Happy Now?

by S M Mala

  Ed Carter obviously didn’t want to admit he’d taken her to the pub and probably used Russell to wind her up even more, especially when she’d mentioned about the type of blokes who asked her out. Everyone knew Russell’s mother was involved heavily in the National Front, a right wing neo Nazi party, but no one said a word.

  Wanting to avoid Ed, not that he’d notice her, she walked towards her friends.

  ‘And then she’s going off,’ said Gaynor, who was now crying.

  ‘Jesus,’ Flora muttered and knocked back her drink. ‘I take it this is the booze.’

  ‘Don’t go!’ wailed Gaynor. ‘Don’t leave us!’

  ‘Two hours on a train from Victoria,’ sighed Flora, shaking her head. ‘And I don’t know why you’re acting upset. You didn’t even visit me when I was at Hounslow shit hole college.’

  ‘It’s ‘ounslow! Ya need a visa to go there,’ she said, laughing through her tears. ‘I’m starving.’

  ‘Can you at least last until nine?’ sighed Flora, seeing Priti was munching her ugly man’s face off.

  ‘He better have a big one, I tell you,’ Gaynor whispered loudly.

  ‘Hello,’ she heard and turned to see Ed’s best friend Lee standing behind her. ‘Long time no see!’

  ‘Been at college,’ she said, smiling at him. He had a tan making him the ideal tall, dark and handsome man. The last time he was up close, her fondled her arse when she was crying. He was creepy. ‘You look well.’

  ‘We all went to Ibiza for a week before heading off to college. I’m going to study to become an architect.’

  ‘That’s good,’ she smiled politely

  ‘What are you going to do?’

  ‘Funnily enough, I’m looking at furniture design as I really like it and I was pretty shit at everything else,’ she honestly replied. ‘There was the option to do stage design but I can’t stand going to the theatre and my scale model making is pants.’

  Lee laughed.

  ‘You look really well,’ he said and then bent down slightly, a little too close for her liking. ‘I was sorry to hear about your dad.’

  Flora immediately blinked back the tears and buried her face in the glass of wine.

  ‘Where are you going?’ he asked, making her snap out of her little bit of despair.

  ‘Brighton.’

  ‘Really?’ Lee laughed, running his fingers through his extremely dark hair. ‘I’m going there too!’

  ‘Seriously?’

  ‘Yes! My grandma lives in Hove so I can hang out there and… hey, maybe we should hook up unless you don’t want to?’

  ‘That would be nice,’ she gulped, not meaning at word of it and hoping she’d never run into him. ‘I don’t know anyone else.’

  ‘Why Brighton or shouldn’t I ask?’ He then winked at her.

  ‘Because it’s a good place to study.’

  ‘And not for the ‘you know what’?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Girls,’ he whispered, making Flora step back in shock. ‘I know you’re that way inclined but maybe you need a good man to show you otherwise.’

  ‘You think I’m gay?’ she said, trying not to show her outrage. ‘Me?’

  ‘That’s what I heard,’ he said apologetically, going bright red. ‘That’s what someone told me’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Flora,’ Priti slurred into her ear. ‘We’re gonna get chips. Ya wanna come?’

  ‘Are you coming back?’

  ‘Yeah,’ she said, grinning at her ugly man. ‘I really fancy him.’

  ‘You have to be drunk,’ replied Flora, deadpan, realising Lee was looking at her.

  ‘Hey, Lee,’ Priti said. ‘Look after Flora. We’ll be back in half an hour.’

  ‘I can look after myself and if you’re not back by nine thirty I’m going home,’ she said, pissed off with her so called friends who were off their tits. ‘It’s my last weekend, you know.’

  ‘We know!’ laughed out Priti, slapping Flora’s cheek and walking away.

  ‘They could at least pretend they’re going to miss me,’ she sighed, taking another gulp of her wine before realising she’d finished the glass. ‘So who said I was gay?’

  ‘Someone said but they obviously got it wrong,’ he said, mulling something over then glanced around.

  ‘I like boys, men. I’m not gay but I might as well be, give or take a few things,’ Flora replied, realising she might look butch but no one ever said. ‘I wish I were to be honest, less heartache.’

  ‘Let me get you another one as an apology’ Lee said eagerly, leaning closer to Flora, who automatically stepped back a little.

  ‘It’s my round,’ she heard from behind her and realised Ed was standing there. ‘Flo, would you like a drink?’

  ‘No thanks,’ she politely replied, not wanting to look at him. ‘I can get my own.’

  ‘I don’t mind.’

  Then she turned around. He was tanned as his friend and seemed soberer. Ed smiled but she couldn’t be bothered to do the same, so did what he always had on seeing her for the past three years.

  Nodded.

  He laughed which put her off so she looked at the still grinning Lee.

  ‘She’s going to Brighton to do her degree,’ Lee said suddenly. ‘Same place as me.’

  ‘Funny that,’ Ed said and flicked a glance at his friend before looking at Flora. She couldn’t quite make out what he was thinking. ‘And you’re both going to try and meet up?’

  ‘Maybe,’ she shrugged, not making eye contact.

  She just wanted to go somewhere and hide for a few years while she sorted out her head.

  ‘She's not gay!’ Lee said brightly to Ed. ‘And here we were-.’

  ‘Really, I’m not,’ she whispered. ‘I’m going to the bar.’

  Walking away, she decided to have one more drink then leave. It was a lovely evening and she pondered with the idea of going to Mario’s.

  It would be liberating. She knew that eating alone would be very much part of her new social thing. And she’d eaten there quite a lot over the past year, getting some practice in.

  Being on her own was ideal, other than when she was with Gaynor and Priti but they were moving on. With college and men. Flora just needed to create a new image, a new person so she at least could feel that someone, somewhere would like her.

  Barging her way through to the bar, she waited to be served. It seemed if you were a man with long arms you had more chance but patiently she observed the jostling.

  It was Saturday on a hot evening so she could hang out a little bit longer.

  ‘There,’ she heard Ed say and looked down to see a full glass. ‘You’ve progressed from cider to wine then?’

  ‘You didn’t have to,’ Flora replied and looked up at him. ‘I was going to be served.’

  ‘You’d be here all night, to be honest,’ he replied, as she turned to get through the three deep throng of people.

  ‘Thank you.’

  Taking a sip of her wine she smiled at him. Ed was staring at her.

  ‘I’ll get you a pint before I go,’ she piped up.

  ‘You’re leaving?’

  ‘Those friends of mine won’t come back. I’m staying the night at Gaynor’s as her parents have gone away. So is Priti. They’ll be crashed out on the sofa by ten watching videos or entertaining their men friends. I’ll turn up then.’

  ‘It’s only eight? What are you going to do between now and then?’

  ‘Go for a walk.’

  ‘A walk?’

  ‘To Mario’s.’

  ‘God, you lead an exciting life.’

  ‘It’s the only one I’ve got,’ she replied, hearing the thick sarcasm in his voice. ‘Don’t let me keep you. Thanks for the drink. I’ll post the money to you before I go away.’ Then she hesitated for a moment. ‘Why didn’t you take the money I owed you from last time? I thought it was very rude your friend said you had no idea what I was talking about. Made me feel pretty stupid, as if I was trying to
get your attention or something.’

  ‘Weren’t you?’ he grinned. Ed was sipping a pint of orange juice which she focussed on. ‘I’m driving.’

  ‘Of course you’d get wheels and pass you driving licence. First time?’ He nodded in response. ‘Got really good A’ Level results?’

  ‘A in woodwork, B in maths and technical drawing.’ Ed hesitated for a moment. ‘And you got a C in technical drawing when you did the retake in January, didn’t you?’

  ‘How’d you know?’

  ‘Mr Miller mentioned it. Said you should have got an A first time but he understood you had other things on your mind. Then the retake, you passed so that’s good.’

  Flora looked down at the ground, blinking hard. She knew what he wanted to say.

  ‘A few days after I fell over, I found out why they didn’t want me to go to see my dad,’ was all she could say. Flora swore to herself she’d never cry again because of what happened. ‘Then what could I do? It was very fast. Well, it wasn’t. Just when I found out it was critical.’

  ‘How did you find out?’

  ‘Faith was having a wobbly moment and sobbed it out in her over the top way. Mum sort of went berserk she couldn’t keep a secret and I was stunned. Pancreatic cancer and it happened quickly.’ Flora knew how to act composed, hold it all in. ‘Never saw him for years, it shouldn’t really matter. He’d moved on. That’s what you have to do. If something’s not right, move on and forget about it.’

  It happened, the numbness that would hit her because she didn’t know how cope.

  ‘C grade is better than no grade, I guess,’ she concluded, walking away to the front of the pub which was by the road.

  Sitting on the corner of the table, she felt her heart sink.

  Her dad had died a few months after she found out and they were trying to protect her, so they said. All they had done is made her feel more isolated than before and she grieved alone. Not even Faith wanted to comfort her as she couldn’t deal with her own pain.

  Her mother was stunned into silence. All the bad things she used to say about her dad were replaced with happy memories. Some of which Flora had never heard her speak of before.

  It was John who tried his best to be her friend, taking her for drives in his car, walks and to the pub. Those excursions were secretly done. Now it was blatant to see, he couldn’t stand being in a home with three miserable women. The bright lights of Liverpool were calling him and he had to get out. Even if it meant moving up North and away from his London cockney roots.

  It would make him happy, something no-one at number thirty-seven currently were.

  ‘Happy,’ Flora sighed to herself, watching the cars go past, slowly down the road. Then she thought about pizza. ‘American Hot.’

  It was only when Flora noticed a fly near her head she realised who was sitting next to her.

  ‘Do you do that a lot?’ Ed asked, sipping his drink. ‘Talk to yourself.’

  ‘I think out loud. Why are you sitting here? Go and join your friends.’

  ‘I wanted to talk to you.’

  ‘Why?’ she scowled, seeing him scowl back. ‘Didn’t we talk last year?’

  ‘I need to explain something,’ he said, shuffling closer. ‘I didn’t take the money as you didn’t have to pay anything back. I wasn't rude.’

  ‘Your son of a Nazi thought it was funny! Did you put him up to ask me out?’

  ‘He did what?’ Flora watched Ed choke on his drink. She would have slapped his back but decided against it. ‘Russ never said.’

  ‘Nice try to see if it would wind me up.’

  ‘No Flora. I had no idea. You obviously said ‘no’.’

  ‘Obviously.’

  Flora didn’t want to talk to Ed. She’d managed to get over her short-lived crush on the boy within months, dating Otis as a new focus. That plan of action failed within weeks. And Ed Carter still constantly cropped up into her head.

  ‘I’ve seen you around,’ he said cheerfully. ‘Your portfolio is bigger than you.’

  Still she had nothing to say to him. Then she snapped.

  ‘Why are you talking to me? You haven’t given me the light of day for years, so why now? I’m not wrecking your street cred am I? Talking to an arty farty person.’ She stopped and remembered something. ‘But I heard you gave Jenny a good seeing to, didn’t you?’ He started to go red and looked away. ‘So you do like arty farty types but only when they’re on their backs and probably A grade.’

  ‘Better then B grade,’ Ed smiled. ‘You have to aim for the best.’

  ‘Yeah, better than second best, I guess,’ she said, feeling sick in her gut, not knowing why. Knocking back her drink, she stood up and looked down at him. ‘Thanks for the wine. If my friends turn up, miracle I know, tell them I’ll see them about ten.’

  Ed looked up at her, shaking his head from side to side with a wide grin. Flora didn’t want to ask what was funny as he’d probably tell her, which would only worsen her evening.

  ‘I do know you’re going to a carpentry college in town and I’m sure you’ll be a success,’ Flora said seriously. ‘As you are in most things. I’ll see you in three years.’

  ‘Flora,’ he sighed, leaning forward. ‘I know you’ve had a tough few years and I’m sorry for your loss but you don’t have to be mean. It’s not like you, I know it’s not.’

  She didn’t know what to say, blinking hard.

  ‘You have to be hard, to protect your feelings,’ she replied, honestly. ‘Because people let you down time and time again.’

  ‘I said, ‘mean’ not ‘hard’.’

  ‘Same thing.’

  ‘Even with your English A’ Level, you’ll find it’s not.’

  Then he smiled. It was very different as if he stumbled on something interesting. Flora looked over her shoulder to see if he was checking out some girl.

  ‘What are you looking at?’ Ed asked, sipping his drink.

  ‘Nothing,’ she replied then shrugged. ‘I didn’t mean to be mean if you get my drift. I better go.’

  ‘No don’t.’ Ed stood up and looked at her. ‘I can give you a lift to wherever you want.’

  ‘I can walk to Mario’s.’

  ‘Ah, that’s what you meant about American Hot?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And happy?’

  ‘I will be after I’ve had one,’ she quickly replied. ‘Look, thanks for the offer but you stick with your mates. I’ll see you around.’

  Flora grabbed her bag and headed off down the road, making sure not to walk on the river path in case she ran into people she knew. She was going to go through Grove Park and take the scenic route. If all else failed, she’d head to the E3 bus stop and go home.

  She’d got to the level crossing and waited for a train to go past, standing a little away from the gate.

  A horn was beeping.

  She turned to see Ed in a small white van, leaning over, opening a window on the passenger’s side.

  ‘Can you please get in?’ he asked politely.

  Flora examined the small vehicle with pristine white paint where a logo had been. She smiled as it was quite funny seeing Ed in one of his dad’s old vehicles. And she knew it was because she could make out his father’s company logo ‘Carter and Sons’ on the side.

  ‘What’s so funny?’ he said, looking unamused.

  ‘I think it looks cute, your wheels. Did you choose a van because you can get girls in the back?’ she asked, bending down to look at him. He let out a miserable sigh. ‘Okay, you’ve persuaded me. Take me to Mario’s, driver.’

  Ed flung open the door. She got in and did up her seat belt. Flora didn’t know what happened but he smiled and then they both burst out laughing.

  The whole thing felt odd but like a little adventure.

  ‘I’m starving,’ he said, looking into his wing mirror. ‘Fancy some company?’

  ‘I was going to get a takeaway and sit on the green,’ she said, turning to look at him.

  Flo
ra examined his profile as he concentrated on driving.

  His hair was much longer and flopped messily over his forehead. The sun had lightened it and it was very shiny. Ed looked manly, not like the fifteen year old she remembered. And he was handsome with a great grin.

  She thought he looked older than her. He certainly seemed to act it.

  ‘I’ll buy you a pizza, if you like. It’s such a nice evening we could sit on the green together.’ Then she realised what she said. ‘I mean, you don’t have to sit with me. You can take it and head off to wherever you’re due next.’

  ‘Flo, do you mind me calling you that?’ he said gently. She shook her head from side to side in response because he did it anyway. ‘Why wouldn’t I want to sit on the green with you? You’re right, it’s a lovely evening. We can share a pizza and drink coke.’

  ‘You don’t talk to me Ed, usually. That’s why I thought you might not want to.’

  ‘I’ve not seen you for over a year, so how could I?’

  He had a valid point.

  She glanced over to see he was doing the same thing, wondering if he was wary of her as she was him.

  For the life of Flora, she couldn’t figure out why he was taking time out to spend it with her.

  ‘Have you got a girlfriend?’ she asked, not wanting to cross the line with another woman. ‘I don’t want them to get wind you were being kind and jump to the wrong conclusion.’

  He didn’t reply but stopped at the traffic lights, waiting for them to change.

  ‘You can call her from a phone box, if you like, while we’re waiting for the pizza.’

  Still he didn’t speak.

  ‘Shall I get a bottle of coke from the newsagents?’ she asked.

  ‘I’ll park up and you know what? I think we should sit down and eat. They’ll have the doors open and it’ll be nice,’ he replied, turning into the High Road. ‘I can park down the back.’

  ‘You want to sit in a restaurant with me?’ she asked, unable to hide her surprise.

  ‘It’s not a proposal of marriage,’ he said, starting to laugh. ‘You’re hungry, I’m hungry. We sit and eat. Nothing complicated about that.’

  This time Flora couldn’t say a thing as she waited for him to park his van. As soon as he stopped, she grabbed her overnight bag.