Before Noah (Daniels Family Book 3)

by KL Donn

  “Do you want anything before we go home?” I ask her as I turn onto the main road out of the parking structure.

  When she doesn’t answer me, I glance at her to see she’s fast asleep. The pain medication she was given about an hour ago must have kicked in.

  Unrolling the window, I allow the cool breeze to filter through the cab as I drive home. It doesn’t take us long before I’m parked out front and quietly shutting my door before rounding the hood and opening hers.

  Ember blinks up at me but as soon as I’ve got her in my arms, she’s out again. Thea opens the door before I can knock and softly says, “The bed is turned down already, and I brought her pillow. She told me once that she doesn’t sleep well without it. I thought the comfort of home might help.” Her sheepish smile as I nod is cute.

  Thea is still healing from her own tragic past, and in moments like this, where someone she loves is hurting, her vulnerability shows.

  As she closes the door behind me, I see Kol on the couch with a coffee in his hand. “One here for you too,” he tells me, and I nod my thanks.

  Climbing the stairs quickly, I lay Ember in the bed we’ll be sharing and remove her shoes. Pulling the blanket over her, she’s restless for a few minutes before settling down and burrowing into the plush covering and pillow.

  Satisfied that she’s peaceful for now, I walk to the window and lift it a few inches to allow the breeze to flitter through the room before leaving and only partially closing the door behind me. If she calls out or needs anything, I’ll be able to hear her.

  Returning back downstairs, Kol and Thea are sitting on the couch, whispering quietly to each other as there’s a knock on the door. Noticing my frown, Kol says that it’s Arsen as I’m opening the door.

  “She here?” Ember’s oldest brother asks immediately.

  “Upstairs sleeping,” I tell him. “Where are the kids?”

  “With my parents,” Marina explains as she comes in with bags of groceries, and it’s then I notice Arsen’s arms are filled with dishes of food.

  “She hasn’t stopped cooking,” Arsen mutters as his wife passes him and heads straight to the kitchen. “I think there’s enough to feed a small country.” His words are sardonic, but the love he shows for the woman is apparent for everyone to see. Following his woman to the kitchen, Kol waits a beat before laughing at his brother.

  “From the minute they met, man, he’s been whipped and wouldn’t have it any other way.” Thea smacks his shoulder and glares. “Same for me, blue eyes, same for me.” Dragging his wife down for a kiss, I walk away to see what Marina brought.

  “How can I help?” I ask as Arsen helps her unpack the bags on the counter.

  “Sit.” Marina points to a chair at my bistro-style table, and I do as I’m told.

  “Anything else?” I ask, and Arsen shakes his head at me.

  Marina turns, grabs something, and brings it over to me. “Eat.”

  “Did you lose your vocabulary?” I joke with her, but it’s not until I meet her stare that I see the emotion in her gaze. She’s heartbroken over Ember. “Awe, shit. I’m sorry, Ari.” Standing up, I pull her into a hug.

  “She didn’t deserve this,” Marina mumbles into me.

  “No, she didn’t,” I agree with her, and I want to mention the baby, but I have no idea if Ember’s family knows, and I don’t want to take the excitement away from her by telling them by accident.

  Releasing Marina, Arsen drags her into his own embrace, and the moment is so intimate that I turn and eat the breakfast casserole that Marina has made. Sausage, bacon, eggs, vegetables, and spices. I’m done before I realize how hungry I was.

  “That was delicious,” I say as the front door opens and in walks Cali. Stopping in her tracks when she sees Thea and Kol on the couch, I laugh when she steps back outside to look at the house number.

  “Did the whole family move in?” Her lips twist in a wry smile as she meets my stare.

  “Not quite,” I respond before waving her into the kitchen. “You remember Ember’s siblings?”

  “Nice to see you again.” She smiles at them, but it doesn’t reach her eyes, and I know better than to ask her what’s going on because she won’t say with anyone else here.

  As she sits across from me, everyone is silent. I’m not sure if they’re waiting for her to say more or if she is waiting for them to continue their conversations, but I’m getting annoyed. Not at anyone in particular, just the fucking tiptoe game I’ve been playing for the last two years, and now that all of mine and Ember’s secrets are out, I don’t like there being more in my life.

  Turning to face Arsen and Marina, I ask, “Could you give us a minute?” They nod and leave to join Kol and Thea.

  “What’s up, Cal?” I want it out in the open.

  Her face crumbles with the weight of her emotions. “I’m in trouble, Noah.”

  Reaching across the table, I grip her hand in mine, worried. “Tell me everything, and I’ll help.”

  Cali waves her free hand in front of her face. “Not that kind,” she finally gets out. “I fell in love.” I grin at her then. “With two men.” I grit my jaw. “They both want me too.” I’m liking this less and less than if she were in legal trouble.

  “They want you to choose between them?”

  She shakes her head.

  “I don’t understand then, Cali.” Although I think I’m getting a picture.

  “They want to share me.” Her gaze flits up to mine quickly to gauge my reaction before dropping to the table.

  “And what do you want, California?”

  “I knew you’d be mad,” she mumbles, pulling her hand away.

  “I’m not mad. Why would I be mad?”

  “You never call me by my full name, Noah.”

  “I’m not mad,” I insist. I don’t feel mad. Surprised, definitely. But not mad. “Is this what you want? A polyamorous relationship?” I nearly choke on the word.

  She shrugs.

  “Are you waiting on my approval before deciding, Cali?”

  “Not just that,” she says and looks up at me. “They work for the government. Secret stuff that they can’t really tell me about, and I don’t know if I can live with that.”

  Gripping her hands in mine, I tell her directly, “You’ve always been unconventional, Cal. Falling in love with two men and living that life is something I can see fitting you. I will support whatever choice you make so long as you are making them.” I’ve always wondered if her wandering soul would allow her to settle down and have a family.

  “Thanks, Noah. I needed to hear that.” She sniffles.

  “You want me to look into them?” I’d like to know more about these guys for my own sake, honestly.

  She shakes her head. “No, I don’t want to know about their past. It’s the future I’m concerned about.”

  Before I can respond, Ember screams, and I rush to the stairs. I can hear my chair clatter to the ground as I leap the steps to my room. Finding my girl in the corner of the room by the window, her hair soaked to her skin with sweat and her body shaking, I take a quick second to peer around to ensure there are no threats before glancing out the window for the same.

  With nothing out of place, I drop to the floor in front of Em and reach a hand out to her, gently grazing her shoulder and arm. Her flinch as she draws further away from me is unsettling.

  “Em, baby, it’s Noah. You’re safe now.” My soothing voice must reach her because her puffy eyes glance up to see me, and the sheer terror in them nearly paralyzes me. I can only imagine what she’s feeling right now.

  “Noah?” Her voice is hoarse from screaming so loudly.

  “Right here, Em. Not going anywhere.”

  She trembles, and large tears drop from her eyes before she jumps into my arms, nearly knocking us both to the ground.

  “Make it stop, Noah.” Her cry into my chest makes me ache. It doesn’t take much to determine she had a nightmare.

  “We will, baby. We will.”
I have no fucking idea how, though, and it makes me feel more than inadequate.

  8

  Ember

  Time has no meaning anymore.

  I sleep.

  I dream.

  I scream.

  Repeat.

  Terror and exhaustion are my only friends, and I’m slowly losing my mind. I’m in this terrible cycle in life. Noah tries so hard to comfort me when I’m unwinding. Sometimes he talks, others he’s silent and just ensures I know he’s there.

  I know the stress isn’t good for the baby, and I’m trying so hard to move forward, but the more I try, the worse things become.

  After a week of this destruction, I’m finally getting the help I need. Seven days isn’t long, but right now, it feels more like seven years, and I can’t bear to have another nightmare.

  “So Ember, is it alright if I call you Ember?” I nod. “What’s going on?” Doctor Kimberly Paine comes highly recommended by the Victims' Service Center, and still, I’m skeptical she can help me.

  Pulling at the loose string on my sweater, I snort. “That’s a loaded question.”

  “Probably,” she agrees. “You can say as much or as little as you want. About anything.” She’s sure to meet my eyes when relaying that last part.

  “I’m pregnant,” I respond with a frown.

  “Congratulations. Do you know what you’re having yet?” The smile on her face is genuine.

  I shake my head no. “It’s too soon, I think. We were barely able to detect the heartbeat after…” I can’t finish my thought. My chest tightens, and I feel the panic attack brewing.

  “You’re in a safe place, Ember.” Kimberly’s words interrupt the silent battle of wills fighting for dominance inside of me.

  “Am I, though?” I blurt out. “Are any of us actually safe?” Rage fuels my words. “My parents were killed in a stupid accident, and it was so long ago that I hardly remember them anymore. Arsen, Kol, Noah, they’re in danger every single day they go to work because people are selfish and always committing crimes. I nearly lost my baby, my life, because some sicko chose me at random to rob and attack. How are any of us safe?”

  “Valid points.” I hate how reasonable she is. “What happened to you was just that, random, and happens to a minute percentage of people. Have you spoken to your family about these feelings of fear for their safety?”

  “No,” I huff out. “It would only distract them from doing their jobs to the fullest.”

  “Or they could reassure you that when they’re on the job, they take the proper precautions to ensure their safety.” That sounds more like what they would do.

  “Maybe.” I shrug.

  “Tell me more about Noah. Your relationship with him.” I sit up straighter at the mention of his name.

  “I’ve been in love with Noah for as long as I’ve known him.” My smile is genuine this time. “The past few months without him were pure hell. Learning of his secrets and why he kept them burned me to my core. I didn’t know if I could ever forgive him.” Familiar tears spring forward as I think about that time.

  “What secrets?” she asks me, sitting forward with her arms resting on her knees.

  “Noah was married when we got together. He’d been pushing me away for a while, and I confronted him after we shared a kiss. The next couple of days were magical. Then his wife showed up at the station. She slapped me into next year. I left; Noah didn’t follow.” I shrug, not liking to think about it.

  “And recently, what happened for you to forgive him?” I can see the curiosity in her gaze.

  “Once he got confirmation from the courts that the divorce was finally going through, he tried to protect me from her. When she was out of the picture for good, he started writing me sweet little notes with no expectations. Some came with gifts, like my favorite chocolates, a beautiful frame. It was all very thoughtful, proving that he cared about me.” Reaching into my purse, I pull out the notes from Noah. I keep them in a small envelope wrapped in twine. Having them close helps ease the anxiety that has settled in my bones.

  “Can I read them?” Hesitantly, I hand them over. I have nothing to hide, and if you know Noah, you know how hard it is for him to show this kind of softness to someone. “These are beautiful,” Kimberly comments as she reads the last one. “I can see why you’ve forgiven him.”

  “Thank you.” I hold the notes to my chest when she gives them back.

  “I assume he knows about the baby?”

  “I told him in the hospital. I felt terrible keeping the secret from him, but I was barely wrapping my head around the idea of being a mom. I wasn’t sure how he would react.”

  “You wanted to be sure his feelings for you weren’t simply because of a child. Understandable. It’s a choice many women have made too. You have nothing to feel guilty about. It was a new revelation. You hardly had adequate time to process the surprise.”

  “Can I ask you something, Dr. Paine?” I’m hesitant to put words to my fears.

  “Of course. That’s why we’re here.”

  “When, uhm, when I was attacked, we thought I might have been raped. I’ve never felt so helpless or victimized in my life. After finding out I wasn’t, the relief was overwhelming, but Noah, he hasn’t…you know…” I’m still so shy about sex, talking about it with someone is frightening, but I can’t ask my brothers.

  “You haven’t been intimate?” I affirm. “He could be worried he’ll hurt you. You’re still very bruised, your wrist is broken, and you have recurring nightmares. I would say he’s trying to be sensitive to what he thinks you need rather than what you’re desiring.”

  “To feel like a woman,” I utter.

  “And that’s perfectly normal for any couple after such a violent assault. I encourage you to discuss with him what it is you feel you need or want. He won’t know unless you voice them.” With a lump in my throat, I can only smile and nod at her sage advice.

  “Do you want to talk about your nightmares? From what I understand, the result is quite physical. Noah mentioned you often throw yourself out of bed in the midst of waking up.”

  “I can feel the bastard's hands on me. Around my throat. Stealing my life away. I try to get away from him. I don’t want to die, and it’s what it feels like after every nightmare. He’s forcing the life from my body.” Like now, I can feel my throat closing and the anxiety encroaching upon me. The doctor must suspect it because she quickly stands and opens her office window before coming back and grabbing my hand.

  “Just breathe in the fresh air. Slow breaths. That’s it. Now imagine the place you’ve been happiest and keep that picture in your mind until your chest loosens again.” I can feel the breeze brushing my face and the air working its way slowly through my lungs as she rubs small circles on my back.

  With Noah back at work today, I know I’ll be returning to his empty condo, and I’m beginning to wonder if I should push myself to go home instead.

  “How do I be me again?” I ask, wheezing between breaths.

  “You’ve always been you, Ember. You just have to navigate around how the new emotions will dictate your life now.”

  Blowing out a deep breath, I still have no idea how I’m going to get through this.

  Noah

  “You keep watching that clock, and you’re going to go out of your mind.” Kol chuckles as he sits on the corner of my desk.

  “Yeah, I know. Can’t help it, though.” Ember started her appointment with her therapist an hour ago, and she promised to text or call when she was done.

  “She’s going to be fine. Em is one of the toughest girls I know,” Kol tries to reassure.

  “She’s your sister, you have to say that,” I point out.

  “Probably true, but doesn’t mean I’m wrong.”

  Sitting back in my chair, I pick up the report I was reading on her attacker. Kol and I weren’t allowed anywhere near his interrogation because of our connection to Ember, but Hunter Adams is on her case now, and after the work he did on Th
ea’s, I know this asshole will not get away with what he’s done to all those women.

  So far, the man has been charged with multiple counts of breaking and entering, assault, unlawful confinement, and a few others I think Hunter threw in for fun. He's been denied bail and is now waiting for a trial after his "not guilty" plea.

  “Stick around the office today. Forward any calls you get to second watch; they’re already on standby.” Kol may hate the paperwork that accompanies his new position, but he’s one of the best sergeants we’ve ever had.

  My phone vibrating on my desk pulls my attention from the file in front of me. Seeing Ember’s name flash, I immediately answer.

  “Hey baby, how’d it go?” I didn’t realize it was possible to miss someone as much as I’m missing Ember right now.

  “I had a panic attack,” she blurts out, sounding frustrated.

  “Are you alright? Do you need me to come pick you up?” Thea originally drove her and would be her ride home, but I’ll be there in a flash if she says the word.

  “No, Noah. I’m fine. I think it helped. I know that doesn’t make sense, but having someone objective witness and validate my crazy feelings helped ease some of the uselessness I’ve been feeling.”

  “You aren’t useless, Em.”

  “Logically, I know. And I appreciate you being there for me this week, with every nightmare, all the anxiety, every damn tear. I can’t explain how much it all means to me. But I think it’s time I go home, Noah.” My body tenses at her words.

  “You don’t have to leave, Em. My house is yours.”

  “I know, I just need to face the past in order to push into the future. I want to look forward, not behind.”

  “If you’re sure that’s what you want?” I’m not going to like it. And I’ll most likely wind up sitting outside her house every damn night in case she needs me.

  “Noah?” My name is hesitant on her lips.

  “Yeah, baby?”

  “I’d really like it if you came with me.” The words are rushed, as if she thinks I won’t like the idea.