Clear Intent

by Diane Benefiel

  That got a reaction, one hot flash from his eyes before he brought the curtain down again. “You were worried about me? You had a knife held to your throat by a fucking psycho, you braved a firestorm to get to your kid, and you’re worried about me? Jesus, Dory.” He spoke the words in a hoarse whisper.

  His bleak expression gave Dory pause. “Yes, that happened, and we survived. And you got Rodrigo to drop the knife without slitting my throat. You saved my life.”

  “It was my job to protect you. I couldn’t have done anything else. But ultimately, it’s you who saved yourself and your son. I wish like hell I’d gotten up there before you did.”

  She ignored the quick stab of pain at his phrasing. It was Jack’s “job” to protect her. She knew he cared about her and Adrian beyond the job, but for reasons unclear to her, he’d reined back his emotions.

  “How could you have gotten there before I did? You didn’t know Adrian was at the miner’s cabin. I didn’t even remember that he’d talked about it until I was lying in your bed yesterday afternoon and finally had a minute to clear my head. I don’t know if I’d have had that minute if you hadn’t insisted I take a break.”

  “You scared me, Dory. I was more scared than I’ve ever been in my life. Logan and I were racing to get to the camp, knowing we were going to miss you, that you were going to run into that fire and there was nothing I could do to get there any faster. Then we saw the truck Rod had stolen and the situation got that much more dangerous. But you did what you had to do on your own, and Adrian wouldn’t have made it if you’d waited. The miner’s cabin burned to the ground.”

  Dory squeezed her eyes shut against the mental image of that cabin in flames and her little boy trapped inside. The relief that had been absent at the news of Rodrigo’s death now swamped her. Everything she’d endured the night before had been worth it.

  That brought its own healing.

  She opened her eyes again, studying Jack. “Why do I feel like there’s something wrong between us?”

  “Hell if I know.” At her patient look, he sighed. “Look, Dory, I need a little time to process.”

  “Time to process, right.” She was aware that Jack hadn’t touched her since carrying her out of the fire the night before.

  “Your mom said they’re releasing you this morning.”

  She let his change in topic go by without comment. “The doctor said closer to noon. They want to make sure my oxygen levels remain where they should. Adrian seems to be doing better.”

  “Your folks are picking you up?” He stood when she nodded. “Then I’ll see you later.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Dory sat across from her son at the little picnic table behind their house. She pushed back her plate with the remnants of a simple spaghetti dinner, taking a minute to soak in the peace of the early evening. The voluntary evacuation order had been lifted for her area, and with the change in wind direction, smoke from the fire was being blown to the east and it was hard to fathom that it burned near the town. The latest report had containment at near ninety percent so it finally felt like the end was in sight.

  Having polished off his spaghetti in record time, Adrian stabbed a piece of cantaloupe with his fork and brought it to his mouth, juice dribbling down his chin as he chewed. Dory handed him a napkin.

  “We need to talk, bub.”

  “Okay,” he said, around the mouthful of fruit.

  “You know your father ran into the fire after he let me go last night.”

  Adrian nodded, then swallowed. “Jack made him let you go. I heard him, he told the man to drop the knife and let you go, and the man did.”

  “Right. They found his body later. He died in the fire.”

  Adrian paused, another piece of cantaloupe on his fork. “Then he can never hurt us again.”

  “No, he can’t.”

  “He shouldn’t have tried to hurt you. He wouldn’t be dead if he didn’t try to hurt you.” Adrian lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “It’s his own fault.”

  Not sure whether to be relieved at his easy acceptance of Rodrigo’s fate, Dory couldn’t fault him on his logic. “Why did you run away, Adrian? A lot of people were worried about you. Me, Jack, Gran and Pops—we were all worried sick.”

  Adrian set his fork down, his brown gaze direct on hers. “You said the man would try to get me to hurt you. I thought if I hid, then you’d be safer.” Tigger jumped up on the table, and Adrian scooped him into his arms, where the cat immediately began to purr.

  “When did I ever say that?”

  “One day when Jack came over. You were talking to him outside. I heard you say we weren’t safe because the man would try to use me to get to you.”

  “Adrian, you shouldn’t eavesdrop on adult conversations.”

  He ducked his head. “I know. Sorry.”

  “And I think you need to trust adults to keep you safe. If you were worried, you should have talked to me or Jack. Running off put a lot of people in danger, people who risked their lives to save you.”

  “I know. I made a bad mistake. Those big kids at the school said the man was going to kill people when they were asleep. I didn’t want him to kill you.”

  Dory rose from her seat and rounded the table to sit next to Adrian. She put an arm around his sturdy shoulders. “I want you to promise me that if you’re scared, or in a situation where you’re not sure of the right thing to do, that you think carefully and use good judgment. There are a lot of grown-ups who care about you, and you can talk to them about anything.”

  He nodded. “Like Jack.”

  “Yes, like Jack.”

  “Okay, Mom. Can you, me, and Tigger watch Willow?”

  And they were back to normal. “Sure, after you help me clean up and you get your pajamas on.”

  ***

  Dory leaned back against the couch, a giant bowl of popcorn sitting between her and Adrian, who giggled at the antics of the fairies on the screen. His current favorite movie was one she’d adored as a child. Headlights shown through the parted curtains as a vehicle pulled up outside their house. Dory quelled the instinctive alarm ringing in her head. Rodrigo wasn’t going to be driving to her house. Regardless, she approached the window cautiously, her heart thudding in her chest when she recognized Jack’s truck.

  “Jack is here, Adrian. I’ll be right outside.”

  Engrossed in the movie, he gave a brief nod, shoving another handful of popcorn into his mouth.

  Dory stepped outside as Jack approached. Standing on the stoop still didn’t put her on eye level with him. He stopped in front of her, face shadowed in the glow of the porchlight. “Where’s Adrian?”

  “Inside, watching a movie.”

  He nodded. “You going to invite me in?”

  “If that’s what you want.”

  “I want more than that.”

  The air throbbed between them. She wasn’t sure which one of them moved first, but a second later she was in his arms, his mouth moving across hers in a hungry kiss. Dory had never before felt devoured by a kiss, but she did by this one.

  He molded her to him, his touch urgent. She brought her hands up to clutch at his hair and hold him close, his tongue tangling with hers as he parted her lips. The stubble from his evening beard scraped her skin, and a moment later his lips left hers and he pressed his mouth in a warm trail from the corner of her mouth to her neck. He jerked back when he encountered the bandage at her collarbone.

  “I’m okay, Jack.”

  He gave a shuddering sigh and pulled her back to him, his arms wrapping around her shoulders, then tilted his head to rest against hers. “Rod holding that knife to your throat was the worst moment of my life. I nearly lost it.” His warm breath fanned her face.

  “But you didn’t. You got him to let me go.” Her head lay against his chest, the steady beat of his heart reassuring.

  She absorbed his warmth as they stood wrapped in each other in the chilly mountain night, Jack’s presence easing tension she hadn’t
been aware she’d been holding on to. The sounds of the movie filtered through the door she’d left open, making her realize it was almost over.

  When she shifted to step back, Jack gripped her shoulders. “I need to tell you I’m sorry I was a jerk in the hospital.”

  “Why were you a jerk?”

  “I wanted you to need me.” His shrug was self-deprecating. “I guess I’ve had this idea that if I could protect you, you would need me. But you found Adrian on your own, you confronted Rod on your own. Seemed like you didn’t need me at all.”

  She nodded slowly. “I guess I can understand that, but you should also realize that standing up for myself became one of the most important things to me after Rodrigo. I let him beat me, and I let Adrian be in a situation where he could be hurt, so not backing down last night went a long way toward making that pain go away.” She paused. “But Jack? I did need you last night. I stood up to Rodrigo, but once he pulled a knife, I didn’t stand a chance. It was you who talked him into dropping the knife, and then carried me out of the fire.”

  He brushed a kiss on her forehead. “Okay. We’re okay.”

  “Come in, Jack. I think Adrian would like to see you.” She took his hand to lead him inside.

  “Jack.” Adrian launched himself from the couch, upsetting the empty popcorn bowl.

  Jack caught Adrian in mid-jump, scooping him off his feet. The little boy circled his neck in a hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

  With the movie over, Dory turned on a lamp. Jack loosened his hold on Adrian. “What are the thank-yous for?”

  “For getting the man to let Mom go and not letting us get burned up in the fire.”

  “You know I love you and your mom, don’t you?”

  Dory drew in a shaky breath.

  Adrian peered into Jack’s face, then nodded slowly. “I guess so. We’re pretty lovable.”

  Jack gave a bark of laughter as he set the boy down. “Yeah, you are.”

  “Adrian, it’s time to brush your teeth and get into bed.”

  “Aw, Mom, can’t I have ten more minutes?”

  Familiar with the routine, she said, “You can have ten minutes to read once you’re in bed if you don’t mess around getting there.”

  “Okay.”

  Moments later the door to the bathroom slammed and she could hear the hum of his electric toothbrush.

  Dory turned to Jack, that proclamation of love still giving her a warm feeling. “Have you had dinner?”

  At the shake of his head, she led him into the kitchen. “Sit down, and I’ll warm some spaghetti for you.” She retrieved the containers from the refrigerator, and within minutes was setting a plateful of reheated pasta in front of him, a dish of melon on the side. She pulled a chilled bottle with “Hangman’s Brew” on the label from the fridge, holding it up for Jack to see. “You want a beer?”

  “Hell yeah.”

  Jack ate while she went to Adrian’s room to kiss him good night and turn out the light. When she came back, she told Jack Adrian had a request. “He wants you to say good night, too.”

  “Really?”

  Dory nodded, and Jack rose from his seat. He was gone several minutes and, concerned that Adrian was trying to delay his bedtime, she peeked her head through to door to his room. Jack sat on the side of the bed, head turned to Adrian, both of them lit faintly by the glow of the Batman nightlight.

  Adrian’s voice was quiet, “We should shake on that.”

  Jack held out his hand and shook Adrian’s, then rose to his feet. “Good night, bud.”

  “Good night.”

  Jack crossed to the door, checking his movement when he saw Dory.

  “What was that about?”

  He stepped out of the room, and Dory left the door slightly ajar the way Adrian liked it.

  “Man talk.” At her look, Jack sighed. “I can’t tell you now, but soon. I promise.”

  They returned to the kitchen. Dory set the kettle on the stove for tea as Jack finished the last bites of his dinner. He put his dishes and utensils in the dishwasher, then joined Dory at the table. It was scary how normal it felt to sit in her cozy kitchen with Jack, the dark held back by the cheery overhead light.

  She bobbed a teabag in a steaming mug as Jack sipped from his bottle. “You ever going to tell me what went on between you and Rodrigo? You were friends in high school, but you didn’t come to our wedding, and then I find out you were fighting with him after he and I were married. What happened?”

  “There’s no point in talking about this now.”

  “I think there is. I want to understand.”

  He rubbed his face. “Fine.” He turned so he was looking at her. “Do you remember the first time we met?”

  She shook her head. “No, not really. It must have been early in my freshman year of high school.”

  “I remember. First week of my senior year, and I’d just gotten out of calculus. Rodrigo had ditched his history class, but we met up and were walking to the cafeteria. You were standing with some girls. You were wearing that killer cheerleader uniform with the short skirt, and I thought you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.”

  “Why didn’t you say something?”

  “Rod figured out I was looking at you, and before I could pick my tongue up off the floor, he’d made his move.” He shrugged. “That was the end of that.”

  She sipped her tea, remembering. “Rodrigo overwhelmed me. Here was this senior, the big star on the football team, and he begins to aggressively pursue me. My parents wouldn’t let me date, but Rodrigo still walked me to class, he’d meet me at all the dances or other school functions, and we’d hang out before the games. Basically, everything but date.”

  “Yeah, and he let every guy know that you were his and to stay away. I figured I’d bide my time and ask you out when he moved on.”

  “But he didn’t move on.”

  “No. After graduation, I went away to college and figured I’d get over you, but when I came back on breaks and saw you, I was right back to wanting someone I could never have.”

  “That still doesn’t explain the fighting.”

  He sighed and took another drink of beer, draining the bottle. “After you graduated and you and Rod were going together, I thought he was getting weird. He’d talk about you in a way that made me uneasy, like you were the shiniest object in the store and it somehow made him feel more important because he’d snagged you. He treated you more like a possession than someone he loved. He’d figured out I had a thing for you, and started making a point of saying stuff or kissing you in front of me, shoving your relationship in my face. He was getting off on the fact that I wanted you, but you were his. It wasn’t a healthy dynamic. I stopped coming home from college, but then my sister died, and I had other things to deal with.”

  “I remember. That was horrible.”

  “Yeah. Kacey was dead, my parents were a mess. I blamed Eli for her death—he’d been like a brother to me, and I lost that friendship. When I got the invitation to your wedding, I couldn’t handle it. So I didn’t come.”

  “It hurt me that you weren’t there.”

  “I didn’t think I was that important to you.”

  “It seems you were. Tell me about the fighting.”

  “I joined the force and Brad informed me Rod was beating up on you but you wouldn’t press charges.”

  Dory looked down. “I don’t know how he knew, because it was going on for several years before things escalated to the point where someone called the cops.”

  “It made me fucking crazy. I couldn’t do anything while in uniform without cause, so I went looking for him when I was off duty. Learned he was drinking at the Brew Pub, so I started hanging out there. We’d drink, watch sports together, and I’d needle him into fighting me.”

  “Why?”

  “I knew Rod had this need to dominate, and I figured if I let him win, let him think he was beating my ass, it would satisfy that need.”

  “Good h
eavens, Jack.”

  He shrugged. “It was all I could think of, and I never knew if it worked. I’d let him beat up on me, then act like we were best buds again. He’d be all magnanimous, buy me a beer, so it seemed like he was in a good mood.” He shrugged. “I’d talked with your mom, and she said she was trying to get you to leave Rod but that you wouldn’t. I saw you in the parking lot of the grocery store that one time. Adrian couldn’t have been more than two or three. He was in the seat of the shopping cart and you were putting the bags into your car, and the way you moved I could tell you were in pain. Then when I stopped to talk to you, you wiped your eyes like you’d been crying.”

  “I remember. I’d been thinking I could get in my car and drive. I’d take Adrian and we’d drive as far as we could and never tell anyone where we were.”

  “Why didn’t you?”

  “Because I couldn’t run away.” She gave him a considering look. “Do you remember what you did?” He shook his head and she went on. “You handed me your phone number on a piece of paper and told me to memorize it and throw the paper away where Rodrigo wouldn’t see it. You said if I ever needed anything, no matter what or when, I could call you.”

  “But you never did.”

  “I was too embarrassed, and over time I got into the mind-set where I stopped fighting back. I think I was in survival mode. But I memorized your number.”

  “Your parents would have given you a place to stay, or you could have gone to Brad and he would have arrested the fucker.”

  She shrugged. “It’s hard to explain why I didn’t. Rodrigo was Adrian’s father, and I took the vows I made when I married him seriously.

  “It seems like he broke those vows the first time he raised a hand to you.”

  She nodded and was quiet for a long moment. “It helped, you know.”

  “What?”

  “When you let Rodrigo beat up on you. There were nights when I was so glad he wasn’t home, and then when he did come home he was in a surprisingly good mood and wouldn’t hurt me. Sometimes the good mood would last for days.”