennet had counted so much, was fated not to be.

  They were not welcomed home very cordially by their mother. Mrs. Bennet wondered at their coming, and thought them very wrong to give so much trouble, and was sure Jane would have caught cold again.

  They found Mary, as usual, deep in the study of thorough bass and human nature; and had some new extracts to admire, and some new observations of thread-bare morality to listen to. Catherine and Lydia had information for them of a different sort. Much had been done, and much had been said in the regiment since the preceding Wednesday; several of the officers had dined lately with their uncle, a private had been flogged, and it had actually been hinted that Colonel Forster was going to be married.

  On my own part, though necessarily laconic in my expressions of pleasure, I was really glad to see them; I had felt their importance in the family circle. The evening conversation, when they were all assembled, had lost much of its animation, and almost all its sense, by the absence of Jane and Elizabeth.

  Chapter Sixteen : An old connexion renewed

  While all this was in train, I had amused myself with a secret project, which allowed me to announce one morning at breakfast -

  "I hope, my dear, that you have ordered a good dinner to-day, because I have reason to expect an addition to our family party."

  "Who do you mean, my dear? I know of nobody that is coming I am sure, unless Charlotte Lucas should happen to call in, and I hope my dinners are good enough for her. I do not believe she often sees such at home."

  "The person of whom I speak, is a gentleman and a stranger."

  Mrs.Bennet's eyes sparkled.

  “A gentleman and a stranger! It is Mr. Bingley I am sure. Why Jane--you never dropt a word of this; you sly thing! Well, I am sure I shall be extremely glad to see Mr. Bingley. But, good lord! how unlucky! there is not a bit of fish to be got to-day. Lydia, my love, ring the bell. I must speak to Hill, this moment."

  "It is not Mr. Bingley," said I; "it is a person whom I never saw in the whole course of my life."

  This roused a general astonishment; and I had the pleasure of being eagerly questioned by my wife and five daughters at once. After amusing myself some time with their curiosity, I explained.

  "About a month ago I received this letter, and about a fortnight ago I answered it, for I thought it a case of some delicacy, and requiring early attention. It is from my cousin, Mr. Collins, who, when I am dead, may turn you all out of this house as soon as he pleases."

  "Oh! my dear," cried my wife, "I cannot bear to hear that mentioned. Pray do not talk of that odious man. I do think it is the hardest thing in the world, that your estate should be entailed away from your own children; and I
am sure if I had been you, I should have tried long ago to do something or other about it."

  Jane and Elizabeth attempted to explain to her the nature of an entail. They had often attempted it before, but it was a subject - one of many, I might add - on which Mrs.Bennet was beyond the reach of reason; and she continued to rail bitterly against the cruelty of settling an estate away from a family of five daughters, in favour of a man whom nobody cared anything about.

  "It certainly is a most iniquitous affair," I concurred, "and nothing can clear Mr. Collins from the guilt of inheriting Longbourn. But if you will listen to his letter, you may perhaps be a little softened by his manner of expressing himself."

  "No, that I am sure I shall not; and I think it was very impertinent of him to write to you at all, and very hypocritical. I hate such false friends. Why could not he keep on quarrelling with you, as his father did before him?"

  "Why, indeed, he does seem to have had some filial scruples on that head, as you will hear."

  I then read out as follows -

  "Hunsford, near Westerham, Kent, 15th October.

  "Dear Sir,--

  "The disagreement subsisting between yourself and my late honoured father always gave me much uneasiness, and since I have had the misfortune to lose him, I have frequently wished to heal the breach; but for some time I was kept back by my own doubts, fearing lest it might seem disrespectful to his memory for me to be on good terms with anyone with whom it had always pleased him to be at variance.

  My mind, however, is now made up on the subject, for having received ordination at Easter, I have been so fortunate as to be distinguished by the patronage of the Right Honourable Lady Catherine de Bourgh, widow of Sir Lewis de Bourgh, whose bounty and beneficence has preferred me to the valuable rectory of this parish, where it shall be my earnest endeavour to demean myself with grateful respect towards her ladyship, and be ever ready to perform those rites and ceremonies which are instituted by the Church of England. As a clergyman, moreover, I feel it my duty to promote and establish the blessing of peace in all families within the reach of my influence; and on these grounds I flatter myself that my present overtures are highly commendable, and that the circumstance of my being next in the entail of Longbourn estate will be kindly overlooked on your side, and not lead you to reject the offered olive-branch. I cannot be otherwise than concerned at being the means of injuring your amiable daughters, and beg leave to apologise for it, as well as to assure you of my readiness to make them every possible amends--but of this hereafter. If you should have no objection to receive me into your house, I propose myself the satisfaction of waiting on you and your family, Monday, November 18th, by four o'clock, and shall probably trespass on your hospitality till the Saturday se'ennight following, which I can do without any inconvenience, as Lady Catherine is far from objecting to my occasional absence on a Sunday, provided that some other clergyman is engaged to do the duty of the day.