Game All Night

by Helms, Lauren

I sigh. “No, Gia. I’m fine really.”

  “Sorry. It’s just what I do. I’m here, and I need to make sure you’re okay.”

  “I know, and I appreciate it, but I’m fine. I can move around on my own, I can pee on my own. I’m not confined to my bed, it’s just where I want to be right now.” Away from everyone, I think to myself.

  “I know, but the last roommate I took care of was super needy.” She smiles down at me, with an eyebrow cocked.

  “Morgan was kinda needy, wasn’t she?” I confirm.

  “Yes, she was. And so was Dex, he was all like a mother hen, and oh, it drove me crazy!”

  I laugh, because it’s all so true.

  “For real though, you good?” She’s eying me like I might not be telling the truth.

  “I’m good.” I nod.

  “And you’ll shout if you need anything?” she asks.

  “Promise.”

  She wrings her hands, twists her lips like she’s not sure she believes me yet.

  “Gia,” I sigh, “I’m fine. I’ll be back to normal in a week, if not sooner. Heck, I’ll be better off for our pole dancing class now than I was before.” I try to laugh it off, but I guess my joke falls flat because Gia looks like she’s about to cry.

  I close my eyes and throw my head back onto my propped-up pillows.

  “Gia. I don’t know what else I need to say to you to make you understand that I am fine.”

  I open my eyes and she lifts her hands in surrender, “Okay, all right, I get it.”

  She turns and leaves my room, but not even a second later, Link slinks in. They must have passed each other in the hall. Or maybe he was standing outside the door and heard it all.

  I blow out a breath. He eyes me with caution.

  “If you ask me how I am doing or feeling, prepare to lose your head,” I warn.

  He chuckles. “Warning received.”

  He toes off his shoes next to my bed and moves the laptop that Gia just set up onto the nightstand. I watch him gingerly pull back the covers and slide into the bed next to me. He props the rest of my pillows up behind him, then he scoots closer to me, lifts his arm over my shoulders and pulls me into him. I go willingly and snuggle into his warmth.

  A sigh of contentment from both of us fills the room.

  “I won’t ask, I just wanted to do this,” he says into the top of my head. And he doesn’t talk, he doesn’t ask. He just holds me. We lay there for what seems like forever. Eventually, I fall asleep.

  When I wake, it’s dark in my room. The late afternoon sun was still streaming in when I fell asleep in Link’s arms. It must be after eight now. I’m alone, and I wonder where Link is.

  My door has been left slightly open, so I strain my ears, to hear if I can tell who’s here and what they are up to.

  First, I hear the shower from the bathroom near our rooms. I also hear soft sounds coming from the TV. A video game probably, it sounds a little like cars, maybe a racing game? They’ve been playing that soccer slash racing game, Rocket League again. I hear the sound of the fridge door shutting and someone in the kitchen.

  Then I hear Simon laugh. And then a grumble from Link.

  “You’re off your game tonight, dude.” Simon laughs.

  “No shit, you think?” Link snaps.

  “Chill out, man. I’m just clownin’ ya.”

  I don’t hear Link’s reply.

  “For real though, you dodged a bullet, man. A baby?” Simon’s tone is dead serious, then he adds, “Who the fuck is ready for a baby?”

  With a snort, Link replies, “Fuck, I know.” But it’s muffled, like maybe he’s covering his face.

  Well then.

  I guess that answers my question. He’s relieved. Clearly.

  I don’t want to hear more, focusing on the shower to drown them out, but the shower shuts off. Then the sound of the in-game buzzer signaling the start of a new round sounds and the conversation doesn’t continue.

  I lie there, staring at the wall across from my bed. I watch through the darkness as a few shadows dance along across the wall, illuminated from the outside lights slipping through my window blinds.

  I wasn’t truly ready for a baby.

  Neither was Link, for that matter.

  I can’t be mad at him for being relieved that he’s not going to be a father.

  I mean, I’m relieved. I think.

  I could mull this over all night, but the truth is, Simon is right. We dodged a bullet. Let’s move on.

  But where do we go from here? Do things just go back to normal?

  I don’t know.

  I don’t fucking know.

  I swipe a tear off my cheek. I will not cry.

  Losing the baby was for the best. We were not ready to be parents. I wasn’t ready. It was a blessing in disguise. Which is what I’m just going to keep telling myself.

  The next morning, my alarm goes off bright and early. I completely forgot to turn it off. I’ve been instructed to take a week off from work, but I’m including the weekend as part of my time away. Since I had my surgery on Tuesday, I’ve already been off for two days. I’ll be fine by Monday. Plus, I can already tell I’m going to be dying to get out of the apartment.

  Link grumbles next to me. He hasn’t left my side. Last night, after I overheard him and Simon, I faked being asleep when he came in to check on me. Then again, when he crawled into bed hours later.

  I nudge him, and he grunts. That’s fine, I’ll just lie here a little longer since I don’t have anywhere to be today.

  When I open my eyes again, I’m unsure of how much time has passed since my alarm went off. I feel around on my nightstand for my phone and I find that I have slept for another hour.

  For real though, how much sleep do I have left in me at this point? It’s all I’ve done for two days now. Turning my head toward the middle of the bed I see Link is still there. I try again with the nudge. Nothing. I dig my elbow in a little harder and he grunts.

  But he rolls over to face me and nuzzles his face into my neck. His arms go around me at the same time, careful not to brush my lower abdominal area. He kisses my neck and, while this normally gets me going, I roll my eyes and push him away.

  Right now, the last thing I want is to be touched. Not be him, or anyone else. It doesn’t have to do with what I overheard last night either. I mean, I won’t try to deny that I’m pissed at him for his reply to Simon’s dickish comment, because I am.

  The overwhelming feeling of being claustrophobic when he gets too close to me is a new feeling. If I were to stop and think about it, it would for sure bother me, but I’m not in the mood to contemplate life right now. No right now, I just want to be alone.

  He grumbles something. I’m not entirely sure he’s awake.

  “Link, don’t you have work to do? A video to record, fans to talk to?” I say and push into a sitting position against my pillows, away from him.

  More grumbles. Normally, he’s a morning person.

  “Sorry, didn’t catch that.”

  He rolls to his back and rubs his hands over his face and eyes. “I said, I’m going to take today off.” His voice is all gruff with sleep and normally, I’d find it sexy but right now I’m downright annoyed.

  “Why?” I huff.

  He angles his face up toward me. “To be here with you,” he says, like I am dumb.

  “No thank you.”

  “Excuse me?” he says, pushing up in the bed, mirroring my position.

  “I said no thank you. I don’t need a babysitter. I’ll be fine by myself today,” I tell him honestly.

  “Yeah, not looking to babysit you, Rubes. Just wanting to take care of my girlfriend who just had surgery and —”

  I cut him off. “And what, Link?”

  “Lost a baby,” he says matter-of-factly.

  “Well I don’t need anyone to fucking take care of me right now. I’m fine,” I snap.

  “Jesus Christ.” He scrubs a hand down his face. I didn’t notice it yesterday, b
ut he’s got some major scruff. I wonder when the last time he shaved was. He gets out of bed and leans down to grab his jeans off the floor. He pulls them on and stands there staring at me for a minute. He’s looking at me like he wants to say something, but truthfully, I don’t want to hear it.

  “Go home, Link,” I say.

  “Why are you being like this?” he counters.

  “Like what?” I challenge.

  He shakes his head while he turns to find his discarded shirt.

  “Tell me what I’m being like, Link.” I push. I don’t know why I’m pushing him, but I’m just so pissed that I can’t stop.

  “Never mind,” he grumbles.

  “No, I want to know what the hell you think I’m being like.”

  “You’re being a bitch, Ruby,” he spits out.

  I try to hold in my gasp, but I know some part of it registers on his radar. Plus, I’m sure my face is showing exactly how I feel. He’s looking right at me.

  “What did you just call me?” I say near whispering tones.

  “I didn’t call you anything, I said you were being a bitch.”

  “It’s the same thing. And you can leave now.”

  “I was already on my way out.”

  I don’t know why I’m reeling over what he said. I have been a bitch. And I pushed him to say it, so it’s exactly what I was asking for wasn’t it?

  “Good,” I add. See, I have no control.

  He stops mid-stride, I only see the side of his face, but I can see he’s closed his eyes and is taking a deep, focusing breath. He takes two more before he turns to me.

  “Rubes. This isn’t you. So, I’m going to let this go and chalk it up to the fact that you’re probably sad, a whole lot angry, and maybe a bit confused. But I’m not your punching bag, I’m your boyfriend, and I care about you very much. So, I’m going to give you want you want, and be gone.” He says it all so calmly, and I attempt to center myself as well, but he’s a lot better at controlling his emotions apparently.

  “Why the fuck would I be confused?” I seethe.

  His head droops at my tone, and he starts to speak before he lifts it to look at me, “Because you lost our baby and you’ve got a lot of stuff going on in that head of yours. You won’t talk to me or anyone else about it, so I’m guessing you’re confused.”

  “I don’t need to fucking talk about it.” I’ve lost all my anger and it all comes out in a gush of anguish.

  Pure sadness — or is it disappointment — overcomes his entire person. He nods once. “I know, Rubes.” And with that he turns and walks out my door. Seconds later I hear the apartment door open and then shut quietly behind him.

  What have I just done?

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Link

  I’ve had a shitty day. Really, I’ve had a shit few days. I’m in a funk mentally. I was unable to get any decent work done today. Instead of game-play videos, I put together some montage videos and overlaid some commentary with recent footage I’ve recorded.

  I need out of this funk to be honest. While I’m not going to lose fans for being pretty much MIA, it will catch up with me if I go too long without fresh and new content. I haven’t gone live on my feed in three days.

  Granted, just like with any other profession, I can take some days off. And it was an emergency. A family emergency. She might only be my girlfriend, but she’s so damn important to me. I’ve been worried about her and the fight this morning was just the tip of the iceberg.

  The last thing I wanted to do was call her a bitch. She’s not a bitch. I love her sass and she’s one of the most caring people I know. But damn it, she was acting like a bitch and she goaded me into the fight.

  Which pisses me off. We’ve always been able to work through our head-butting with jokes and snark. It’s what we do. But this morning was different, it took us to a place we haven’t been before. This morning we nearly had a mean kind of fight. The kind of fight where you say things you can’t take back. The kind of fight that causes hurt feelings.

  “Damn man, you’re playing like shit these days,” Dex jokes from beside me. We are in the apartment playing Fortnight and he’s right, I’m not playing for shit.

  “You plain ol’ suck,” Simon adds.

  “Fuck off, dickhead,” I grumble. Simon laughs.

  “For real though, what’s up with you?” Dex asks.

  I lean my elbows onto my knees and scrub a hand down my scruffy face. I haven’t shaved in days. Not since the morning of Ruby’s doctor’s appointment. The morning I thought I was going to see our baby for the first time in black and white.

  “Nothing, I’m fine. Just in a funk,” I mutter.

  “Nah, I don’t believe that for a second. Talk to us, man.”

  I hang my head, close my eyes and contemplate my words. I haven’t said them out loud and no one has thought to ask. When I lift my head to answer him, Dex has a look of understanding on his face. Like he knows where this is going.

  “Fuck man, I was going to be a dad.” I choke on the words.

  The silence in the room is deafening at my declaration. The sound of Simon setting his controller down on the table comes a moment later.

  “Yeah,” Dex quietly confirms.

  “And now, I’ve got a girlfriend who is hurting, but pushing me away. She won’t talk to me. She’s angry. At me, at losing the baby, at life, I don’t know.”

  I take a gulp of air to control myself. Then continue now that the words are flowing.

  “I lost the baby too. So what if it might not have been mine. I was already committed to the baby and to Ruby.”

  Dex puts a brotherly hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “I know, man.”

  “Hey, I’m sorry for my comment last night. About dodging a bullet. It was a dick comment, I shouldn’t have made it,” Simon apologizes.

  “No, it’s fine.” I clear my throat. “I mean, yeah, total dick comment, but, it’s fine.”

  “What do you need from us?” Dex asks.

  “Nothing. This is what I needed, I guess. I can deal with this whole thing. I know I’ll be able to move past this, but I don’t know if Ruby will be able to. At the rate she is going … she kicked me out this morning. She told me to go home.”

  “Maybe she just needs space?” Simon offers.

  “Maybe, but I wasn’t hovering. As soon as we found out the news, she flipped a switch. She stopped talking to me. She got cold. I’ve given her so many chances to talk to me.”

  “Maybe it’s just how she is coping with it,” Simon says, and I start to argue, but he continues, “I’m not saying it’s right, or a healthy way to go about it, but maybe if she keeps telling everyone she’s fine, she’ll start to believe it. Trust me, I’ve heard Gia go on and on about how she doesn’t understand how Ruby’s just fine.”

  I grunt. Because yeah, that’s her go-to, that’s she’s fine.

  “So, what do I do?” I ask.

  “Wait her out. Give her some space but let her know you’re still there for her,” Dex says. “She’ll have to talk about it with you eventually.”

  “That or she’ll just dump you.” Simon shrugs.

  “Dude, not helping.” Dex laughs. I glare at him. Smug asshole.

  “Okay. I’ll just give her the space she thinks she needs.”

  “All right, that will be $300 for this round of relationship advice.” Simon laughs, leans forward and snags up his controller.

  “Shut up, your advice was worth maybe a buck fifty,” I shoot back.

  “What? No way, my advice is gold. I’ve been navigating Gia territory for most of my life,” he argues.

  “There are at least seven of those years you don’t get to claim,” Dex chimes in.

  “Word. Plus, I’m in uncharted territory and you know it,” I add.

  “True, I’d give any poor schmuck with a mad girlfriend that advice.” He laughs.

  I just shake my head and pick up my own controller again.

  “You good now? Feeling b
etter?” Dex asks seriously.

  “Yeah, man. Thanks for letting me talk.”

  “Anytime, same as it’s been for nearly twenty years now.”

  “Aww, your bromance makes me all warm and tingly inside,” Simon goads as he gets the next round ready.

  “You’re just jealous that you don’t have what we have together.” I lean over and slug him in the arm.

  “Pftt. Whatever.” He shakes off the hit.

  ~~~

  The next day, I find myself knocking on her door. I’ve brought her cinnamon rolls, in the hopes that I can at least get a smile out of her.

  When she opens the door, I nearly freeze to death with the iciness that gathers around her. Great, looks like I’ve got my work cut out for me today.

  “What do you want, Link?” she asks, leaving the door wide open and walking back to the couch. She walks a tad slower than normal, but other than that, she seems to be on the mend.

  “I brought you sweets with a side of apology,” I tell her as I walk in and close the door behind me.

  “I’m on a diet,” she says and focuses on the TV. I open the box of freshly baked rolls and sit on the coffee table in front of her with the box on my lap. She tries to look past me and focus on the TV, but I know she is affected by the gooey goodness I brought for this very reason.

  “Rubes, you are not.” I smile.

  “Yup. Started it about five minutes ago,” she says, still watching the TV. I turn slightly to see what I’m up against, and I roll my eyes. The Price is Right. She’s fucking watching a game show and I’m sitting here with her favorite treat.

  “All right, well I guess I’ll help myself to one of these freshly baked, still warm, gooey delights.” I pick one of the six up and take a huge bite. Around the roll, I make a show of the deliciousness of it with moans and I throw in an “Oh my god, it’s so fucking good.”

  She nearly snarls when she unfolds herself from the couch, leans over and snags her own.

  “Ugh, fine. You play dirty, Link.” She isn’t shy when shoving the roll in her mouth.

  “I told you they were amazing,” I offer. She just nods.

  “Look, Rubes, I’m sorry for what I said yesterday. I’m sorry I made you so mad that you felt the need to kick me out.”