Resisting Love

by Kat Bellemore

  Leanne had had Eliza’s lifeguarding position before she had left for greener pastures, and it made sense that Eliza would be worried about her own job security. It wasn’t like there were a lot of employment options in Starlight Ridge, though from time to time, Leanne had talked about taking over her parents’ bed and breakfast. Isaac offered Eliza a small smile to show there weren’t any hard feelings. It had been an innocent question, though no doubt born out of the insatiable curiosity that permeated every corner of Starlight Ridge.

  “I have no idea,” he said, then turned and left Eliza to ruminate for the next few hours about Leanne’s sudden reappearance. Isaac had hoped he could make it back to his bungalow without having to talk to anyone else about his ex-girlfriend, but he had been fooling himself if he’d thought it would be that easy.

  He had just stepped onto the boardwalk when a hand grabbed his arm. Isaac’s head whipped toward the owner, and his heart fell to his shoes.

  Jessie. Sweet, well-meaning Jessie.

  She wore a t-shirt that was dusted in flour, which meant she’d been busy baking. He didn’t know why she’d sold her store, just to turn around and continue to run her business from her own kitchen. Her hair hung at her shoulders, hiding the graying hairs that had begun sprouting up.

  “I need to tell you something,” she said, her gaze darting side to side, like she wanted to make sure no one was listening in. “It’s going to be a shock, but I feel it’s in your best interest to find out sooner than later.”

  “Jessie—”

  “It was just as much a surprise to her mother, you know. She didn’t see it coming.”

  Isaac wished he could hurry along home, but Jessie’s hand was clenched around his arm so fiercely, he’d have to drag her with him to get away. “Jessie, I already—”

  “Two years away and she didn’t bother telling her own mother that she was coming home. Of course, we all knew she’d be back one day. A sweet girl like that can’t survive in shark-infested waters, and from what I hear, the girl was surrounded by them.”

  That gave Isaac pause. He’d never stopped to think about why Leanne was back. Or what she might have experienced that would cause her to leave the big city behind. “Thanks for always watching out for me, but I need to—”

  “I haven’t even told you the craziest part,” Jessie pushed on, acting like this was a reality TV show and she was the host. Though living in Starlight Ridge was much more similar to a reality show than Isaac cared to admit.

  “I already know that Leanne is back in town,” Isaac interrupted, his voice loud enough to talk over whatever Jessie was still trying to say. She fell silent, and he immediately knew he’d hurt her feelings. Jessie was one of the kindest people in Starlight Ridge, and he usually let her talk through whatever she needed to, but right then Isaac couldn’t handle it. He didn’t want to hear about Leanne or how hard the city life had been on her, and how she had finally come back home, where she belonged.

  Because he’d gotten over Leanne. It had taken most of the time she’d been gone. But he’d done it.

  Sort of.

  Until Isaac had heard her voice. But he didn’t want to feel like he had before she’d left. Like his world would stop turning without her. Like his heart would beat out of his chest just at the thought of her taking his hand, or her lips on his…

  “I-I…didn’t realize you already knew,” Jessie stuttered as she stepped backward, as if looking for an escape route. “I just found out myself.”

  That was another way of saying that Leanne had barely gotten to town and Jessie couldn’t imagine someone else had the resources to find out news before she did. But Isaac hadn’t gone searching for news of Leanne—she had come to find him.

  Why? Had she expected to pick up where they had left off, like the past two years hadn’t happened?

  Isaac stepped forward and offered a smile, hating to see Jessie’s turned-down lips. He hadn’t meant to be rude, and he could usually put on a good show for everyone in town. But his heart and mind were both currently in shambles, grasping for any semblance of sanity that might still exist in the world. How could he expect to keep up his happy-go-lucky front, when inside it felt like he was dying?

  “I’m sorry, Jess,” he said. “It’s just that it was a bit of a shock for me too.”

  Jessie’s hurt expression shifted, so it now seemed more compassionate than sad. In fact, she looked like she felt sorry for Isaac. He hated that feeling—being pitied. But he supposed if anyone deserved pity in that moment, it was him.

  Jessie took his hand and patted it, as if he were a small boy. “If you need anyone to talk to, you know you can come by my place anytime, day or night. You might be on your own now, but everyone in town is as good as family.”

  Isaac pulled Jessie into a hug, no longer annoyed at her, but grateful. She spoke the truth. He’d grown up with every person in Starlight Ridge, and they’d all be there for him. He wasn’t alone. “Thank you.”

  He stepped back, but Jessie’s hand lingered on his arm. Her gaze met his, her eyes warm. “It will take time to adjust, of course, and I don’t envy you, but once you two find your rhythm again and you’re ready to start thinking about the wedding, you let me know. I’ve always said I’d make your cake, and the offer still stands.”

  Isaac choked on his own spit. “W-wedding?”

  Jessie’s expression hadn’t changed, but he now realized he’d read it wrong. She felt sorry for him because the wedding had been postponed and they would have to go through a bit of an awkward phase now that Leanne was back. But in Jessie’s mind, there was no doubt that they would get back together, like old times.

  “I know, it’s too soon to be thinking about it,” Jessie said with a little wave of her hand. “I’m just saying that when you’re ready, I’ll be here.”

  Not knowing what to say, especially because it was Jessie and he had already hurt her feelings once, Isaac managed a weak smile and waved goodbye, then dashed up the path that led to his small bungalow. He barely registered the plants that had gone wild, taking over the path. He merely stepped over them, absorbed in his own thoughts as they too spiraled out of control.

  Isaac hurried inside his home and went straight to the medicine cabinet that hung over the bathroom sink. He didn’t even need to look at the labels of the various pharmacy containers, knowing exactly where the one he needed was. Second from the right. He popped open the lid and tossed one of the small blue pills into his mouth. He didn’t even bother with water to help wash it down. He paused. Better take another one, just for good measure.

  “Knock knock,” a voice said from the front of the house. The screen door slammed shut.

  Oh, shoot. Bree was early.

  Isaac straightened and walked out into the front room, all smiles. “Hey. You don’t have to keep bringing me dinner, you know.” In reality, they both knew that if the food stopped coming, Isaac would probably starve to death, but he figured it was polite to act like his life didn’t depend on it.

  Bree wore oven mitts and held a casserole dish. She grinned and walked past him into the kitchen. “Every Tuesday evening, and you can’t stop us.” Isaac heard the thump of the food being put on the counter, and then Bree reemerged with the mitts tucked under one arm. “If you’d just learn to cook, we wouldn’t have to make sure you had a healthy meal once in a while. I’ve lost count of how many times Caleb has offered to teach you.” She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Not to brag, but Caleb has given me lessons, and I’m practically a master chef now.”

  It probably seemed to them that Isaac was too lazy to learn something like how to cook for himself. The issue wasn’t that he didn’t know how—he actually did. But he had to be up at dawn if he was going to get any surfing in before taking up his lifeguard post, so it always ended up being breakfast on the go. And in the evenings—well, they were just hard. Once that sun went down, it was like when Dr. Jekyll transformed into Mr. Hyde. Okay, that was a bit extreme. But it still
wasn’t good.

  Leanne—she’d kept his Mr. Hyde at bay. She hadn’t known it, but she had been the antidote.

  Since she had left, though, once that clock hit six o’clock, he was barely functional.

  Things were better in the summer. The sun was up longer, and the town buzzed with excitement as tourists filled their small town. Surfing helped too. Sometimes it was the only thing that helped.

  He’d never admit any of those things to his friend, though, so instead, Isaac gave Bree a crooked smile. “Why would I learn to cook when you do it for me?” The front door had been left open, and a cool breeze now circled through his small home. It felt good. Normal. Like this conversation. And heaven knew he needed normal right now. “I think you and Caleb secretly like cooking for me, which is why you enable me. If you stopped cooking for me, I wouldn’t have”—he sniffed the air—“enough lasagna to last me through the next week. Which reminds me…” Isaac walked into the kitchen and grabbed the cooking dish that had been brought over the previous Tuesday. He walked back out into the front room and handed it to Bree. “I washed it and everything.”

  She chuckled. “You always do.”

  Isaac sobered for a brief moment. “It’s because I’m grateful.” He hoped Bree heard the sincerity in his voice. Without them cooking for him… Well, he wasn’t going to go down that road. His meds were starting to kick in, and he had a little more control over his thoughts now. “But if you sneaked green chile into my food again…”

  “That was one time,” she said with a laugh.

  “Three times, actually. I had to guzzle down an entire cup of water after each bite.”

  Bree patted him on the shoulder as she walked toward the open doorway. “Considering how many hours you sit out there in the sun, a little more water probably did you some good.”

  “I spent the next eight hours peeing.”

  With an unapologetic shrug, Bree stepped out onto the porch. “I grew up in New Mexico. What do you expect?”

  Isaac followed her outside. “For my face to not burn off every time I eat your cooking.”

  Bree threw a smirk at Isaac. “You’ll get used to it.”

  Isaac very much doubted that. Though, despite his mouth bursting into flames whenever they cooked with green chile, it was a weird kind of delicious torture that he kept coming back for. Of course, he’d never admit that to Bree. He didn’t want to encourage her. “Well, thanks again,” Isaac gave her a small wave, ready for some time to himself. He would eat his lasagna and read a book and pretend that everything really was normal—that everything was okay.

  He needed that, even for just one night.

  Mostly because he knew the worst was yet to come.

  5

  Leanne walked the boardwalk, tilting her face up toward the sun. She knew logically that it was the same sun she’d had in LA, but it didn’t feel the same. In the big city, the sunshine had always felt dirty and tired, like it had had to fight its way through so much smog, she should just feel lucky it had made it at all.

  Not in Starlight Ridge.

  Here, the sunshine was clean and vibrant, and seemed to warm her from the inside out. She grinned as she spotted Erwin, the owner of the Seaside Bay restaurant, walking his dog along the beach, only to realize that Jessie was walking toward him on the same stretch of sand. In an effort to avoid having to talk to her, he crossed the beach toward the boardwalk, scowling, like he couldn’t believe Jessie would dare be out on the beach at the same time he was. Those two had been bickering as far back as Leanne could remember, and she’d be disappointed if they ever stopped. It was just another one of the layers that made Starlight Ridge special.

  As Erwin made his way in Leanne’s direction, she noticed his hair had started graying on the sides since she’d left. “She knows this is what time I bring Donna out,” he mumbled as he drew closer. When he noticed Leanne, his face brightened. “Lenny, I can’t tell you how glad I was when I heard you were back in town.”

  “It’s good to see you too, Erwin. I missed you and Donna.” She knelt down as the golden retriever ran to her, and she scratched Donna behind the ears.

  “You’re probably wondering why I haven’t brought by a tray of shrimp, welcoming you home,” Erwin said, wearing a guilty expression.

  The thought hadn’t even crossed Leanne’s mind. Normally the town welcomed visitors or those who were new in town with various gifts of food. She didn’t consider herself falling into either of those categories. Though she wouldn’t mind if Erwin wanted to bring by some of his world-famous shrimp, especially if it was accompanied by a jar of his specialty sauce.

  “I’m not exactly new around here,” she said as she straightened back up. Donna rubbed her head against Leanne’s hand, begging for more scratches.

  “Maybe not, but your return is something worth celebrating,” Erwin said. He whistled, and Donna ran back to his side. “Of course, we’ll have plenty to celebrate soon enough.”

  “Oh?”

  Erwin raised an eyebrow, like Leanne should know what he was talking about. “The wedding.”

  Oh.

  Erwin thought that she and Isaac were still together—still getting married. If the rest of the town thought the same thing, this was going to get awkward quickly.

  “Yeah, I don’t know if… We might not…” She wished Erwin wasn’t looking at her, his eyes bright and excited. It made this so much more difficult. “The thing is, Erwin, we’re not—”

  “Leanne,” someone else interrupted, calling her from behind.

  She turned and saw Eliza jogging toward them.

  “Hey, welcome home,” she said, her breaths coming quickly. Leanne wondered how far Eliza had run to catch up with her.

  “Thanks, it’s good to be back.” Mostly.

  “So…Isaac didn’t seem to know what your plans are,” Eliza said, twisting a lock of hair around one finger, like she was nervous. “You know, now that you’re home, and probably need a job and stuff.”

  Leanne stepped to one side as Donna pranced in circles, like she was telling Erwin she was tired of waiting around. He gave Leanne an apologetic wave, then continued his daily walk.

  “I hadn’t really thought about it,” she said, turning back to Eliza. “I’ll probably just work for my folks.”

  Eliza nodded, though she still seemed hesitant. “So…you’re not going to take lifeguarding back up? You know, to be with Isaac?”

  It seemed Leanne hadn’t been the only one to think that once she came back, everything would go back to how it had been. In fact, she was pretty sure that Isaac was the only one who didn’t feel that way.

  She shook her head, realizing now why Eliza had been worried. “Your job is safe. I’m not looking to go back to lifeguarding. I’m not even certified anymore.”

  Eliza’s whole body seemed to relax, and she gave Leanne her first genuine smile. “Just thought I’d check. It is nice to see you, though.”

  “Thanks,” Leanne said, then nodded toward the dive shop a couple of doors down. “I need to get a new wetsuit, but I’ll catch you later.”

  “Sure thing,” Eliza said, and she jogged back in the direction she’d come from.

  Leanne laughed and shook her head. It was good to be home. She walked past the laundromat and entered Caleb’s shop. A little bell rang over the door. She had heard that Caleb’s new wife, Bree, managed things now, but it was Caleb who entered from the back.

  “Lenny,” he said, grinning. He walked up and gave her a big hug, practically lifting her off the floor. “The prodigal surfer has returned.”

  “Yes, and without a wetsuit,” she said, returning his smile as he set her back down.

  Caleb took a step back. “What happened to your old one?”

  “That is a mystery we may never solve, though my mom says it is theoretically possible that it was thrown in with a box of clothes she donated a few months back.”

  Caleb groaned. “Say it ain’t so.” He bent his head like he was mourning the
loss of a loved one. “That was a good one too.”

  “You’re not helping,” she said. When her mom had admitted that the wetsuit may have been donated to a charity auction, Leanne had been devastated. She may have even cried a little bit. Or a lot. It had been a rough couple of days.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry,” Caleb said, raising his hands in a defensive gesture. “I just got a new shipment in. Want to see what I have in the back?”

  Leanne was about to tell him that that sounded great, but then she spied the one she wanted. It was on display against a far wall, out of the way. Almost like it had been reserved for her. “Why’s this one hiding all the way over here?” she asked. It had bright orange stripes across the chest, almost like claw marks. The stripes were accented by neon pink.

  “It’s on clearance,” Caleb said, following her. “I have a newer one that I think you’d like. It has green—”

  Leanne reached up and touched the abandoned wetsuit. “Nope,” she said, not waiting for him to finish. “This one matches my board. It’s perfect.”

  Caleb grabbed a pole with a hook on the end and lifted it off the wall. “Isaac’s going to be sad he missed out on wetsuit shopping with you. Where is he, still on duty?”

  “Maybe. I’m not sure.” Leanne tried to sound casual as she took the suit from Caleb. It was so smooth. She’d forgotten how much she loved the feel of the slick material. It made her want to immediately put it on and jump on her surfboard. Unfortunately, she needed to get back to the bed and breakfast to help her mom out. That weekend, though, those waves would be hers.

  Caleb, however, didn’t let her get away with such an evasive answer. “You’re…not sure?”

  “Yeah. I’ve been busy helping my folks out, getting ready for when I take over their place, and I haven’t seen him today.” It was technically true. Leanne knew she should just tell Caleb what had been going on; he’d find out sooner than later. But her emotions were still too raw. Even if she could just put it off another day, she’d do it. Who knew, maybe Isaac would change his mind before then.