I almost found it funny that I used to take such care of my appearance. When I really thought about it, my wife had given me a little nudge to put in the extra effort. She was a huge fan of different skin care routines and would buy fancy body washes and hair products. The products would change from shower to shower, and I would just use what was there. Maybe she knew that. Why had I only noticed when she was gone?
I finished my shower before my mind could dwell on my wife…or this new woman. I stepped out onto the floral bathmat Carolyn had chosen. I hadn’t been able to get rid of it. I grabbed a clean towel off the rack and began to dry myself off, then stopped in front of the mirror and looked myself over.
My tanned skin was reddened by the heat of the shower, and a stray drop of water rolled down my abdomen. I wrapped my towel around my waist and entered my room, letting my hair air dry and do whatever it wanted.
I changed into loose jeans and a plain black T-shirt. I had no need to go to the office today and really didn’t want to dress up if I didn’t have to.
I headed for the kitchen but paused at Tess’s room. Her door was open a crack, so I peered inside. She sat at her old desk with her back hunched over. I saw some of her textbooks laid out, but she wasn’t reading. She had tears in her eyes, and one hand tugged her hair.
In that instant, I wanted to fight - to protect my baby girl from the evils of the world. If it came down to it, I would fight any deity to protect my daughter. I would do anything for her. I hated to see her cry. It tore my already broken heart to shreds.
I pushed the bedroom door open and inched forward. I sunk to my knees beside her and kissed her cheek. Baby, what’s going on?
Tess continued to hiccup, and her tears didn’t stop.
Honey, you need to talk to me so I can help.
She rubbed her hands over her eyes. She sniffled, and I reached for a box of tissues sitting on the corner of her desk. She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose. I let her take her time to collect herself. I had no idea how long she’d been crying, but I knew from experience that Tess needed time to calm down. I rested a hand on her back and stayed silent, waiting.
Take your time, I signed.
She nodded and I smiled weakly, even though she wasn’t looking at me. She was busy scrubbing her face and trying to get rid of any evidence she had been crying.
Once she was calm, she turned to me. I’m sorry, Papa, Tess said, hands shaking as she signed.
My brows furrowed in confusion. Why are you sorry, baby?
I can’t keep doing this. I can’t stand my desk, I can’t stand my room. I feel like I can barely handle anything without thinking of Mom. And this room is the worst! It’s a baby’s room.
I hid my emotions well and opened my arms for a hug. Tess’s lips quivered as she threw herself into my embrace. I pet the back of her head and gently rocked her back and forth. After a few minutes, I pushed her back so she could see me.
You don’t have to be sorry about any of that.
I feel like a baby though...
You’re not a baby. None of this is fun.
I miss Mama.
I do too, honey. I miss her more than anything. It’s ok to cry and feel sad. There’s nothing wrong with feeling emotion, but you gotta be able to pick yourself back up.
What if all I’m feeling is sad?
That’s fine too. The sadness you feel will pass with time. It might take a long time, but it will. You just gotta promise me something.
What?
Whenever you feel like this, I want you to come talk to me. It’ll help not having to keep it all in. Okay?
Tess nodded. Okay, Papa.
Thank you, honey.
We sat in silence, and I looked around Tess’s room. I could understand what she’d said about her room feeling too young. It was a hot pink color that didn’t suit Tess anymore, and it felt more like a stranger’s room than my daughter’s. I glanced at her desk and couldn’t believe she hadn’t complained about it earlier. It was so small compared to the desk space she really needed. I didn’t come into Tess’s room often, and when I did, I didn’t pay attention to her desk. I felt resolve settle, and I leaned back so I could look into her face.
Sweetie, I started. If you’d like, we can redo your room. We can redo everything if you’d like. I’d be willing to change the condo in its entirety if that would make you happy.
Tess let out a little giggle. I don’t think we need to change the whole condo. I wouldn’t complain about a new couch, though. Maybe a game console. A smile finally crossed her face.
I smiled and moved to sit down on the carpet. Tess crawled off me, much calmer, and I told her I had a phone call to make. When I stood up, I ruffled Tess’s hair and gestured for her to follow me.
We walked side by side into the kitchen and I opened the refrigerator.
Anything in particular you want to eat?
Could we have French toast?
Go see if we have bread.
Tess shot over to the bread cabinet and gave me a thumbs up. She pulled out half a loaf of white bread and I grabbed a carton of eggs.
Do you want to help?
Tess nodded and I was relieved to see an easy grin. Together we made a massive stack of French toast for each of us. We sat at the island table, and I smothered a laugh as Tess doused her French toast in maple syrup and butter. We put the dishes in the dishwasher after we finished our food, and Tess went back to her room.
Thank you, Papa. She gave me a quick hug before she left.
I was happy Tess seemed to feel a bit better. I knew she wasn’t all better, but the fact that I could help at all warmed my heart. Now I just had to find the business card Jenna had given me yesterday.
I climbed the stairs and opened the door to my room, searching for my pants. I found them on the floor where I’d tossed them, picked them up, and dug through the pockets until I found the card. I sat on my bed and pulled my phone out of my pocket.
I dialed the number and waited for Jenna to pick up.
“Hello?” I heard a frazzled voice over the line.
“Is this Jenna Robertson?”
“Yes?” Her voice was tentative, but the richness of it sent a tingle through my system.
“Yes, hi, this is Noah Clark. You gave me your card yesterday when I found you with my daughter?”
“Oh, yes, of course. What can I do for you?”
In comparison to mine, her voice was light and sweet. Honey smooth.
I tried to ignore the thoughts that invaded me. I could feel heat travel down my stomach and straight to my groin. I wasn’t going to let those thoughts influence me, though. It didn’t matter that I wanted to hear her whisper dirty pleas into my ear. I still loved my wife and refused to betray her memory.
“I’d like you to help redecorate my daughter’s room. It’s in dire need of a change.”
“Well, you called the right woman for the job,” she exclaimed. “If you’re free tomorrow, I could stop by and get an idea of what Tess would like done.”
“That works. I should be home from work by five.”
“I can be there then. I just need your address and we can talk more tomorrow.”
I gave her my address and disconnected the call. I placed the phone next to me and ran my hands through my hair, feeling my short nails scrape my scalp and groaned.
Jenna Robertson would be in my home tomorrow, and I would have to try and control my thoughts. It had been so long since a woman had piqued any sort of interest in me. Sure, I had noticed attractive women, but none had invaded my thoughts like Jenna.
An enormous wave of guilt washed over me as I sat on my bed. When Carolyn was in her last days, she’d made me promise that I would move on and find happiness and love again. She hadn’t wanted me to wither away without her. But even two years later, I couldn’t imagine letting another woman into my life. And I had Tess to think about too. I tucked my phone away and walked to Tess’s room to tell her the news. She let out a little shriek of joy an
d launched herself at me. She gave me her best impression of a bone-crushing hug as my phone rang.
I chuckled as she released me and walked into the hallway. I thought it was Jenna, so I picked up without looking at the number.
“Hello?” There was no response. I looked down at my phone to see if I actually answered the call and didn’t recognize the number. “Hello?” Still no reply, but I could hear breathing. I felt a wave of rage. Not again. “Who the fuck is this?” I walked away from Tess’s door.
The breathing continued and got louder like the person on the other line had the receiver away from their face and moved it slowly closer.
“Listen here, motherfucker. You need to find someone else to prank!”
My grip became crushing around my phone. My knuckles turned white, and I wanted to tear the person apart. I couldn’t even count how many times this had happened in the past year. It started a couple of months after my father died and I took over the company. I thought nothing of it at first; it was just a prank caller.
Now? I was pissed.
“Leave me the fuck alone! Stop calling!” I hung up and almost threw my phone across the room.
Chapter 6
Jenna
I woke up around noon and puttered around my apartment with coffee in hand. I was really excited to have the work, but I was also nervous. Noah was very curt and sounded almost begrudging on the phone. I really liked Tess and wanted to make her happy first and foremost. Noah might be paying the bill, but Tess was the client.
I distracted myself until four. I pulled the Clarks’ address up on my phone and found that it was a solid twenty to thirty-minute walk from my apartment. I groaned and mentally kicked myself for not checking how far away they lived before.
I tied my hair back into a high pony and slipped into my most comfortable sneakers. I put everything in a messenger bag instead of my usual purse so it was easier to carry. My portfolio was in the bag already, but I didn’t want to bring more than I needed. I also had a little note pad and a pen to write notes for inspiration. When I made sure everything was secured, I put headphones in and left my apartment.
Twenty-three minutes later, I was outside the Clark residence. I took a deep, calming breath and walked up to the doorman, who called up to make sure I was welcome. I rode the elevator up, rang the doorbell in the tiny hall, and barely fifteen seconds passed before the door was opened by Noah himself.
I sucked in a breath through my nose at the sight of him. He was wearing sinfully tight jeans like the ones he wore when we first met. I tried to keep my eyes on his face, but they did trail down his muscular body and lingered on his package before I caught myself.
My mouth went a little dry, and I cleared my throat nervously. “Uh, hi, Mr. Clark.” I offered my hand for him to shake.
“Noah.” He took my hand, and I was surprised how big his hands were compared to mine. Not to mention they made me feel like lava ran through their veins.
“Nice to see you again, Noah.” I swallowed and offered him a smile. “You can just call me Jenna.”
“Okay, Jenna. Please come in.”
I could barely refrain from shivering at the sound of his voice saying my name. It was one of the sexiest things I’ve ever heard. His deep baritone was like a low purr. If I didn’t know any better, I would have assumed I was walking into a lion’s den.
“Where’s Tess?” I asked. I was surprised by how homey their living area was. I would have guessed that Noah would have a more modern, minimalist aesthetic.
“She’s with a group of friends having a study group right now. They’re all trying to get into the same private school for their freshman year.”
“Oh wow. She must be really smart!” Just from that little nugget of information, I could begin to picture what I wanted to do to her room.
“She is.” A small grin found its way onto Noah’s chiseled face.
“Could you show me her room? I want to get a sense of the size, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you about her.”
“That’s fine. Follow me, I can take you to her room.” He waved for me to follow him upstairs.
On the left-hand side of the hallway was a door with a colorful sign that said Tess’s Room. It obviously had a child’s touch, and I couldn’t fathom at what age she’d made it.
Noah opened her bedroom door, and I was blown away not only by how young the room seemed, but from the sheer size of it. It was almost as big as the living area of my entire apartment.
“Oh, wow.” I pulled out the measuring tape I always kept in my messenger bag and walked into the center of the room. All the furniture was pushed up against the wall, making the room seem larger. My jaw dropped at the sheer amount of pink, and I looked at Noah for confirmation as I asked, “I take it pink is her favorite color?”
Noah moved to stand next to me and shook his head. “Used to be. I believe her favorite color now is mint green. She’s been trying to convince me to let her dye her hair for months now.”
I could feel the heat radiating off Noah as he stood next to me. He was so close that I could touch him if my arm moved an inch.
“My mom never let me dye my hair either. I wanted chunky blonde highlights.” I heard Noah exhale through his nose like he almost laughed. “So, what does Tess do with most of her time?”
“She reads and studies.”
“By her own volition?” I was somewhat surprised.
“Yes actually.”
He looked at me, and I was mesmerized by his eyes. They were a shade of green I’d only seen in stones.
“She has a thirst for knowledge I never had as a child.”
I nodded and left Noah’s side. I explored the room, getting dimensions of the space as well as inventorying the furniture.
I wanted to get rid of her desk as well as paint her walls a creamy off-white. It would be more mature for a girl getting ready to go into high school in another year or so, and it would go with anything. She wouldn’t have to worry about repainting her walls if lavender or some other color became her favorite color instead of mint green. New curtains, a new desk, new bedding, all would do wonders in updating a child’s room to a budding young woman’s.
Noah followed me like a shadow, and I could feel his gaze piercing my back. He answered all the questions to the best of his ability.
“How long has she had this bed and bed frame?”
“Four or five years.”
“Where does she keep her clothes?”
“In that dresser and her closet.”
“What does she do in here besides study and sleep?”
“She has a couple of handheld games she plays.”
“Does she have a favorite animal?”
“Uh, I’d have to guess a giraffe or owl.”
“Any prints she wears often?”
“She wears plaid and stripes a lot.”
“Gold or silver?”
“You’ll have to ask her that.”
We had moved to the couch as I asked him more questions about Tess. I had my notepad out and wrote a series of notes for myself. Sitting next to Noah, I felt a lump form in my throat.
I felt like a fish out of water. I had no idea what he thought, and I had no idea why it bothered me so much. I wasn’t like this with other men. I was confident in my appearance and my abilities. With Noah, I was the complete opposite. I kept stumbling over words and my face felt like a wildfire - out of control and a burning red.
We were both more relaxed as time passed. I asked to look at the rest of the house. Noah had mentioned that he might want the house as a whole redecorated.
“What makes you want to change the whole house? I think it looks nice,” I said as I gestured to the happily cluttered living area.
“Too many memories here. My wife passed a few years ago and she chose everything in the house.”
I nodded and hugged my arms to my chest. That explained why I’d yet to meet his wife, though he still wore his wedding ring. “I’m sorry to
hear that and I completely understand. Would you mind if I looked around the rest of the house? My main focus will be on Tess’s room, but I could come up with some concept boards for different rooms.”
“That’s alright by me.” His responses were fairly even throughout our conversations with little emotion shown. I wasn’t sure if he was just a normally guarded person, or if I somehow made him uncomfortable.
He got up first and offered me his hand. For a beat, I stared at the hand in confusion. When it finally clicked what he was doing, I gladly took it.
If I had been in some romance novel, I would have said there was a spark between us when our hands met. I rationalized the sudden weight in my belly as lack of food and the shock from our hands as static. But it didn’t feel like static. It wasn’t the sudden, sharp jolt you get when shocked. It felt warmer, like some force joined our hands together.
Noah pulled up from the couch with more force than he needed. I stumbled over my feet and accidentally slammed into his chest. He didn’t seem to be fazed by my body slam and stood firm like an old oak tree.
The flush that had faded a tiny bit came back full force.
Noah steadied me with his hands on my hips, and I thought I could die right then. I was a tall woman, but I still had to look up to make eye contact with him. Just like I was now. My hands were pressed firmly on his pecs, and they felt like stone beneath my palms.
My mouth fought between losing all moisture and salivating.
“I—Thank you for catching me.” My voice was embarrassingly breathy. I couldn’t wrap my mind around what was happening to me. I wasn’t this type of woman. I didn’t lose all composure over a hot guy, especially not a client.
Noah was silent for a moment as he stared down at me. Heat continued to climb up my neck, and I felt like my brain might fry.
“Not a problem.”
I don’t know if I was just imagining it, but our faces seemed to move closer. I looked at Noah with wide eyes and felt like I could fall into his. His unexplainable green eyes were hungry.
Before I was consumed, before anything happened, Tess threw the front door open and bounded into the room. Noah and I whipped our heads around to look at the young girl. We took a few steps back from one another and avoided eye contact. Tess didn’t seem to notice anything out of place and rushed to give her dad a hug.
Taboo Daddy Page 3