Happy Now?

by S M Mala

  ‘Then sign them,’ said Ramona, looking upset. ‘Unless you still love her?’

  ‘I don’t,’ Matias said flatly before turning to Ed. ‘Why the interest in my personal life?’

  ‘It’s because Flora’s been kind to my mother.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘She found a lump in her breast and my mother bumped into Flora at the centre where she works. Then she was good enough to visit my mother at her home when she was scared about the biopsy. I was just interested, that’s all. I didn’t mean to upset you.’

  Ed sipped his drink and forced a smile. Matias returned a dazzling one back and nodded.

  ‘I know it’s a horrible time. I was worried sick when Flora was ill but she didn’t want to know. Ended our marriage and I had to move on. She’s a hard, cold woman, like I said. What could I do?’

  Something didn’t add up in Ed’s head. He knew Flora wouldn’t have ended her marriage unless she was really unhappy about something.

  He wondered if she was happy now.

  For the life of him he couldn’t tell.

  As he walked back towards his house with Emily, he looked up at the clear sky and felt the need to find out more about Flora. What she’d been doing all these years and why she had married Matias. She could have had any man she wanted but she went for someone who probably loved himself more than anyone else.

  ‘You know he’s not telling the truth, don’t you?’ Emily said quietly, making Ed break out his trail of thought. ‘His wife didn’t end the marriage, he did.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ he asked, seeing Emily’s clear blue eyes looking up at him.

  ‘I don’t really trust Matias and Ramona can’t see it. She’s in love with the man but what can I do?’ Emily shook her head from side to side. ‘Matias was playing around within weeks of splitting up with his wife. Ramona said when she met him, he was having the time of his life but wanted to have a serious relationship again.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Ramona was working at his business and they got together. He didn’t mention anything about his wife’s operation just that they had split. He told her the same thing he said tonight but one night, when he was drunk, he confessed that he walked out on the day she had a double mastectomy,’ Emily said quietly, shaking her head. ‘I feel sorry for his wife but she’s better off without him.’

  Ed wanted to cry when he thought about Flora’s beautiful breasts being taken away.

  Then he felt sick at the idea.

  ‘Are you okay?’ she asked as he shook his head from side to side as a response. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘Emily, I don’t feel really well. Can I call you a cab? I think I’m coming down with something.’

  He lay in bed, thinking about Flora and Edward Junior. All he was doing was winding himself up but it felt like all the things he loved had been damaged or taken away.

  Knowing how he was scared and repelled when he initially thought about seeing Eddie in the hospital, Ed wondered if he would have done the same thing as Matias.

  Walk away.

  He didn’t when it came to Eddie.

  Facing up to what hurt him the most, the realisation his son was going to die, he went into that room and stayed with his child until his last dying breath.

  Ed wouldn’t have left Flora. He would have made sure she was well.

  That’s what he would have done.

  Then his thoughts turned to his mother and that’s when he broke down, crying into his pillow. Ed felt hopeless on what he could do to help.

  Flora told him that his love was the most important before he realised that Matias had taken his love away when she needed it.

  Pretty much what he had done to her some twenty five years ago.

  ‘Let it drop,’

  … Flora replied to Faith. They were walking down the road on the way to see the manager for the granny flat. ‘We’re not asking for more rent. What we’ve got covers it.’

  ‘I have to send Nathan to university.’

  ‘Get his father to pay,’ grinned Flora, turning to see her sister huff. ‘He’s got the cash.’

  ‘That flat should be making us money.’

  ‘Look Faith,’ Flora said, stopping her sister by gently grabbing her arm. ‘That flat is our inheritance and, as you have pointed out, a good investment. I don’t want to sell it and if you want out, then fine but I can’t buy you out. I won’t be forced into something I don’t want to do.’

  ‘But I need the cash.’

  ‘Go sell a kidney like everyone else,’ she said, seeing her sister’s furious face. ‘You said you wanted to live there when you got older so don’t push it or I’ll make sure I charge you an arm and a leg.’

  ‘It’s all right for you!’

  ‘It’s not all right!’ she snapped back. ‘I have to pay for the bills and Matias helps but I still have to work. And it’s not all right to have him hanging around and refusing to divorce me but he can screw some twenty something at the same time. That’s not all right!’

  ‘Calm down,’ Faith said, looking around. ‘You’re making a scene.’

  ‘I wanted to sell it when she died but you didn’t, so I listened to you. We’re signed in for ten years so wait another seven then we can rethink. Don’t land your debt story about Nathan on me. I have to get the money for my two yet, that’s if they want to go. It pisses me off that you continue to want a charity hand out, as if you deserve it.’

  ‘What does that mean?’

  Flora folded her arms knowing that Faith, on a bad day, could wind her up.

  ‘Since mum died, I’ve given you all the things you asked for and even more. I’m not her. You can’t go trying to squeeze me for-.'

  ‘What are you saying?’ seethed Faith, now yanking Flora’s arm.

  ‘Money, Faith, money. I have to look after my family. I can’t support you and yours as well.’

  ‘I’ll pay you back the money I owe and will never ask you again!’ she replied, walking off in a strop.

  ‘Yeah and I’ll probably be ninety,’ mumbled Flora.

  Because Flora had been comfortably off since she started working, Faith always thought that was a good reason to get a regular hand out, be it clothes, items of furniture and cash. Her mother did it for Faith and Faith thought that Flora would do it also.

  And she had until she got ill.

  That’s when she drew the line much to the annoyance of Faith. She thought the only reason Faith wanted her to divorce Matias is that she thought she’d get a large settlement and could get a chunk. Flora was smart enough to make sure anything would go to the kids when they reached twenty-one to secure their future.

  She watched her sister’s fat bottom wobble down the road, knowing she was mad.

  Catching her up, Flora grabbed Faith’s arm.

  ‘You don’t have to get in a huff,’ Flora said, seeing Faith face her. She had that look Flora hated so much but she shrugged the need to shake her by the throat. ‘Get a job and work if you want money. That’s what the rest of us do.’

  ‘I’m not talking to you!’

  Faith continued to storm off down the road. Flora stood there knowing the meeting at the manager’s office would now be more excruciatingly boring than usual.

  Forty five minutes later Faith was in a better mood, wanting to go for a drink.

  ‘He’s quite cute, don’t you think?’ Faith said, slurping a large glass of white. Flora stuck to tea and looked around the small bistro. ‘Don’t you like men?’

  ‘I’m not interested.’

  ‘You need a man. We all do.’

  ‘I don’t need anything.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Really.’

  ‘Explain your expression when you saw Ed Carter,’ her sister whispered. ‘You’re transparent, you know that don’t you?’

  ‘There’s nothing to say. He’s dating Ramona’s friend so he likes them really young,’ Flora replied, people watching just to avoid eye contact. ‘I always thought he
was good looking and we chatted a few times at school. He could just about remember my name when we met and that’s it, to be honest. You know as well as I do, I can’t take my clothes off.’

  ‘I wasn’t talking about getting naked with him but it obviously crossed you mind,’ laughed her sister, slugging back some wine. ‘You can keep your bra on and do it in the dark.’

  She let out a long deep sigh.

  ‘Faith, I don’t mean to be horrible about the money but it’s hard for me now. I don’t have as much spare cash. Matias gives what he has to, not a penny more.’

  ‘But he’s splashing out a fortune on your house,’ Faith said, pursing her lips again. ‘The value of the place is going to soar.

  ‘Had you put your money into property instead of going the housing association route, you could have had an investment,’ Flora smiled. ‘I started young with the house buying stuff. My home is my home. Not Matias’s. I do think he’s trying to make his stamp on it.’

  ‘Did you ask for the papers?’

  ‘He won’t sign them. Doesn’t like what I stated as a reason.’ Flora sat back in her chair. ‘Maybe I have to change it to what he wants then he’ll sign but I think it’s unfair. He left me because he didn’t want a sick wife, nothing more or less.’

  ‘He’s a fucker, you know that don’t you? I don’t know why you married him.’

  ‘Because I thought I could make him happy,’ Flora said honestly. ‘And I wanted to make him happy.’

  ‘God, only you, knowing full well about South American men like our father, could pick someone exactly like him. A self-centred selfish bastard. Have you heard from your half breed brother?’ Faith said, getting angry. ‘I saw on some social website he’s living the high life with all our father’s money.’

  ‘You know I get a Christmas card and little else, like you. He’s not interested in us, why should he be?’

  Flora gazed out of the window then jolted.

  Ed was walking down the road with his mother, laughing. They looked happy and she smiled.

  ‘What are you… I see,’ said Faith, seeing what had caught her eye. ‘Go ask him out.’

  ‘Don’t be stupid,’ choked Flora on her tea. ‘Noreen looks well considering she had a biopsy last week. I hope she’s all right. It’s horrible, this waiting time.’

  ‘And how long are you going to wait before you start living your life again?’ whispered her sister. ‘You’re only forty-four years old. You have your life ahead of you. After all you’ve been through Flora, you should be enjoying yourself, not letting Matias think you’re not good enough for any man. They’re only tits, for god’s sake.’

  ‘It’s not about the scars,’ she said, looking at her sister seriously. ‘It’s about me. I don’t want to be let down again and the only way is to be on my own.’

  ‘That’s just pitiful. If I were you, I’d be living it up.’

  ‘But you’re not me and you’ll never know how I feel.’

  ‘Which is what?’

  ‘Alone,’ she said, glancing away. ‘Very much alone and I think I’ve felt like that for years.’

  ‘You never liked boys, did you?’ Faith sighed, looking at her. ‘All those boys and you never wanted anyone.’

  ‘Not like you.’

  ‘I lived my life and I don’t care what people think,’ she replied indignantly. ‘I’m not ashamed.’

  ‘Fast and loose, mum used to call you.’

  ‘Fast with the boys and loose with my knickers!’ laughed Faith in her raucous way before sighing.

  ‘You said we weren’t from good stock and no man would want us to be part of their family.’

  ‘I talked a lot of shit then,’ her sister grinned. ‘You managed to pull Matias.’

  ‘I wish I hadn’t.’

  ‘Listen to me. I know you don’t think it, but he wasn’t good for you. You changed, you know. You lost your sense of humour and seemed so serious.’

  ‘I was unhappy, I think that’s what it was.’

  ‘Are you happy now?’

  Flora looked out of the window and saw Ed escort his mother across the road.

  ‘No, I think that’s out of the question.’

  ‘End of week five,’

  … Ed said and looked around the first floor. ‘How we’re going to get the wardrobes done in time, beats me.’

  ‘You planned it,’ shrugged Derek, looking around. ‘We’re going to have to move the kid’s stuff out of their bedrooms so we can start. Bloody hell! Have you seen what’s in his room?’

  There were large see-through boxes of Lego.

  ‘He must like the stuff,’ smiled Ed, looking around.

  ‘Shall we check out Flora’s?’

  ‘You want to sniff her sheets?’ laughed Ed as Derek looked mischievously away.

  ‘I’d like to sniff her.’

  ‘You’re with someone.’

  ‘I can easily change that,’ sniggered Derek before sighing. ‘She’s in the study, has been all morning. Think they’ve got builders in where she works. Go and tell her what we have to do. I’ll get Simon to start taking the things out.’

  Ed walked down the stairs knowing he hadn’t set eyes on her all week. She seemed engrossed in her work, not even coming out for a drink.

  He knocked on the door.

  ‘Come in!’ she shouted.

  Ed walked in and something happened when he saw her smiling face. It hit him that he had wanted to see her all week and now he had, he was dumbstruck.

  ‘Is everything okay?’ Flora asked, trying to sort out the piles of paper on the floor.

  Ed looked around the room, boxes piled in the corner and Flora working in a small area. Then he looked at the old bookcases, trying not to frown. Instantly he could see the space wasn’t being utilised properly and there were so many solutions to make it a better.

  ‘We need to take the things out of the children’s rooms so we can start work tomorrow,’ he said, glancing at her collection of art books. ‘Are they going to be sleeping somewhere else? It’s going to be dusty for the weekend.’

  ‘They’re sleeping in my room, which is going to go down like a lead balloon,’ she replied, letting out a hefty sigh.

  ‘It won’t be finished in a week, you know that don’t you?’ he said quietly as she nodded. ‘We might, in total, be here for eight weeks max.’

  ‘Is it going to cost Matias more money?’ Flora asked, looking away.

  ‘I’ll try not to-.’

  ‘Charge him,’ she said, starting to grin. ‘His idea of a grand gesture. Make him pay for it. He’s not exactly skint.’

  Trying not to make it obvious, he checked her out as she tidied up her paperwork.

  Flora had more weight on her but she was still slim. Then his eyes travelled to her breasts. They were larger and he didn’t know if that’s how they originally were.

  The long straight hair threw him. He was used to thinking her with wavy short hair, so this blanket of shiny mane was hard to get used to. Still, she was a lovely as he remembered.

  It seemed like nothing much had changed.

  ‘You think this room is rubbish, don’t you?’ she said, startling him. ‘Matias wanted to do the downstairs area then I said the children’s rooms needed to be sorted. My bedroom is fine. This is my haven of peace and quiet so he didn’t even offer to get it done. I’m just about surprised he didn’t forget to put in a new flooring. Do you think I should consider changing it? I don’t want to spend too much money to be honest but it needs good shelving. These bookcases will collapse sooner than later. Maybe I’ll make them myself.’

  He tried not to smile at the comment but she’d caught him.

  ‘It might be hard to believe but I did all the DIY in my homes, including when I was with Matias. He could just about figure out which end of a hammer to hold. Admittedly I can’t do it to the level you do but I can do some.’

  ‘You don’t mind us being here for longer?’

  ‘Look, the kids finish school in a
week then they’re going to summer camps. I’ve booked us ten days away at the start of August so it’ll be fine.’ She then held her breath. ‘I only told Matias I didn’t want it to last more than six weeks because I really didn’t want to see him. And with you being here, I haven’t had to.’

  Ed sat down in the armchair by the window and looked onto the garden.

  It felt as if he hadn’t been away from Flora for that long.

  There was an ease in the room he couldn’t quite fathom.

  ‘I know it’s none of my business,’ he began, making her smile. Ed knew this cold hearted beast Matias spoke about was nowhere to be seen. ‘I went out with Matias the other night.’

  ‘Probably when he was supposed to be with the kids,’ Flora sighed, putting some papers to the side and looking at her laptop.

  ‘I asked him why you split up.’ He noticed her eyebrows raised. ‘He said when you got ill, you split.’ Then he received the look, the icy one he knew she’d used at school. ‘I’m not asking on behalf of Matias but I was also told that he left you because you were ill.’

  ‘He told you that?’ she asked, now snapping out of stony expression.

  ‘Someone told me,’ he replied, seeing she shook her head and looked at a piece of paper. ‘How are you Flo? Are you better now?’

  She looked startled, sitting up and looking into his eyes. It struck him that she hadn’t really done that since they had met again.

  ‘I’m much better, thanks for asking,’ she replied quietly. ‘I wasn’t that ill, not compared to some people but I had to have extensive surgery to remove tumours that weren’t malignant and one was. I’ve been given the all clear and I’m getting better.’

  ‘That’s good to hear,’ he gulped, not knowing why he felt emotional. ‘My mum thinks I’m going to get upset because I had a meltdown when my son was hurt. I did. I made some stupid decisions afterwards and paid the price.’

  ‘How did your son die?’ Flora asked, leaning forward.

  ‘He was in the army and stood on a landmine, which blew off three of his limbs.’

  Flora put her hand over her face but didn’t divert her eyes.