Happy Now?

by S M Mala

  She didn’t answer.

  He knocked again and this time she threw open the door, eyeing him with great suspicion.

  Ed didn’t know what happened but he wanted to smile. She hadn’t changed at all, with the same expression like when she was a teenager.

  ‘Thank you about backing up the choice of flooring,’ he said quietly. ‘I think it looks good.’

  ‘How can I help you?’ she said coolly, now not looking at him, focussed on something in the background.

  ‘I really appreciate you talking to my mum,’ Ed said, clearing his throat.

  ‘Is she okay?’

  ‘She’s fine.’ He hesitated. ‘As a ‘thank you’ she thought you’d might like me to take you out for dinner.’

  ‘Why you?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ he shrugged. ‘Do you want to go out?’ Ed knew from the tone of his voice, he was a loss on his mother’s reasoning and sounded more pissed off than anything. ‘She’s not trying to fix us up as she knows I’m seeing someone.’

  There was no expression on her face.

  ‘Why don’t you tell her you took me out this evening and we had a nice chat? That should do it. I know she’s worried about you,’ Flora said gently. ‘Tell her I said it will be okay.’

  She shut the door.

  He didn’t know what to do.

  It wasn’t the reaction he expected.

  Ed realised he shouldn’t have said it wasn’t a date. He realised he’d made a mistake. Just as he was about to knock again, she opened the door.

  ‘Oh, are you still here?’ she asked, walking past him to the kitchen.

  ‘Why is she worried about me?’

  ‘Because you can’t cope. I know about your son, I’m really sorry for your loss,’ she said quietly, turning to look at him. He was stunned. ‘Noreen doesn’t want you to worry and she knows you will. I have no idea if you lost the plot or what, but try not to. You need the people you love the most to be strong, not fall to pieces. Do that behind closed doors and at least pretend you’re together.’

  ‘What did you just say?’ he asked, walking closer to her. ‘I didn’t lose the plot. My son died! What do you expect me to do? Dust myself off and whistle?’

  There was faint smile on her lips and he was getting wound up.

  ‘That’s not what I said and you know it. I’m only speaking about Noreen…’ Then she stopped. ‘Look, it’s personal and I don’t really know you, if we’re honest. I never did.’ Flora shrugged and let out a deep sigh, the comment stabbing at him. ‘I think she thinks because we went to school and had a few chats I might help. I can only tell you what happened to me with the breast cancer, which might bore you rigid.’

  Examining her up and down, Ed wondered if she’d forgotten about what happened between them. Had it been so long ago she simply couldn’t remember he had taken her virginity and all their hopes of being together.

  ‘Let’s chat now, unless you’re busy?’ he said, forcing a smile. ‘You can tell me and I can listen, just in case my mother asks.’

  Noticing Simon was looking in, he didn’t want his nephew to hear about his grandma.

  ‘And we can’t do it so Simon hears. I don’t think Siobhan wants to tell him until we get confirmation of what’s wrong.’

  ‘You got five minutes?’ She went to the fridge and got a bottle of water. ‘Come to the study and I’ll not interpret it as a date or something.’

  He suddenly froze.

  Ed didn’t want to know what would happen to his mother.

  And he didn’t want to find out what Flora went through either.

  The fear was too intense.

  Flora turned and her face softened. She walked up to him and touched his arm.

  ‘We’ll have our pretend date when your mother gets her results, then at least you’ll be prepared. Listen Ed, you love her. That’s what counts at the end of the day, little else.

  All he could do is nod.

  Squeezing his arm, she then walked off and went back into the study, closing the door firmly behind her.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  … Flora said, putting her head in her hands.

  She was sitting with Paulette in the corner of the art room and felt sick.

  ‘Don’t do that,’ Paulette said. Flora was doing her breathing exercise, trying to suck all the tears in. ‘It’s unhealthy. One day, you won’t be able to bottle it all up and I hate to think what’s going to happen.’

  ‘I’ll just explode,’ she said, feeling it was happening in her head.

  ‘Look at me.’

  Slowly taking her hands away from her face, she looked at the beautiful smile and wanted to scream.

  ‘I hate this,’ Flora said quietly. ‘I don’t know why I work here. I hate it.’

  Paulette grabbed her, pulling her closer for a hug. Flora had to check herself so she wouldn’t cry.

  ‘I don’t know how long I’ve got but I’m going to enjoy every last moment,’ Paulette whispered into her hair. ‘And I want you to start living and stop beating yourself up. Matius left of his own accord and he didn’t deserve you.’

  Flora put her head on Paulette’s shoulder, biting her lip really hard.

  ‘And your mum died because she had a stroke, not because of you. Not everyone abandons you on purpose, it just happens.’

  ‘I…’

  Flora pulled away and couldn’t look at Paulette. She was beyond despair and tried desperately to hide it.

  ‘I don’t want you to die,’ Flora said, a little sob coming from her mouth. ‘I don’t want that to happen.’

  ‘Sweetheart,’ she said, grabbing her face with her hands. ‘I’m at peace with myself. My only wish is that you’ll find that inner peace too.’

  ‘There’s no such thing.’

  ‘Flora, when I look into your eyes I see so much. I know you’ll be happy and it’s not too far away. You just have to reach out and touch it.’

  ‘There’s Derek, he’s a builder. Five stone overweight and has a big bushy moustache.’

  ‘You’re blind to it,’ laughed Paulette. ‘It must be because you’ve got a wooden head.’

  ‘Or a wooden heart.’

  ‘Listen, bank holiday weekend they’ll have a fundraiser for this place and we’ll make it the best one. It’s on the green by the church and we’ll give this place a shot in the arm.’

  ‘I wish they could give you a shot in the arm to make you better.’

  ‘I’ll tell you one thing,’ Paulette said, pushing her away and checking her scarf hadn’t slipped. ‘My visions are getting stronger. I can see things clearly.’

  Flora couldn’t hide her scowl.

  ‘You mock it but it’s true.’

  ‘People go to psychics for reassurance. It’s a way of dealing with their loss and grief.’

  ‘Well, aren’t I lucky to get in touch beforehand,’ Paulette smirked then looked straight into her eyes. ‘So much pain Flora and there needn’t be. You didn’t do anything wrong, you never did.’

  She stopped and didn’t say anything.

  ‘Disappointment, hurt and abandonment don’t mean anything,’ whispered Paulette. ‘You are wanted, wait and see.’

  ‘Being with a man of the cloth is quite a responsibility,’ said Faith, a little pissed later on that Friday. ‘I mean, you have to act in a certain way.’ Her sister crossed her plump arms under her protruding bosom. ‘You know, so the congregation respect you.’

  ‘He does know you used to be a slapper then?’ laughed Gaynor who was then elbowed in the ribs by Priti. ‘What did you do that for?’

  ‘That was then and this is now,’ sighed Priti, grinning brightly. ‘I’ve got a date tomorrow night.’

  ‘Have you dumped Kenneth?’ asked Faith, shaking her head and filling up the glasses.

  ‘They’ll be dribbling on the sofa by half nine. Nothing changes,’ Flora whispered to Lisa while watching the nibbles bake in the oven. ‘Those two knock it back so quickly, you’d have thought they�
�d have learned by now.’

  ‘They are funny and Faith seems well,’ said Lisa, munching through the crisps. ‘The place looks great! They’ve done a good job.’

  ‘Suppose.’ Then Flora heard footsteps above realising who it was. ‘Why that little… Will you keep an eye on the oven and serve the food for me? I have an escapee to catch.’

  Quietly walking up the stairs, she spied through the bannister and saw a pair of feet run from her bedroom to his. She crept to his bedroom and opened the door.

  Max was under the covers.

  ‘I love it when they sleep,’ she said quietly. ‘You know, I could pull down the duvet and show you his pretty little bum.’ Max suddenly sat up and flung back the covers. ‘Tricked you!’

  ‘Don’t show my bum to people! It’s wrong,’ he said with alarm.

  ‘Don’t go into my bedroom and play computer games on my laptop when you should be in bed. And before you lie…’ She noticed his mouth was about to open. ‘No games for a week if you even deny it.’

  ‘They're noisy downstairs.’

  ‘Go to sleep.’ She heard the doorbell ring. ‘Now!’

  ‘But…’

  ‘No, you sleep. We have to go shopping for more shoes tomorrow. What do you do to them?’ she smiled, walking up to Max as he settled back in bed. ‘You’re costing me a fortune.’

  Flora kissed her son before walking out of his room and firmly closing the door.

  ‘Who was at the door?’ she asked and was met with a wall of silence.

  Flora immediately thought Matias has turned up accidentally and the women had lynched him. If they had, he’d be screaming hysterically. Unless Gaynor gagged him with her knickers, which she’d threatened to do many a time.

  Then she realised Ed was standing at the bottom of the stairs.

  All the women were on their feet.

  ‘I’m sorry to interrupt,’ he said apologetically, looking up at Flora. ‘But I left my phone in the garden.’

  He was dressed in a suit and looked very handsome. Flora bit her lip trying to ignore the fact then noticed her friends just staring at him.

  ‘I’ll get it,’ Flora said before turning to the others. ‘Stop leering at him. For god’s sake!’

  Not being able to hide her surprise of the ladies looking shocked, she saw the phone and realised he’d missed loads of calls. Walking back, she heard Priti.

  ‘You’re Ed Carter, aren’t you?’ her friend said, sounding surprised. ‘Oh my word! What are you doing here?’

  ‘I’m doing some work at the house,’ he replied politely.

  Flora stopped for a moment realising Lisa was the only one in that room who knew about her and Ed all those years ago. Other than Ed, but he could have forgotten.

  ‘You remember us, don’t you?’ Gaynor asked cheerfully. ‘Do you want a drink?’

  ‘I’ve got to go,’ Ed replied. ‘Hello Faith.’ That stunned Flora, who stopped from going back in. ‘I’ve not seen you in years.’

  ‘I know,’ her sister replied. Instantly, Flora thought he’d screwed her sister too. Her heart sunk. ‘It was before I moved to Milton Keynes.'

  Flora walked back in and handed Ed his phone.

  ‘Thanks,’ he said, looking at her. She noticed his cheeks were a little pink. ‘This suits hot.’

  ‘And so are you,’ Gaynor said out loudly. He laughed. ‘But you always were. You know Lisa, he was the best looking boy at school and now you’re the best looking bloke. God, you should see some of them. Bald head, paunches and ugly Thai wives because they had to import them in.’

  ‘That’s derogative to women,’ Priti said in her politician’s voice. ‘I heard, on the grapevine, you have a successful business. You know your dad still supports the party.’

  ‘He was always a socialist at heart but liked the capitalist money in his pocket,’ Ed laughed.

  It was the first time in all the weeks she’d seen him laugh.

  Then it was horrible.

  The feeling Flora was experiencing.

  Reminiscent of how she felt when she used to spot him at school.

  She noticed Faith flashing her a funny little look.

  ‘I better go. I don’t want to keep her waiting,’ Ed said and smiled at Flora. ‘Sorry to interrupt.’

  On cue, the oven started to beep.

  ‘Have a good evening,’ she said and noticed Lisa rushing towards the kitchen.

  Ed walked to the door and when they were out of earshot she quickly said,

  ‘Don’t worry. I never told them about what happened between us, so your secret’s safe. You’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about.’

  ‘Pardon?’

  Flora looked at him and was met with a blank expression.

  He didn’t remember.

  ‘Oh.’ Flora hesitated, not knowing what else to say. ‘You look nice.’

  Then she gulped hard, looking ashamedly away.

  ‘I have to go.’ Ed quietly replied.

  ‘Yes, of course. Have a nice evening.’

  He walked out and she stood by the door, feeling her face get very hot.

  Ed didn’t remember being with her and she felt like an idiot.

  It was laughable if it didn’t hurt so much.

  Walking back to the living room, she was met by silence, once again.

  ‘Ed Carter? And you never said a thing?’ Priti gasped. ‘Ed Carter?’

  ‘What’s there to say? He works with Matias on projects and I only met him a couple of weeks ago. He barely remembers me,’ Flora replied, heading for her wine and taking a healthy gulp. ‘It’s been a long time.’

  ‘And you still do that thing when you see him,’ giggled Gaynor, shaking her head while stuffing peanuts into her mouth.

  ‘What thing?’

  ‘Make out you don’t fancy him when you do,’ she laughed.

  ‘You fancied Ed?’ Faith said, looking unimpressed. ‘He had a worse reputation than me.’

  ‘No-one can be that much of a slut,’ laughed out Gaynor then got a cushion thrown in her face, courtesy of Faith.

  ‘No wonder he was sniffing around,’ huffed Faith, walking towards Flora.

  ‘He never sniffed around me,’ Flora shrugged.

  She felt devastated, deep down, realising she had been one of so many.

  Easily forgettable and even easier to lay.

  ‘After you went to Brighton, I saw him. He asked about you and if I had a number. Of course, I said no. I know what boys like him are like.’

  ‘What did you say?’ Flora asked, looking at her sister.

  ‘No-one can think they can get into the knickers of my little sister.’

  She gasped out loudly and stepped back.

  ‘He came asking about me and you didn’t give him my number?’ Flora said, staring into Faith’s eyes. ‘Why did you never say?’

  ‘You never asked! Why are you getting annoyed?’

  ‘Because!’

  ‘Flora?’ Priti said, stepping closer and peering into her face. ‘Are you not telling us something?’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she replied, turning to look miserably at Lisa, who half smiled.

  ‘You and Ed?’ said Gaynor. Flora looked over her shoulder at her friend’s flummoxed expression. ‘Did he fancy you?’

  ‘Jesus,’ Flora mumbled into her drink. ‘He can barely remember me.’

  ‘No, I’m fine,’

  … said Ed when he was at dinner, a few hours later.

  Matias, Ramona and Emily were sat at the table in a plush restaurant in town.

  ‘You seem miles away,’ said Emily, stroking his thigh. ‘Is everything all right?’

  ‘Sure,’ he replied, taking a sip of his water.

  Flora remembered but never told her friends.

  It kept going around and around in his head why she said ‘your secret’s safe’. From the look on her face, Flora seemed to be implying that he wouldn’t want anyone to know.

  If he remembered correctly, he
wanted the whole world to and thought she did too.

  But he never met her in the pub and now realised she would have thought he didn’t mean a word he said. Ed didn’t want this to be dug up again. It was the last thing he needed. Shaking his head, he drank his wine.

  ‘You left the car at home?’ asked Matias, kissing Ramona’s cheek.

  And what else was bothering him was knowing Matias had treated Flora badly.

  ‘I parked it at my mum’s so I’ll pick it up tomorrow,’ he said, still deep in thought.

  Then his mind floated back to seeing the women. Lisa he didn’t know but the other three he did.

  Gaynor and Priti were still the same.

  And Faith.

  He recalled the last time he saw her.

  What he’d asked.

  And her comment that Flora had run away, no one knowing where she was and their mother was worried sick she was dead in a ditch.

  That was two months after he’d seen her last.

  Again and again he mulled over what she had said.

  She didn’t know him and had kept what happened between them a secret.

  Looking up at Matias, a few things were bugging him.

  ‘Do you mind but why is Flora divorcing you?’ he asked, seeing Ramona flinch. Emily squeezed his thigh and Matias raised his eyebrows. ‘I met your kids the other day, really sweet and Max said it was something to do with Flora’s breasts. I take it he means the cancer?’ Ed then checked himself. ‘Sorry, I know it’s personal but-.’

  ‘It is personal and something I’d rather not discuss,’ he said quietly. ‘She changed you see. When she found out about her illness, she made changes in her life including me.’

  Ed could see Ramona shot Emily a puzzled look then turned to Matias.

  ‘Then why won’t you sign the divorce papers?’ Ed pried.

  ‘You won’t sign them?’ asked Ramona, pulling away from Matias. ‘I thought you said she wouldn’t sign them.’

  Ed received a disgruntled look from Matias.

  ‘I want to divorce her, don’t worry about that,’ he said gently to Ramona. ‘I want to be with you.’

  For the life of him, Ed couldn’t figure out why Flora would go for someone like Matias. It was obvious he could manipulate the situation to suit him and Ed knew, first hand, that Matias wasn’t eager to put pen to paper.