Spider

by SJ McCoy

  ~ ~ ~

  “Spider!” Her voice sounded husky even to her own ears.

  He rested his chin between her breasts and looked up at her with a smile. “Yeah?” His hands didn’t stop. They were unfastening her jeans even as he spoke.

  It’d be so much easier to go with it, to let him finish undressing her. But she couldn’t let the moment pass.

  “Why are you good with it?”

  His smile faded. “Because … because you’ve been honest with me. And because even though I know it’s not going to last, I want to be with you.”

  “What if …” Her heart was hammering in her chest. He couldn’t mean what she hoped he did. He couldn’t mean that he wanted more. Could he? She had to know. “What if I wanted it to last?”

  He searched her face, still not smiling. Shit. Had she blown it? Was she on the verge of getting serious when he was only thinking about getting laid?

  “What are you saying, Frankie?”

  She drew in an unsteady breath and let it out. “I shouldn’t be saying anything. I don’t want to spoil this.” She arched her back, pushing her breasts up into his face again. That should get him back on track.

  He dropped his head and kissed each tip, but then he crawled up over her until his eyes were looking directly down into hers. “You’re not going to spoil anything. Not if you’re honest. Whatever it is, Frankie, just say it. I can take it.” There was a darkness in his eyes that she hadn’t seen before. The flecks of gold were dull. He looked like he was expecting the worst.

  The only trouble was, she didn’t know what his idea of the worst was. Was he going to walk away if she asked for more? Probably. Why had she opened her big mouth? But it was too late now. He was resting his weight on his forearms, which lay on either side of her head. Their noses were almost touching as he looked down into her eyes. If this was it, if her words chased him away, she’d always remember this moment. Oh well. Here went nothing.

  “I’m saying that … I know I warned you that I’d probably wake up one day and need to go …”

  “Yeah. I get it.” His eyes turned a darker, duller green still.

  “Would you shush? I need to say this all at once.”

  “Okay.” He looked resigned. He didn’t even smile at her shushing. She was about to blow it, but she couldn’t help herself.

  “Well. That’s not true anymore.”

  “Why?”

  She tightened her arms around his waist, knowing that this might be as close as she ever got to him. He might get up and walk away when she told him the truth.

  “I’m not going to wake up one day and want to leave because now that I know you, I wake up every day and I want to be with you. I want to be wherever you are, go wherever you are.” She gave him a smile. “Do you think I would ever have visited LA if it weren’t for you?”

  He didn’t smile back. “What are you trying to say, Frankie?”

  “What I’m trying to say. What I’m screwing up here because I’m so damned afraid that I’m going to scare you away, is that I’ve gone and fallen for you. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I wouldn’t have believed it if – ”

  She stopped when he put his finger over her lips. He held her gaze and for a long few moments, he didn’t speak. She could feel his heart beating in time with her own. How could it feel like their hearts were so in sync when she’d just gone and screwed everything up?

  “Tell me the shortest way possible what you mean.”

  Jesus! She wanted to roll him off her. That was cruel. He was going to make her say it? What the hell. “I love you.”

  And just like that, the gold flecks in his eyes sparkled again. His sexy smile was back on his face and then his mouth took hers in a kiss that felt like a claiming.

  When he finally lifted his head, he looked down into her eyes. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t want to hope. I didn’t want to hold you down. I didn’t … I love you, too!”

  Her breath caught in her chest. “You do?”

  He nodded happily. “I do. I didn’t even know if I was capable of love, I didn’t think I wanted to love anyone. I gave up on it years ago. But you, cowgirl, you tore down all the walls around my heart. I love you.”

  Tears pricked behind her eyes. “Well, dang! I wish I’d said something sooner!”

  He chuckled. “It’s all good. We’re there now.”

  She closed her fingers around the back of his head and pulled him down into another long, deep kiss.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Spider’s heart felt like it was exploding in his chest. Just a few moments ago it felt like it was about to be ripped out, but now it was exploding with joy. She loved him? She loved him!

  He stripped his clothes off, watching as she shimmied out of her jeans and panties. “Have I told you how fucking beautiful you are?”

  She smiled. “You have now. And in case I haven’t told you, you are fucking beautiful, too.” She held her arms up to him. “Also, fuckably beautiful. Come back and let me show you what I mean.”

  He climbed back onto the bed beside her and wrapped her up in his arms, dropping a kiss on the tip of her nose. “I don’t think I want to.”

  She pulled her head back to look up into his eyes. “You don’t? You just told me that you love me and now you don’t want to – ”

  “I don’t want to fuck you. I just told you that I love you. You just told me that you love me. So, for the first time, I want to make love to you.”

  “Aww,” she smiled as she slipped her hand between them, tracing patterns on his chest, “I like it.” She rolled onto her back, taking him with her, spreading her legs so that he sank between them.

  He was right there, his cock aching to be inside her wet heat, and her words pushed him over the edge.

  “It’s like I said before. Take me, I’m yours.”

  He had no choice. He thrust his hips and pushed his way inside. She felt so damn good. She did every time, but this time even more. She was so hot, so tight, so wet. Every sensation was more intense. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw as he pressed deeper. It felt different because it was different. He loved her, and she loved him. This time she was his, and he was hers.

  Her fingers clawed at his back as he pulled back and then drove all the way home. And that was what she felt like – home – her hips flush with his, her thighs gripping him. She was his and she was home. He started to move slowly, setting a steady rhythm. She moved with him, matching him, fitting him as if she were made for him. Her hands grasped his ass and moved him faster and faster. He was hurtling toward the edge, and she was going with him, tightening around him, tensing under him until she let go.

  She gasped his name as her body quivered under him and her inner muscles clenched him tight. Two more deep thrusts and his whole body tensed. He let himself go, giving her what her body demanded from him.

  “I love you,” she gasped, her voice coming from a long distance to seep inside him and wrap around his heart.

  “I love you, Frankie.” The words tore from his chest as his mind spun away on waves of pleasure.

  He slumped down and kissed her neck, careful to keep most of his weight off her, but she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him down onto her.

  “I need to feel you, feel your weight, know this is real.”

  He kissed the tip of her nose. “It’s real all right. This is as real as it gets. I don’t know how this is going to work. I don’t know how love works. But I do know that you’re mine now. Mine forever, for as long as you love me.”

  She traced her finger down the side of his cheek. “That’s the same thing. I’m going to love you forever. I don’t think we need to know how it works. We can make it up as we go along. To suit us.”

  “I like the sound of that.”

  “Me too. I think it’s what we have to do. Neither of us are conventional people, and we’re hardly a conventional match. So, however it’s supposed to work probably wouldn’t work for us anyway.”

 
He dropped a kiss on her lips. “I love you, Frankie.” He smiled as a thought struck him. “Is it weird that I love you and I’m not even sure what your name is?”

  “Huh? What do you mean?”

  “I mean, Frankie. Is it short for something? Are you a Francesca?”

  She let out a short laugh, and with that he slipped out of her.

  “I’m just Frankie. My dad didn’t want a girl.” She frowned.

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean …”

  “It’s not that.”

  “What then?”

  She wriggled underneath him. “We’re going to have a wet spot.”

  She was watching his face, looking … scared? His breath caught in his chest when he understood what she meant. He hadn’t used a condom. That was why it’d felt so different, so damned good.

  Whatever that thing was that had always felt so tight in his chest, the wariness, the need to stay alert to survive, it relaxed and unfurled. He closed his eyes and felt years of pent-up tension leave his body.

  “I’m so sorry. I …”

  “No. There’s nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart. It’s good.” He smiled and dropped a kiss on her lips. “It’s kinda sticky right now, but it’s so damned good.”

  “But I thought … you always … you don’t because …”

  That last part sent his heart rate soaring. She was right. He’d told her. He’d never in his life had sex without a condom because he didn’t want to risk getting a woman pregnant – fathering a child. “You said you’re on the pill.”

  “I am. But you …” She held his gaze for a long moment. “You also said you’d love to one day but …”

  “Yeah. I never wanted to father a child who would have to live their life without an amazing family to love and support them every single day through the good and the bad and everything in between.”

  “You could see us, you and me, being that family?”

  He could feel the blood pounding in his temples. Was he fucking crazy? In less than a week, he’d gone from not wanting to put any pressure on her to telling her that he loved her and wanted a family with her.

  She held his gaze, her eyebrows raised, but not giving away how she felt. She’d tensed under him. He should probably roll off her, but he was afraid that if he did, she might run and never look back.

  “I could. I can. This just got way out of hand, and I don’t want to freak you the fuck out. I didn’t even mean … I guess it was a subconscious slip that I forgot, didn’t even think about it. But what about you? We never talked about you. Do you … Would you …?” His heart was pounding. Was he seriously asking her if she’d consider having a family with him?

  She sucked in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “I love kids. I wouldn’t work with them if I didn’t.”

  He waited. Her words didn’t give him much reassurance. They sounded like there was a but coming. And there was.

  “But I never thought I’d be a mom – have kids of my own – ”

  His heart sank. But he had to let her know. “That’s okay. I love you, Frankie. I want whatever kind of life we can build. If you don’t want – ”

  “Shush!” Her finger came up to cover his lips. “Would you let me finish? I never thought I would have kids of my own, because I never thought I’d meet someone I wanted to spend my life with. And I know what it’s like to grow up without parents who love you. No way would I want to bring a child into the world if they weren’t going to have a mom and a dad and a stable home where they were loved. One out of three wouldn’t cut it.” She shook her head and let out a short laugh. “Are we honestly talking about the possibility of having a family together?”

  “It sounds like we are. But I have to tell you, if you don’t want that, I’m good with it. It’s crazy to talk about it this early, but I already know that I’d rather have you and no kids than a family with anyone else.”

  “Aww.” She touched his cheek, and tears shone in her eyes. “I feel the same way about you. But since we do both want kids then I guess we get to have it all – at some point, not any time soon.”

  He rolled to the side and pulled her with him to wrap her up in his arms. “You’re amazing, Frankie.”

  She chuckled. “Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself. I’m glad we figured that out. I can relax now.”

  “Are you sure? Not so long ago I was worried that me wanting you to stick around would feel like pressure. Now, you know that I love you so much that I can see you being the mother of my children.”

  She chuckled. “It probably should scare me. But it doesn’t.” She looked into his eyes. “Does it scare you to know that I love you so much that I can see you being the father of my children?”

  His heart pounded in his chest. But it wasn’t with fear; it was with happiness. “It doesn’t scare me. It makes me excited for the future – for our future.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Frankie bit her lip as she looked out the car window on the way to the coffee shop. Of course, Spider wanted to go. It was his business, his everyday life. That was what she was nervous about. His life was here in this city. She had to crane her neck to even see the sky. The roads were busy, there were cars and people and buildings everywhere. She’d loved having him in her world, but she didn’t think she was going to enjoy being in his. She’d fallen for him, there was no denying that, but his real life was here. How could she be part of it?

  He reached over and took her hand, bringing it to rest on his knee as he drove. “Are you okay over there?”

  “Yeah.” She turned a bright smile on him, not wanting to put a damper on things.

  “When I start to shut down on you, you ask me not to close you out. Can you do the same for me?”

  “Yeah.” She blew out a big sigh. “I’m wondering how this can work – how we can work. Your life is here, but …” She closed her eyes and plowed on. “I couldn’t live here.”

  “I know, sweetheart. I wouldn’t ask you to.”

  She frowned as he squeezed her hand. “But where does that leave us?”

  “I don’t know yet. Could you stand to come here sometimes?” He shot her a forced smile. “I wanted to show you the beach and the park and a couple other places before I asked you that. It’s not all concrete.”

  “We’re getting ahead of ourselves anyway.”

  He pulled off the street and into a tiny parking lot. There was only room for three cars and two of the spots were already taken. He cut the engine and turned to face her. “I think after everything we talked about …” He reached over and trailed his fingers down her cheek. “You know, little details like I love you and I can see us having a family one day. Talking about where we might live isn’t exactly getting ahead of ourselves.”

  She pressed her cheek into his palm. “I know. You’re right. But I …” She blew out a sigh. “I’m getting ahead of myself thinking that I can’t live here based on a couple of car rides. I need to enjoy this weekend, feel what it’s like to actually live it, experience it, right?”

  He leaned across and kissed her forehead. “Thanks. I guess you’re right.” His smile made her heart beat faster. “And I guess that means that I need to step it up, make sure that you enjoy every minute of it. And maybe I shouldn’t take up too much of our time in bed.”

  She laughed. “Maybe we should try to cram in as much of everything as possible. The more we see and do, the better idea I’ll have of what life is like here, and how much I can enjoy it. But the more time we spend in bed, the more loved up and happy I’ll be. That way I’ll see everything through rose colored glasses.”

  He chuckled. “Okay then. Challenge accepted. When we go inside, you’ll get to meet Rocket and the staff, and a bunch of my friends and customers. I’ll try to make sure that you have a great night out. Then when we get back to my place, I’ll make sure you have a great night in.”

  “Deal.” She was way more interested in the night in part than the night out. But he’d been game to experience her world in the valley. She h
ad to step up and do the same here.

  The first thing that struck her when they went in through the back door was the noise. The music was loud and even above that, the sound of voices, people laughing and talking, was loud, too. She hung onto Spider’s hand as he led her through to the kitchen. An open doorway led out to the space behind the bar. Frankie sucked in a deep breath as the heat and the wall of sound hit her when he took her out there.

  The place was packed. There were wall-to-wall people. She was glad she was on this side of the bar. It was the least crowded space in the whole building. Even the stage where the band was playing looked crowded with six guys up there with three guitars, two saxophones and a drum kit. They sounded good though, and for some reason she hadn’t expected them to.

  Behind the bar, two girls were making drinks. They were both tall and blonde – hot, no two ways about it. Frankie was surprised at herself that she immediately wondered about Spider’s relationship with them. They both wore tiny tank tops that showed way too much cleavage and tiny jean shorts that didn’t cover their assess. She felt bad about her less than charitable thoughts when one of them shot her a friendly smile.

  She smiled back but turned away when Spider tugged on her hand. She turned back to him … Whoa! … Damn! She knew LA was supposed to be a city full of beautiful people, but she hadn’t expected them all to be right here in Spider’s coffee shop.

  The guy standing next to Spider looked as though he might be a movie star. The kind who starred in action movies with lots of fighting. He was as tall as Spider, maybe a little taller. But he was built like a tank. All hard muscle. His shoulders were so broad it made her wonder if he had to take doors sideways. He had a square jaw and intense blue eyes. And he was covered in ink. Even more than Spider.