BEYOND SHYNESS
Page 22
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In doing these exercises, you are exploring your values—the things that are important to you and that you find exciting. While you may not fulfill your grandest dreams, you can begin to look for ways to bring your current career into closer contact with your ideal career field. For example, after examining her dreams and goals, Shana, who had expressed an interest in space exploration, got a job at the Air & Space Museum gift shop in Washington, D.C. It may not get her to the moon, but she enjoys the museum atmosphere and keeps up to date with her favorite topic.
Career Possibilities
Next, let’s examine your career prospects. Don’t ask yourself what jobs you are qualified for. Instead, consider your skills. Even if you have been out of the work force for a long time, you may have experience managing a household or doing home improvement (handling finances, purchasing and cooking food, repairing plumbing and electricity, repairing your car, landscaping, caring for children, etc.). Take a moment to brainstorm the many things you do know how to do:
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Now consider your formal education, training, and experience. Make a list of any relevant background information. You needn’t create an actual résumé here. Just list the things you know how to do that are commonly considered job skills (typing, adding machine, carpentry, etc.).
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With both your dreams and practical skills in mind, you can begin to create some real goals for yourself. What jobs might suit both your desires and qualifications? It’s okay to be creative here. Again, don’t allow anxiety or lack of self-esteem to hold you back. In Shana’s case, she considered her current job as a bookstore clerk in a D.C.-area mall, her qualifications (cash register and inventory experience), her interest in space, and her own personal desire to work downtown in a place accessible by public transportation. The next time she visited her favorite museum, the idea hit her: Why not make a change that would match her interests and her qualifications?
When seeking a job or developing a career, put yourself in the mind-set of the Adult (your internal “computer”). As you think objectively about your situation, you will realize that there are issues of competition involved in putting yourself on the market. “I don’t have enough experience.” “The other person is more attractive.” “I don’t have as much education as the other candidates.” Sound familiar? Answer the following questions:
What issues of competition do you feel you will have to face?
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What are your feelings about these issues of competition?
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What strategies will you apply?
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When you are contemplating a job or career change, anxiety can be a large stumbling block. Hand in hand with anxiety goes low self-esteem, which can be especially detrimental during the job search. Employers respond best to those who project a comfortable, confident, and motivated self-image. If your anxiety is uncontrolled, it may mask your underlying confidence and motivation. As you do the exercises in this chapter, consider whether your anxiety is causing you to sell yourself short. If you find it difficult to list your capabilities and skills, you may wish to ask for some objective help from a friend, family member, or professional. And if anxiety is so high that it keeps you from focusing effectively on these exercises, you should try to use the various stress management strategies you have learned thus far in order to approach the project from a perspective of personal calm.
Stop and Think
Again, let’s take some time to step and think about the issues in this section. Sit back in a comfortable chair, breathe deeply, allow your body to grow limp and your mind to let go, and integrate the issues into your thinking. Now, list the ways that anxiety is negatively affecting your career:
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What are some strategies for controlling career-related anxiety?
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Preparing for the Job Search
The first phase of getting ready for a job search is mental preparation. This is a resolve that you will do what it takes to succeed—even if it means dealing with rejection time and again. Rejection is a natural part of the job search. Therefore, it is important for the person with social anxiety to measure motivation. Adapting the motivation exercise from Chapter 5, let’s measure your degree of motivation on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being the lowest and 5 the highest.
5: Extremely Motivated. You recognize your potential for happiness and fulfillment on the job and feel a sense of urgency about remedying the problems that inhibit your career success and thus affect your overall quality of life. You are totally independent and take responsibility for problem solving. You persevere, keeping in mind the old saying, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” You haven’t given up, and you understand that the route to success has not only ups but downs.
4: Substantially Motivated. You understand the importance of resolving problems. You are fairly consistent, and are able to commit to many of the projects you wish to complete. The job acquisition process is no exception. You want to create change, but you sometimes question whether it is worth the effort—especially when you meet with failure.
3: Fairly Motivated. You know something is wrong, but you aren’t ready to admit it is the quality of your interactive chemistry in the workplace. At times you want to change, but you vacillate over it, saying it’s “not worth it,” or “things are fine the way they are,” even though deep down you know that it would be worth it and things are not fine. You hesitate to take responsibility for your own job satisfaction, refusing to see your role in the reality of the situation. You may give up on the task at hand, especially when the anxiety of confronting your fears increases to the point that you are uncomfortable.
2: No Real Motivation. You are considering change, but this is
mainly at the urging of others on whom you are dependent—in order to avoid conflict with them, you tend to agree, however halfheartedly, to try harder to be independent, seek new job challenges, and confront the situations that obstruct your productivity and fulfillment at work. You have succumbed to the problem—you are allowing your anxiety and fear to control you. As you see it, there is very little hope. Occasionally, though, you do have positive feelings, but these are quickly overwhelmed by feelings of anxiety when you are confronted with stress.
1: Nonfunctional. Motivation is an abstract concept for you—social anxiety is something that others experience. You maintain that you are content in your current work situation, that you don’t want or need to change, despite a general uneasiness or lack of interest in what you do. You probably would not even look at your career situation were it not for the consistent pressure of others, and even then, you usually remain in an extreme state of denial. Since you avoid confronting career issues, it is difficult to point out interactive problems (which don’t come up because you don’t examine them), although they are present, totally camouflaged.
What is your current career motivation level? If it is not high enough, why not? What do you need to do to increase your motivation?
THE JOB SEARCH
To be successful in the working world, you must steel yourself against rejection, whether you are a salesman, a grant writer, or even a job candidate. Employers often interview many, many candidates for a given job opening, and you will probably get more no’s than yeses. But don’t take it personally. That’s just part of the process. (Remember the salesman’s strategy of thinking that each rejection brings him closer to a sale!) With the right attitude, any rejection you do experience can give you valuable information about the job search process. Practice makes perfect, so look at your interviews as a chance to perfect your interactive skills in the working world. In fact, it is sometimes appropriate to inquire about the possibility of an “informational interview”—in which you are not applying for a job but simply meeting briefly (half an hour or so) with a person whose career field interests you to ask questions and tour the place of business. (This is most appropriate when you are considering a career change.) Either way, if a suitable position is not available but you have made a good contact, you may get a call when an appropriate job does open up. Keep in mind that it is up to you to create opportunities for yourself. Do not wait for them to happen to you!
Listed below are three basic rules that will help you become a successful candidate. Remember, however, that you need not be offered a job in every case to consider yourself successful. Rather, you are successful if you keep the job search process going in a professional manner. In working with countless people in the process of looking for a job, I have concluded that, for those who are currently unemployed, the full-time job should be just that: looking for a job. For those who currently have a job, but are openly seeking a better position with new challenges or a higher salary, take comfort in knowing you are working from a position of strength; use that knowledge to add to your self-esteem. In all cases, see yourself from the employer’s point of view. In their eyes, you are a more likely candidate if you behave professionally before and after the interview (with appropriate inquiry and follow-up—more on that later) and if you interact appropriately during the interview itself. As you continue to look for a job, remember the following tips for success:
1. When you call about a job prospect, get as much information as you can about the position and the company—including the name of the person doing the interviewing. Don’t be put off by feelings of anxiety—you have a right to “interview” them too. If possible, go to the library and research the company. By the time of your interview, you will feel more confident—and less anxious—because you will have resources from which to draw during your conversation.
2. If you have time to mail your résumé before your scheduled interview, do so. But be sure to include a cover letter as well. While the résumé gives background information about you, the cover letter explains why you are writing and briefly describes what makes you a good candidate for the job. Don’t allow low self-esteem to make you afraid to “sell yourself”! Only you can say why you would be an asset to the company. And one more thing—write the letter to a particular person, not “To Whom It May Concern” or “Dear Sir or Madam.” Most of the time, a prospective employer’s receptionist is willing to tell you exactly whom to contact. Use courtesy titles (“Dear Ms. Smith”), unless the person is someone you already know on a first-name basis.
3. Do follow up. An appropriate measure of assertiveness goes a long way. Most employers appreciate someone who is diligent and communicates a genuine interest in the position. But don’t be aggressive. Limit your contact to a follow-up note, a phone call two weeks later, and perhaps a third one a few weeks after that. Be sure to let them know that if another, more appropriate, position comes along, you would be interested to learn about it. Again, by communicating properly and creating your own opportunities, you can achieve some control over your own destiny.
The Résumé
Your résumé is like an advertisement for you as a job candidate. It should present you in the best possible light. Consult reference books for appropriate formats. Styles vary, but a résumé should be typewritten or typeset, with your name and address clearly displayed at the top, and your employment history and educational background listed below in an organized fashion. If you wish, you may include a heading for personal interests—this can often be a good ice-breaker during the interview itself.
People with social anxiety often find it very useful to pay for professional assistance in preparing a résumé. Having an objective person categorize your skills and experience can be extremely helpful, especially if you are reentering the work force or are experiencing difficulty putting your background into the appropriate format.
Remember, your résumé is often your first contact with a prospective employer, and it may determine whether you will get an interview in the first place. It is your calling card and should be impeccably professional in appearance and content.
A Professional Image
The image you project begins with the first phone call you make. If you feel some initial anxiety, remind yourself that other people are calling too; you are entitled to inquire as well. Be professional, giving your name and the reason for your call, and then ask the name of the appropriate person to contact. At smaller establishments, the person who answers the phone may well be the person doing the hiring, so you should project a professional image from the outset. Your phone manner, including language, tone of voice, and level of assertiveness, is reflected even in a short telephone conversation. That first phone call is what may or may not get you in the door for an interview. If you don’t conduct yourself professionally, that may be as far as it goes. For example, I once received a phone call from someone interested in a position I had advertised. The man who called about the job—who may not have realized that “the boss” himself would answer the phone—was eating as he spoke to me. If he cared so little about the position that he could not make the effort to behave professionally, how would he act on the job? It wasn’t worth my time to find out!
To prepare yourself mentally for the initial phone call, determine first of all how you would like to be perceived. This behavior rehearsal exercise will help to put you in the proper frame of mind for making the call. Sit back in a comfortable chair, close your eyes, take a deep breath … let go. Now, use the TV screen in your head to picture yourself making the phone call. See, hear, smell, touch the scene. See yourself being confident, communicating clearly, and receiving a favorable response. Above all, you are relaxed and natural.
As you talk, what aspects of your personality would you like to emphasize?
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What do you want the other person to
think about you?
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It may help you to jot down a few notes to alleviate any fear of becoming tongue-tied—your name, the position or company you are interested in, how you can be reached, any questions you may have. You won’t be reading it verbatim, but it may be comforting to refer back to it now and then as your conversation progresses. Know your message clearly. Have a plan for exactly what information you want to convey and what you intend to find out. It helps to visualize your success in the call beforehand, and if you feel anxious, to do relaxation exercises before you get on the phone.
The importance of your image continues with any subsequent contact you make prior to the interview, such as your cover letter and résumé.
The Interview
The largest determining factor in whether you get a job is usually the interview itself. You’ve made impressions all along—with your telephone call and your cover letter and résumé. Now it is imperative that you create a favorable impression when at last you get a chance to talk in person. This can be the ultimate test for a socially anxious person: After all, you are being evaluated on your performance in the interview situation. Activate your PMA, then build up your energy level. If you have followed this program, you now possess the self-help techniques you need to help you through the situation. You can prepare yourself for success.
As with any interaction, good chemistry is important. The prospective employer will think hard about whether you will fit in—both from a production perspective and an interactive one. The employer may think: Will this employee help to increase the bottom line? Will he interact well as part of the team within the social system that already exists here? In fact, your chemistry with the interviewer may be more important than your background and experience.