Broken Heatbeats

by Lindsay Becs

  “Tell me what you want out of life,” I inquire as we sit and watch the stars twinkle in the sky above us.

  “I’m taking typing and shorthand this year and accounting next year. I’d like to be a secretary in a law office, if I can find a job, that is.”

  “I’m sure you will.” I smile at her. I love that she has ambition to do something; not many girls do. “Do you want to get married and have babies?”

  “I want to have it all. I want to be a working girl and marry a man who adores me and have the cutest babies to ever grace the earth, all while making Sunday roast beef dinner,” she laughs.

  I take her hand in mine and kiss it. “If anyone can do all that, it’s you. You can do anything you want. I’m sure you will, too.”

  “And what about you, Ru? What do you want out of life?”

  I pause, thinking about that. “I want to go to veterinarian school, but seeing as I can’t seem to graduate high school, I don’t know if that will happen,” I laugh.

  “Don’t do that. You are much smarter than you give yourself credit for.”

  I bow my head, embarrassed by her compliment. “It doesn’t really matter much anymore though.” She looks at me, confused, before I continue. “With the war increasing and getting worse by the day, chances are I’ll get my notice soon enough, and what I want won’t matter much.”

  “Don’t say that!” she yells, looking angry at me.

  I run my knuckles down her cheek, smiling at her. “It’s alright. It’s just a fact, Susie. If the war wasn’t happening, I’d be applying for school and asking you to be my girl.” She looks at me with wide eyes. “But I can’t do that. Not now. Not without knowing what will happen over the next couple of years. You don’t want a guy like me anyhow.”

  “And what if I do? Huh? Ever think that I do want a guy like you, Ru?”

  Letting go of her hand, I start my car up again, ignoring her questions. I can’t let myself think that she’d want to be my girl. “I’ll take you home now.”

  We drive in silence back to her house, and I can feel her anger toward me rolling off of her in waves. She doesn’t give me the chance to open the door for her before she climbs out and slams it shut.

  Blowing out a frustrated breath, I run my hands through my hair and head home, needing a smoke and to clear my head.

  Chapter 8

  SUSAN

  I knew what Ru was doing. He was pushing me away any way he knew how. He had this twisted thought that he wasn’t good enough for me. What I realized then was that boys were dumb.

  That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt when I’d see him with his arms around another girl or kissing them. I heard enough from Betty Jo that he was getting in more and more trouble at home too, smoking, drinking, racing, and fighting.

  I just couldn’t understand why he was sabotaging himself like he was. I knew him. I knew who he was, and that wasn’t him. The Ru I knew was kind and caring and funny and would never hurt another person.

  Losing my patience with this act he was putting on, I found myself going out to Kellerman Road, where I knew he’d be. Word around school was that Ru was racing a boy from our rival town, and there was a hundred dollars in it for the winner.

  The look on his face when he saw me was worth getting grounded for being out past curfew tonight. I strutted my way to him in my short skirt and stockings, pale pink lips, wing-lined eyes, and a white ribbon tied in my hair just for him.

  “Susie, what are you doing here?” I could hear the words getting stuck in his throat as his eyes tracked my swinging hips. I was playing with fire but I had to make a point, and he wouldn’t listen any other way.

  “I came to watch the race. Same as everyone else,” I say, sounding bored when he stops in front of me.

  “You can’t be here.” I can hear the panic in his voice, but I don’t know if it’s there because it’s dangerous or because he just doesn’t want me around.

  I put a hand on my hip, annoyed more with him now. “I see your other friends are here to watch,” I say, looking to where Linda and her crew are standing, eyeing us. “I think I’ll stay and watch, Hunt.”

  He lets out a breath before speaking again. “Please, Susie. Please go. I’m begging you not to stay.”

  “Why can’t I be here to see you race? Why am I so different, Ru?”

  “Because I can’t think straight when you’re around!” he says a little too loudly and gains the attention of some of the boys from the other school. His eyes close for a second, and when they open, I see the pleading in them.

  “Fine,” I grit. “But you are going to talk to me tomorrow,” I say, pointing my finger into his face.

  He opens his mouth to say something but is interrupted by one of the other boys. I think his name is David. “Are you gonna wave the flag for us, darlin’?” he asks, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

  “She was just leaving,” Ru answers for me, pulling me away from the other boy.

  “Too bad. She’d be a good prize to add,” David says with a smirk, looking me up and down.

  Suddenly I’m nervous and scared and mad that I brought this on myself, coming here like this. “I’m leaving,” I say quietly and turn to go, but David grabs my arm and pulls me to his side again. “Get your hands off of me!” I yell, trying to push him away.

  Ru pulls him by the collar and punches him in the jaw, making him stumble back a few steps. It takes only seconds before David’s crew is walking to us.

  “Don’t you ever touch her!” Ru yells at him and swings again, hitting David in the eye this time.

  I yell for Ru when I see one of David’s boys swing at him, but I’m too late and he connects with Ru’s ribs. Ru rights himself quickly as George and Johnny, two of his buddies, reach us.

  Fists are flying, and I’m screaming for all of them to stop as tears sting my eyes. “Get out of here!” Ru yells at me, and I listen this time, turning to run to my mom’s car I borrowed for the night.

  My hands are shaking so badly, it takes me several tries before I get the key in the ignition. I take one last look to where the boys are fighting, feeling bad for leaving but knowing I’ll do more damage than I’ve already done if I stay. I drive home and spend the next couple of hours pacing back and forth in my room.

  Once I know my parents are asleep, I sneak out and run to Ru and Betty Jo’s house. I have to see with my own eyes that he’s alright. I stop at the front door and debate if I should walk in or try his bedroom window. I walk to the back of the house where his window is, but I know Bobby is sleeping. I let out a breath and turn around. My eye catches the red burn of his cigarette from the roof of the barn then.

  I run to where I see him and climb the ladder up to the roof. I barely have my feet planted when words begin to tumble out of my mouth. “Are you alright, Ru? I’m so sorry! It’s all my fault. I’m so stupid. I should have listened to you when you told me to leave the first time. Are you hurt? Do you need anything?”

  “Stop,” he says with a chuckle but winces and holds his side.

  “You are hurt.” I crawl closer to him, and my eyes widen when I see the bruising and swelling already apparent on his face. “I’m so sorry, Ru.”

  “Stop apologizing. I’ll be fine. Talk to me about something else.”

  “OK… um… I want to come watch you at graduation.” I say the first thing that comes to mind.

  He scoffs at that. “That’ll be a waste since I’m not going.”

  “But why? You didn’t get to go last year. You should go this time. Doesn’t your family want to see you get your diploma?”

  “They aren’t happy, but they’re not going to make me. It’s not my friends or class.” He shrugs. “I just don’t want to. It doesn’t matter.”

  “Of course it matters! You worked hard to graduate.”

  “Hardly.” He snorts. “If I’d worked hard when I was supposed to, I would have already had my diploma.”

  “You’re going,” I tell him, and he turns to me with
an amused look under the swelling on his face.

  “Whatever you say, Susie.” He shakes his head.

  RU

  Today is graduation. The bruises to my face from the fight are almost gone. To say that my ma and pops were happy with me when they saw me the next morning would be a lie. I told them I didn’t want to go to graduation, and I could see the disappointment on my mom’s face, but it wasn’t the first time. I had a knack for disappointing the people I loved the most.

  After the fight, my parents let the graduation ceremony go and stopped pushing me. Maybe they finally saw me for what I was: a failure that a piece of paper wasn’t going to change.

  I look at the clock and see it’s almost ten. They never let me sleep in this late. They must have let me have this day, knowing it’ll be hard since I didn’t go to the ceremony, despite that being my choice.

  Pulling the blankets up higher, I close my eyes and try to get the vision of Susie out of my head when I hear her.

  “Where is he?” she says, sounding furious, and I smile from my bed.

  A second later, my bedroom door busts open and she stands in the doorway with fire in her eyes, looking beautiful.

  “Why didn’t you go? I was there to watch you.”

  “I told you I wasn’t going. Sorry you wasted a perfectly good Saturday morning.” Sitting up in bed, I run a hand over my hair, which is sure to be sticking up everywhere.

  “I’m proud of you, Ru. Why can’t you be proud of yourself?” she asks, and the crack in her voice cracks my heart with it.

  “You’re never going to listen, are you?” I look at her then. “I’m no good for you.”

  “The only time I’ve ever thought you were stupid and no good was when you didn’t show up today.” With that, she turns and leaves my room and my house, and probably my life.

  I look up when I hear someone else at my door. “You want to talk about why you’re pushing that girl away?” Ma asks.

  “No, ma’am.”

  She shakes her head at me. “She was right about one thing. Today was the first day you were actually stupid.”

  Surprised that my mom would say that word at all, I start to laugh. “You’re probably both right.”

  Moving closer to me, she sits on my bed and takes my hand. “Rupert, I love you so much, no matter how many bad decisions you seem to make.” she smiles at me. “And that girl does too. She deserves better.”

  “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell her, Ma.”

  “I don’t mean better than you. I mean better from you.” She pats my hand before standing up to leave. “Now, you’ve slept long enough. Time to get up. Your chores aren’t going to do themselves. Come on now.”

  I spend the rest of the day lost in my thoughts. I don’t know what to do anymore. I only know one thing for sure, and it’s that I want to do better by Susie.

  Chapter 9

  SUSAN

  After Ru didn’t show up at his graduation ceremony, I told myself I needed to put space between us. Maybe I was pushing something that just wasn’t meant to be. Regardless, it was obvious that he and I were at different places with what we wanted out of life. Neither were wrong. We just weren’t in sync; it just wasn’t our time.

  I spent the summer months enjoying my freedom before I started senior year, graduate, then jump into adulthood. Betty Jo and I still hung out a lot, but I tried to keep my distance from her house for fear of running into Ru.

  I’m sure she caught on that things were strained between Ru and me, but she never asked about it. Instead, she stayed at my house, or we’d go bowling or to the drive-in with friends. We still made it a point to get a malt or soda at Baily’s at least once a week. I spent every penny I made babysitting on going out with friends, but I didn’t care. To me, it was worth it.

  Once school started again, it didn’t feel the same without Ru around. I found myself looking for him in the halls or trying to spot his car in the parking lot. I’d shake my head and laugh at myself before moving on, but I couldn’t stop the feeling of missing him.

  I cheered once again with Betty Jo, and her younger sister, Donna Lynn, joined the team as a freshman. We tried to take her under our wing, but she wanted no part of us, which suited us just fine.

  I was shocked when I won homecoming queen that fall. My date won king, so it was fitting. I had fun, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the winter formal I went to last year with Ru.

  It seemed like no matter what I did or where I went, all I saw was him and memories we shared together. It wasn’t fair that he kept pushing me away when all I wanted was to be a friend to him.

  Maybe more.

  But clearly, I was nothing but his little sister’s friend who became a nuisance to him.

  RU

  Another one of the guys from town got his draft induction notice to go fight this war that’s raging on the other side of the world. People are beginning to protest all over the nation, and I just don’t understand any of it. Pops opens up the paper each morning and reads about what’s happening. The list of lives lost keeps growing each day, and I know I’m just biding my time until my notice comes in the mail. Seems like Georgy and I are the only ones left who haven’t gotten ours yet. I know it’s coming any day, now that I’ve officially graduated. I’m just a sitting duck.

  I’ve done well keeping my distance from Susie. Trying to keep busy with work, saving money. For what? I don’t even know these days. When I’m not working, I’m either on Kellerman Road racing, betting on myself to win, or I’m hanging with the guys.

  Linda’s still hanging on my arm, and I let her to help pass the time. I’m sure she wants to wear my ring and be my girl. In her eyes, she probably already is. Truth is my heart belongs to another, and I think it always will.

  It’s better this way. I don’t want to hurt Susie any more than I already have.

  Part II

  The Connection

  Chapter 10

  SUSAN

  It’s almost the end of the school year, and I’m ready for it to be over. Not that it’s been bad, but I’m just done. It hasn’t felt the same. Not with the war and word of boys from our town leaving and not coming back each month. Not with Ru still not talking to me. Not with lots of things.

  “What is my brother doing here?” Donna Lynn asks as she, Betty Jo and I walk out of the school.

  My head immediately snaps up, and I take him in. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him, this close at least. Has he gotten taller? Is that even possible? I take a deep breath as we walk closer to him.

  “You girls need a ride home?” he asks. I’m sure he’s directing his question to his sisters, but he doesn’t stop looking at me when he asks.

  “I’m sitting up front!” Donna Lynn yells, but Ru stops her and tells her she’s sitting in the back so I can have the front.

  I don’t fight him, knowing that will do me no good, and slide into the front seat. Confused when we pass my street, I give him a questioning look, but he just keeps on driving until we reach their house. Guess I’m walking from here. But when I move to get out, he grabs my hand to stop me. He has a sad, pleading look on his face, and I can’t fight him. I relax into the seat and look forward as he makes his way back onto the road.

  We pass my street for the second time, and this time I can’t let it go. “What is going on, Ru? Where are we going?”

  He doesn’t say anything but keeps driving until we get to the lookout and he parks the car. I watch as he looks out over the town below, his chest expanding as he takes a deep breath.

  “I got my draft notice for the Army yesterday,” he says after what feels like hours of silence.

  I can’t stop the gasp that exits my lungs or the tears that instantly form in my eyes.

  He turns then to look at me and gives me that sweet smile I’ve missed, taking my hand in his. “It’ll be alright, Susie.” He whispers the words, and I know right then that he’s trying to convince himself as much as he’s trying to convince me.r />
  “Betty Jo didn’t say anything.”

  “I haven’t told my family yet. I will tonight. I wanted to tell you first.”

  “Why?”

  He huffs a laugh then. “I don’t really know. You are the person I’m saddest to leave behind, I guess.”

  “What about Linda?” I ask, knowing that I shouldn’t, but I can’t help myself.

  He shrugs, letting go of my hand. “She’ll be fine.”

  I let out another breath I didn’t know I was holding and join him in looking out over the town. We sit there quiet and lost in our own minds until the sun starts to go down. Wiping a lone tear from my cheek, I ask Ru to take me home.

  He does, and I turn back to smile at him before he takes off for his house, my heart breaking again over a boy who isn’t even mine.

  RU

  I know I should have left Susie alone. I should have found comfort in Linda, but she wasn’t who I wanted. She isn’t who I find comfort in. Susie is.

  I wait until after supper to tell my parents about my notice. Ma’s eyes fill with tears much like Susie’s did. Pops gives me a stern nod knowing he can’t do anything to stop the inevitable from happening.

  Truth is I have two weeks to make a choice. I can either report to the Army as they tell me to, or I can try to take what little control I have over the situation into my own hands and enlist. I don’t really want to do either, but not going isn’t an option.

  Letting the air rush from my lungs as I pull open the door to the US Marine Corps Recruitment Center, my eyes ping-pong around the small space. Two desks with men in uniform sit next to each other. Posters of Uncle Sam enticing you to join him litter the walls.