Broken Heatbeats

by Lindsay Becs

I shrug my shoulder like that didn’t just pierce my heart. “It’s alright. Tommy Reynolds asked me to go with him.”

  He nods his head slowly, pulling out another smoke. “I guess I’ll see you at the dance then.”

  “I’m going to go back to the house before Betty Jo notices me gone,” I tell him, standing carefully to go.

  “I’ll help you back,” he says as he moves to stand.

  “No. You stay. You seem like you need to be here a little longer to clear your thoughts. I’ll be fine.”

  He doesn’t say anything more as I climb down the ladder. When I get to the front of the barn, I look up at him and wave. I see the red burn of his cigarette in the dark and turn back for the house, only then letting a single tear roll down my cheek.

  RU

  I thought if I told Susan I wasn’t good for her, she’d agree and that would be that. Instead, she didn’t seem phased, but rather annoyed by me. I guess I should learn that this girl doesn’t like to be told what to do.

  I told her I was taking Linda, my on-again off-again girlfriend, to the homecoming dance, wanting to push her away. But I think she hurt me more by telling me she was going with Tommy Reynolds. Jealousy flowed through my veins the following weeks leading up to the dance. Jealousy I had no business to feel.

  I’m in a bad mood as I drive Linda and me to the school for the dance. I know the reason for it, even if it is unjustified.

  “Can you at least pretend to be happy to be here with me?” Linda asks when we walk into the school gym decorated in streamers and crêpe paper.

  “I can try.” I smile at her smugly.

  I do my duty and dance with her some throughout the night, but my eyes never wander far from watching Susan dance with Tommy and their group of friends as they jitterbugged or even did the twist. When “The Loco-Motion” begins to play, I make haste to get to her.

  I push Tommy out of the way, and he knows better than to fight back. He finds a different place to join in the line instead. When my hands go to her waist, just above her hips, her body freezes like she knows it’s me and not her date, but she soon relaxes, and the line moves around the gym.

  The song ends, but I don’t remove my hands from her waist. Instead, I pull her back close to me and whisper in her ear, “You look real pretty, Susie.” I let go of her then and walk out of the gym to find Georgy, knowing he smuggled in some alcohol.

  I take a big gulp before Linda tells me we have to go back in for the reading of homecoming king and queen. She fakes her surprise that she’s voted queen, and I walk my way up to join her as king as the school yells and claps for us. We do our obligatory dance after we’re crowned, and then I pull her to leave, not wanting to stay any longer. I can’t be here another minute.

  We all head out to Kellerman Road. I race another guy and win, helping to take my mind off of Susan, but not for long. She rolls up with my sister and their dates from the dance.

  I huff in annoyance when someone asks who they are. “My sister and her friends.” I walk to where they’re exiting the car they came in. “What are you doing here, Better Jo?”

  “Why can’t I see where you spend all your time getting in trouble?” my sister asks, pushing my thin line of patience.

  “Just leave and go play with your dolls or something. Take all your little friends with you,” I clip, nodding toward the boys who are with them but not daring to look at Susan.

  “Tommy wants to race you,” my sister says, like she just won a prize or something, but it only makes me laugh.

  “No,” I tell her and turn to leave them.

  “You don’t run this place, Ru!” she yells at my back.

  I stop and spin around, getting in her face this time. “Yes, I do, Betty Jo,” I say through gritted teeth. I can’t have my little sister and her friends here, and I definitely don’t want Susan here. They’ll get hurt or worse, and I can’t have them mixed up in this part of my life. “Go. Home. Now.”

  She lets out a loud huff, but tells her friends to leave, and I’m relieved when they climb in the car to go. I turn to make sure they do and catch Susan’s eye, and I see the disappointment there.

  I walk back to Linda and wrap my arm around her shoulders and kiss her cheek. “Come on, darlin’, let’s get out of here.”

  She gives me a devilish smile and agrees as I watch the tail lights of the car driving away with the girl I really want to spend the night with.

  Chapter 6

  SUSAN

  “I can’t believe you thought smoking in your bathroom was a good idea!” I laugh at my best friend.

  We’re sitting at Baily’s sipping on vanilla malts while she tells me about how she got caught smoking in the bathroom at her house but how Ru took the blame.

  “I don’t know what I was thinking,” she says, shaking her head at herself. “More surprisingly, I can’t believe Ru said it was him.”

  “That’s kind of sweet that he did that for you.”

  “I don’t know about sweet. I think it was his way of apologizing, too late I might add, for homecoming night.”

  “Still, he could have enjoyed watching you get in trouble for once,” I laugh.

  “He did tell me never to say he didn’t do anything for me as he walked past me. I’m sure all his intentions were honorable,” she comments with an eyeroll.

  “Either way, he didn’t have to. I still think it was nice.”

  “You would,” she says, taking another sip of her malt. “Oh, my word. You’re watching him, aren’t you?” she asks me, seeing that my line of vision is directed at Ru working at the Gas N’ go across the street. I feel my cheeks turn red from being caught. “Susan, you told me you wouldn’t be like all the other girls at school going crazy for him.”

  “I’m hardly going crazy for him.” I continue to watch him for a second. “I just think there’s more to him than what everyone else sees.”

  “You mean that he’s really a jerk?” she asks, finishing her malt.

  “Betty Jo!” I’m surprised by how she feels about her brother. It only makes it clearer that I’m right. No one sees him the way I do.

  I finish my malt and fib to her that I need to run an errand for my mom so she’ll head home without me. Once she’s out of sight, I walk across the street and wait for Ru to have a moment without any customers.

  He turns the corner and stops when he sees me. “Hey,” I say with a small wave.

  “You alright?” he asks, confusion written on his face.

  “Why do you always ask me that? Do I not look alright?” I laugh.

  He smiles shyly and scratches at his chin. “You look more than alright,” he replies, holding my gaze. “If I’m being honest.”

  “I like honesty.” We stand there silent for a minute before I break the quiet between us. “I think it was sweet what you did for Betty Jo. Taking the blame for the smoking, I mean.”

  He shrugs. “Pretty sure my folks assumed it was me anyway. No need to tarnish her perfect reputation.” He smirks. “Where is she anyhow?”

  “She left to head home. I wanted to talk to you.”

  “I’m off in a little bit. I’ll drive you home if you can wait.”

  “OK,” I say and hear the bell ring that he has a new customer.

  “Alright then.” He nods as he walks over to help the person who pulled up to the pump.

  I’m munching on a box of Bugles when Ru finishes his shift and walks to where I’ve been waiting. Boy, does he ever not have that swagger when he walks?

  “Whatcha got there?” he asks with a smile.

  “You want some?” He nods, but I pull the box back. “Too bad.”

  “You can walk home then,” he teases.

  “You won’t make me walk.”

  “And what makes you so sure?”

  “Because I know you,” I tell him honestly. “You’re a caretaker. And you care about me. You won’t make me walk home now that it’s nearing suppertime.”

  He watches me for a second. “No sen
se fighting that. Come on then.”

  Before long, he pulls up to my house, and I turn to open the door to get out. When he tells me not to forget the box of my favorite snack, I look back at him. “I saved half the box for you. Thanks for the ride, Ru.” I smile triumphantly as I close the car door and head inside.

  RU

  My parents leave the school with their heads hung in disappointment, and I turn and punch a locker around the corner before sinking to the floor. How did I let this happen?

  Well, I know how. All the days of skipping class finally caught up with me.

  “Ru?” I look up to see Susie in the empty hallway walking toward me. “You alright?” She asks me, this time our roles reversed.

  Letting my head fall back and hit the wall, I shake my head. “Not really.”

  She doesn’t ask anything more. Instead she sits next to me. “Want to get out of here?” I ask her. I shouldn’t, but I do. I shouldn’t take her down the same rabbit hole I’m sucked into.

  But then she looks up at me with the pure beauty of her innocence shining from her. “OK.”

  I grab her hand and pull her up with me, running out of the school and getting into to my car. She starts to giggle when we turn down the road. “You alright over there?”

  “I’ve never skipped school before,” she admits, smiling at me like she just did the most amazing thing in her life.

  “Don’t get in the habit of it, Alice.”

  “Alice?” she asks looking confused.

  “You have a blue ribbon in your hair today, and you are definitely following me down the rabbit hole.” I smile. “You know, like Alice in Wonderland.”

  She smiles and sits back, looking amused by that. I drive us to a lookout point that I know will be empty since it’s the middle of the day. After several minutes of silence, she breaks it by asking, “You going to tell me what happened?”

  I take a deep breath before answering her, once again embarrassed by what I’m about to say. “I failed English. I have to repeat it next year in order to graduate, which means I can’t walk with my class at graduation.”

  “I’m so sorry, Ru.”

  “Not your fault, sweetheart. I did this all by myself.”

  “Doesn’t make it hurt any less,” she says, and boy, is she right. “At least now I’ll get to see you at school next year.” She smiles like it’s the best thing ever.

  “How do you do that? Always see the best in everything.”

  She shrugs. “I just like it when you’re around,” she says, placing her left hand down on the seat and looking up at me.

  I drop my right hand next to hers then and look back at her, swallowing down the nerves that suddenly hit me. I move my hand a little closer to her and she does the same, our eyes staying on one another. She takes in a stuttered breath when I move my pinky to link with hers.

  One finger. Yet that one finger shoots an electric current through me. This girl has me wrapped around this one finger and more. And it scares me to death.

  “I should probably take you back now,” I say, my voice cracking.

  “Can we sit here just a little longer?”

  I turn on the radio and “Wake Up a Little Susie” by the Everly Brothers is playing. Seems almost poetic since my Susie shouldn’t be with me.

  When we pull back into the school parking lot a short time later, school is just letting out. “Thanks for going with me,” I tell her, giving her hand a quick squeeze.

  “I’m here for you anytime, Ru.” She smiles as she gets out of my car.

  And I believe her. Even if she shouldn’t be anywhere near me, I truly believe she’d always be there if I needed her. That’s just how my Susie is.

  Chapter 7

  SUSAN

  Another summer of stolen glances and a few nights of sneaking out to the roof of the barn with Ru passed. We have a simplicity between us. It’s easy and not forced. There are no expectations or promises to keep. Instead, there’s a spark that we both know we can’t let ignite into anything more. We’re just there for one another when we need each other, and for now, that’s enough.

  But then my junior year started at Greenchester.

  Ru had to come back to school to retake the English class that he’d failed the year before. I was the opposite of him and excelled in English, which landed us in the same class. As far as everyone at school knew, Ru was just Betty Jo’s brother who used to drive me to school as a courtesy to her in years past. Now that he had to come back to take a single class, a class we happened to share, it didn’t take much for everyone to catch on that there was more between us than car rides to school.

  “Are you chewing gum?” I hiss at Ru as he drops into the desk next to me.

  “What’s it to ya, Susie?” he asks, clearly in a bad mood. Fine then.

  I know I should drop it, but he looks tired and with the chip on his shoulder he came in with, I know something was up.

  “What’s wrong?” I push, leaning over to whisper to him as the teacher starts talking.

  “Nothing.” He sounds annoyed, but I still don’t let it go.

  “Don’t you dare lie to me. I can tell something is wrong.”

  “Just drop it, Susie.”

  Mad at him, I huff, crossing my arms over my chest and turning to listen to the teacher, but I don’t actually hear a word she’s saying.

  “Susan, you and Rupert pair together for this assignment,” the teacher calls, and my eyes grow big when I register what she said. I’m barely able to focus for the rest of the period and startle when the bell rings.

  Class lets out, and when I stand to leave, Ru grips my arm to stop me. I turn on him with fire in my eyes, and he has the audacity to grin at me. “I’ll pick you up after school to work on the assignment.”

  Pulling my arm from his grip, I pick up my books and leave to head to my next class without sparing him another glance.

  I’m still fuming when I see him waiting for me in the parking lot after school, leaning against his car with a cigarette hanging from his lips. Oh, boy. Nothing like making new rumors for the school to talk about on a Tuesday.

  He opens the door for me, and I slide inside without a word. He puts out his smoke and climbs in the driver’s side. We’re a ways down the road before I can’t hold my tongue any more.

  “Are you going to tell me what has bitten your bottom yet?” I have to hold in a laugh when I see the shocked expression on his face from my question.

  “I guess I deserve that,” he says, shifting in his seat as he keeps driving down the road.

  “Where are we going anyways?”

  He looks at me for a second, and I don’t miss the sincerity in his words when he says, “Anywhere you want.” His eyes hold mine as we stop at the one stop sign in our town. “I really am sorry for being rude to you earlier.”

  “Just don’t do it again.” His cute smile goes back in place then. “Let’s head to my house. Mom made apple pie last night, and there’s a piece left over we can share,” I tell him, turning away from looking at him anymore. If I don’t, I’m afraid I’ll lean over and kiss him, and I’m not ready for that yet. Besides, he was mean to me today.

  By the time the pie is gone and we’re almost finished with our assignment, I’m laughing so hard I have tears falling down my face. It’s been such a fun afternoon with Ru. I like this fun side of him. The one that isn’t trying to be tough or serious or proving a point. He’s just been him, relaxed and goofy and fun.

  “You like that boy,” my mom says, startling me from behind as I wave at him as he leaves to head to work.

  “I do,” I sigh. No use trying to lie about it, especially with her. My mom can sniff out a lie from a mile away.

  Wrapping her arm around my waist, she stands with me at the door and together we watch as Ru drives down the road. “Be careful with your heart, Susan. Broken hearts are hard to mend. But don’t deny it what it feels strongly for either. That can hurt worse.”

  I think about my mom’s wor
ds for the rest of the day. Is it normal to feel for someone you hardly spend time with? I suppose we’ve spent a good amount of time together through the years but hardly enough to feel the way I do.

  Am I in love with Ru?

  Betty Jo told me not fall in love with him but I think I might have fallen for my best friend’s brother anyhow.

  RU

  “I want to take you to the dance on Friday,” I tell Susie matter-of-factly as I fall into the desk next to her in class.

  “You’d go? And you want to go with me?” Her surprised expression is adorable.

  “Yes,” I say, flipping the ponytail she’s wearing today. She still wears those same colored ribbons in her hair, and secretly I love trying to guess what color they’ll be each day.

  “I’ll go with you,” she says with a blush covering her cheeks.

  “Be sure to wear a ribbon in your hair for me.”

  And when I picked her up for the winter formal and she answered the door, she had a red ribbon tied to the end of her braided hair.

  I bite back my growing smile as I take her in. “You look real nice, Susie.”

  She rolls her eyes at me and pulls me inside so her mom can take a picture before we leave. Helping her with her corsage, I feel my heart hammering in my chest.

  Tonight feels like so much more than before. We’ve been alone plenty of times, but it’s never felt like this. It’s seems as though we’re beginning to blur the line between us and cross into the unknown.

  To avoid things turning too serious, I keep the jokes going all night. I fight against every urge I have to pull her close to me and kiss those painted pink lips.

  A slow song begins to play while we’re on the dance floor. We’d been in our own world doing the hand jive, but we both stopped when the music slowed. Grabbing her hand, I pull her off the dance floor. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

  I drive to the same lookout point I took her to before. Thankfully no one else is here—yet anyway.