Old Fashioned

by Steiner, Kandi

  The week that followed that emotional Monday night was the longest of my entire life.

  So much happened that it felt like being in the middle of the Daytona 500 raceway track while cars zipped by, but at the same time, it all seemed to somehow move in slow motion.

  Neither Jordan nor I went to work — which was not contested by anyone, least of all Principal Hanley. The entire town was abuzz once the story broke, and we all had eyes on us — eyes of pity, eyes of sympathy, eyes of suspicion. Everyone had their thoughts, and everyone wanted to see what we’d do next.

  Randy was locked up that Monday night along with Patrick, and then slowly, each day, more and more men were silently taken into custody for questioning. There were lawyers, police officers, firemen, prominent men on the Scooter Whiskey Distillery board. And as more and more information came out, more and more people being tied to the heinous crime, it felt like our entire town was a live wire, buzzing and zapping and tense.

  Jordan and I were handling our own personal matters while also trying to be there for each other, and we’d found the task difficult. There was just so much going on. It seemed that we were away from each other every day, and when we finally came together at night, all we could do was hold each other, and be silent, and listen to each other’s heartbeat as if that steady rhythm was the only thing keeping us holding on.

  I had to sit Paige down that very next day — before anyone else had the chance to tell her what happened. It was perhaps the most difficult thing I’d ever done as a mother, to have a real discussion with her about her father, about what he’d done, about what would happen to him next.

  She took the news better than I imagined, which I attributed to her seeing her father’s true colors that day he showed up at our door drunk and belligerent. Still, she cried, and held me, and said she missed him and she didn’t want him to go to jail. I knew it wouldn’t be an overnight thing to get her to understand, nor would this be something she would ever fully let go of.

  It would be a part of her story just as much as it would be a part of mine. It was my job now as her mother to help her through it, each step of the way, from now until forever.

  Thankfully, when my sister heard what had happened, she flew in to take care of Paige while I dealt with everything else. If I was being honest, I don’t think anyone wanted to see Randy rot in prison more than Gabby did. And I was thankful for her help, for her presence, for her love — especially when I had a hundred things to take care of.

  Like making sure Jordan was okay.

  I knew he wasn’t — not after everything that came to light that night at the Scooter’s house. Sure, he’d landed the justice his family had been seeking for his father for a decade, but in the process, he discovered a dark past he didn’t know he had.

  His biological mother was Mary Scooter.

  Laurelei and John had hid that from him his entire life.

  And, the latest development which had knocked him breathless… Mary had told him who his father was.

  So, on Friday night, I sat next to Jordan on Elijah Braxton’s back porch with my hand in his, squeezing it every now and then for comfort, as he told his biological father everything.

  It was a cold December night, but Eli had a fire going, and we sat around it with our coats and scarves and blankets over our laps. Eli and Jordan were sharing a bottle of whiskey and trying to share a lifetime of what they’d missed, too.

  It turned out that Mary had never even told Eli about Jordan.

  He had no idea he was a father.

  He had no idea that he’d been watching his son coach the high school team all this time.

  For hours, they swapped stories, and asked questions, and looked at each other in a way that I could never describe in words. I was quiet for most of the night, just there for support, witnessing a beautiful moment I was sure Jordan never thought he’d have.

  “I can’t believe she never told you about me,” Jordan mused as the fire died down, shaking his head with his eyes on the weakening flames. “I mean, I guess I can now that I’ve discovered the other secrets that family has been hoarding but… I’m just so lost as to how she could have lived with herself, knowing what she’d done, what she’d hidden.”

  Eli adjusted his beanie over his ears, tossing another log onto the fire and poking at it before he sat back in his chair. “Mary was a complicated girl,” he said. “I knew it when we were in high school, and I knew it when she gave me that first look when I went over to her place to work on the plumbing in their housing extension. That was when it all started. She was bored, or felt mistreated, or maybe both. But… she was also lovely, and kind, and innocent in her own way. She just wanted to be loved,” he said with a shrug, as if it was obvious. “And she’s not the only guilty one here, either,” he pointed out. “I knew she was married, and I fell into temptation with her, anyway.”

  “The affair is one thing,” Jordan said. “But, not telling you that you had a child?”

  “I know,” he said, letting out a slow breath. “Trust me, it pains me as much as I imagine it pains you. But, something I’ve learned in my years is not to spend time or energy being angry about the past, or letting someone else’s actions dictate how I handle my own life.” He looked at Jordan then with a small smile. “We didn’t know about each other before, but we know now. And I bet we still have a lot of life yet to spend together as father and son.” At that, his smile fell, and he swallowed. “That is, if you want to.”

  “Of course, I want to,” Jordan answered, frowning. “I’ve been wondering who you were my entire life. I just… I don’t know how to handle knowing Mary is my mother.” He made a face, one that passed over him every time the subject came up. “I’m… I don’t know. I feel a little lost, if I’m being honest.”

  “I think anyone would be, if they were in your shoes,” Eli offered, and I squeezed Jordan’s hand where I held it under the blanket over my lap, letting him know I agreed.

  “It’s funny,” Jordan mused. “I always thought if I found out who my real parents were, I’d feel complete, whole, like a missing puzzle piece had finally been found. But… I feel the exact opposite. I feel like an imposter in the family I’ve always known, and like I don’t know where I belong.”

  My heart broke with his admission, and I squeezed his hand again, leaning my head on his shoulder.

  Eli leaned toward him, too, balancing his elbows on his knees as he locked eyes with his son. “You listen to me. That family — Laurelei, your brothers — they are still your family. They always have been, and they always will be. You hear me?” He paused. “And furthermore, John will always be your father. And I can tell you with absolute certainty that if he were here, he’d tell you right now how proud he is of you, and how much he loves you.”

  Jordan’s eyes filled with tears, but not a single one fell.

  “You and I, we got some time to make up for. And our relationship will not be like the relationship that other sons and fathers have. It won’t be anything like the one you had with John. And that’s okay, Son. What we have will be different, but it will be our own. And I know it feels impossible right now, but you might even find a relationship with Mary one day, too. And that will be different. It will be nothing like your relationship with Laurelei.” He leaned down until Jordan’s eyes met his again. “And that’s okay, too.”

  Jordan nodded, but he still seemed so torn up, and I wished I could take away all the confusion and pain. I wondered if he was thinking about Mallory, too — about his half-sister. With all the chaos since Monday night, I knew they hadn’t had a moment together yet, either.

  “You know, I think a part of me must have known,” Eli said. “I mean, obviously I couldn’t have known that you were my son, but I’ve always felt tied to you. I watched you grow up as a kid, and watched you play football in high school, watched you take over as coach. I never felt so invested in anyone else in this town, but there was something about you that I was drawn to.”

 
; Jordan smiled. “I felt the same way. The gang of moms at every practice and game drove me crazy, and I didn’t like to talk about football with anyone else in town — at the barbershop, the post office, none of it. But with you?” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I just felt comfortable.”

  “Sounds like God was going to make sure we were in each other’s life in some way, whether we knew why or not.”

  They shared a smile, and then Eli stood, squeezing Jordan’s shoulder before excusing himself inside to use the restroom.

  When he returned, it was with more wood for the fire, and we spent hours in that backyard with Eli, talking and laughing and crying a little, too. It was too much to try to talk about everything in one night, but I could tell on the ride back to Jordan’s house that he already felt a little lighter.

  When we finally crawled into bed that night, Jordan opened his arms for me to slide in and rest my head on his chest, and we held each other tightly, silent for a long time.

  “This has been the wildest week of my life,” he said on a breath after a while.

  I chuckled. “Yeah… to say the least.”

  “Are you doing okay?”

  I sighed, considering his question — one that we’d continued asking each other all week long. It wasn’t so much of a demand to be okay, but rather a reminder that someone cared, that the other wasn’t alone.

  “Yeah,” I finally answered. “Yeah, I think I really am. I mean, I’m worried about Paige, but… like you said. She’s tougher than I give her credit for a lot of the time.”

  “She is. And she has you,” he reminded me, kissing my forehead. “Which means she can get through anything.”

  “I guess I’m kind of in shock,” I admitted. “I mean… who knows what will happen with Randy and Patrick and everyone. I’m glad we have lawyers, because I don’t know about you, but I don’t understand any of it.”

  “No, I don’t either,” he said with a deep exhale. “The only comfort I’m taking in any of it is that with Miranda’s story being out there, there’s no way Patrick or Randy can use their power or their money to get out of it this time.”

  “What do you think will happen?” I asked, leaning up on my elbow to look down at him in the soft moonlight streaming in from the blinds.

  He thought for a moment. “I think Patrick will be charged with murder. Randy and the board members and the firemen who were in on it, the lawyers… I imagine they’ll be charged with either being accomplices or at the very least, covering up the crime. At least, from what the lawyers are saying.”

  My heart jumped. “Do you think Randy will get out of doing time?”

  “No,” he answered quickly, smoothing his hand over where mine was on his chest. “He knew about it. He helped cover it up. They burned my father alive, for God’s sake,” he said, and we both shivered. “I don’t think any judge would let them get away without doing life in prison. If everyone else gets off with lesser sentences, that would make sense. But… Randy is an accomplice. He might as well have lit the fire.”

  I nodded, resting my head on his chest again. “This is all so much… I can’t digest it all.”

  “Me, either.”

  “How’s your mom?”

  He sighed. “She’s shaken up, too. I mean, of course she’s relieved we found out what happened, we got proof for what we’d known all along, but… it’s also her worst nightmare, you know? Now she knows the love of her life was murdered, and all because of a jealous man who loved her and wanted her to love him, in return.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know how he can live with himself.”

  “Me either.”

  “Do you think they’ll give you half of the company now? I mean, your family?”

  “I’m not sure,” he confessed. “Mary said she wants to talk to Mom about that this week, but… to be honest, it’s the last thing on my mind right now.”

  “I get that. Are your brothers okay?”

  “For the most part. I mean, they’re all worried about Mom, mostly. And about me.”

  I leaned up again. “And are you okay?”

  Jordan kept his eyes on the ceiling, thinking for a while before he answered with a small smile. “Yeah… I am.”

  “You are?”

  He nodded, sweeping my bed hair out of my face and holding my cheek as I leaned into the touch. “I still have a lot of questions, and a lot of feelings — especially regarding my biological parents. But… mostly, I feel at peace. I feel like my dad can finally rest, that my family can finally heal, that we can finally have justice and resolution that we have wanted for so long.” He paused, tapping my nose. “And I have you,” he whispered. “Which, honestly, is what makes me feel the best right now.”

  I smiled. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah,” he said on a nod, leaning up to kiss me gently before he rolled us so he was nestled between my legs, and my head was flush against the pillow. “I know we still have a lot to figure out, but… hearing that you love me? I think that gave me the sense that nothing else matters.”

  My heart squeezed. “I wanted to tell you before all of this. You know that, right?”

  “I wanted to tell you, too. At Thanksgiving, actually. But then everything happened with Mallory, and you were so upset, and I didn’t want to put any pressure on you.”

  “I seem to remember you putting a lot of pressure on me that night,” I teased, rolling my hips up to meet where he rested between my thighs.

  He groaned, pinning me with a kiss before he pulled back and smiled. “It’s just crazy. My entire life, I watched Mom and Dad love each other and wondered if I’d ever find someone like that. And honestly, I’d given up. My brothers found their girls, and I watched from the background, just imagining that I would never be able to open myself up like that, or to have someone who would open up to me like that, either.”

  “And then I came along.”

  “Yep. And you put my ass in place.”

  “Someone had to.”

  He chuckled. “Well, you were perfect for the job.”

  “I knew I was in trouble after that first game,” I confessed. “When we fought in my office, and you were all up in my space, and you looked at my mouth like you wanted to kiss me.”

  “I did want to kiss you,” Jordan groaned, and he kissed up and down my neck like a feverish mad man as I laughed and shoved him off. “And I’ve wanted to kiss you every moment since, too.”

  “We broke all the rules.”

  “I’m sure we’ll break a few more.”

  He hovered over me, eyes searching mine as I played with the hair at the back of his neck.

  “I love you,” I mouthed.

  “I love you, too,” he mouthed back.

  Then, his head disappeared under the covers, his lips trailing a path down my navel to the band of my flannel pajama pants.

  And we were done talking for the night.

  Jordan

  The next day, Sydney and I gathered with the rest of my family at Mom’s house before the parade.

  It was tradition in Stratford — which I found pride in, seeing as how it could only be tradition if we won. The town had thrown one the past two years after we’d won the State Championship, with the team being the focal point.

  I knew this one would hold more weight.

  The entire town was buzzing with what had happened with Patrick Scooter and Randy Kelly, with more and more accomplices to my father’s murder being outed each day.

  And this would be the first time my family and I would make a public appearance.

  Ruby Grace and Mallory made a giant breakfast for everyone at Mom’s, and I sat at the table, mostly playing with my food and watching everyone who sat around it. Everyone was there — my brothers and their significant others, Mom, Betty, Sydney, Paige, and even Sydney’s sister, Gabby, who was visiting from out of town to help with Paige.

  She’d already pulled me to the side to threaten me within an inch of my life if I hurt her little sister.

&nbs
p; But I know she believed me when I swore I never would.

  “You look like you’re about to play the championship game,” she teased me. “Not go to a parade celebrating the fact that you already won it.”

  “Oh, that’s just his permanent state of being,” Betty chimed in. “He’s the quiet type. Sydney didn’t tell you?” Betty clucked her tongue. “Could be in a romance movie with all that broodiness.”

  Gabby laughed at that, and Betty steered the conversation away from me and onto Gabby’s job, which Betty seemed to be interested in. She was especially interested in Gabby’s hot doctor boss. And Betty winked at me as the conversation turned, as if she knew I just wanted to be alone.

  I thanked her with a nod.

  Gabby looked so much like Sydney, and I loved watching them together. They had that familiar comfort that I had with my brothers. It was in the way they spoke, the way there were so many things they didn’t have to even speak out loud for the other to understand.

  Sisters.

  And when I glanced at Mallory from across the table, it hit me for the hundredth time that week that I now had one, too.

  “Jordan,” Mom said after breakfast, standing as Logan and Noah worked on clearing the dishes from the table. “Can we talk outside?”

  Sydney and I exchanged glances, and she nodded encouragingly before I grabbed my coffee and made my way out onto the front porch with Mom. She sat in her favorite rocking chair, cupping her mug of tea between her hands, her favorite shawl wrapped tight around her shoulders as her eyes swept over the yard.

  I took the seat next to her, and for a long time, we were both silent.

  “Do you know why I named you Jordan?” she asked.

  My stomach was in knots, because though we’d talked a lot since what happened at Patrick’s home on Monday night, we hadn’t been completely alone. And though she was still the same mom she’d always been to me, and I was still her son, there was a new, foreign cloud that hung between us — one with a lifetime of her hiding a secret from me that I found out in the worst way.

  “I don’t,” I answered.