The Right Way

by Ashey, Katie

  Chapter Twelve: Presley

  In my Lamaze classes as well as at work, I’d heard women talk about how life-altering it was to hold their child for the first time. While I understood their words, I had no comprehension of the depth of emotion behind it until Evie was placed in my arms. It was like the life I’d once known ended, yet an even more beautiful one began in its place.

  “Hello beautiful,” I murmured through my tears.

  Although she’d been wailing her head off, her cries began to wane when I nestled her to me. As I stared down into her face, I shook my head. “You must’ve really wanted to be here since you had to come early.”

  “Not to mention so fast,” Jonathan remarked.

  “That too.” Reaching for one of her hands, I eyed her delicate little fingers. Once I was finished, I did the same thing on the other hand.

  When Jonathan’s phone started ringing, he said, “It’s Mom and Dad.

  “Maybe you should Facetime them instead of answering,” I suggested.

  “Good one.” After dialing his parents, he turned the phone towards Evie and me.

  When Evelyn answered and saw Evie in my arms, her face went through about five different emotions in a matter of seconds. Then a scream erupted from her lips, and she began to weep happy tears. “Oh my God! I can’t believe she’s here!”

  “She is. All six pounds, eight ounces, and nineteen inches of her,” I said.

  “And everything is fine? She doesn’t need the NICU because she’s early?”

  This time Dr. Sullivan fielded the question for me. “She looks and sounds great, Evelyn,” she replied with a smile.

  “Oh Maggie, I’m so glad you were there for Presley since we couldn’t be.”

  “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” She jerked her chin at Jonathan. “She didn’t just have me to lean on. Jonathan was pretty amazing at assisting.”

  I grinned at the flush that tinged Jonathan’s cheeks. I didn’t know if he was basking in the glow of the compliments or embarrassed at reliving some of what he’d seen during delivery.

  “Thank God you’d come home, Jonathan,” Evelyn remarked.

  “Yes, I’m glad you were there to help out,” Martin added, which of course caused Jonathan’s eyes to widen.

  Once he recovered, he said, “Listen, you guys just drive safe, and we’ll see you soon.”

  “After seeing her sweet little face, it’s going to be agonizing waiting to hold her in my arms.”

  I laughed. “She’ll be ready for you when you get here.”

  “It should be another four to five hours.”

  “We’ll be here.”

  When the phone call ended, Jonathan realized the embarrassing vag moments weren’t over since they were putting me back together below the waist. A nurse had also taken Evie from me to get her cleaned up. With nothing else to focus on potentially but my vag, he mumbled, “Yeah, uh, I’ll go get Maddie and Noah.”

  I laughed as he practically sprinted from the room. “You know, after your first push, I really thought he was going to be a goner,” Dr. Sullivan joked.

  “You and me both.”

  “He would’ve made Jake proud today for staying by your side.”

  “I told him as much. Well, I gave him a guilt trip in Jake’s name.”

  Dr. Sullivan laughed. “It was the boost he needed.”

  “I hope he’ll forgive me for making him stay.”

  “Oh, I think you’ll find he will look back at this being one of the most amazing experiences of his life.”

  “Really?”

  “His expression when Evie took her first breath was one of awe.”

  “I didn’t realize that.”

  “How could you? You were experiencing your own wonderment. Today will be a day both of you remember all your lives, and it’s all because of Jake.”

  In that moment, a flip was switched within me. Since I’d been so overwhelmed by the physical pain and at how fast my labor was transpiring, I had yet to experience the grief of Jake not being here. Even though we’d talked about Evie’s hair being like his, I had yet to feel the agonizing ache that spread through my chest.

  Even though I tried, I couldn’t stop the tears streaking down my cheeks. Dr. Sullivan came around the side of the bed. Leaning over, she wrapped me in her arms. “I’m so, so sorry, Presley.”

  When I could finally speak, I said, “It’s okay. I’m glad I’m getting this over with before Evelyn gets here.” I shook my head. “I don’t want to do anything to bring her down today. She’s so happy.”

  “She would understand.”

  At the knock at the door, Dr. Sullivan said, “Would you like me to tell them you need a moment?”

  Sniffling, I used my free hand to swipe my eyes. “No, no. This is a happy day, and I want to share it with them.”

  “Are you sure?”

  I nodded. “As long as I don’t look like I’ve been crying.”

  “You can always play it off as the afterbirth process was painful.”

  Hiccupping a laugh, I replied, “I’m sure I would totally mortify not only Jonathan, but the others with that.”

  “They’ll get over it.”

  “It’s okay. You can let them in.”

  Dr. Sullivan nodded before heading over to the door. Once it opened, Jonathan came bounding around the side of the curtain while Noah and Maddie peered cautiously around before they stepped closer to the bed. Their attention immediately zeroed in on Evie.

  Maddie brought both of her hands to her face. “Oh, my goodness! She’s gorgeous.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Wow, you weren’t kidding when you said she had Jake’s hair,” Noah remarked.

  Maddie grinned. “You’re going to get a lot of use out of all those bows you got at your baby shower.”

  “If it doesn’t fall out.”

  “I think she can spare some,” Noah said as he reached out to feel the silky strands of Evie’s hair.

  “Would you like to hold her?” I asked Noah.

  Jonathan cleared his throat. “Excuse me, but if anyone is holding her first, it’s her uncle.”

  While the others laughed, I said, “I’m sorry. I forgot you hadn’t held her yet.”

  I leaned forward in the bed and eased Evie away from my chest, which caused her to grunt in protest. When I glanced from Evie over to Jonathan, my heartbeat accelerated, and I fought to breathe. Although they favored each other, I’d never seen Jonathan look so much like Jake. As he reached for her, I could only imagine it was Jake reaching to hold his daughter for the first time. An ache spread through my chest at what could’ve been.

  Thankfully, Jonathan brought me out of the moment of despair. “Gosh, she’s as light as a football,” he remarked with a grin.

  A laugh bubbled from my lips, and when I looked at him again, he no longer appeared as if he was Jake’s twin.

  Noah laughed. “Just don’t be tossing her around.”

  “I’ll try not to.”

  Reaching into her purse, Maddie took out her phone. “This moment needs me documented.”

  I gasped. “Oh, my God in all the craziness, I forgot to get any pictures.”

  With a snort, Jonathan replied, “Yeah, there was no way in hell I was going to snap pics of your vagina.”

  Rolling my eyes, I replied, “I wanted pics of Evie, not of my vag or of me writhing in pain.”

  “Don’t worry. I’m sure Mom’s already been on the phone to the newborn photographer to reschedule your hospital session,” Jonathan mused.

  I grinned. “I’m sure she has.”

  As Maddie snapped away at the two of them, Jonathan cradled Evie to his chest. I was so surprised at how natural she looked in his arms. It already felt weird to pass my baby to someone else, but with Jonathan, it felt . . . right. And I saw what Maggie had meant. The awe on his face. He looked happy.

  Reluctantly, I turned my attention to Noah and Maddie. “Listen, there’s something I want to ask you bot
h.” As they stared expectantly at me, I said, “I want you to be Evie’s godparents.”

  Both of their eyes widened as they looked from me to Jonathan. He shook his head. “Don’t look at me. I didn’t have anything to do with it.”

  “It’s safe to say that we all know I’m not very religious. At the same time, I know Evelyn wants Evie to be baptized. When I thought about it, I know it’s what Jake would’ve wanted.”

  They continued staring wide-eyed and open-mouthed at me. As close as Jake and Noah were, he shouldn’t have been surprised I was asking him to have such an important role in Evie’s life. At the same time, I could see why I’d floored Maddie. In a way, she was the other woman in Jake’s world while at the same time I was the other woman in her world. Although I’d had a lot of female friends before getting pregnant, there were only a few who had stuck around, and of those few, none of them were maternal like Maddie was.

  “We’d be honored,” Noah said. After quickly glancing at Maddie, he added, “I mean, I know I would be honored.”

  Tears sparkled in Maddie’s eyes. “Of course, I would love to be her godmother.” After swiping her eyes, she added, “I’m beyond touched, Presley.”

  “And I’m so glad you’re willing to do it.”

  With a smile, Jonathan said, “Hey, Godfather, want me to make you an offer you can’t refuse?”

  Rolling his eyes, Noah laughed in spite of himself. “Let me guess. You’re totally going to keep throwing Godfather references at me.”

  “Of course.”

  “Considering it was one of Jake’s favorite movies, I will allow it.”

  Jonathan laughed as he passed Evie into Noah’s waiting arms. While Noah held Evie, I motioned for Jonathan to take a picture. After snapping a few happy pictures, Jonathan captured Noah’s grief as he began to cry the longer he held Evie. Sniffling, he passed Evie over to Maddie. He shook his head at us. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize.”

  “I’m not a crier, so I sure as hell didn’t expect to do it now.”

  “It’s okay, Noah,” I assured him. When he didn’t appear convinced, I said, “I lost it right before you guys came in.”

  “You did?” he and Jonathan asked in unison.

  “Yeah, I did. And it’s okay. I needed to do it. I’ve come to accept that for the rest of her life, there will be both moments of happiness and sadness because Jake can’t be here.”

  “You’re right. And it sucks,” Noah replied as he swiped his eyes.

  “But Jake wouldn’t want us to be sad.”

  Jonathan snorted. “Bullshit. He would love the attention.”

  I laughed. “While that’s true, the new Jake would’ve wanted us to be happy, especially on such a wonderful occasion.”

  Nodding, Noah replied, “You’re right. He would.”

  With her voice wavering, Maddie said, “More than anything, he would want us to shower this sweet girl with all the love and attention in the world.”

  “I don’t think that will be hard,” Jonathan replied with a smile.

  “I agree,” Noah said.

  Nodding, I said, “She’s our hope, and that’s why I’m giving her the middle name Hope.”

  “Evelyn Hope Nelson, that’s quite a beautiful name you have there,” Maddie remarked to Evie.

  Evie’s response to the compliment was to scrunch her face up and squeal. “I think that’s the cue to return her to her mom,” Maddie said as she hustled back over to me. Evie continued fussing until I took her back into my arms and nestled her against my chest.

  “Oh, maybe I should try to feed her,” I remarked.

  A strangled noise came from within Jonathan’s throat. “And speaking of food, I’m famished. Presley, I bet you’re starved.”

  I couldn’t help laughing at how obvious it was he wanted to be nowhere near my potentially bare breasts.”

  “Actually, I am. There’s an IHOP around the corner.”

  “Noah, why don’t we go get some pancakes and bring them back?” Jonathan asked.

  Shaking his head, Noah said, “You don’t have to leave. I’ll go.”

  Jonathan gave him a pointed look. “I’ll be happy to go myself.” At his overly forceful tone, he added, “I might need to look at the menu.”

  “Um, okay.”

  After I gave my order for a cheese omelet as well as pancakes, the guys hurried out the door. I grinned at Maddie. “They’ll ogle a pair of boobs seven days a week, but god forbid, you whip one out to feed a kid.”

  She laughed. “Exactly.”

  Glancing down at Evie, I said, “Since you came early and fast into the world, let’s see if you catch on to breastfeeding quickly.”

  Chapter Thirteen: Jonathan

  After we returned with the food, we sat around talking and eating. Once Noah and Maddie left at a little after two, the last of the adrenaline that had been pumping through Presley faded, and she could barely keep her eyes open. With Evie sleeping soundly in the bassinet, I settled into the chair next to her. As soon as I turned the lights off, Presley was snoring soundly. Me on the other hand, I could not key down to go to sleep. The day had been too momentous, and I had experienced far too much.

  After spending awhile screwing around on my phone, I rose out of my chair and quietly made my way around the room. As I stared out the window at the sky full of twinkling stars, Evie began to stir. I whirled around and hustled over to her bassinet. Yawning, she stretched her legs and waved her fists.

  Just as I was debating picking her up, a nurse I’d never seen before came in to check on mom and baby. She smiled at me. In a low voice, she questioned, “Hey Dad, would you like to do some skin on skin while Mom gets some rest?”

  “Um, I’m not—” Shit. I guess it was only natural for her to make the assumption I was Evie’s father since I was in the room in the middle of the night. But did I really want to break out the, “No, I’m her uncle because her dad got blown up eight months ago” conversation?

  Yeah, that would be enough to get the tongues wagging in the nurses’ station. After sneaking a glance to check if Presley was still asleep, I replied, “Sure.”

  “Great. Just go ahead and take your shirt off.”

  My mouth dropped open. “You want me to what?”

  She found my ignorance amusing because she had to covered her mouth for a moment . When she recovered, she said, “Skin to skin is a way for you and your baby to get to know each other.”

  Well she’s not exactly my baby. “Um, okay.”

  “It also has important health benefits. I’m sure you noticed your girlfriend doing it right after the baby was born.”

  Fucking hell. I once again peeked at Presley to see if she was still asleep and not hearing this craziness. Thankfully, she was. “Let’s do this,” I said. Reaching behind me, I grabbed the neck of my shirt and jerked it over my head. After tossing it onto the back of the chair, I turned to the nurse who was working on unwrapping Evie from her burrito looking wrap thing.

  Once she transferred her to me, I eased back down in the chair. Evie snuggled her little head into the crook of my neck while her heart pressed against my pec. As the nurse draped a blanket over me, she asked, “Comfortable?”

  “I’m fucking amazing,” I murmured. When I realized what I’d said, I jerked my gaze from Evie to the nurse. “Sorry about that.”

  She smiled. “You’re just being honest. I’ll be back to check on you guys soon.”

  “Thanks.”

  Once the nurse left, I laid my head back against the chair. Something about having Evie in my arms sent peace through me, and I started to drift off. At the sound of a snuffle, I popped my eyes open. I glanced down to see Evie craning her tiny neck where she could peer up at me. “Oh hey, you’re awake.”

  She continued curiously eye-balling me while moving her mouth. “Man, I hope you’re not hungry because I don’t have the goods to take care of that for you.” I glanced up to look at Presley who was still sleeping soundly. “
Maybe you can hold off and let your mom snooze just a little while longer. She’s had a pretty rough day.”

  As a reel of Presley’s labor flashbacks assaulted my mind, I shuddered. “I think it’s safe to say we all have. I mean, you took a pretty big trip today out of your mom.” Fucking hell. Had I actually just said that? “I mean, God, you’d never want to make that trip in reverse. I still can’t believe you came out . . . well, you came down through your mom’s . . .” Holy fucking shit. What was I going to say? Vagina? Pussy? To a new baby?

  I cleared my throat. “Anyway, I think now is a good time to set the record straight that I’m not your dad. I’m your uncle Jonathan.” Tilting my head at her, I asked, “Can you say Jonathan?”

  When she poked her tongue out at me, I snorted. “I get it. You’re just a few hours old and haven’t mastered the art of talking yet. If you’re anything like your dad, once you start talking, you’re never going to shut up.” At the memory of Jake’s talkative antics, I smiled. Gazing down at Evie, I said, “Speaking of your dad, I want you to know that just because he isn’t here, it isn’t because he’s some deadbeat douche.” I winced. “Sorry. I shouldn’t say douche in front of you.”

  Evie’s brows raised as if she comprehended my blunder. “Anyway, your dad would be here if he could, but he can’t because he’s…” I didn’t begin to know how to explain death to her. I wanted to say it was a cruel bitch who snatched those you love away from you. It was a thief who stole happiness and a murderer who killed the perfect world you once inhabited.

  But Evie wouldn’t understand any of that. She was too pure. My heart ached for her and the day when she would experience loss for the first time. More than anything in the world, I wished I was able to shield her from it.

  “I’m going to shoot straight with you for a minute. In the years to come, you’re probably going to hear some bad shit, er, I mean, stuff about your dad. As much as I would like to say it isn’t true, some of it is. He could be selfish and egotistical and unfeeling. And just when you wanted to throttle him for being such a prick, the real Jake would shine through. The fact you’re a girl would have tripped your dad out. Let’s just say he didn’t always respect girls and women like he should have. When you become a teenager, he would have really hated the way he was. He would have beaten the hell out of any guy who tried to treat you the way he did girls.” I shook my head at her. “Sorry for the cussing. It’s going to take some work to get my mouth cleaned up for you.”