My Life as an Album (Books 1-4)

by LJ Evans

  “Yes! You look beautiful. I’m just trying to decide what I should wear.”

  “I’m just teasing. I have a purple dress in the house.”

  She was referring to Blake’s grandparents’ house here at the ranch. She and Blake were staying with them for all the fundraiser shenanigans. Honestly, though, they stayed here a lot when they visited from Nashville. Blake’s grandparents had more rooms. Plus, I think it was easier for Cam to be here than at our house or her house where everything reminded her of Jake. Or, really, of her and Jake—the one being they used to be.

  I took the box as instructed and placed the jars on the tables near the flowers that were already wilting in the heat. When I’d made it about halfway through, I was surprised to find the box lifted out of my hands.

  I turned to find Derek smiling at me again. “Let me help.”

  “Don’t you need to be practicing or something?” I asked with a wave to the stage because the last thing I needed was this BB by my side again.

  “Won’t make any difference this late in the game. We’ll either suck or be a hit,” he said. He gave a self-deprecating shrug accompanied by yet another sexy smile.

  For some reason, this time the smile reminded me just a little of Hayden’s smile when he wanted something. And I was trying to forget all of Hayden Hollister’s smiles, even though they lived with me most nights. This had me narrowing my eyes at Derek in a way that probably wasn’t fair to him but I was sure was well deserved anyway.

  “I’m sure you have something better to do than help me put out mason jars, unless I’m not trusted to do that either.”

  “I’d trust you to do anything you wanted to my… tables,” he said. My stomach did that monkey bar flip again because he was definitely flirting with me. It had taken me awhile to really figure it out for sure because I wasn’t used to guys flirting with me.

  Well, that wasn’t exactly true. I was used to slimy guys hitting on my size E’s and talking to them more than my face, but gorgeous BB musicians weren’t normally the kind to do anything with me, much less flirt.

  I tried to grab the box back, but he easily shifted it away from me and moved to the next table where he handed me a jar. There wasn’t much I could do unless I wanted to make a huge scene, so I just took the jar and placed it on the table. Thankfully, we were done in no time.

  “What are you doing now?” Derek asked as he twirled the empty box in his hands. He seemed wound tight with inner energy. It was like Cam and Jake, and even Blake. But never me. I was a read-a-book-and-bake-cookies kind of girl, not a run-until-I-broke kind of girl.

  “Going home to shower and change,” I said with a shrug.

  His grinned widened, if possible, cleft stretching even more, and then he said, “You can’t say things like that to me.”

  He gave me a once-over, and I suddenly hated my dark pantsuit with a passion, even though just that morning I’d loved it as much as I’d loved Hayden. As president of our business fraternity, Hayden had been all about business fashion, setting the tone with his custom-made suits.

  I was just about to say something sarcastic back to his sexy innuendo when the box he was spinning flew out of his hands, and the corner hit me in my right breast before falling to the ground.

  “Holy profanity!” I gasped, covering my injured part with my hand.

  “Shit!” he said at the same time. He reached out to touch me and then stopped, realizing where I was hurt.

  “I’m…” He didn’t even know what to say as he stared at my hand and the breast it was covering.

  Blake and Cam took that unfortunate moment to come up to us, with me clutching my boob, and Derek acting like he had permanently maimed me.

  Blake put his arm around Derek’s shoulders. “I thought I made myself clear on this matter.”

  Blake was smiling, but there was a tone to his voice that was deadly serious.

  Cam took it all in.

  “No way in hell, Derek. She’s off limits,” Cam said. Suddenly, I got what it was all about earlier with Derek and Blake.

  I was used to Cam protecting me. She’d been my shield when it came to boys ever since I’d entered high school and Jake had gone off to college. The only boy to date me then had gone through her, which was no easy feat. But I wasn’t a fourteen-year-old virgin anymore, and their protectiveness was just humiliating.

  “You guys are embarrassing,” I said.

  Cam looked dubiously at my hand on my breast. I removed it even though it was still smarting. “It was an accident.”

  Everyone stood there for a moment, Blake sending “back off” vibes to Derek, me still mortified, and Cam looking like she was ready to start a fight, baby bump and all.

  “You guys are awful. Anyone able to give me a ride back to town?” I asked, changing the subject.

  “I have to go back to the hotel and get ready too. You can ride with me,” Derek said. The three of us groaned.

  “It’s just a ride,” Derek said with a smirk that really suggested it might be something else entirely. It seemed that he was egging Blake and Cam on because it wasn’t like he was going to attack my sweaty, suit-clad body in the back seat of whatever vehicle he owned.

  “You have the rental here?” Blake asked.

  “Shit, no. Owen dropped me off at the dealership on his way back to the hotel.”

  Blake sighed. “Take my truck.”

  Blake fished the keys out of his jeans pocket and flung them at Derek, who caught them deftly. I would have dropped them. I was not anywhere near the athlete that Cam and Jake had been. Jake had gotten his football scholarship to UTK, and Cam had won a diving medal at the World Championships before she’d been recruited by Virginia Tech, whereas I could barely stand on a treadmill without falling over.

  Cam’s eyes narrowed at Derek as he swung the keys in a circle around his slender fingers. “She’s my sister, dipshit, got it?”

  Derek looked all innocent, but his eyes were flashing a challenge that said otherwise. It made me tingle all over in a way that was not normal for me. Because, butterbeer, the thought of him treating me in a non-sisterlike fashion was enough to add another layer of sweat to my already sweaty body.

  “God, Cam, I’m not twelve,” I said before turning to Derek. “I’d appreciate the ride.”

  Derek and I walked away, but I could feel Blake and Cam’s eyes on us all the way to the truck. The passenger door was closest to us, and Derek grabbed the handle and opened it for me. “Thanks,” I said with a gulp. It felt too date-like for me to be comfortable with, even though I knew we weren’t going on a date. The furthest thing from it.

  He climbed into the driver’s side, and we took off out of the ranch. I slyly tried to take him in as he drove. He had to be a little older than me. Maybe twenty-four to my twenty-two? But he had a youthfulness to him that made him seem younger. Maybe it was the sense of carefreeness about him. Even before Jake, I hadn’t had a carefree bone in my body. But now…now that I was all that Mama and Daddy had left, I took even fewer risks, which meant literally none.

  He turned and caught me staring. He lifted an eyebrow and grinned. “They told me no.”

  I flushed and looked out the window. “As if.”

  “I haven’t heard anyone use that term since the eighties,” he chuckled at me again.

  “You weren’t alive in the eighties.”

  “Well, I’ve seen a lot of eighties films.”

  “They are the best,” I said with a sigh.

  “Yep.”

  I turned toward him. “You really think that, or are you just appeasing me?”

  “Two things I never joke about: music and movies.”

  “Those are the only two things?”

  “I’m sure there are a few more things, but I can’t think of any at the moment.”

  At least not any he wanted to share, because I swear I saw the first look of seriousness flash over his face. But it was gone as quickly as i
t had come.

  “I get the music, but why movies?”

  “Well, my brother is Dylan Waters,” he said, as if that was supposed to answer my question.

  “Am I supposed to know who that is?”

  Surprise washed over his face. “Director. Producer. The Spy Network?”

  He named a movie that had taken the world by storm last year. It was liked by fans and critics, and it had won a bunch of Oscars. I hadn’t seen it because I’d been busy with senior year and Hayden, or rather, busy with not having Hayden. Instead, I’d been busy writing love letters to someone who hadn’t chosen me, and burying my head in books as a way of avoiding my reality.

  “I heard it was good,” I said with a shrug.

  He laughed again. “You haven’t seen it?”

  I just shook my head.

  “I think you’ve surprised me at least twenty times since I’ve met you.” This time, there was no smile to accompany the words. Instead, there was that quiet, thoughtful look on his face once more.

  “Turn left here,” I said as we approached town. We drove down the street in silence. “It’s the one on the right with the green truck.”

  He pulled into the driveway behind Daddy’s truck, and I felt like I was fifteen and my only high school boyfriend was bringing me home. As if I should be expecting something but wasn’t sure if I wanted it or not. He turned to me. “Do you need a ride back out to the ranch?”

  “Nah, I’ll go with my parents.”

  I reached for the handle and was surprised as all get out when he stopped me. When his hand hit my bare wrist, heat seeped from his fingers into my skin like honey into a biscuit. And just like him, that feeling was smooth, silky, and dangerous. Yet it was also soothing, somehow. Like comfort food with a kick.

  I thought maybe I needed to stick my head in an ice chest if I was getting this discombobulated over one touch from a boy band star. I looked down at his hand, and he pulled back as if he was as shocked as I was that he’d stopped me.

  “I’ll see you tonight,” he said.

  It was one of those sexy, more-of-a-statement-than-a-question kind of things that made me swallow hard and look away. All I could do was nod at him and then climb out of the truck, hoping that I hadn’t left my pride on the seat along with the sweat stains.

  I couldn’t help but look back and saw him wave as he pulled out of the driveway. Suddenly, I was dreading tonight on a whole new level. And maybe that was good because it would distract me enough that I wouldn’t break down. I’d be able to be the quiet, supportive Mia everyone had come to count on.

  The Fundraiser

  EVEN MY DAD DOES SOMETIMES

  “So don’t wipe your eyes.

  Tears remind you you’re alive…

  But just for tonight, hold on.”

  -Ed Sheeran

  When I entered the house, the aroma of chocolate and cinnamon hit me. It was the smell of Mama’s favorite cookies. She tended to bake when she was anxious or upset. It was something we often did together, coming up with weird and delicious new concoctions. So, with the fundraiser tonight, it was no surprise to find her cleaning bowls while warm cookies rested on a plate. I took one and then gave her a hug.

  “Was that Blake’s truck?” Mama asked.

  “Yeah. His new one-hit wonder gave me a ride back after I took the Camaro out to the ranch,” I told her carefully.

  I saw Mama’s breath catch. Even though there was no way she wanted me to know it, getting rid of the Camaro had probably been hardest on her. It wasn’t that it was any easier having it sit at the dealership where it reminded us all of the person who would never drive it again. But I also don’t think any of us knew how to handle the thought of giving it away to some stranger.

  Maybe this would help her be ready to tackle Jake’s room. Four years later, it still looked like he and Cam were going to come back from college and take up residence in the place they’d spent their whole lives.

  Truth was, my heart broke a little thinking of poor Mama having to continually say goodbye to her baby boy. It made the guilt swarm over me like mosquitos at the lake at dusk. It made me wish again that I could trade places with my brother. The superstar with so much potential versus the girl that was pretty much invisible.

  Because I couldn’t make that wish come true, I did what I always did and tried to make Mama feel better with another squeeze. It was a poor substitute for her lost son, but it was all I was able to do.

  “It’ll be okay,” I told her. The words felt false even to me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want things to be okay. I desperately wanted them to be okay, but I had no faith yet it would happen. Sometimes I wondered how Mama didn’t hate me when I’d failed her and Daddy and Jake and Cam.

  “You smell sweaty,” she said, hugging me tighter. That brought me back to that beautiful BB, Derek, and I was suddenly all mortification. Smelling sweaty in the presence of such gorgeousness was god-awful. Especially when his gorgeousness hadn’t smelled sweaty at all. He’d smelled like… I don’t know…woods, and life, and something I couldn’t name yet.

  “Ew. Thanks a lot. I’ve been around a cute guy, and my mama tells me just how awful I look.”

  I immediately wanted to take the words back when Mama turned fast to look me in the eye. “You? Around a cute guy? Where is my Mia and what have you done with her?”

  I grimaced because wasn’t that the truth. Good Girl Mia was never around hot musicians. No one at home knew that I’d, once upon a time, been around a golden boy who’d left me for someone else. That humiliation I kept all to myself.

  “I’m going to take a shower and get rid of the sweat,” I told her, but really I was hoping I could get rid of my mixed-up thoughts.

  I heard Mama chuckle as I left, and that helped because I’d made her laugh, and sometimes I thought she had forgotten how.

  When I was safely ensconced in the shower, I let myself cry a little. Not enough to leave me with puffy, red eyes, but enough to relieve some emotions so that I would be able to hold myself together at the fundraiser where it was going to be a true test. I tried to remind myself that philosopher Ed was right, that even daddies cried sometimes, and that it was okay. I just couldn’t let anyone else see. And tonight, I definitely had to hold it together.

  ♫ ♫ ♫

  By the time I stepped out of Daddy’s truck, I had my shield back on. I was going to be able to hold up Mama and Cam without collapsing myself. Because the whole car thing was going to chip off another piece of their souls. So, I had to stay strong.

  I hit the grass and wobbled. I wanted to bang my head against a wall again. What had possessed me to wear the one pair of sparkly stilettos that I owned? Then I did an inner eye-roll because I couldn’t hide from myself the truth as to why I was wearing these stupid heels. I’d had a stupid musician on my stupid brain when I’d picked out my stupid outfit.

  Daddy came around the truck with Mama’s hand in his, and he offered me his elbow, which I happily took. He made my heart jump with pleasure when he looked down and said, “You sure look pretty tonight, baby girl.”

  Daddy wasn’t one for a whole lot of compliments. Never had been. It wasn’t like we didn’t know he loved us and was proud of us. I mean, how couldn’t he be proud of Jake’s superstar status? And it wasn’t like he’d just turn the reins of the dealership over to just anyone, daughter or not, so I knew he was proud of me too. But his compliments came in extremely small doses, so I savored them when I got them.

  Daddy’s words reminded me that I wasn’t just in stupid stilettos, but I was also in a dark green minidress that I hadn’t worn in over a year. Not that I had a whole lot of choices in my wardrobe. I had business clothes, and college slacker clothes, and not much else.

  But this dress was a huge mistake, and not just because it was short and showed more of my E-sized boobs than I was normally comfortable showing. It was a huge mistake because it was the dress I’d worn on my semi-date with Ha
yden. The date that had ended in me losing my virginity. It was pretty pathetic that I’d been at the end of my junior year of college when I’d finally lost it, but my high school boyfriend and I hadn’t lasted past his graduating. Truth be told, while Tim Martin had been a good kisser, nothing had made me want to get butt naked with him and do the deed.

  Hayden had though. He’d been the first boy to make me feel the zap. That zap of kinetic energy that travels all the way through you. He was a golden boy. One hundred percent golden with golden hair, golden eyes, golden skin, and a golden life. He wasn’t quite a player, but he had two of us girls on his string—hook, line, and sinker. I’d been the loser. I’d been the fish thrown back in the water for later, and it had broken my heart.

  Now here I was, wearing this stupid dress on yet another emotional night where another gorgeous guy had sort of paid attention to me and was probably capable of breaking me in more ways than I’d been broken before. Well, maybe not. Giving a kidney and having it kill someone could really do a number on you.

  As I didn’t have much in my closet that didn’t rattle your eyes with a cry of “business,” it had been this or a little black dress I had to wear a strapless bra with. Take it from me, size E breasts and strapless bras just really aren’t made for each other. They’re more like lemon and milk.

  I tried to shake myself out of my reflective musing as we walked into the big tent and were greeted by a rep from the American Diabetes Association.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Phillips, thank you so much for holding this fundraiser tonight. I’m sure your son, Jake, would be very proud to be a part of it.”

  Jake would have been proud. He would have been smiling his godlike smile because he’d always loved being the center of attention. Thrived on it. He’d been raised as the center of everyone’s attention. Our parents. Cam’s parents. Cam herself. Our town. He’d even been the focus of the whole country for the two seasons he’d played for UTK, his smile plastered across the television screens.

  Mama looked away and tried not to cry, and I immediately wanted to strangle the guy’s throat. It wasn’t his fault though. Who would know that, four years in, the loss of Jake was still a burning volcano in all our lives?