Borne Darkly

by Lee Perry

  “Don’t pay him no attention…” Marc waved his hand dismissively, “He’s just a cugine…”

  “Hey, you know what?” Joey pointed his fork at him, “Fuck you.”

  Rose swatted him again, this time backhanding him with her kitchen towel, “What did I just say, idiota!”

  Alex chuckled, holding Cameron’s hand over the small spoon he clutched, “Yes,” she nodded, “I really am…. Have been my whole life.” And if I was straight, she disdainfully snorted inwardly, the last person I’d ever want to want to touch is… well, any of you. “I’m glad you’re all here…” she hesitated, “Actually,” she carefully guided a spoonful of applesauce into Cameron's mouth, “is this all of you?”

  Marc answered, “We’re the home crew…”

  “Great,” Alex murmured, careful to prevent Cameron from splattering his applesauce and protect the expensive silk blouse and skirt she wore. “I’ll be installing a router in the next day or two and encrypting the outgoing signal so I can get my work done as privately as possible…” She grinned, “And that means you’ll be able to download your porn wirelessly.” She arched an eyebrow, “Is that okay with all of you?”

  “Can you make it so I can download it for free?” Marc laughed and the others simply smirked while Rose shook her head disapprovingly at him.

  Cameron pushed away his spoon, signaling he was done with breakfast and Alex stood, taking the empty applesauce and oatmeal bowls to the sink. “Oh,” she added, fully aware several pairs of eyes were watching her as she crossed the room, “and I’ll need the email addresses you’re using for work so I can send you the security programs you’ll need to use for viruses and spyware and the like…”

  “Thanks…” Fred sat rigidly in his seat at the end of the table, “I think I have my devices covered.”

  “Yeah,” Joey slumped insolently in his chair, “I’m good too.”

  Rose glared at them but Alex only smiled, taking her coffee from the table, “That’s great, but I’ll need everyone to be on the same page as I enable programs online, and that means I need to make sure no infected software is coming in… that’s the only way I can keep everyone here untraceable online…” She winked at them. “Okay?” Alex’s cocky grin faltered for a fleeting second and she felt as though all the blood drained from her face and body when all the men at the table suddenly looked familiar to her; The home crew… these are the guys who shot all those FBI agents and took Cam and… and me…

  Rose stood and opening a drawer, pulled out the pad and pen she used for creating her shopping lists, “Here…” she commanded them, handing the pad first to Marc, who dutifully wrote his email on the pad then passed it down.

  Alex swallowed hard and bent to place a kiss on Cameron’s hair, “I have to go to work…” she murmured, slightly breathless. “Are you okay with him?” she asked Rose unnecessarily.

  “Oh yes…” Rose’s eyes crinkled at the corners, “we’ gonna play and get a lot done today…”

  “Good,” Alex nodded; sipping at her cold coffee, Sweet Jesus, Joey is the one who jerked me in the men’s room of that restaurant… He said if I was a man… Her feet felt suddenly icy and leaden in the high heels she wore, remembering how Louis and Antonio threw their assault rifles in the back seat as they drove away from the bullet-ridden carnage of her front yard. She licked her lips; suddenly aware sweat was beginning to bead on her upper lip. She watched the pad as it passed from one man to the next until it came around to Rose again,

  “Here…” She scribbled on the pad again before handing it to her, “I wrote Gina and Louis’s on there too, you’ll have to ask Anthony and Ed for theirs.”

  Yeah, Alex heard a small mocking voice from a distant corner of her mind, you remember Ed, the man who shot Cathy and killed Chel… “Thank you… I need to get back to work then.” She took the sheet Rose tore from the pad and left, gliding smoothly from the room.

  Placing her hands on her hips, Rose scowled at the boys; when they discovered Alex was lesbian, all had flatly refused to serve her in any way, delivering meals, et cetera and she had been angry; It’s not like me and Gina have extra time to deliver meals to the third floor… Sighing, Rose pulled Cameron from his high chair and into her arms, “Your mama forgot her toast…” she cooed into soft brown locks, “We’ll have to get Gina to take her a plate.”

  When Alex got back to her room she tossed the list of email addresses on the table and stepped shakily out of her shoes, acutely aware her silk blouse was sticking to her back and she was sweating profusely under her arms. She quickly unzipped her dark pencil skirt and undressed. Pulling a shower cap over her hair, she turned on the shower, her second of the day. Lathering the special bath sponge with the shower soap she had ordered online, she scrubbed the perspiration and makeup from her face, I need to ask Rose how they send out their dry cleaning… She braced her hands on the wall and leaned into the spray of the hot water, images of Cathy’s funeral flooding her mind’s eye, It’s so odd… some things… some memories can feel so scary, like they just happened, but others… The funeral feels like it was months and months ago… Keeping her eyes closed, she let the hot water beat into her back and neck and she drew deep, ragged breaths. It wasn’t, the small voice chided her, but you wish it was, don’t you?

  Point Sur, CA

  Jordan lay awake for a long time holding Catherine while she cried softly, content to hold her until she sat up and pulled some tissues from the box on the nightstand. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose and when she tossed the wad of tissue in the wastebasket she lay back down, returning to her original position; back pressed against Jordan’s front. She remained silent when Catherine pulled the long arm and quilt over her again and clearing her throat, finally drifted off to sleep. Only then did Jordan allow herself to close her eyes, firmly shutting down the nagging internal voice that told her to leave. She fell asleep with her nose pressed into Catherine’s soft hair and let the scent of her shampoo lull her to sleep.

  She awoke just a few hours later, feeling stiff and slightly cramped but unwilling to release the small form in her arms. Determined not to think about how infrequently she experienced human touch, let alone the touch and feel of a woman in her arms, Jordan focused on sensation alone, and when the sun finally began its assent and the curtains at the windows brightened, she finally allowed herself a small smile. I am more than happy to provide a little comfort…. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I found some comfort for myself too…

  When she felt Catherine stir into wakefulness Jordan gently extricated her arms and sat up, swinging her stocking feet to the floor. She smoothed back her hair, tucking the dark strands behind her ears, “Good morning…” she gave her a small smile and as she turned to get up, she felt Catherine’s hand on her shoulder and she placed a brief, chaste kiss on her cheek,

  “Thank you, Jordan…”

  “Anytime, can I use the bathroom first?”

  “Of course.”

  Jordan went to her room to get clean clothes before heading for the bathroom to take a shower and Catherine lay back in the bed, listening until she heard the shower before stretching and getting out of bed. She was unaware of the soft smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth and she ran her fingers though her hair, suddenly anxious it was sticking out at crazy angles. Like any of that matters… she scolded silently, lifting the lid on her laptop. Booting it up, she opened a browser and stared at the yahoo homepage, wanting a distraction until Jordan finished in the bathroom. She scanned the trending news stories but the FBI story had been replaced with other, more current news and she quickly entered a search for the video so she could watch it again. She stared at the screen, listening to the news anchor; It’s old news to you now but it will be a part of my life forever… She again closed the browser on Alex’s picture and shut down the laptop. Unplugging the power cord from the wall, she wrapped it around the unit and stuffed it back in her bag. Something hard brushed against the back of her fingers and turning h
er hand, felt the small lump with her fingertips. It’s something in the small zippered side pocket…

  She zipped open the small compartment and withdrew a small flash drive. Catherine stared down at the gold embossed initials, AS. She felt as though the world retreated as her vision narrowed and all she could see were the two gold letters, AS, for Alexandra Sparrow. Clutching the small drive, Catherine tried to stand but she stumbled backward back onto the bed; with crystal clarity, she saw herself taking the drive from Alex’s hand,

  “This is the job with the client who wants the moon plus a labyrinthine series of scrubbers and firewalls and I can’t make it all string together.”

  She stared wonderingly at the small drive, I put it in my bag and then I went downstairs… I went downstairs with Chelsea to get ready for dinner…

  “Mommy?” The memory played starkly on her mind’s eye, “There’s someone at the door.”

  Tears spilled from Catherine’s closed eyes and when she opened them again she stared hard at the flash drive in her hand and reached for her laptop.

  Jordan could hear the soft sound of Catherine’s athletic shoes in the hallway and when she entered the kitchen she gestured to her tablet on the table with her coffee mug, “We’re in for some more stormy weather, there’s…” her voice faltered, noticing Catherine's tense posture, “a couple more of those low pressure, uh, cells… stacking up… Everything okay?”

  “No, I need you to come with me to the lighthouse.”

  Without a word, Jordan put down her coffee mug and hooking the radio on the waistband of her jeans, followed Catherine out to the front door. She pressed her lips together, feeling slightly anxious as they pulled on their coats and once outside, Catherine began walking purposefully toward the lighthouse and she followed. They walked in silence, and Jordan felt slightly relieved when Catherine slowed a little to link her arms in hers, although she refrained from remarking on how fresh the air smelled and how everything looked so clean after a good rain; I just need to be fully present for her…

  As they began the long descent to the lighthouse Catherine sighed heavily, releasing Jordan’s arm so she could sign, “I wanted my marriage to work… We were together a long time, I was in it for the long haul… for the happily ever after… I loved Alex… but if I’m going to be completely honest with myself then I have to admit I ignored what was happening all around me… I ignored her increasing self-absorption in the vain hope it would pass, hoping it would get better with time… But it didn’t, so the thought of Alex and I going our separate ways never even occurred to me because we had children… because I believed we needed to stay together… for them.”

  They arrived at the lighthouse but Catherine turned from the door and walked to the rail, staring out at the blue sea, “But Alex betrayed our trust over and over again.” Her signs became increasingly emphatic, “She had too many opportunities to do the right thing while I was in the hospital and she refused, every time.” Her hands shook and tears streamed down her face, “And Chelsea is dead…” She turned to Jordan, “She can’t ever come back! Alex told me in the hospital if I insisted on testifying she would take Cam and disappear forever and she did!” She ripped the ring from her finger and drawing deep, ragged breaths, handed it to her, resolute, “The winds are blowing south,” She sniffed, swiping at her nose with the back of her sleeve, “but I know I can’t throw as far as you… and I’m afraid if I throw it it’ll land on the cliffs below…” She looked pleadingly at her, “Please Jordan, for me… I need to throw that ring in the ocean…” She sniffed loudly again and clasped her hands together in fervent prayer, her interlaced fingers gripping until the knuckles showed white, “Please…”

  Jordan felt her eyes brim and she stepped forward, still holding the ring in front of her, “Catherine…” she said softly, blue eyes boring into deep brown, “Catherine, are you sure this is what you want?”

  “Yes, Alex and I made good business partners…” Catherine nodded then shook her head, miserable, “but if she loved me…” she shrugged helplessly, a sob breaking from her, “If she had loved us none of this would have happened!” She swiped angrily at her eyes, “I should have seen her selfishness a long time ago…” She licked her lips in the cold wind and sniffed again, “but I can see clearly now… finally…” She parked her hands on her hips and sniffing, walked a slow circle, collecting herself until she came to a stop in front of her again, “And here I am, standing on the threshold of my life…” She signed determinedly, “and I will not wait one more second, Jordan, I am moving forward! From here on out.” She sniffed and drew a deep, clearing breath, “And I want only three things for myself now;” Her hands gentled, “I want to keep Chelsea in my heart forever, I want my son back, and I want real love…”

  Jordan stood as though she was rooted to the spot, her hand still holding up the gold wedding band. “I think love is probably the only thing that’s really real anyway…” She gave her a lop-sided grin that faded when she looked down at the gold ring, “I think it’s the only thing we can take with us when we leave this earth… and it’s my belief that Chelsea has always been with you, Catherine, and always will be…” Her smile was tremulous and she cleared her throat, “And I promise we will find Cameron… and you will always have love.”

  Stepping past her, she walked to the wooden railing and stretched her arm out behind her. Catherine thought she looked like a javelin thrower just as Jordan shouted, throwing the ring as hard and as far as she could. When she felt Catherine come to stand next to her, she draped an arm around the small shoulders, “Well,” she exclaimed softly, “would you look at that.”

  Caught in the updraft, the ring was carried high on a buffeting current of air as it sailed out to sea, gold glinting sharply, if briefly in the sun. A long minute passed as they stood together, looking out at the vast ocean and coastline that stretched out side by side before them.

  “Can a marriage last forever?”

  Jordan gave her a sly look, “Can love last forever?” Catherine inclined her head to one side, considering her words then nodded, conceding the point. Jordan gave the small shoulder a squeeze, “You deserve love, Catherine Hope Bernard,” she murmured, “You’ll find it again.”

  “Thank you.” Catherine reached in her coat pocket and withdrew the flash drive, “I found something in the bag with my laptop.”

  They walked back to the triplex, and Jordan radioed ahead to let Wallace know they were coming.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” he plugged in the drive and turned to Catherine, “if I could impose on your superior skill set, we’re having a problem with our data stream… All my diagnostics are saying everything is fine but my three-thirty security video uploads are taking forever…”

  “No problem,” Jordan translated, “whenever you’re ready.” Catherine waved to Jordan to continue for her, “I found this this morning in my computer bag and I’ve had a look at the files.” Sitting in the middle chair, she pointed to them on the screen, “These are just work files… programs Alex worked on for clients. She was having a problem with this one…” She tapped the monitor with her finger, firmly swallowing the lump that stubbornly formed in her throat.

  Jordan sat next to her and gave her shoulder a soft squeeze when she saw the file name was the day of the shooting.

  Wallace clicked it open and Catherine shrugged, “The customer name appeared legitimate… but it could be one of Rossi’s clients or something, I don’t know.”

  “Okay… I’m connected to the cyber-division in New York…” his voice faded as he concentrated on entering an access key on the keyboard, “and I’m uploading now…” He sat back in his seat, “See what I mean? Ordinarily this would only take a few seconds, but look at how slow it’s going.”

  Catherine had been peering intently at the keyboard and screen and she nodded, “May I?” Jordan translated and Wallace slid his chair to the side,

  “Please…” he gestured.

  Catherine slid her chair in
front of the keyboard and began clicking open various programs. Wallace and Jordan watched silently as Catherine’s fingers flew over the keyboard, her expression intense as she stared at the screen. Jesus… Jordan sat back in her seat; it makes you wonder if her brain somehow crawls into the hard drive…

  Numerous dialog boxes appeared and disappeared as Catherine searched for the cause of the slow function, “There is a command that duplicated itself in one of your servers that’s causing information to loop for several seconds…” Wallace nodded as Jordan translated, “It would have been hard to find…” Catherine shrugged and rolled her chair back.

  “If you say so,” he chuckled since Catherine had moved too fast for him follow exactly what it was she did, “thanks. Is it okay to beg you for free fixits if this happens again?”

  “Anytime.” Catherine stood and Jordan followed suit,

  “I haven’t gotten anything from Stewart yet today, have you?”

  “Not yet,” Wallace disconnected the flash drive and handing it to Jordan, followed them to the door, “I think he was stuck in meetings all day today.”

  “Okay…” Jordan slipped the drive into her pocket while she and Catherine pulled on their coats by the front door.

  Catherine waved goodbye and as they walked back to the house she signed, “I did copy the files onto my laptop… but I didn’t see anything helpful in finding Alex.”

  “It’s okay,” Jordan shrugged, “Cyber might find something on that one customer’s file. We regularly check all of Alex’s email accounts although it’s a safe bet she knows enough not to log in to those accounts ever again…” Catherine stared at the ground as they walked and she added, “But if that customer does turn out to be a Rossi associate Cyber division will find them.”

  Catherine gave her a small smile and nodded, “I know.” When they got back inside she turned to her, “I’m hungry, sandwiches for lunch?”