The Patron

by Tess Thompson

  I called my mom first. She answered right away, sounding breathless. “Crystal, are you all right? Garth called and told me about the accident.”

  “Hi, Mom. I’m totally fine.” I filled her in as best I could about the details of the accident and surgery.

  “Can I come see you?”

  “The nurse said I could have visitors. Garth’s on his way over now.”

  “Garth’s sending his dad out to get me and bring me later,” Mom said.

  “That’s great, Mom.”

  Brandi called right after I hung up. First, she scolded me for driving in the snow. Then she started to cry and said how grateful she was that I was all right. “If I’d known, I wouldn’t have slept a wink last night.”

  "I'm sorry. I was so distracted with all this stuff going on with my mother that I didn't pay any attention to the weather."

  “When can you get out of there?” Brandi asked.

  "They say I'll be in here a few more days.”

  "I wish I could get out of this bed so I could come take care of you."

  “I don't want you upset. Stress is not what you need right now. Although if you weren’t on bed rest, I’d beg you to come take care of me.” I lowered my voice. “I have a scary nurse named Elsie.”

  On cue, she came in with a breakfast tray of gluey oatmeal, thin orange juice, and a piece of wheat toast made soggy from the few paltry melon slices. I mouthed a thank-you, but Elsie didn’t seem to notice. She hustled out of the room.

  “Dad’s on his way over to see you,” Brandi said.

  I brushed my hair away from my face. “My mom’s coming over too.”

  “Oh, goodness. As if you need the stress of that whole interaction. I’m sorry, sweetie.”

  “They’re going to have to get used to seeing each other if they want to be part of my life. You won’t believe what my mom told me last night. She wants to move here.”

  “You’re kidding.” She paused. I could practically hear her little mind churning through what that meant. “Crystal, what if they got back together? For real. Think about that.”

  “It’s impossible. There’s no way.” I halted, remembering what my mother had said about her lingering feelings for Jack.

  “What is it?” Brandi asked. “I could hear you thinking something.”

  “Don’t get carried away, but I think my mom’s still in love with him,” I said.

  “Holy crap. I can’t believe I’m missing all of this by being stuck in this bed. If I could be around my dad when she’s there, I’d be able to tell if he felt the same.”

  “Honestly, though, even if he did, how could he ever forgive her for what she kept from him for thirty years?”

  “I don’t know about that. Look at Trapper and me.” She continued without taking a breath. “It would be awesome. We’d be a family. He’d be so happy if he were with someone like your mom. Someone who didn’t criticize everything he did.”

  She sounded so genuine and excited. I shook my head as if she could see me. “You’re dreaming, because it’s not going to happen.”

  “Well, at least we have each other, no matter what happens with them. Now listen, you kick them all out if you need to rest. Dad called me after hearing from Garth. He was beside himself and said he was going to the hospital right then. I had to beg him not to go and wake you up. I told him you needed your rest."

  I looked up at the ceiling, overcome with emotion. This was what it was like to have a father. A caring, protective father. The feeling of being cherished was silly, because he couldn’t actually keep me safe. However, knowing he wanted to gave me a sense of peace.

  I’d taken a few bites of the gluey oatmeal when Elsie returned. “What’s the matter? Not to your liking?”

  “It has a strange texture,” I said.

  Elsie pursed her lips in an expression of disapproval. “You need to eat to get your strength back.”

  “This isn’t going to give me my strength back.” I held up a spoon of a glob of the gelatinous oatmeal.

  She ignored me. “You have two very insistent men in the waiting room anxious to see you."

  “Can I?” I asked, meekly. Elsie made me feel as if I were back in elementary school and had to ask permission to use the bathroom.

  She pointed at the orange juice. "Drink that up, young lady, and I’ll let them in.”

  “Citrus makes me itchy.”

  She gave me a stern look before shrugging. "All right, but I will expect you to eat a little more at lunch than you did for breakfast. You don't have enough meat on your bones to last a day without food."

  "Would it surprise you to learn that I'm a chef?"

  Her eyebrows shot up. "No offense, but I don't ever trust a skinny chef."

  “Nonsense,” I said. “But I’ll do a better job on my lunch, I promise.”

  “Good then. I’ll get your visitors. Only two at a time, mind you.” She gave me a self-satisfied smile and bustled out of the room. Given the hard-heeled nature of her gait, it was a good thing she wore shoes with a thick rubber sole.

  While I waited, I thought about my vision of Patrick. Had I been in the in-between place that Garth thought he’d gone to, or had it just been a dream? Could Patrick have known I was torn between him and a living, breathing man and come to set me straight?

  I didn't have any time left to consider all the possibilities because just then Jack and Garth arrived. Jack held a bouquet of flowers and entered first. Garth followed, using his crutches.

  My heart felt lighter just looking at them. “Hey, guys.” I pushed the tray with my breakfast to the side.

  “Hey there,” Garth said as he drew close and kissed me on the cheek.

  “Jack, you didn’t have to bring flowers,” I said, secretly pleased.

  “These are from Garth,” Jack said as he set them on the table next to the bed. “Carried in by the guy without the broken leg.”

  “Thank you. They’re pretty.” I smiled up at Garth. His familiar scent was like home. “But mostly I’m glad to see you both.”

  Jack leaned down to kiss my forehead. “I brought you a cookie from the bakery.” He sneaked it out of his pocket. “Peanut butter.”

  “That’s my favorite.”

  “Brandi told me,” Jack said. “Mine too, by the way.”

  “How are you feeling?” Garth stood next to the bed leaning on his crutches. He seemed as though he wanted to touch me but was afraid I’d break.

  For the first time since I woke up, I wondered how I looked. By the expressions of concern on their faces, I must have appeared much rougher than I actually felt. “The drugs are good. I’m feeling no pain.” I held up my hands. “They put me all back together again. I can still whip up a meal in under ten minutes."

  Garth smirked, clearly not amused. "Whether you could cook for us or not is not what we’re worried about.”

  "I know, I was only teasing,” I said. “I'm sorry I worried you. Both of you."

  "The nurse said you can probably come home the day after tomorrow." Garth smoothed the sheet next to my hip. “But the doctor has to approve your release.”

  "I can't wait to get out of here," I said. "Don't tell Elsie, but the food is terrible."

  Jack brushed strands of hair off my cheek. "You'll have to take it easy, you know. All this looking after everybody else needs to be put on hold for a while."

  "I'll be good, I promise."

  “You should keep Brandi company,” Jack said. “You two can watch movies all day."

  “That’s a great idea,” Garth said.

  “We’ll see.” There was no way I was going to stay down for long. I had things to do.

  “I’ll leave you two kids alone for a few,” Jack said. “I need a cup of coffee. You want anything?”

  “No, thanks,” Garth said.

  “Elsie probably won’t let me have coffee,” I said.

  After Jack left, Garth perched on the side of the bed while balancing with one arm on his crutch. His gaze moved to the
IV in my arm. I glanced down at the purple bruise around the needle entry. “It doesn’t hurt.”

  “Looks like it,” Garth said.

  “Bruises on fair skin look worse than they really are.”

  He leaned closer and brushed my cheek with his knuckles. “You scared the hell out of me. For the first time, I understood what you must've felt the night of my accident. When you didn’t show up after texting me, I totally panicked. It was awful. That feeling of helplessness. Then I had to send my dad out there to find you, hoping I was just overly worried. Instead, my worst fears came true. I never saw it from your perspective. I didn't think about how scared you must've been. I'm sorry for not trying to understand better."

  "This fear of losing people I love was here before your accident."

  "Yes, but I brought it all back to the surface,” he said. “I didn’t understand until last night how it felt to be the one left worrying about the fate of the person I love. It about killed me waiting to hear from him after sending my dad out there. I wanted to go myself. To rescue you. But I couldn’t. All of which made me understand for the first time exactly how you feel. I get it now. When my leg heals, I won’t be going back to skiing. I don't want you to ever feel the way I did last night. That awful, helpless dark place where I bargained with God to let you live.”

  I stared at him in shock. Give up skiing for me? “No way.” Skiing made him alive. That's what I’d learned after all this. There was no reason to be on the earth if you denied yourself all the pleasures that life had to offer. Even the risky ones.

  “I love to ski, but I love you more.” His mouth set in a firm line. “I never want you to feel like I felt last night ever again.”

  “No, you’re not giving up skiing. If you do, then you’re basically giving up the idea of living fully. Last night when I thought I might not come back to the world, I wanted nothing more than to have one more chance. Living with all these boundaries and rules is not the answer. We’re not safe. Not ever. Anything could happen to us at any time. We can't deny ourselves what we really need or want just because we’re afraid tragedy is around the corner. I'm still afraid to lose you. That will never change, because I lost someone I loved so much. I know exactly how awful the other side of love can be. I'm always going to be worried the phone will ring with the darkest news of all. Even so, I have to let myself have hope that I won't ever get another call like that. Do you understand? We have to ski. Or whatever it is we’re passionate about.”

  “I do understand. But do you understand that I’d do anything for you?”

  “Yes, I do. You will ski again. In fact, you can teach me. Bunny slopes only. In fact, I might never leave the bunny slopes.”

  “If that’s where you want to be, then I’ll be there too.” Garth kissed my mouth gently, careful to avoid touching the rest of me. “I’d stay on the bunny slopes with you for the rest of my life if that’s what you want.”

  “When I was unconscious, I had a dream about Patrick. Like you had with Christopher."

  “You did?” I couldn’t quite read his expression. If I had to guess? Threatened. Which was the opposite of what I wanted.

  The dream had changed me. I knew now without any doubt that Garth was my path. Patrick had known that I needed him to tell me it was all right to let go of him. “I don’t know if it was a dream—” I couldn’t bring myself to say the words.

  “Or the in-between place?” Garth asked.

  “Right. Does that sound insane?”

  “Not to me. Not after what happened with my brother.”

  “It seemed so real. He was wearing the ski outfit he had on the morning he died.”

  “What did he say to you?”

  What a loaded question. But I had to answer. How could I describe to him exactly what had transpired? “He set me free.”

  “Oh.” He looked toward the window. The light streaming in through the window made his eyes the color of cinnamon tea.

  “What is it?” I wrapped my hand around his wrist. His face was newly shaven, revealing his silky skin. I ached with love. This man had become my world. My second chance at happiness.

  He turned back to look me. “I don’t know what that means. Did you have to have his permission?”

  “No, not exactly that. I needed to feel as if it’s all right to love again. Why does that hurt you?”

  “I want you to love me so much that everything else falls away. Including your late husband. I know, I sound awful—petty and jealous—over someone who isn’t even here.”

  “No, you don’t. I understand what you mean.”

  “Do you really? Because it’s important to me that you truly get what I’m saying. I’m helplessly in love with you. That you need permission from him makes me feel small. Insignificant.”

  “I don’t want you to feel that way.” I touched his face. “I’m helplessly in love with you too. I don’t know why I’ve felt guilty, but I have. Like I was still bound to him.”

  “And now you don’t?”

  “I’m ready to move on. I woke up grateful be alive and wanted nothing but to see you. To have you by my side each and every day.”

  “That’s all I want.” Garth brought my hand to his mouth and kissed each finger. “I want you to be my wife. No one else will do. Will you marry me?”

  My tears blurred his face, making him appear as a beautiful watercolor. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

  He kissed me again and then again. “I’ll do my best not to die on you.”

  “I’d appreciate that,” I said. “And I’ll do the same.” I stared up into his warm brown eyes. “How did this happen? How could I love you this much?”

  “I don’t know. All I know is that you’ve made me the happiest I’ve ever been.” Tears slipped from the corners of his eyes.

  I caressed his wet cheek. “Me too.” For the first time, guilt didn’t disguise the truth. Garth was here, living and breathing and loving me. I loved him in a way unique to the two of us. “We’re an us,” I said out loud.

  Garth’s face lit up, shining so brightly I could not see anything but him. “We are.”

  Nothing would ever take away the memories I’d made with Patrick. Now I would make new ones with Garth.

  I had an image of the bald eagle soaring overhead. Like me, soaring to new heights.

  “The strangest thing happened. My mom slept in my dad’s room last night,” Garth said as he adjusted the hospital blanket over me.

  “No way.”

  “Yes. I left the two of them in the living room when I went to bed. Dad said they were only catching up as old friends, but I don’t know. Is it possible that my brother was right?” His thumb caressed the back of my hand. “I’ve already gone down a dangerous path in my mind. Sunday dinners and that kind of thing.”

  “Wouldn’t that be nice? But you’re right to be cautious.” Still, I had hope. The loneliness that had shrouded Garth’s mother when I first met her had dissipated during the week we all spent together. Had old wounds been healed right before our eyes?

  “I used to pray so hard when I was a kid she would come back,” Garth said.

  “I know about that kind of prayer.” I’d done the same, wishing for my father to magically appear. Had God finally answered our prayers?

  Jack showed up in the doorway. “Are you up for another visitor?”

  “Sure.” My mother followed him into the room. “Hi, Mom.”

  Mom rushed to my bed. “Oh, honey, look at you.” She placed cool fingertips on my arm. “How are you?”

  "I'm a little banged up, but I'm the best I've been in a long, long time.” I reached for Garth’s hand. “We’re both good.”

  Mom looked from one of us to the other. “I’m glad to hear that.”

  Jack beamed. “Happy for you kids.”

  “Where’s Brian?” I asked my mother.

  Mom gestured toward the hallway. “He and Sam are in the lobby. They wouldn’t let all of us come in.”

  “I hope you won’t ge
t in trouble. Nurse Elsie said only two at a time,” I said. “I’m not sure why it matters.”

  “I sneaked your mom in like contraband,” Jack said. "Hopefully, Nurse Elsie won't bust me.”

  “You’re brave to risk it,” I said. “She already scolded me that I didn't eat my breakfast. Plus, she said she doesn't trust a skinny chef."

  “What a thing to say.” Jack brows knit together as he rocked back on his heels.

  “Especially to someone in a hospital bed. She was always skin and bones no matter how much I fed her,” Mom said to Jack apologetically.

  “She looks just right to me, Jennie,” Jack said. “You obviously did a great job.”

  Jennie? I’d never heard anyone call her that before.

  “I haven’t been called that since the spring we graduated from high school,” Mom said.

  “I was the only one allowed to call her that,” Jack said to me. “She hated it.”

  “Not when you said it.” The way Mom looked at Jack made my stomach drop. For them, there was no second chance. Not after a thirty-year betrayal. But the way he smiled back at her had me questioning my own reasoning. Could the mountain air do the trick on them too?

  I wanted so badly for my mother to be happy. All the missing pieces about her had come together since I learned the truth about Jack. She'd never found anyone who compared to him. Even after he broke her heart, she still loved him.

  "I need to scurry off to check on Brandi,” Jack said. “Trapper’s out all day and asked if I’d feed her some lunch.”

  “That’s supposed to be my job,” I said.

  “You’ll get back to it soon enough,” Garth said.

  “Will you come back to see me?” I asked, unable to keep the yearning out of my voice.

  “I’ll be back this afternoon. From now on, I’ll always come back,” Jack said as he leaned over to give me another kiss on the top of the head. There was something about that gesture that made me feel like a little girl.

  It occurred to me just then that tomorrow was Thanksgiving. “Oh my gosh, we have to get me out of here before tomorrow. I can't be in here for Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday of the year."