Old Fashioned

by Steiner, Kandi

  “In the New Testament, the River Palestine is where Jesus Christ is baptized by John the Baptist,” she explained. “And Jordan comes from the Hebrew term, Yarden, which means to flow down. To descend.”

  I frowned, but Mom looked at me then with a soft smile.

  “That’s what you had done,” she said. “You had flowed down to us from the heavens we were praying to every night to help us get pregnant. Descended, as if God himself had placed you in our arms. And we never could have known then that he would bless us later in life with three crazy, but amazing little boys to be your brothers,” she said on a chuckle. “At the time, Jordan — you were it for us. You were our only one, and we thought that maybe you would always be our only one.”

  The corner of my mouth lifted, and I reached over to place my hand on hers for a moment before I held my coffee mug again.

  Mom held my gaze. “I’m sorry, Son. I’m sorry it wasn’t me who you learned your true past from.” She looked grim. “I know it may not make sense to you, and I understand if you’re angry with me. But… I made a promise to a woman who used to be one of my best friends. And, honestly, I swear, I didn’t know who your father was,” she added. “But, in my mind, as your mother, I was protecting you as much as I was protecting Mary by hiding the truth. In my eyes, you were never hers, anyway.” Her eyes welled with tears. “You are, always have been, and always will be mine and John’s son.”

  I set my coffee down and stood, extending a hand for Mom to do the same. She set her tea down, too, and then she was in my arms, and I hugged her tight as her little shoulders shook in my grasp.

  “It’s okay, Mom,” I told her. “I understand. If Sydney has taught me anything, it’s that parents sacrifice for their children, and they make tough decisions that affect their lives, too. But, I know you and Dad love me, and that everything you’ve done in your life has been with my best interests at heart.”

  “You don’t hate us?”

  I chuckled, hugging her tighter. “I could never.”

  She pulled back, looking up at me with a sniff.

  “I was upset at first,” I admitted. “Mostly because I was hurt by the truth, and confused, and I’ll admit, a bit sad to know that I’m related to a family I’ve spent most of my life hating. But… I understand. Not just you and Dad, but Mary, too. And maybe one day we can have some sort of relationship,” I offered. “Not now, but maybe one day.”

  “And what about Eli?”

  I smiled. “I went over to his place last night and we talked about everything. He’s in shock, of course, but said he kind of always knew, in a way. So… yeah, maybe I’ll have a second father, too.” I shrugged. “But, I feel the same way you do. You and Dad have always been and always will be my parents. This doesn’t change that for me, either.”

  A few tears slipped free when she smiled, the edges of her eyes crinkling, and she hugged me tight again.

  “Sydney is a good woman,” she said when we finally pulled away. “I’m very glad you two found each other.”

  I smiled, glancing inside where I could see her, her sister, and Paige in the living room with my brothers. “Me, too, Mom.”

  “Don’t mess it up,” she warned, poking my chest.

  I chuckled. “I’ll do my best.” Then, I held her arms in my hands for a moment, locking eyes with her. “Are you okay, Mom?”

  She smiled. “I am. John is finally resting, and I think that means I can finally rest, too. I know we still have a long road ahead of us with all these lawyers and court dates and…” She paused, pressing a hand to her forehead as she looked back over the yard. “At least… we finally know the truth.” She looked at me pointedly then. “And, as always, my sons have proven to me how stubborn and determined they can be.”

  “We should be detectives.”

  She laughed, and then I hooked an arm around her shoulder and led us both inside.

  Before I could get all the way in, Mallory swung an arm through mine that wasn’t holding Mom and turned me around.

  “My turn, Brother.”

  Mom winked at me, letting me go, and I ignored the funny feeling in my stomach at Mallory calling me brother, letting her guide me back out onto the porch. When we were alone, she leaned against the railing, wrapping her long sweater around her tight as she appraised me.

  “You going to just pretend forever like we aren’t related?”

  I sighed, tucking my hands in my pockets. “No, that wasn’t the plan, but I’ll admit, I’ve been trying to figure out what to say to you.”

  “How about we don’t make a plan,” she offered. “How about we just be us — the same us we’ve always been. Except now, maybe a little closer.” She paused, smiling. “I’d like to get to know my oldest brother. Especially since the brother I’ve always known about isn’t exactly my favorite human being.”

  I blanched at that, because for the first time, I realized that her brother, Malcolm, was also my brother now, too. He’d always been a huge pain in the ass for me and my brothers, and Noah had even nearly fought him in Buck’s bar not too far back.

  I ran a hand over my head, looking out over the yard. “It’s so much to take in.”

  Mallory pushed off the railing. “Hey, one thing at a time, alright?” She patted my shoulder. “I just wanted to clear the air and tell you that I’m here when you’re ready to talk more about it. Maybe we can sit down and go through family tree stuff.” She shrugged. “You know, I’m not in the best place right now either, so I’m fine with us both taking a little time.”

  “It has to be hard for you,” I said. “Your dad being locked away like that, and everything he admitted to.”

  She nodded, her gaze distant. “I knew he was a crooked man,” she said quietly. “I found that out the hard way when I was in high school. But… I don’t know. I guess I just never thought he could do something like that. And then Mom and Eli…” She paused, looking at me again. “And you.”

  “I know,” I told her, and I didn’t have to say much else. Because she knew I did.

  “I will say, I’m glad to have Mom back in my life.” She laughed to herself. “Maybe we’ll actually have a real relationship now, one where Dad isn’t running her like a puppet.” Mallory’s eyes were sincere when she found mine. “I think you’ll like her, when you’re ready to get to know her more. Something tells me my — er, our — mom has been through more than we give her credit for.”

  I frowned on a nod, but didn’t reply. I wasn’t ready to embrace Mary with open arms, but I did open them to Mallory, pulling her in for a long hug before we headed back inside.

  Later, on the Main Street drag, I stood on top of a float with my team, all of us donned in our school colors and passing the State Championship trophy around as our town cheered in victory. We tossed out beads and candy, signed autographs as if we were the superstars we felt like, and slipped into that bittersweet mindset of knowing we accomplished our biggest goal, but also that the season was over.

  It felt like that in my life, too.

  One season had ended, a new one beginning, and I knew without a doubt I would not be the same man I was in the last one.

  It was a new beginning, a new era — for me, for my brothers, for my mom, and for this entire town.

  Sydney stood beside me at the top of the float, smiling and throwing out candy, until she realized I was staring at her.

  “What?” she asked with a flushed smile.

  The corner of my mouth ticked up, but I didn’t answer her — not with words, anyway. Instead, I reached for her hips, turning her to face me as her face went ashen white. Then, I trailed my hands up over her arms, her neck, sliding them back to cradle her head. Her soft eyes were wide, searching mine, and in the next breath, I lowered my mouth to hers.

  For what felt like a lifetime, everything slipped away. The crowd was gone, the parade in another universe, and it was just me and Sydney. I felt her like the piece of me that had always been missing had finally come home, or like she was my
home, and now that I’d found her, I could finally find peace and meaning.

  She was hesitant in my arms at first, but then she melted into me, kissing me back with purpose and pressing up onto her toes to deepen her affection. I could have stayed in that moment with her forever, but the roar of the crowd around us, and a few players knocking me on the back in congratulations, zapped me back to the moment.

  When we broke the kiss, the cheers that met our ears were deafening. Sydney looked around with the fiercest blush I’d ever seen before she hid her face in my chest, and I chuckled, looking around at the town below us and my team on the float with a shit-eating grin.

  Then, I lifted one fist into the air, as if I’d just won the girl and the battle of my life, too.

  And in more ways than anyone there realized — I had.

  Sydney leaned into my side, still blushing but taking up her post and throwing candy once again. And as the band played on in front of our float, I let my eyes wander the faces looking up at us from below.

  I saw my brothers, with their loved ones tucked into their sides, their smiles knowing as our eyes met. We weren’t just brothers in life, now, but brothers in war, too — and we had come out on the other side victorious, but not without the striking sadness of casualties. We were bonded together closer than ever, and I knew that though we’d lived such a long life together already, our new lives were only beginning.

  And they would be even better than the last.

  I saw my mother, too — her eyes shining with pride as she waved me past. I waved back, blowing her a kiss that she caught in the air and tucked into her heart for safe keeping. I hoped what she’d said to me on the porch was true, that she could finally rest, that she could finally find peace.

  Mary Scooter didn’t show at the parade — and I knew she was hurting in her own ways right now, too. I hoped one day to build a bridge of understanding between us, though I knew it would take time.

  But I did see Eli on the sidewalk, who tipped his hat at me with his wide, crooked grin. I nodded back, and in my chest I felt a tug of both sadness and joy. I was sad for having missed the first three decades of my life with the man who gave it to me, but thankful for the chance to get to know him now, and to have him in whatever years we had left to come.

  I saw Gabby and Paige — who was holding up a giant sign that read Go Wild Cats! — and I realized with a pinch of my heart that they were my family now, too. I would protect them just like I’d protected my mom and my brothers.

  And still wrapped under my right arm was Sydney — the woman who barreled into my life like a shooting star, bright and breathtaking and completely unexpected.

  She turned to look at me and smiled, making my heart pinch again, and her eyes reflected the emotion surging through me in that moment. When I’d given up hope, when I’d been nothing but a numb, shell of a man walking through life and trying to find meaning in it, she’d swung in and knocked me on my ass, away from everything I’d ever known before and into an era I never saw coming.

  In the darkest hour of my life, I’d somehow managed to find love.

  I marveled at how ironic this life could be.

  As the confetti cannons blasted, shooting a river of color into the blue sky above us, I followed those little ribbons up, casting my face to the sun.

  And I felt the warmth of it as an embrace from my father — his life finally avenged, his legacy finally bestowed.

  I smiled up at him, my heart light for the first time since he’d left us, and he seemed to reach out for me as sun rays on my shoulders to let me know it was time to grab this life and live it fully.

  Sydney watched me from where she stood at my side, and when I met her gaze, she smiled knowingly.

  It turned out, our scarred hearts beat in the same rhythm. And without a word being exchanged, we both sighed — because we knew that now, they’d never have to beat alone.

  In the confetti rain, and in front of everyone I loved, I kissed her again.

  And we walked into our new life, hand in hand, heart in heart, soul in soul.

  Together.

  Jordan - Three Years Later

  “In your dreams, sucker!” Paige yelled, juking my little brother before sprinting toward the opposite side of Mom’s backyard. She paused when she was a few feet from the line we’d drawn in the grass to indicate the touchdown zone, and then she turned, walking backward in a kind of moonwalk dance with her tongue stuck out.

  Mikey was in her dust, hands on his knees, panting.

  I laughed, calling out from where I had just thrown her the ball. “Atta girl!”

  “She’s a freak of nature,” Mikey panted.

  “I told you she was the best one on her team.”

  “Yeah, but you didn’t tell me she played like an NFL player instead of a twelve-year-old.”

  “Shouldn’t sleep on me just because I’m a girl, Mikey,” Paige said, patting him on the back as she jogged back over to me. “Need me to get you some water?”

  He side-eyed her while I held back another laugh.

  “You still getting your butt whooped over here, little brother?” Logan asked, balancing a smiling Tamara on his shoulders. His daughter, named after one of Mallory’s favorite painters — Tamara De Lempicka — had giant green eyes and white-blonde hair, tied into a tiny ponytail on top of her head that looked more like one single feather than a gathering of hair. She was giggling as he bounced her — a deep belly laugh that made me smile, too.

  “Sure is,” Paige answered for Mikey, high fiving me as she passed. “Pouting about it, too.”

  Mikey laughed, finally standing straight and hanging his hands on his hips as he caught his breath. “I would argue with her, but she ain’t wrong.”

  “Guess you should stick to playing guitar and leave the football to Paige, huh?” Logan teased.

  Mikey flipped him off, but smiled as he passed, anyway, taking our niece from Logan’s shoulders and putting her on his own before he outstretched her arms like an airplane and took off running across the yard to where Mom had set up multiple folding tables for dinner.

  It was Thanksgiving Day, and we were all together for the first time in months. It seemed to be harder to get us all in the same place now that life was running full speed, so when we did get the chance, we made the most of it.

  Paige paused long enough to stretch out her quads and hamstrings before jogging back across the yard, and she threw me the ball, a perfect spiral. We fell into an easy rhythm of catch, but I knew she could tell even from the distance that I was nervous.

  “Mikey looks good,” I said to Logan to distract my thoughts.

  He nodded. “He does. I think he and Kylie have really found their groove in New York City.”

  “Especially now that he’s in that band,” I said. “I knew he wouldn’t be able to go without music for very long.”

  “Well, as he so grossly reminds us, Kylie brought back the music in his life.”

  “Such a sap.”

  “I know, right?” Logan shook his head. “And he’s the only one. The rest of us aren’t hopeless romantics at all.”

  “No way,” I agreed. “I don’t know if we even have feelings.”

  We shared a grin, and Logan clapped me on the back before I heaved the ball back to Paige. “She really is good,” he mused. “How’s she doing on the team?”

  “She’s easily the best at any position she plays,” I answered. “But, just like we imagined, she’s met some opposition along the way.”

  “Coach?”

  “A little,” I said. “But mostly the other players. They don’t like being outperformed by a girl, and sometimes they’re rougher with her than they need to be. But, she’s tough,” I said with pride, like she was my own daughter. In many ways, it felt like she was. “And when she’s out there practicing twice as long and working twice as hard as them, I don’t think it leaves them with much room to talk shit.”

  “I wonder what will happen when she gets to high school.
”

  “Oh, God,” Sydney said, joining us with two bottles of water in her hands. She tossed me one before calling for her daughter to come get the other, then she turned back to Logan. “Please, don’t even get my anxiety spiral going on that front. She’s twelve. I still have two years of pre-teen bliss before she’ll be too cool for me.”

  “I’m already too cool for you, Mom,” Paige teased, but kissed her mother’s cheek anyway before taking the water from her hands. “Besides, at least when I’m in high school, you and Jordan can watch over me.”

  “She can watch over you,” I said, putting an arm around Sydney. “But I will be your coach, and I’ll likely be harder on you than on any of the other players.”

  “I can handle it,” she said, chin high.

  “Oh, I don’t doubt that for a minute.” I held up my hand, and we did our secret handshake that lasted a full sixty seconds and ended with me throwing an imaginary ball to her and her throwing it down to the ground in a victorious touchdown dance.

  Sydney rolled her eyes, ruffling her daughter’s wild curls once she was upright again. “We’re about ready to eat,” she said to all of us, then she turned back to her daughter. “Go wash your hands and help me bring the food out of the kitchen.”

  Paige saluted, giving me a knowing smirk before she ran off toward the house.

  My nerves came back at once.

  It was a beautiful day for November — the sun high and warm, a few clouds floating by to give us brief moments of shade, and a cool breeze sweeping over the yard. It wasn’t too cold to be outside, though — which was a blessing, considering we had grown so much that we wouldn’t fit inside anymore.

  I took a seat at one of the folding tables, pulling out the chair next to Eli. He was in the middle of a riveting story that had Noah and Ruby Grace wide-eyed and leaning over the table toward him, anxious to know more.

  I’d learned over the last few years that all his stories felt like that.

  It had been easy, getting to know Eli and falling into a relationship with him. We spent a lot of time together, eating dinner or hanging out at football practice or me spending days on the job with him. He was getting older and needed the help, and I loved to see him in his element, helping people no matter their circumstances.