Survive for Me

by Karin Dahan

  aren’t contaminated in any way.”

  “Not a very creative code, huh?” Phoenix winks at me from the front side, a broad smile covering his face.

  I’m too occupied at starring at what’s opening in front of us to reply. An ancient looking fort sits in the middle of a big lawn. I have to blink twice to make sure I’m not dreaming. But no, the building is real. Curved stones line its front walls and metal bars cover the windows on the first floor. Two towers stand tall on each side.

  It’s like something out of a fairytale, a fort and a castle mixed in one. I shake my head in disbelief. This Rebellion sure keeps surprising me.

  People are pouring out from the front door to greet us as the car comes to a stop. Boston is out of the car in a second, jogging over to one of the men and giving him a big hug. It must be his older brother that he has talked about.

  The others are not slow to follow. Ryker holds the door, waiting patiently for me to gather my nerves and go outside. Adira is on the seat next to me, her fingers drumming on her leg. “Are you okay?” I whisper. I’m not used to seeing Adira like this. She doesn’t answer me, just nods her head slightly. But I can see that she’s fighting her own

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  demons. I remember how unwilling she was to go to headquarters in the first place. I guess this place must hold sad memories for her.

  Adira has been strong for me during this whole trip, it’s time I return the favor, so I keep my head held high and climb out the back seat. Ryker helps me down with one hand. Some of the snowflakes land and melt on my face as I put my feet on the ground.

  “Don’t be nervous.” Ryker gives my hand a small squeeze before he lets go and I smile in return.

  I can feel everyone’s eyes on me as soon as I’m out of the car. I keep my gaze on the ground in front of me, too nervous to look up. The temperature drop has formed hard shapes of wheel tracks and footprints in the mud.

  I can sense Ryker next to me. He’s walking so close his shoulder bumps into mine. I know it’s intentional, letting me know he’s right there. It warms me more than any fire.

  “Welcome to headquarters Miss,” a man in his sixties says, as he takes a step from the crowd. He’s the first one from the Rebellion that I have met that’s wearing actual military clothing. His green jacket is marked with sewn objects on his right chest, clearly some signs of bravery or accomplishments from his past. He isn’t the typical soldier

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  though. His body is not one of a fighter. His grey eyes sparkle with intelligence.

  I reach out my hand to shake his. “Thank you, Sir.”

  “I’m Augustus, leader of the Rebellion.” He offers me a smile as he shakes my hand. Then, he turns his attention to Ryker, who is still standing next to me. “Commander, a mission well accomplished I heard.”

  Ryker nods in response. “We still have one person missing Admiral, Gwennie. I request to go back for her.”

  Surprise fills me the second Ryker says her name. He was so adamant about not going after Gwennie when she was taken. I thought he had counted her as dead. I quickly turn my head to see his face, but there is nothing to read there. His facial features are like stone.

  “Commander, Gwennie’s courage and sacrifice have not gone unnoticed. But at this moment, going back for a fallen soldier is secondary to the work we have here. I cannot spare your group for just one person.”

  I can see the muscle in Ryker's jaw tighten. “Admiral, I must insist. If you cannot spare the group, then I volunteer to go alone.”

  “Your orders are to stand down for now. We will revisit this at a

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  later time.” The admiral doesn’t wait for Ryker to answer instead he turns his attention back to me. “We have arranged for rooms for all of you. Rest and clean up tonight. Tomorrow at zero eight hundred hours we will have your de-briefing. Ryker will escort you to the meeting.” Augustus turns and walks into the building. A row of generals follows him, some of them nodding their heads in our direction as they pass.

  I grab Ryker’s closed fist as I lean closer and whisper. “I will go with you, after we give them the recipe. We will go and get Gwennie.”

  He turns to look at me. Our faces are so close I can feel his warm breath on my face. A sadness is in his eyes as he gently shakes his head. “I have to follow orders. We have to wait.”

  “But we have to go back for her. You said so yourself.”

  “I’m a soldier Eddie. My job is to follow orders. I’m not saying it’s easy. But the Admiral and the Generals have a big picture that we sometimes don’t. We have to trust them.” He offers me a sad smile and opens his closed fists to take my hand for a split second before he drops it and walks over to where the crew is standing.

  Adira has finally gotten out of the car and is walking up to me. “I don’t get this … follow orders blindly. Other people’s lives should be as important as the big picture.”

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  “That’s how the army works. It’s an organization, not one individual. They know that it’s not always black or white. But if you want to make a difference for a whole world and generations to come, you cannot focus on the individual,” she says as she leans on her Bo stick that’s by her side.

  “And you agree with that?”

  She looks up to the sky, at the snowflakes dancing above. “I used to … Now I’m not so sure.”

  Boston and his brother joins us. “Are you guys done mesmerizing over the snow, so we can get out of the cold now?” His smile is so infectious it’s hard not to laugh. “This is my older brother, Junior.” The man standing next to him offers a big smile as he shakes my hand.

  “Junior, huh?” I can’t help myself. Even though I have just met the man his name is too much of an oxymoron to ignore. Junior is taller than Boston and looks like he is strictly muscles, like he could even lift a car if he wanted. His shaven head shines from the clouded sun. And he has the exact same smile as his brother.

  His laugh booms around us. “I like you,” he says as he points at me and takes his brother under his arm. “So, my little brother completed

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  his first real mission, huh?” He ruffles his hair and Boston fights to break free, obviously in vain. “Must have been your doing, Ryker. Couldn’t have been this scrawny kid.”

  I can see that Ryker is suppressing his laugh while Phoenix does nothing to hide his. The annoyance on Boston is growing until Junior finally let’s go of him and turns around. “Come on, let me show you your rooms.”

  Adira shakes her head. “Brothers.”

  When Junior gets out of hearing proximity Boston boasts, “I could totally have taken him, but you know, it would just hurt his confidence too much.”

  Phoenix laughs again as he pats Boston on the back. “Sure buddy … sure.”

  We enter the castle and I slow my steps as I see what meets us. The large hallway is the most over-the-top thing I have ever seen. Only in books about the old royal families have I seen such luxuries before.

  A giant chandelier above us glitters with its crystals and the walls are decorated with one painting after the next, all in golden frames. The paint looks dark compared to all the golden furniture in the room. The motifs are of ancient battles mixed with more peaceful

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  renditions of picnics in the grass.

  “This place used to belong to a wealthy man. He built it when money had value,” Junior says, as he stops in front of a massive oil painting. “The stories go that he had more money than he could spend, so he built this crazy house. It’s built to look like a medieval fort on the outside … Apparently, he was a big history junky. On the inside though, he had all the newest things money could buy.” He runs his finger on the decorative frame. “He lived to be one hundred; no kids and no relatives. So, the Rebellion became its new owners. Serves us well as the old man was extremely paranoid; believed everyone was out for his money. It makes for good security.” He smiles at us and then continues walking.


  The corridor breaks away to several different rooms, one more extreme than the other. Most of them have been turned into offices or bedrooms. Junior leads us up a spiral staircase to the third floor. “The basement still holds the gym and training area. But I’m sure you guys remember that.”

  This house is so big I don’t know if I would find my way out by myself. It’s like the corridors never end. “How many people stay here?” I ask.

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  Junior turns his head. “We are around one hundred, give or take. And then there are the barracks out on the lawn that have four hundred.”

  “The barracks holds soldiers,” Phoenix explains. “The house is more for the Generals and Commanders, the ones that run the show.”

  It looks like the third floor must have been for the housekeepers because the luxury is zero compared to the first and second one.

  “You ladies will be in here.” Junior points to a room to his right. “And you guys can take these two rooms,” he gestured to his other side. “Food is served in an hour. I’ll see you then. Boston, you’re coming with me. If Mom doesn’t get to see you soon, we’ll both be dead.” Both brothers laugh as they start down the corridor the way we came.

  Our rooms are small and sparsely furnished. It looks like the former houseowner liked his furniture from the medieval time as well because they all have a workmanship I’m not used to seeing. Carvings and details line the foot of the drawers. The mirror on top is slightly discolored. The two small beds are metal. The springs bounce me as I sit down on one of them.

  “I feel like we are in a fairytale and we are the maids for a king or something.” I can’t contain my laugh. The place we’re in is a great distraction from what is happening outside in the world.

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  Adira just shakes her head slightly, but I can see that she’s trying to hide a smile.

  Someone has laid out clothes for us on the beds and I have already heard the boys talk about the showers. I don’t even know how long it’s been since I had a real shower. The last few places we stayed at haven’t been that modern. “Can I shower first?” I can’t hide my enthusiasm and Adira laughs at me. “Yes. Bathroom is right there.” She points to the door in the corner. At least it seems like the former owner was nice enough to give his houseworkers a bathroom in each bedroom.

  I close my eyes and let the water run over my face. It’s so warm it stings a little, but I like it. For the first time in a while I can relax, truly catch my breath. I know Morrick is still out there, tracking us, but we are safe here. We have an army protecting us. And soon I will be able to send out the recipe and finish what my parents started.

  I let the warm water dissolve the knots in my shoulders as I stand motionless for minutes under the strong shower. After I send out that recipe I will go and get Gwennie, no matter what people tell me. I will try or die doing so. She sacrificed everything for me, and I won’t let her rot at the hands of the Scully’s, if she’s still alive, that is.

  Determined, I step out, grab the towel from the rack and open

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  the door. The warm steam escapes into the bedroom and cold air hits me like a wall when I step outside the bathroom. I expect to see Adira, but instead find Ryker sitting on the edge of the bed. I stop mid-step as I become deadly aware of how small my towel is. Why didn’t I bring in my clothes to the bathroom?

  Ryker looks up and for the first time since I met him, he becomes flustered, averting his eyes from me and looking up to the ceiling. I see a light blush on his cheeks, “Uh … hey …. I’m sorry. I should have waited outside for you. Uh, I should go…”

  I forget my own embarrassment as I suppress a laugh. It’s kind of cute when he’s this uncomfortable. “No no, sit down. Just give me a second to get dressed. Where’s Adira?”

  He sits back down again but his eyes never leave the ceiling. “She was going out to find someone, probably her husband.”

  “Her what?”

  Ryker tears his eyes away from the ceiling at my reaction. He moves them back in an instant when he remembers I’m still just in a towel.

  We will not be able to get through a conversation like this. “Hold that thought…” I go into the bathroom and put on my new

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  clothes quickly, eager to hear more about this husband off hers. Why didn’t she mention him?

  The black t-shirt is a bit oversized, but the jeans fit me perfectly. The feeling of having newly washed clothes gives me pause for a second before rushing out to Ryker. “Okay, shoot,” I say.

  A crooked grin covers his face and he raises an eyebrow at me. “What?” He’s back to the confident and relaxed person I’m used to.

  “You know, tell me about this husband of hers.” I jump on the bed to sit next to him.

  “You didn’t know her husband was here?”

  “Is this the face of someone who knew?” I gesture with my hand. “Adira isn’t much of a talker.”

  “True … well her husband is a General just like Adira was. He’s in charge of the training program for recruits. They lived together in the City before. She would pass the information to him and he was responsible to get it out. When her mission involving your parents failed and their son died, Adira left everything she worked for. She disappeared. And her husband came here. That’s it.”

  “Losing her son broke her,” I say under my breath.

  Ryker nods. “You have brought her back to the fight though,

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  given her a purpose again.”

  “I don’t know what I would have done without her … without all of you.” I put a hand on Ryker’s arm. I need him to know how much I value what they have done for me. “I’m sorry that I left you that first time. Maybe if I wouldn’t have, things would be different … Gwennie might be here with us.”

  “You can’t think like that. It’s not strange that you didn’t trust us. You were smart to be careful.” He looks at me and for a second I get lost in his chocolate-colored eyes. It’s like nothing exists except us and this moment. My checks are getting warm and I notice I have brought up my hand to play with my necklace, like I always do when I’m nervous.

  Just when I’m about to move, Ryker puts his hand on my check as he brings his head closer to mine. I stop breathing as I’m realizing what’s about to happen. And then his warm lips meet mine, gentle as a feather. I put my arms around his neck and move closer, eager to be near him. All my worries and anxiety are blown away and I have never been more in the moment than now. It’s like I have come home after spending forever out in the cold.

  A loud knock on the door startles us both and we quickly move

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  away from each other, like we are abruptly thrown back into reality.

  Adira walks in and, sensing the tension in the air, she takes a quick look at us both. “Should I come back …?”

  I want to tell her ‘yes,’ but Ryker is too fast, getting up and heading for the door. “Uh, no, you go ahead.” His face is slightly flustered again. “I will see you at dinner.” He waves with his back towards me and disappears.

  “What was that about?” Adira says as she studies me.

  “Don’t know.” I run my fingers across my lips and try to cherish the moment of pure happiness before I have to return to reality.

  Adira looks at me without saying a word and like she has figured out my secret. She smiles and walks into the bathroom.

  The next morning, we all have breakfast together. I try my best not to sit and grin like an idiot but it’s not working. It’s like my lips have permanently locked into the position of a smile. I still haven’t talked to Ryker since we kissed, and the thought of being alone with him scares me a little. What if the kiss was just an impulsive move on his part? Or what did it even mean for me?

  I’m brought back to the present when I see that Ryker gets up to

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  go and talk to another Commander. My eyes follow him walking away before I turn to see Phoenix givi
ng me a questioning glance as he sips his coffee, “Someone looks happy this morning?”

  “Eh, just happy the mission is almost completed.” I get busy organizing the silverware that’s laying on the table.

  He raises an eyebrow at me, clearly not believing me. “Yes, that’s definitely the smile of someone who’s completed a mission … Weird how it reminds me off something else though.”

  “Shh!” I glance over to make sure Ryker didn’t hear him. I don’t need him to know that I have feelings for him, if I even have feelings for him that is. I haven’t decided yet.

  Phoenix follows my eyes and chuckles. “Oh, so it’s the Commander,” he teases.

  “Stop it ….” I hiss at him, which only makes him laugh harder. Boston looks up from a conversation with Adira. “What’s so funny? Did I miss a joke?”

  Before Phoenix can open his mouth, I give him a deadly glare. “No. No joke here. Phoenix’s just imagining things.”

  “What’s that?” Boston ask, clearly curious about our conversation.

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  Luckily, before Phoenix can answer Adira comes to my rescue. “It’s time you go to your de-briefing Eddie. Better not be late.”

  I give her a silent thank you and go to put away my dishes. I know my face matches the red rug underneath my feet right now, so I walk slowly. Would be nice to have a normal facial color when I go over to Ryker.