Love Is Usually Where You Left It

by Gary Locke

  He had always prided himself on his cinematic knowledge and wasn’t going to miss something as obvious as this. He looked across at Gayle but she seemed blissfully unaware that anything was amiss. Clive decided not to mention it to her; she looked so very content and he didn’t want to bring her world crashing down before he had to. He did, of course, realise that something as simple as a mixed up movie should not be enough to, as his own mind had suggested, bring someone’s world “crashing down”, but he didn’t want to ruin his own sense of thoughtfulness on a mere technicality and so continued to say nothing.

  The screen faded to black and, as it slowly brightened up again, the sound of gently tweeting birds was set to the background of a rather dramatic looking mountain side. Clive glanced down at Gayle, who still seemed oblivious to the fact that The Mask actually started with some rather forbidding music and a scene underwater in which the titular Mask is accidentally released from an ancient looking treasure chest. Should he tell her now that it was the wrong movie? She’d probably want to know, wouldn’t she? Again, he decided to let things play out, instead trying to guess which movie Jeremy had actually set up.

  Some white words softly appeared on the screen, announcing “A Martin Starger Production” as the camera slowly panned across to show an American highway. The words faded before being replacing by new ones: “Peter Bogdanovich’s”. In the space of a micro-second Clive’s mind recognised Peter Bogdanovich as an actor and director but his vast archive of film knowledge could not recall any of the movies that he may have directed. What film, distributed by Universal, produced by Martin Starger and directed by Peter Bogdanovich, could Jeremy have possibly mixed up with The Mask. Think, think, think, think, think, think….

  He was put out of his misery fairly quickly by the next word that was presented on the screen: Mask.

  It appeared that this was the film “Mask” and not the film “The Mask”.

  Oh, that made a lot of sense.

  Jeremy had actually got the film Mask, a rather heavy drama starring Cher and Eric Stoltz, in which a boy, suffering from a rare cranial disfigurement condition (who Clive now remembered may have been called “Rocky”) struggles to be accepted by society, instead of The Mask – a (very) light live action / animation comic book-inspired comedy in which Jim Carrey is a cartoon-like “superhero”.

  Quite different really.

  Clive wondered if he should tell all this to Gayle. He again looked at her, but she still seemed oblivious to the movie mix up. What the hell was wrong with her? If he did tell her though, she’d probably make some kind of derogatory comment about him being a movie geek. Gayle noticed Clive looking at her and quickly licked her lips, getting ready to say something.

  “I think Jeremy’s got the wrong film. This is Mask, not The Mask. This is that film with Cher in it. I thought you would have picked up on it – you always go on about knowing about films!”

  Clive gritted his teeth and grinned.

  The lights came back on and Jeremy walked into the room pretty quickly and looking a little flustered.

  “Sorry, sorry, I must have burnt the wrong film. This isn’t The Mask, it’s actually Mask - the film with Cher in it.”

  Gayle raised her eyebrows at Clive in a kind of “told-you-so” way. Clive continued to smile through gritted teeth, mumbling away in his mind that he’d never miss an opportunity to use his superior knowledge and intelligence again in the future.

  Jeremy carried on talking.

  “It’s not particularly romantic having to watch that odd-looking, weird face on a big screen.”

  Gayle couldn’t help but think that was a bit harsh and over the top, even if Cher was a bit bizarre looking.

  Jeremy held up a second DVD in his hand.

  “Lucky, I’ve got another film. It’s a different one but I think you’ll like it. I’ve always had this motto in life: it’s best to be prepared for a big cock up.....”

  Gayle looked up at Clive, while still keeping her head rested on his shoulder, expecting him to comment on Jeremy using the words “big cock up”. He didn’t say a word but, instead, sat there with a strange clenched-teeth look on his face. She gave him a little carefree smile, suggesting she wasn’t too bothered about what movie they were about to watch; she was just happy to be there. Clive finally released his gritted teeth and gave her a smile back and softly kissed her on the forehead. He, too, was enjoying this rare, tender moment that they were sharing.

  “Ok, we’re good to go.” Said Jeremy “Sorry once again. Hope you enjoy this movie.”

  After speaking and inserting the DVD, his gentle footsteps could again be heard heading towards the back shop area before the black screen in front of Clive and Gayle turned a touch blue and the logo for New Line Cinema: A Time Warner Company appeared in front of them accompanied by their signature soft music. Clive’s mind began to do somersaults. As a serious movie geek, despite Gayle doubting him, he had an obligation to himself to guess which film Jeremy had now put on.

  With it being New Line, maybe it was The Mask after all? But Jeremy had said it wasn’t, unless this was a double bluff which was, of course, possible with Jeremy. Clive’s mind thought that if it wasn’t then Jeremy would probably pick another film that came out roughly around the same time as The Mask. It was dangerous trying to predict what may come out of the mind of Jeremy but it was the best he had to go on.

  So what films, from New Line Cinema, came out around the mid-90’s? Would Jeremy have gone for something like Seven? Great film, but hardly romantic. The whole gluten murder would surely put them off their pic’n’mix as well.

  What about The Long Kiss Goodnight with Samuel L Jackson? (How many films has Samuel L Jackson been in? Does the man ever take a break?) Maybe.

  Or it could be one of the Austin Powers films? They were around the right time and very funny. As he thought about it, Clive hoped that if it was Austin Powers then he wanted it to be the original. If it was …the Spy Who Shagged Me then he couldn’t guarantee not fixating and drooling over Heather Graham/Felicity Shagwell – again. Clive’s mind reminded him of the life size poster of Felicity Shagwell that he’d received with a film magazine back around when the film was released and he wondered whether Jack had taken that poster with him to University. He’d best check that when he got home. He realised it was best to quickly clear his mind before other parts of his body took control of the thinking.

  What about Blade? Not really appropriate.

  Rush Hour? Very funny!

  The Wedding Singer? Pretty romantic – in with a good chance.

  Any of The Lord of the Rings films? Great films, but very long.

  He glanced at Gayle and smiled. She wouldn’t be doubting his movie knowledge / geek status if she’d been able to hear all of that speedy thinking!

  Clive’s one and a half second tour of mid-90’s New Line Cinema movies came to an end as the black screen in front of them lightened up into day light and focussed on a green street sign with white lettering that said HOPE ST.

  Clive should have known.

  Should he tell Gayle quickly what film it was and restore his movie-geek status? No, he could tell right away that she also knew what it was already.

  As a black limousine passed a bus stop before stopping and reversing back to be level with the attractive red head standing there, Gayle sat up and smiled at him. Jeremy’s “preparation” for his “big cock up” was only to have their favourite film standing by: Dumb and Dumber. Even though they hadn’t seen it in a while, and certainly not together, it felt exactly like it had in the past when they had cuddled up on the sofa wanting to watch a film they could both have a good laugh at. As Jim Carrey, complete with ridiculous bowl haircut, leaned out of his limousine window they both began to mentally act along with his opening lines. “….Austria? Well, g’day mate. Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie!”

  Clive smiled as he now wondered whether maybe Jim Carrey / Lloyds attempt at an Australian accent was actually the i
nspiration behind Jeremy’s attempted Ozzie drawl when he had first seen him here a couple of days earlier; it was certainly ridiculous enough.

  For close to the next hour Gayle and Clive smiled and laughed along to their favourite film, holding hands and eating their pic’n’mix as they watched Harry driving the “mutt cutts” van, and the diner / “kick his ass Seabass” burger honking scene, the beer bottles, “are you a camel?”, urinating moment and, especially, Lloyds kung fu fight montage part.

  Clive even ate his happy cherries. If they were, in fact, battered and swollen horse bollocks then he didn’t care – they tasted great. In fact, they were so nice, it was hard to know what all those celebrities on I’m a Celebrity … were always moaning about.

  Dumb and Dumber continued, re-awakening lots of feeling from the past as they laughed and sang and hummed along to the great sound track; and then, just before the hour mark, something neither Clive nor Gayle were expecting happened. After Lloyds mistake of driving the wrong way all night had left them with no petrol and no money and “in a hole”, and with Harry infuriated with him and proclaiming “I’m walking home”, Jim Carrey’s quivering-lipped Lloyd emotionally crying “Forgot you never made a mistake” line had an unforeseen effect on Gayle and Clive.

  Watching two best friends emotionally angry with each other and seemingly lost, no matter that they’d seen it numerous times before, somehow seemed to strike a big chord with them; maybe because of the memory excavating weekend they were having. The fact that it was being accompanied with an extract of their “first kiss” song: Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm made everything even more intense.

  Clive looked over to Gayle, who had already turned towards him with tears in her eyes, and saw clearly the girl that he had taken on a first date to the cinema and first kissed at the youth club.

  He had missed her so much.

  The Crash Test Dummies extract only played for about 40 seconds before Lloyd triumphantly returned to Harry having swapped the “mutt cutts” van for a mini bike, but it was more than enough. Gayle wondered whether Jeremy’s “cock up” had been on purpose. Had he planned it all along that he would make it feel like their first date at the cinema but always intended that they would, instead, watch their favourite film that just happened to include this moment in which a snippet of their “first kiss” song was also played? If he had, then it had worked perfectly because, as she stared at Clive, with all those thoughts furiously rotating in her head, Gayle felt the pulse of excitement, almost like electricity, flowing all around her – which was exactly how she had felt at the moment of that first youth club kiss.

  Clive, although again feeling the nerves of a naive teenager who had never kissed a girl ever, knew that this was the moment. They both naturally moved their heads towards each other and embraced the fact that the world would change forever, once again, as their lips gently collided.

  BANG!

  The front door was slammed open and Clive and Gayle’s heads automatically jolted towards the sound to see what was happening. An old-ish looking, unshaven man stood at the door.

  “Hello?” he said, perhaps confused as to what he was looking at now the door was open. “Have you got any cheese ‘n’ onion pasties left?”

  Gayle looked at Clive and began laughing; Clive laughed too. The “moment” of their kiss had passed again, this time interrupted by a man hungry for a luke-warm, unhealthy savoury snack.

  Jeremy appeared from the back room, almost tearing his hair out, and turned the lights on.

  “I’m sorry sir” he said with an almost demented, attempted calmness. “The One Quid Bakery is no longer here. As you would have seen if you had read the sign above you, this is now the headquarters for the Love Is romance company.”

  “What’s going on in there?” asked the man, still staring at Clive and Gayle who were sitting on leather seats, inside this former bakery shop, now watching Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels riding on a motor bike that wasn’t even big enough for one of them.

  Jeremy, obviously aware that things probably looked a little odd, but certainly not feeling like he needed to explain anything to this man, ignored his question.

  “Are you in a relationship that’s having problems, sir?” he politely asked instead.

  “No” said the man.

  “Then fuck off!” said Jeremy, his coolness leaving him abruptly as he slammed the front door.

  “Sorry about that,” he said, turning to face Gayle and Clive “now, where were we?”

  Gayle and Clive looked at each other and smiled. The interruption had actually been a funny interlude to their favourite funny film and they both quickly felt like they had a few minutes earlier. As Jeremy subtly disappeared from sight and turned the lights off again the two of them slouched back down in their seats, oblivious that Lloyd and Harry had finally made it to Aspen because they were too busy still staring at each other; maybe the moment hadn’t gone after all.

  BANG!

  The door opened again.

  Clive and Gayle chuckled to each other once more. What this time, thought Gayle, someone wanting an apple turnover?

  But this time was different.

  Jeremy again raced from the back, looking angry as he turned the lights on again.

  “I should’ve locked the.....” he began, but then stopped mid sentence as he noticed who had barged in on Gayle and Clive’s moment this time.

  Two large men, dressed in black stood in the doorway.

  “Hello Mr Corden!” one of them said as he stepped into the “cinema area”. “We’re here for Mr Garnett’s money!”

  Gayle glanced over towards Jeremy and noticed the colour quickly draining from his face leaving him looking as white as a ghost.

  The second large man, actually now noticeably larger than the other one, walked into the room and addressed Clive and Gayle directly.

  “Are you two anything to do with this “business”?” he asked, adding particular disdain to the word business. Gayle couldn’t help but notice that his eyes were almost black, reminding her of her first meeting with Andy Taylor. “If you’re not anything to do with this “business”, it’s time to make yourselves scarce.”

  Both Clive and Gayle instinctively looked over towards Jeremy. He still looked pale but tried to look as if nothing was wrong, speaking to them in his usual, enthusiastic manner.

  “It’s ok but it’s probably best that you go home. I need to speak to these two gentlemen about some …… business.”

  He appeared to mutter something like “so close” under his breath before continuing: “Yes, so go home, get yourselves ready because I’ll pick you up at 2 p.m. – on the dot. And it’s the big one. I promise it will be the one!”

  Clive stood up from his chair and reached out for Gayle’s hand. They both walked around their “cinema seats” but moved slowly; they felt awkward to be leaving Jeremy in what now felt like a very tense situation.

  “Come on, hurry up” said the first man who had entered the shop and, now they could see him closely, looked a bit like a shaven-headed Steve Bruce, with a nose that looked like it had been broken more times than he’d had hot dinners. “We’re here to collect what Mr Garnett is owed, whether it be cash, jewellery, or anything else of value. We don’t mind taking it off of you two if you’re not quickly out of here. We’re getting what he’s owed..... one way or another.”

  Gayle immediately let go of Clive’s hand; the use of those four words again stirred up that memory in her that she’d long since tried to forget. They both headed to the door after one final glance at Jeremy who had given them a nod that covered a thanks for their concern and a reassurance that everything was OK.

  Once out of the shop the door was quickly closed behind them. Gayle felt a shiver run down her spine that was probably a combination of concern for what may be about to happen to Jeremy and her inability to be able to shake off the thoughts of fear, helplessness and anger towards Clive that those four words had reawakened in her. One Way or Another: four words
that the rest of the world would hear and immediately have that snappy Blondie tune playing in their head but for Gayle they were four words that took her back to the day she met Andy Taylor and they scratched away at old scars and re-inflicted old wounds.

  Clive reached out to hold Gayle’s hand, ready for them to walk back home, but she allowed her hand to just brush past his as she began walking without him. Clive looked back at the old One Quid Bakery and wondered what was going on inside. Should he go in and offer to help Jeremy? Probably not “physically”, but he could see if a little money could help? Then again, Jeremy seemed to know what he was doing. Even if he had no money or valuables to give these men, Clive was pretty sure he could talk his way out of it; he was the type of person who could talk his way off an electric chair. Instead, Clive faced the other way and quickly walked after his wife.

  Chapter Forty One: Confronting The Past.

  Gayle had been sitting on the sofa and staring out of the window for, at least, thirty minutes now, her eyes unfocussed and fairly glazed. She wasn’t sure why but she had taken to looking out of the window, at nothing in particular, more and more lately.

  Clive walked back into the front room and saw that his wife was still staring out at nothing. As always, he knew that it meant she was in a downbeat and contemplative mood and he wasn’t sure what to say to her.

  “We best think about getting ready.” He said. “Jeremy will be here fairly soon..... that’s if he’s still in one piece!”

  He realised that the second half of his sentence, that he hoped would be light hearted, was actually a little in bad taste. When they had last seen Jeremy he was in an awkward situation. To make a joke about it, without knowing if he was ok or not, was somewhat ill thought out.

  Gayle turned away from the window and looked at Clive.

  “I think we should give this afternoon a miss” she said through wet but determined eyes. “We gave things a go but we need to accept that we’re too far gone for silly little games. It’s too late.”