Survive for Me

by Karin Dahan

  Rufus looks at Gilbert who’s still stroking his beard, contemplating his answer. “Of course, you can. You’re family to us. And you’re correct about us trading in the City. But is it a good idea for you to go there?” He raises an eyebrow, indicating what he doesn’t want to say out loud. Going to the place where the army is clearly looking for you is not a good idea. But Gilbert doesn’t know that I have no choice. I have to get that document to Edward. I have to do this for mom.

  “I know it’s a risk. That’s why I need to be smart about it. But I have to go.” I almost surprise myself with how much authority my last words hold.

  “Hmm…” Gilbert looks over to Morrick, who’s been quiet for most of the dinner, “And what about you? Are you going with her?”

  “No, he is not.” I answer for him, gaining a questioning look from both him and Rufus. Gilbert on the other hand seem satisfied with

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  the answer.

  “Eddie, I should go with you. It’s safer if I come,” Morrick says while looking at me with an urgency in his eyes. I’m puzzled over his statement. After the mood he has been in since our stop by the creek, I would expect him to be jumping at joy at getting rid of me.

  Confusion must play on my face because Morrick continues. “Look, we both know how you have been getting in one dangerous situation after the other. Who will save you if I’m not by your side?”

  I hate to admit it, but he has a point. Without him who knows where I would be right now, or if I would even be alive. On the other hand, his mood swings are so unpredictable. Every time I think I have him figured out, he changes so radically that I become dangerously aware of the fact that he is still a stranger to me. The document my mother died for is too important. I muster up the strength and courage I need to do this on my own. I trusted Morrick before because I had no other choice. Now trusting him means letting him in on the document or whatever information Edward might tell me is too much. It’s a risk I can’t afford to take.

  “It’s true that you have been a life saver to me Morrick, and I will always be grateful to you. This is something I have to do myself.” I

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  can see that he is trying to think of a way to argue his point, but my face is set in stone, I won’t change my mind. His fingers clench the dining knife in his hand before he looks away, visibly angry over my decision.

  As Rufus brings out a dessert, homemade ice cream, which is so amazing it makes it hard to focus, I get all the information I need. Gilbert draws up a map for me, highlighting the dangerous parts such as the guard check points or the government offices.

  When the candles have burnt all the way down, I feel optimistic. Tomorrow I will set out and go and find my uncle; my only living family member. I know it won’t be easy getting to him, Still, a smile plays on my face. For the first time in a long time, I’m hopeful.

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  Chapter 11

  A loud noise wakes me in the middle of the night, at first, I’m disoriented, and it takes me a minute to remember where I am. I never bothered closing the curtains, so the bright moonlight fills my room with a silver light.

  I climb out of bed and carefully tiptoe closer to the hallway. I definitely hear something now. As quiet as possible, I open my door and step out into the darkness. The noises are coming from the master bedroom, where Gilbert and Rufus are supposed to be sleeping.

  I hear voices now along with a loud scuffle. My whole being become instantly alert as every muscle in my body tenses. Something is wrong. I run my hands along the wall to help me navigate in the dark as I walk as fast as possible towards the closed door.

  The sound of glass shattering makes me go into a run. I need get to Rufus and Gilbert, I need make sure they’re okay. I don’t stop and think about the dangers or what I could possibly do that they couldn’t. My body just moves, opening the door without a hesitation.

  I stop dead in my tracks as the door swings open, the scene that meets me paralyses me with fear.

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  I quickly note Rufus body lying still on the floor next to his dresser, but my eyes dart to Gilbert who is on the opposite side of the room, trying to fight off the person that is sitting on top of him. I can see he’s struggling. He doesn’t possess the strength I’m used to; he must have been injured already.

  I try to move forward but my feet feel like they are glued to the ground. I watch in horror as a large hunting knife is lifted, its jagged blade reflected in the moonlight. A scream escapes me when I realize what’s going to happen next. My body finally obeys; I sprint towards Gilbert right as I see the man stab the knife down into his chest.

  “NOOO!”

  My body collides with the assailant as I push him away, surprised by my attack he falls head-first into the wooden bedside table, smacking his head hard on the edge.

  “Gilbert!” I scream as I put my hands over his chest, trying to stop the blood from seeping out the large wound. This can’t be happening, this can’t be real. My body is shaking from fear and adrenaline and my instincts are yelling at me to run but I can’t leave; my friends need me.

  Gilbert coughs and a line of velvet red blood stream from this

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  mouth.

  “Get out,” he says, so low I can barely hear it.

  “I’m not going to leave you.” I frantically look around the room to find something that can stop the bleeding, “You’re going to be fine, just hang in there.”

  His surprisingly strong hand grabs my arm and he looks at me with a serious stare, “Save yourself.”

  “No … no, Gilbert. I can’t leave you. I won’t.”

  His breathing becomes shallow, and a raspy noise is heard with each breath. He coughs again, this time so violently that his whole body shakes under my hands.

  “Gilbert stay with me,” desperation is in my voice as I see his eyelids close, “Gilbert! Wake up!”

  He takes a long breath and as he exhales his body relaxes in my arms. A sob escapes me, and I lie down on top of him, pleading with him to wake up. He can’t be dead, he can’t.

  I hear someone moan in pain next to me. For the first time I truly look at the person responsible for this, his knife is still in his hands, dark red drops of blood falling from its pointy tip.

  My breath catches in my throat as I see who’s holding the knife.

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  “Morrick …” His name is merely a whisper.

  He pushes one of the curls away from his eyes, leaving a red mark of blood on his forehead. “He did put up a good fight,” he says while groaning. He sways a bit on his feet, unsteady from the hit on his head.

  “I didn’t want to kill him, but he gave me no choice. It was either him or me,” he says as he shakes off the blood from his knife and takes a step towards me. I stutter trying to speak, trying to give voice to all the questions that are flying around in my head. Morrick smiles, the crooked grin that used to fill me with butterflies now sends a chill down my spine.

  “You always looked a bit familiar to me, but I assumed that it was because you were a pretty girl that I had seen around Hope before,” he takes a seat on the end of the bed and cleans off the blood from his knife with the sheets. “But then you mentioned that your parents worked with biology and suddenly everything clicked into place. Of course, your parents worked for the government. And then, I knew who you were. You see, they had posters out for you in Hope, wanted ones, for the teenage girl whose parents betrayed Tenebris. It was a couple of years ago so that’s why it was hard to remember. But as soon as I knew

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  you were from the city I knew it was you.”

  “You didn’t have to do this. I would have gone with you. You didn’t have to hurt them.” Tears are falling down my cheeks and I shake my head back and forth, wishing I could close my eyes so I don’t have to see Gilbert’s lifeless body under my hands. But Morrick still has his knife, I don’t dare to look away.

  “I was hoping that they would send you off, or that I
would go with you tomorrow. But no, you wanted to leave alone. And from seeing the way Gilbert eyed me I know he wouldn’t let me follow you. To be honest I was only planning on knocking them out, but Gilbert went crazy, like a bull in a china shop.” He stands up and takes a step towards me. Instinctually I shrug away. Before I can get on my feet, he is next to me, grabbing my arm. His grip is softer than I expect, and his eyes look remorseful for a second, before they regain their hard edge. “You have lived a privilege life. You don’t know what it’s like to go hungry, to not know if you will survive a winter. Having fancy dinner parties instead of sitting in a cold tent hoping you won’t freeze to death when you go to sleep.”

  “What, so that gives you the right to kill someone? Someone that’s kind and gave you food and shelter for the night?”

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  “You think I wanted to kill them? I already told you that I didn’t have a choice! I would be stupid passing on the reward the government has for you. Do you even know that I was able to raise it to a small farm with animals and food for a year? That’s how badly he wants you. What person in his right mind would reject that?”

  “A decent human being!” The paralyzing fear is gone now, left is a boiling rage. It’s good, it makes me think clearer.

  He stands up, looking down at me with a superior glare, “Decent people die … just like my mom.”

  I carefully place Gilbert’s hand on his chest and take the opportunity to stand. I have to get away from Morrick, maybe at least then I can save Rufus. If he’s even still alive.

  I angle my body towards Morrick and bring up a knee to kick him in the groin, but he’s faster than me, pushing me off balance towards the wall.

  My head spins from the impact.

  He pins me there, his face so close I can feel his warm breath on my cheek. “This could have been so different …” He leans his forehead towards mine. I try to shrug away but his grip on me hardens.

  “You killed me friends … you’re just like the Scullys,” I

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  whisper.

  I can hear in his breathing that my comment affected him. He pulls away to look at me, furry burns in his eyes, “I’m nothing like them.” His voice has a dangerous tone, but I don’t back down, instead I meet his glare head on. Urging him to act out of anger.

  Out of the corner of my eye I see movement, Morrick notices as well. But it’s too late, Rufus is charging at him now armed with a wooden bat, he’s forced to let go of me and jump backwards to avoid getting hit.

  “Run Eddie!” Rufus yells at me as he swings the bat towards Morrick again. I look around for a weapon to help Rufus but he pushes me towards the door.

  “Get out of here, I mean it!” He hits Morrick on the arm, sending him into the wall hard. He falls to the ground and I grab Rufus by the back of his shirt, pulling him with me towards my room, “You are coming with me, hurry!”

  We run down the hall. As I close my bedroom door behind me, I can see Morrick appear in the other doorway. I lock the door, my hands shaking from the adrenaline.

  Rufus already has a window open, “Come on, you first”. I

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  quickly pick up my jacket from the bed and toss it outside before I put my first leg through the small square window. As I feel the solid ground below a huge bang rocks the door, swinging it open. Morrick is in the room in a second. Rufus pushes me out the window before I can react, yelling “Go Eddie, RUN!”

  I land on my back, and the frozen ground knocks the air out of me. I struggle to get to my feet to see what’s going on inside the room. The dark night only allows me to see moving figures. I can’t leave Rufus, I won’t let him die because of me like Gilbert. I put my hands on the window seal, trying to push myself up. That’s when I hear a chilling scream. I know right away that it belongs to Rufus. I know what it means, I have to run.

  My heart is beating so loudly it feels like it will jump out of my chest at any minute. My legs are working on their own, automatically taking me away from danger. I run towards the forest, I need to get away from the open. The field that leads from my friend’s house leaves me bare. The light from the moon letting Morrick know exactly where to find me. I don’t know if he’s following. I’m not wasting time to look. I wish I would have had Gilbert’s car keys. If I was driving, Morrick wouldn’t be able to catch me.

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  My mind is still reeling with the images of Gilbert’s dead body, the way the floor was smeared with his blood and his eyes rolled up towards the ceiling. He always had such kind eyes, now they are gone. And it’s my fault. I should have never trusted a stranger.

  The darkness of the thick trees forces me to slow down. Since I can’t see where I put my feet, running would only mean falling over. It doesn’t take long before my hands find the wall that surrounds the property. The cold metal makes me flinch for a second. I look for a way over it, branches that can help me climb to the top of the wall. Then I hear his voice. It’s still far away but it sends chills down my spine in an instant. “Eddie, there is no point in running, come on now. You know I can track you, so you can’t get away from me once the sun is up.”

  I stand still, too scared to even move a muscle. He continues, I can hear the strain in his voice. Maybe he’s injured. God, I hope so. “I already told Tenebris our location, it won’t be long until they come. It will be better for you if you don’t try to fight this. I promise that I won’t hurt you.”

  Anger fills every part of my being. Does he expect me to trust him? After what he did to my friends, after he betrayed me? I bite down hard on my check and tune him out, he wants me to listen. He wants me

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  to be too scared to move, so that he can take his time finding me.

  Even if I make it over this fence it won’t do me any good, he will catch up to me. I might be faster in the short run but I’m afraid his endurance will give him the advantage.

  An idea starts to form. It’s not my best one but it’s the only option I have. I need get out of here, I need get to Edward. I have to survive for Mom.

  I make my way to the stables, moving slowly to not make any noise. Morrick has stopped talking now, but I know he’s trying to find me. The square building is not far away, and I spot a door in the back. It’s not locked. Why would it be? Gilbert and Rufus had a whole fence protecting them. The old wooden door lets out a low creek as I open it. I cringe. It feels like the noise echoes through the forest. Please tell me Morrick didn’t hear that. I move slower, opening the door inch by inch. I do the same when I close it behind me. I almost expect Morrick to show up on the other side and shove the door open again, but he doesn’t. A small sense of safety fills me as the barn separates me from him. I don’t stop to relish it. It would be stupid to try to hide in here.

  I find what I came here for in the back stall, her white body shines in the night. She lets out a small noise when she sees me, her

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  intelligent eyes lands on my face. It was a gamble coming here. I have only heard Gilbert talk about his beautiful and faithful horse Rose but have never seen her myself. I have read books on keeping horses and how to ride them. Even though it was extremely boring, when you run out of things to read you have no choice but to make means with what you have.

  Nerves still prickle my body. At any moment Morrick can walk through that door or the army can come with a whole legion. Then my time is out. I won’t have any chance at getting away. I move as fast as I can without making too much noise. Luckily the horse stands still, more curious to what I’m doing than afraid. I know that horses sense your emotions, so I try to think happy thoughts, pushing away my fear as much as possible.

  Once her saddle is on, I struggle a bit with the bridle, but Rose must sense my urgency because after a few seconds she helpfully opens her mouth. I grab a big jacket that’s hanging on a hook outside her box along with some gloves on the stall. The nights are cold now, I will need something to keep me warm.

  I open the hatch to the fro
nt door before I climb Rose. She moves restlessly under my weight and I can’t keep my hands from

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  shaking as I grab the rains and take a deep breath. I can do this. The doors open as I push her forward. I take it slowly, trying to spot Morrick. The cold air creates clouds of fog with each breath and I’m glad to have the thick jacket now that the adrenaline has worn off and I can feel the outside temperature.

  I trot along the outside of the property, in line with the fence that’s right behind the tree line. The area is like a large circle around their house. It would be faster if I crossed straight across right to the gate, but I don’t dare to in case he sees me. I’m still nervous about having to push Rose into a full-on gallop. I have never been on a horse before so who knows if I could even hold on.

  When I can finally see the gate, my heart skips a beat. I feel like a caged animal the way I’m currently stuck inside Gilbert and Rufus farm. My eyes keep dancing across the fields, trying to spot the danger. When I hear a door slam, I quickly turn around in my saddle, the light in the barn has been turned on and Morrick is standing in the doorway; yellow light embraces him. The words from the book about horses float in front of me and I try the command of getting a horse to gallop. Rose is oblivious to my wishes and simply strolls along, even stopping to snack on one of the tree branches. The familiar sense of panic sets in as