“Would you stop calling him mine? I knew nothing of any of this. I came back here for you. Apparently that was a mistake.” I glared at Teller.
With this, his demeanor changed. He lowered his head and shook it. He turned to Father. “I’m sorry to have caused a disruption. I am glad your daughter returned to you.” With that he left.
At least he had the decency to apologize to Father, I thought.
Josiah stepped forward as if to comfort me but Father stopped him. Father gave Josiah a look that said, Give her some room. Josiah backed off.
Yes, I wanted to be alone. How did Father always know what I needed and what was best for me? He was so wonderful. I had known it would not be easy coming home but it was more complicated than I had imagined. I grabbed my cloak and small bag and headed for my room.
It looked exactly the same, as if I had never left. I picked up the blessed patriarchal cross Father had carved for me. That seemed so long ago. I wanted to crush it into a million pieces but refrained and dropped it carelessly back on the small table. It had not protected me. God had abandoned me. I threw myself on the bed.
“Teller will come around in due time,” Father was saying to Josiah.
This was horrible — I could hear everything they said. I covered my ears. I had hoped that my reunion with Teller would have gone better but what did I expect? I would have been furious if he had left me to become a bishop or a monk. I would have been even more devastated if I’d thought he had eloped with another woman.
Father was right, of course — give him time. Teller was right as well — Elijah had killed Luka and Sofia. It was strange how things had changed; now that I too had killed, I no longer judged Elijah so harshly. Of course, before I had been turned into a demon, I had hated Elijah for taking innocent lives.
A life of lies. That was what I had come back to. I was unsure if I could live like this. I would not be able to stay in the village forever anyway. After a handful of years, people would notice I was not aging. Maybe I could tell them the truth, or at least tell Father. Then he too would be outraged at the lives my kind took and the villagers would burn me at the stake if I did not flee fast enough.
Maybe after Josiah was married and I could see a couple of nieces and nephews born, then I could tell Father everything and plan to leave again but this time telling him when and why. Perhaps Father and I could live with the Chastellains. Are you out of your mind? I thought. What was I thinking — Father living with thirty vampires? That would never work. Elijah was right — I never should have returned. He was always right, yet I still had not learned to listen to him. Perhaps I never would.
Slow down, I told myself. After all, who knew what the future would hold? I would stay at least until Josiah’s wedding, then take each day one by one. I was going to go mad, sitting here trying to figure out what to do. My first thought was to jump out the window. Think like a human, I reminded myself. So I slowly walked downstairs instead. “I need to see Mari.”
“Grand idea.” Father smiled. “She will be glad to see you. She always makes you feel better.”
Before I walked out into the sunlight, I swung the elegant cloak over my shoulders and I lifted the hood over my head.
“Vallachia,” Father added. “We are glad you’re home.”
I smiled, even though I was crushed inside. He must be the best father, man and person in the world. I had abandoned him without warning and still he thought only of me. He was truly selfless.
Chapter 41 Ludus 1261 A.D
I walked as humanly as possible until I could hear, smell and see that I was alone and then I took off in a flash. It felt good to run. The fresh air helped clear my thoughts. In no time I was at Mari’s door. Her mother answered and began screaming at once — or so it sounded to my sensitive ears.
“Oh my dear, it is you! How are you? Mari! You have a guest!”
“I am very well,” I spoke softly, trying to quiet her down. She essentially pulled me into the home. I had always thought of Mari’s mother as loud and overbearing and had even admired her for this, as she was nothing like me. She was funny and sociable. Now she seemed doubly overbearing and I fought the urge to cover my ears. In fact, once inside, my senses overwhelmed me. The small home was full of people, as Mari had a large family. The smell hit me like a sack of stones and my throat instantly stung.
Keep yourself together! I thought.
When Mari saw me she squealed and threw her arms around my neck. She smelled delectable. I felt the slight ache of the eyetooth, which signaled the growth of ridiculously long fangs. I had to get out of here! I held my breath and as gently as possible pushed Mari away, which ended up with my picking her up by the waist and setting her down at arm’s length.
“Do you mind if I borrow your daughter for a bit, ma’am? We have a good deal of catching up to do.” I spoke quickly to Mari’s mother.
I did not wait for an answer. I grabbed Mari by the wrist and dragged her out the door. Once outside, I bent over and took several deep breaths. This instantly cleared my head and the pain in my throat and jaws subsided.
“Are you ill?” Mari voice was full of concern.
Once back in control, I stood and smiled. “I’m fine. It is nothing that some fresh air can’t cure.”
Lesson number two — I was going to have to get used to being in confined places with lots of people again. It had been a long time since I’d worked for Anna and Paul in the Dancing Stallion. I had forgotten how hard and painful it could be.
Act normal, I told myself. So I put my arm in hers and we walked at a snail's pace. I thought of Elijah taking leisurely strolls with me, seemingly so long ago, pretending to be human. How frustrating it was to have to move so slowly. I smiled at the memory.
Thankfully, Mari did not seem to notice my cold arm beneath the heavy cloak.
Her large brown eyes were full of curiosity and she started right in. “Well, well. Empress Vallachia in royal purple.” She ran her free hand down my arm. “I’ve never seen such fabric. Yet why are you wearing a winter cloak? It is warm out.” She reached up to push the hood off my head.
I quickly stopped her by holding the hood in place. “No, don’t! I … can’t be in the sun anymore,” I blurted.
“What? You used to love the sun.”
“Not anymore, it bothers my … skin,” I lied. “A reaction or something.”
“I’ve never heard of anyone having a reaction to the sun before.”
I gave her a weak smile. “It is wondrously rare.”
She returned the smile. “I have so many questions. When did you get back?”
“This afternoon.”
“Did you join a convent, or did you run off with that handsome rich lord?” It was obvious which of the two seemed more likely to her. “Judging by this fancy attire” — she ran her hand down the gold trim of the cloak — “I would guess the latter.”
“I was at a convent in Constantinople.”
“Constantinople!” Mari’s month fell open. “What was it like? I’ll wager it was spectacular.”
I thought of all the amazing sights in the city. I described them the best I could to her and told her about the colossal buildings and walls; the mosaics and marble floors. She was intrigued, even though my descriptions did not do the city justice. It was a relief not to have to lie for once.
“Is this how they dress in Constantinople?” Mari asked.
“Yes, this is common attire there,” I lied. “But that is enough about me. I came to find out what has been going on with you.”
“Not much. The usual, helping Mother with all my siblings. Nothing like getting to live in the Queen of Cities.” Her voice was full of envy. “Maybe I should become a nun.”
I hoped she was joking and would not try to run off. It would not be safe for her. We were opposites in many ways. She wanted my life — my feigned life anyway — and I would have given anything for hers. To be normal and care for my family was all I wanted.
Mari’s ex
pression grew serious. “It was terribly hard on Teller after you left. I was very concerned about him for a while. He searched endlessly for you for about three months. He would not have given up then, except for winter setting in, making travel more difficult. He probably would have tried to get all the way to Denmark.”
Tears filled my eyes. I did not want to talk about Teller. “What about you? Any suitors, engagements, or potentials?”
Mari blushed. “Well, Father wants me to marry Iuliu. You know him, the farmer’s boy, outside of town. I don’t want to live in the country, so Mother is helping me put off the engagement by saying that she needs my help until her younger children are older.” Her cheeks reddened even more. “Samuel — you remember him, a friend of the Chastellains?”
My mouth went dry. “Yes, I remember. What about him?”
“Well, he has written to me a couple of times. I keep hoping he will come back for me. I know it is only a dream, Samuel being a nobleman and all.” Mari’s voice was wistful.
My mind raced. Samuel never said anything about writing to Mari but then again, why would he? Had he said anything about me? It is not that he is a nobleman that is the problem. It is that he is a vampire! I don’t wish this life on anyone, let alone Mari. Hopefully, he will leave her alone, instead of encouraging her. If I had known this, I would have at least found out what Samuel’s intentions were by writing to her.
“Are you with me?” Mari eyed me with suspicion.
“Sorry. What does Samuel say in his letters?” I tried to sound as blithe as possible.
“Well the best part is how he wishes we could be together. Mostly he tells me about life in Denmark. He lives with the Chastellains in an enormous castle. He claims that it is many times larger than their estate here. Can you imagine?”
“No.” I smiled. I could see how it all sounded rosy and wondrous to someone from a small village who didn’t know that this faraway romantic place was filled with deadly creatures of the night. Thankfully, it appeared that Samuel never mentioned anything about my being in Denmark. Good man. He minded his own business and did not interfere with others. “Does he promise to come for you?”
“No, not outright.” Mari frowned.
I was relieved; she had no idea of the horror that would await her if he did come back. “Well, Iuliu seems like an amiable young man. I think living on a farm sounds like heaven.”
“You would.” Mari elbowed my ribs playfully.
We laughed; it appeared that neither of us had changed too much. It was enjoyable to talk with her. For a moment, I felt normal again, as if the past nightmarish months had not occurred.
Father arranged a feast in the tavern as a welcome-home gathering. Almost everyone showed up — except Teller. The place was packed, as the townspeople wanted to know what I knew about the Chastellains and the murders. They were disappointed when I told my story and claimed to know nothing. I was overwhelmed with their strong scent. There were too many bodies packed into too small a space. My throat burned with thirst. And they were far too loud. I had to fight the desire to cover my ears. I retired early, claiming to be ill.
The best thing to do was to stay busy. I worked tirelessly for my uncle and cooked and cleaned for my father and brother. Working in the tavern helped me to get used to the pain of being around people in confined places again. At night I would fly, sometimes for the freedom of it and sometimes to feed in neighboring villages. For the first month, I fed once a week, so I could more easily control myself in the tavern and, of course, to avoid growing so hungry that I killed the person when I did feed.
Sometimes if I grew bored at night, I would read in the Chastellains’ library. The windows in the lower stories of their mansion outside of Ludus had been shuttered closed. It seemed less grandiose now that I had lived in their castle in Denmark. Many of the books had been taken back to Denmark, yet some remained. The place was abandoned and probably would be for another half century. At times, it made my heart heavy to go there, as it reminded me of Elijah and the other friends I’d left behind.
On one such night, I was reading a well-used copy of the Iliad for the fourth time. I loved the strange stories of the old gods and mysterious creatures. My reading was interrupted by the loud shattering of glass. It came from one of the upper stories. I could hear young children whispering outside.
“Don’t throw rocks at the windows. This place is haunted and you will anger whatever is in there,” a young boy whispered.
In a flash I was upstairs peering out one of the windows. Since vampires did not need light to read by, the place was completely dark. I could see five small figures hiding in the tall grass outside. One of the boys was Teller’s younger brother. Just like Teller, always getting into mischief, I thought. A smile crossed my face. Perhaps I should give them a little scare.
The boys dared one another to enter the fortress.
I found the rock they had thrown by the broken window. I tossed it back to them. It landed at their feet.
“See, I told you,” one of the boys said. “You angered it.”
“We have to get out of here!” another boy said.
I lit a candle and held it low so my shadow reflected on the wall behind me. I moved quickly from window to window.
The boys screamed and ran away as fast as their little legs could carry them.
I bent over in laughter. At least they will leave this place alone for a while.
Chapter 42 Ludus 1261 A.D
Teller and I avoided each other, or at least did not go out of our way to see each other. It took about a month for things to settle down. The novelty of my return wore off and the gossip surrounding it died down. I too was adjusting to this new life — well, to my old life again. Although without Teller, it did not feel complete.
Perhaps I should forget about Teller. However, I knew in my heart that this would be impossible. We cannot be together anyway? I tried to convince myself that it was for the best. He should stay away from me, as I would be a danger to him. And perhaps he was too much like his father after all. Maybe it was an error in judgment to love him. Yet all this logic did not change the way I felt.
Upon leaving Uncle’s tavern that evening, I caught Teller’s scent before I heard him.
“May I walk you home?” he asked. He had been leaning against the wall — waiting.
As a human I would have been startled but there was no way a human could sneak up on a vampire. Teller appeared disappointed that he had not scared me, as he used to do so easily.
I was not in the mood for company. I did not know what to say to him and I didn’t want to know what was on his mind. It did not matter. I could not handle any more rejection from him and if he had forgiven me then we still could not be together. So there was no point in talking.
“We should not be alone together.” My voice was flat, as I walked past him.
“Fair enough. I only wanted to apologize.”
“There is no need for that. I would have been furious if you had left me, no matter the reason. I probably would never have spoken to you again. Let us leave it at that. It will be easiest.”
I could tell this was not what he had expected and he was not sure what to make of it. Nevertheless, he continued to walk with me in silence.
“There is one thing I would like to know, though,” I said.
He looked relieved at the break in silence.
“This past year, I have often wondered about you and your father. How are things between you two?”
Teller smiled and it was a welcome sight. His eyes were the bright green I remembered from childhood, full of kindness. This made the wall I had carefully built around me crumble a bit.
“Things have been better. Father domineers over the younger boys. But he does not hit us anymore. I should have stood up to him a long time ago. He treats me with more respect. We are more like friends, rather than father and son.”
“That is wonderful. I’m glad to hear it.” A smile of relief crossed my lips.
>
“I have been working with my father, learning the trade. I am getting better at working with metal. Business has been good. With my help, Father can take on more work.”
Is he telling me this to let me know he is ready to marry? That had been our plan a year ago or so and it seemed that he was getting settled and could support a family. If I had still been human, this would have been the best possible news. “I’m happy for you.” But my tone was far from thrilled.
We walked in silence for a bit longer. “So, do you forgive me?” he asked.
“The question is, do you forgive me?” I corrected.
He looked thoughtful for a moment before answering, “Truthfully, I don’t know. I was worried sick when you disappeared. I thought you were dead. We searched the woods for you for days. When we eventually received your letter I was … angry.”
We stopped walking.
“You see, it is going to take time. Perhaps we can start over as friends?” Friendship seemed plausible, until I said it. I knew straightaway that that was not possible. I wished it were; I missed my old friend. I would have given anything to be able to go back to that. Yet we had ventured beyond friendship and there was no going back.
He put his hands on my shoulders. “I don’t want to be your friend.”
My entire body tingled at his touch. This overwhelming sensation unsettled me and I jerked away from him. What was that? I could hardly think. I wanted to touch him again to see if the odd sensation was still there. Yet I was worried that it might be too much if it were. I did not want to lose control.
“I have to … get home,” I stammered. “Goodnight,” I said with more emphasis. I left him standing in the street. I’m sure he was confused — so was I. I did not stop until I was in my bedroom. I tried to gather my thoughts.
What was that feeling? Hunger for blood? Lust? Longing? No, it was something different. The only thing that was clear was that I was helpless when it came to him. I would always love him.
Of Lords and Commoners: Book 1 (Lords and Commoners Series) Page 18