Weight of the Badge: An Everyday Heroes World Novel (The Everyday Heroes World Book 21)

by T. R. Cupak

  We all head toward the dining room, and I’m impressed by the spread of food laid out on the table. There’s grilled chicken breast, filet mignon, baked potatoes, potatoes au gratin, and a wide variety of vegetables.

  “You call this dinner? It’s a feast fit for a king,” Sydnee jokes.

  “It’s all of your favorites, son.” My mom rests her hand on my left shoulder, and that’s when I know she prepared the meal and cooked it with love.

  Before Kade sits down at the head of the table, he puts Dexter in a doggy playpen. I notice that everyone has wine to drink, except Kade and me.

  “You’re both on meds,” Britney answers my unspoken question. I respond with a nod.

  “I’d like to make a toast,” Kade begins. I want to tell him to shut the fuck up, but I don’t. The longer I play it cool, the faster I will get to go home and finally have some goddamn privacy. “Deacon, you’re my best friend and brother in blue.” I want to ask for how long, but again, I choose to bite my tongue and remain quiet. “We’ve been through a lot over the years, and nothing compares to the current pile of shit we’re swimming in, but there’s no one on this planet I’d rather be going through this with than you. Cheers, bro.” He raises his glass of water while everyone else raises their wine glasses.

  “Dig in,” my mother tells all of us at the table.

  The conversation is light, just as it had been in the crazy ward. There are jokes followed by laughter. There are talks about some show called Tiger King about some rednecks who claim to rescue tigers and the controversy regarding some woman named Carole Baskin.

  With nothing to contribute to the conversation, I sit quietly, eating a little bit of everything on the table. It doesn’t take much for my stomach to feel full. Being in the hospital diminished my appetite. Well, that and the drugs.

  We all sit back and allow our food to digest. My sister reaches over and places her hand over mine. She did the same thing in the hospital too. It’s like she doesn’t want me to forget she’s there. A moment of awkward silence follows, that is until the bark and cries of an upset puppy fill the open space.

  “Excuse me,” Britney says as she stands and grabs the puppy. “Is it potty time, little guy?” She leaves the dining room and heads out to the back yard.

  “I’ll be back.” I stand and follow my sister outside.

  There’s a small fenced-off space that appears to have artificial grass for Dexter to go to the bathroom.

  “What’s up with you and Kade?” The question is blunt, but it’s a question I want my sister to answer.

  “Nothing, D. Me, Mom, and Beth have been helping him since he was released. There’s nothing more, so don’t read into it like there is.” She’s looking straight at me, and I see she’s telling the truth, but my sister is also hiding something, but what?

  “I’m tired. Which room is mine?”

  “Some of your stuff is in the room you always crash in. I’ll tell everyone you went to bed. Don’t forget to take your medicine,” Britney reminds me.

  Waving my hand, I go back inside and straight to the spare room I occasionally sleep in when I’m too tired or drunk to drive home.

  21

  BRITNEY

  Sydnee was the one who brought my parents to Kade’s, and she said she would take them home, too. She’d parked in Kade’s garage so Deacon wouldn’t suspect anything when we arrived.

  After the house clears out, I stay to help Kade clean up from dinner. Spending this much time with him has made my feelings for him stronger because we’ve been connecting on a deeper level, but Deacon is my main focus right now. I wasn’t lying to him when I said nothing was going on, but my heart wants to tell my brother that I’m in love with his best friend. I want to beg him to forget about their childhood pact.

  I understand he created that pact to protect my heart, but it’s my heart, and I should be allowed to give it to Kade if I want to. If I get hurt, so be it. That’s life. How will I ever know if Kade is the one for me and I’m the one for him if we never get a chance to see?

  I’ve tried dating other men, but in my mind, they never come close to comparing to Kade. He’s a man who knew what he wanted and went after it. I admire his tenacity.

  That same tenacity is what drove a bigger wedge between Kade and Mr. Beaumont. He knew going after the career he wanted, instead of the one his father was trying to force him into, would destroy the last bit of his relationship with his dad. But Kade wanted a life outside of Beaumont Global, and because he’s built that life, his dad has resented him for it.

  When my brother is back to his old self, we will discuss it. My heart wants Kade, and I will get what I want. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.

  “Thanks for helping me clean up.” Kade steps up behind me, and the heat of his breath tickles the back of my neck. If I turn around, he’ll be close enough to kiss, but my fragile-minded brother is sleeping in the next room, and this cannot go anywhere without his consent. “Stay the night.”

  “What?” I ask, spinning around.

  “Not like that. For your brother.” I release a sigh of relief when he clarifies that it’s for Deacon’s sake because I don’t think I would have the strength to refuse him if he meant otherwise.

  “That’s probably a good idea.”

  “I’ll grab you a t-shirt to sleep in.”

  “Do you have a spare toothbrush?”

  “Of course. I’ll leave everything in my bathroom for you. I’ll sleep out here with Dexter.”

  Kade leaves me in the living room with the puppy while he gathers the things that I need. When he returns, he’s wearing a tank top that accentuates his broad shoulders and thick biceps, and sweatpants that cling to his lower half in all the right places.

  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t turned on simply by what he’s wearing. My attention lingers longer than necessary while I commit to my memory his massive bulge between his legs. This man is going to be the death of me one of these days.

  “My room is all yours.”

  “Oh, I’m not sleeping in there. I’m perfectly fine sleeping out here.”

  “For once, don’t argue.” The deep vibrato in his tone is all I needed to hear to get me to concede to his request.

  “Goodnight, Kade.”

  “Goodnight, beautiful.”

  Yep, he is trying to kill me slowly. Damn him and his hotness.

  I go through part of my nightly routine before bed since I don’t have any of my toiletries with me. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I proceed to remove my jeans, shirt, and bra before pulling on the shirt Kade left out for me. Looking over at the mirror above his dresser, I see he chose one of his funny t-shirts. It has a picture of an adult holding a beer while riding a Big Wheel, and it says, “Safety Third.”

  Pulling back the covers, I climb into Kade’s bed and pull the sheet and comforter over my body. His bed is plush, yet firm, and even though I have a California king size bed of my own, Kade’s bed makes me feel like I could get lost in it. I feel lonely in it.

  Not knowing how long I’ve been lying here tossing and turning, I decide to check on Deacon. I meant to do so before climbing into bed, but I didn’t want to disturb him. I fling the covers off and swing my legs over the side of the bed. I slide off the edge of the bed until my feet hit the cold hardwood floor and take a few short steps until I reach the bedroom door, turning the handle until it opens. I look down the hall, and there’s a dimly lit recessed light illuminating the door to my brother’s room at the end of the hall.

  I tiptoe down the hallway until I reach Deacon’s door. As quietly as possible, I turn the handle and crack the door open just enough to see my brother’s bed. But I don’t see Deacon. Pushing the door all the way open, I turn on the light and notice the sheer curtain moving with the breeze coming from the wide-open window. Son of a bitch.

  “Kade!” I yell as I run from my brother’s room and down the hall into the living room, causing Dexter to startle awake and begin ba
rking.

  “What?” Kade rubs his eyes as he struggles to sit up with the barking dog standing on his stomach. I need to remember Kade is still recovering from surgery. Although he’s healing faster than the doctor anticipated, it’s clear his sudden movement caused him pain.

  “Are you okay?” I ask.

  “I’m fine. What’s going on?”

  “Deacon’s gone,” I cry.

  “What do you mean he’s gone?” I know Kade’s drugged and still trying to catch up as to why I’m in a panic, but he needs to snap to it.

  “The bedroom window is wide open. D must have climbed out at some point.” My voice cracks as tears trickle from my eyes, and my chest begins to tighten. I’ve had quite a few panic attacks in my life to know I’m on the brink of one, so I run back to Kade’s room, grab my purse, and pop open the bottle of Xanax I keep with me. The episodes started after I was sexually assaulted, but once my attacker was behind bars, they became less frequent. When the shooting happened, they came back.

  I pull my jeans on and slide my feet into my shoes. After I dig through my purse for my car keys, I run back down the hall. Kade enters the house from the sliding back door with Dexter following him.

  “He can’t be far. My camera shows him hopping the fence about fifteen minutes ago.”

  “I’ll go find him,” I tell Kade.

  “We’ll go find him. Put Dex in his crate while I grab a sweatshirt and shoes.”

  “Please hurry.”

  “We’ll find him and bring him home, Brit.” He tries to sound reassuring, but I know he’s silently freaking out too. Kade is better at hiding his emotions. He has to in his line of work.

  I get Dexter squared away in his crate, and as I’m walking out of the front door, I see a dark figure walking toward the house. Squinting to see it more clearly, I notice the reflective lettering on the jacket. It says, Winslow.

  “Deacon, is that you?” I call out to the shadowy figure.

  “No, it’s the fucking boogie man.”

  Is he for real right now? He sneaks out of the house through a window, jumps a fence, and comes back like nothing is wrong.

  “Dude, you scared the fuck out of us,” Kade’s voice booms from behind me, startling me.

  Deacon walks right past Kade and me, ascending the stairs to the house, without so much as an apology. He doesn’t even turn around once he’s inside. He keeps his steady pace back toward his bedroom.

  If Deacon weren’t dealing with PTSD right now, I’d slap the shit out of him for how he’s behaving. It’s like he’s back to being a teenage asshat all over again. Dr. Harrison informed us it would take a while for Deacon to find his ground and a new sense of normalcy. He said we need to be patient and understanding, which is why I’m not on my brother’s heels chastising him.

  “You okay?” Kade asks once he’s let Dexter out of his doggy jail—my name for his crate.

  “I guess so. I mean, Deacon came back on his own, and he isn’t hurt.” Kade wraps me in his arms, and I feel myself melt into his body. His embrace makes me feel safe, like nothing in the world could hurt me as long as I’m in his arms.

  “I’m going to go talk to Deacon,” Kade mumbles over the top of my head. “Why don’t you turn on the TV and snuggle with Dex. He likes you, you know.” Reluctantly, I step back and out of Kade’s arms and nod my head.

  Kade disappears down the hallway, and I curl up on the couch with Dexter. Turning on the television, I scroll through the channel guide until I find a station airing Friends, and select it. I’ve probably seen every episode at least two dozen times, so I know it will help calm my mind.

  Dexter’s lying beside me and his shallow breathing indicates he’s sound asleep. My eyelids suddenly weigh a ton, so I close them, letting my exhaustion take me into dreamland.

  22

  KADE

  I head to my bedroom to grab a photo album I’ve had since Deacon and I were kids. It has pictures from camping trips with his family and vacations with my mom. My father never had time to vacation while he was building his company, and my mother wanted me to see the world, so she took Deacon and me with her.

  On one occasion, we took Britney along too, but that was when we were pre-teen, and Deacon and I still thought girls had cooties. Back then, life was uncomplicated. We didn’t have a care in the world, except for video games, sports, and go-karts.

  Our lives were simpler, and for the most part, sheltered from the world beyond our town. We knew there was more to life than being safe behind a desk in a high-rise office building, or Deacon’s case, running a vineyard.

  Living a typical quiet life would be boring, and I believe it’s the reason becoming a police officer was appealing. The adrenaline rush I got when we did our ride-along with Deacon’s uncle and partner was nothing I’ve ever experienced. Yes, I’m putting myself in harm’s way every time I put on my uniform, but the satisfaction I get when I put shitbags in jail is worth it. Saving two teenage girls is worth it.

  Knocking lightly, I wait for Deacon to answer, but there’s nothing. I knock once more, and when I still get no response, I open the door and see him sitting in the far corner of the room. His knees are pulled up to his chest, and he’s shivering from the chilled night air still flowing in through the open window.

  I pull the comforter off of the bed with my free hand. Once the bedding is out of the way, I toss the photo album onto the mattress. I quickly make my way to the window, sliding it closed and locking it before turning back around and snatching up the photo album from the bed. Cautiously, I take the last few steps in Deacon’s direction, scared I may frighten him if I approach too fast.

  “D, I’m going to cover you with the blanket, okay?” I decide to give him a play-by-play, hoping he remains calm.

  His eyes drag up from the floor, and when they land on mine, chills roll down my back. I feel like I’m staring into a vast space of nothingness. There’s a void where there used to be a life. But, in a matter of seconds, the vacancy disappears, and Deacon is no longer in a trance-like state.

  “Kade, where am I?”

  What the fuck?

  “You’re at my house, in the room you always crash in.” I sit on the floor beside Deacon and cover us with the comforter I pulled off of the bed. “You don’t remember Britney bringing you here after you were discharged from the hospital earlier today?”

  Deacon sits and thinks about what I just told him. At first, I think he’s so out of it he’s not going to remember, but then it’s as if his memory suddenly comes back, and the light goes on in his head.

  “Yeah. My parents and Sydnee were here too, right?”

  “Yeah, they were. Your sister is still here. Do you want me to get her?”

  He shakes his head.

  “Kade, I feel like I’m losing my mind. After jumping out of the window, I was going to walk home, but then I forgot where I was at, what I was doing, and where I was going. When I snapped out of the confused state I was in, I realized I wasn’t far from your house, so I came here. I didn’t remember leaving here until I came back and saw the window open. That’s when I remembered.”

  My friend is more fucked up than I thought. How in the hell did he get released?

  “Has this happened before—in the hospital?”

  “What? Forgetting things. No.”

  “Do you need to go back to the hospital?” I’m out of my league here. I’m a cop, not a shrink.

  “No. That place is a fuckin’ nightmare. Maybe I’m just tired and need some sleep?”

  “Do you want me to leave?”

  “No,” he mutters. “What’s that?” Deacon nods in the direction of the photo album I forgot I was holding. My best friend is losing his mind, and I don’t know how to navigate anything with him. I’m afraid I might say the wrong thing, and he flips out, or worse, I send him spiraling back into his head where he only sees the deceased mother and child.

  “It’s a photo album from when we were kids. I thought we could laugh at our yo
unger selves.”

  I hand the book over to Deacon, letting him be in charge of turning the pages at his own pace. He takes the album and opens it at the beginning. The title is “The Adventures of Deacon & Kade,” and the first five pages hold photos from a Winslow camping trip we took to the lake that year. Following those pages are ones from the European tour we took with my mom, and then more camping and other trips, up until high school.

  “I didn’t know you had all of these pictures. Where did you get them?”

  “Camera phone, dummy. I printed them at home. As you can tell, the earlier pictures are from the first camera phone I had. They’re grainy compared to the ones toward the end of the album.”

  “Why don’t I remember taking these?”

  “Why would you? It wasn’t your phone. Your mom or my mom would take the pictures. Sometimes Brit did too, but I didn’t trust her not to break my phone.” Britney was a clumsy girl when she was younger. She couldn’t walk and chew gum at the same time. But as every kid does, Brit grew out of that stage. Hell, she grew out of it before she was in high school. Our laughter fills the room, and it puts my mind at ease that my best friend is still there. He just needs time to work through his shit.

  “Kade?” I look in Deacon’s direction, and the light that was in his eyes just moments ago has vanished. I sit quietly, nodding that he has my attention. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid to hear what’s coming next. “We fucked up, bro. What’s next for us? Jail?”

  Goddammit. I don’t want to talk about this shit tonight. I want Deacon to have one night of—fuck, I don’t know—peace.

  “Not tonight. We can talk about that tomorrow.”

  “Okay.” My stomach is in knots as Deacon sits with his eyes focused on the album in his lap. Now that I think about it, Deacon’s mental stability isn’t the only reason I don’t want to talk about that day or the days to come. I’m not mentally prepared to head down that path, and who knows if I will be tomorrow, but I’ll keep my promise to my partner.

  We stay seated on the floor, sharing the comforter as Deacon begins flipping through the pages of the album once again. Reminiscing about the good times we have shared over the past twenty-two years lightens our mood, a stark contrast to the weight I feel in my chest for what’s to come.