This Wandering Heart

by Janine Rosche

  “What if . . .” Endless scenarios scrolled through her mind.

  “You’ll be okay. And I’ll be here for you no matter what.”

  The corner of Robbie’s lips pulled up. They walked to the cash register, then he bent down to Anabelle. “Kitty Kat, you’re allowed to choose one of these candies, okay?” Straightening, he glanced at Keira. “That should keep her busy for a while.” Then he dropped Keira’s hand.

  No, don’t let me go now!

  Instead of backing away, he moved nearer to her, his chest pressing against her trembling arm. His hand settled on the small of her back.

  She could do this. “Emmaline Sanders?”

  “Yes, that’s me.”

  “Do you have a daughter named Claire?”

  “Do you know Claire?”

  “She’s my mother.”

  The woman’s dainty hand covered her mouth. “Excuse me a moment.” She turned and headed quickly toward the rear of the store, then disappeared behind a door.

  Robbie tugged Keira close. “This is a big moment for her, too. Give her a minute.”

  “What if she doesn’t believe me, Robbie?”

  His lips pressed against her forehead, unmistakable this time. “I think she already does.”

  After what felt like an eternity, the back door cut an arc into the room. Emmaline reappeared. Behind her, a man with a full head of silver hair and a Mr. Rogers sweater nearly knocked over a display of postcards to get an unobstructed view of Keira. She’d never seen pictures of her mother as a child, but Keira favored her as an adult. How old was her mother when they’d last seen her? Her parents didn’t exactly sit around recalling the good ol’ days.

  The older couple crept toward them as if they expected that at any moment either a choir of angels or a legion of demons might appear.

  The man—her grandfather?—tried to speak.

  Emmaline reached for her, then seemed to think better of it. “How?”

  “I’m the daughter of Joshua and Claire Knudsen. My name is Keira Emmaline Knudsen.”

  Emmaline Sanders’s face crumpled. “How old are you, child?”

  “Twenty-seven.”

  Emmaline faltered, and her husband caught her.

  “She should sit,” her grandfather said.

  Quick-thinking Robbie reached over the counter, balanced the lip of a stool on his fingertips, and lifted it clear over the register. He set it behind Keira’s grandmother and helped ease her onto the seat.

  “Thank you. This is a good deal to process.” The older man stroked Emmaline’s hand. “Claire left us twenty . . . twenty-eight years ago. We haven’t heard a word since. I apologize. We didn’t know about you, Keira.”

  The words shouldn’t have stung. She’d figured as much. Still, the knowledge plunged deep into her core. Why would her parents keep her a secret from these people? “My parents never told me much about you. Just that you lived in Twin Falls a long time ago.”

  His eyes studied her face, before breaking away to acknowledge Robbie. “And you are?”

  Keira cut in. “This is Robbie. He’s . . . well, he’s my Robbie. And his daughter, Anabelle.” She stepped out of the way, revealing the child who had opened three different types of candies on the floor.

  “Annie, no.” Robbie kneeled to sweep up the Skittles from the hardwood.

  “Don’t worry about the candy or the mess. She knows this is a celebration. One a long time in the making, too.” Keira’s grandfather placed a hand on his heart. “I’m Richard Sanders. Your grandfather. You’ve no idea how happy we are to meet you, Keira.” He took Keira in his arms.

  Over his shoulder, Keira watched Emmaline beckon to Robbie.

  He hurried to her side then helped her off the stool to join the embrace.

  The grandparents who’d only recently discovered she existed held her tight. Suddenly, everything Keira had learned about family mottled the floor alongside the candies.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Keira’s grandparents lived in an alpine-style house with a two-story wall of windows looking down into Snake River Canyon. With its copper-colored tile floors, aged hickory woodwork, and worn leather couches, the home exuded a warmth that was only surpassed by Richard and Emmaline. They sat on either side of Keira on the couch, sharing stories about their life in Twin Falls. Her mother had been their only child. When she’d run away at seventeen years old, they had only each other.

  Emmaline wiped her tears with a tissue. “We did try to connect with Claire over the years. Several times. Your father made it clear we weren’t welcome in Claire’s life. If we’d known about you, we would have tried harder.”

  “My father isn’t a good man.” Picking at her nails, Keira raised her eyes to find Robbie’s. “I was raised to believe you had disowned Mama. That you hated her . . . us. It wasn’t until I began researching you a few weeks ago that I began questioning that ‘truth.’ I read about the charitable work you’ve done here in Twin Falls. You’re on the board for the local pregnancy decision center. And you founded a nonprofit to help reconnect estranged teens with their parents? I didn’t think people like that would turn me away if I came to Twin Falls.”

  “Oh, darling, we would never.” Emmaline’s brow furrowed.

  “Most people only see my father as the upstanding citizen and owner of the largest investment firm in Gallatin County. But he . . . hurt my mother and me. I left, but she stayed. I tried to get her to come with me on this trip, but she wouldn’t. She’s too scared, I think.” Keira looked at Emmaline. “You should know. My mother isn’t well. Emotionally, I mean. I don’t know what she was like as a child, but she’s merely a shell now.” Keira tried to infuse hope into her smile despite the dread pitting her stomach. “Maybe it doesn’t have to stay that way.”

  Robbie gave her a slight nod. Seated on the love seat across the coffee table from them, he held a pillow on his lap. Anabelle’s curls splayed across the embroidered fabric as she slept. The best is yet to be. Keira had read the quote on the pillow when they’d first arrived at the Sanderses’ home. She had to believe that was true.

  Her grandfather grasped her hand. They talked about happier things then. Keira explained her work and her opportunity with the Adventure Channel. Her grandparents were big fans of Traveling Light, so the possibility of Keira joining the show set their pride aglow. Robbie bragged about her. She tried to shut him up, but he was nothing if not stubborn. He went on and on about the awards she’d received in high school and college, her Favorite-Teacher reputation, and her businesswoman guile.

  “Will you still try to teach if you get the show?” her grandfather asked.

  Three sets of eyes bored into Keira. “It wouldn’t be possible, I don’t think. The reason I pursued teaching in the first place was to show people places they’d never been. To be the one who brought far-off worlds to girls like me who weren’t allowed to leave their house except for school. With this show, I can do that on a much grander scale.”

  “And an inspiration you will be,” her grandmother said. “Why don’t you all stay with us tonight? We have two guest bedrooms simply begging for some visitors.”

  “We can’t. Our stuff is at the hotel,” Keira said.

  “I have all you could need. Toothbrushes, extra pajamas—”

  Her grandfather cut in. “She lives to host guests. How we’ve never opened a bed-and-breakfast is beyond me.”

  “Please stay. We’ve only begun to get to know each other. We can’t say goodbye yet.” Emmaline’s smoky blues were hard to say no to.

  “Anabelle and I need to head back. If she wakes up in a strange room without her blankie or turtle, she’ll go WWE, and no one wants that.”

  “Robbie, do you mind if I sleep here?” It came out strange. As if they were married, and he might miss her in their bed.

  The quirk of his lips sugges
ted he’d had the same thought. “Of course not.” He hiked Anabelle up against his chest and heaved himself off the couch. After he thanked Emmaline and Richard for the evening and hot tea, Keira met him at the door. She scooped the car key out of her purse and tucked it in his hand. “Thanks for coming here with me.”

  “There’s nowhere I’d rather be than experiencing this with you.” Robbie turned, then glanced back. “I’m proud of you, Keira. Seeking them out? It took real guts.”

  She nodded. “Good night, sweet girl.” Her hand moved across Anabelle’s back until it found Robbie’s arm, taut with the strain of carrying the girl. She let it linger.

  “I’ll keep my phone on. Just in case they turn out to be alien clowns or something. Sure, they seem sweet . . .”

  “But it’s the sweet ones you have to watch out for,” Keira finished.

  “Exactly. But seriously, call me if you need me. Even if just to talk.” His gaze held hers longer than necessary. Long enough to bring her lungs to rest.

  Her thumb swept across the golden hair and tanned skin on his forearm until she was finally able to pull her hand away and gasp a breath. “Good night, Robbie.”

  Back in the family room, only Emmaline remained. “Rich went to grab us a snack. We have a new package of cookies from the local bakery. You must try their snickerdoodles.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “There are no ma’ams in this house. You may call me Grandmother, or Grandma—whatever you like. Because I do expect you to call me something. Don’t you dare disappear from our lives now.”

  * * *

  * * *

  The sunrise filled the canyon with golden hues. Keira had snuck a few pics, but her mission for Twin Falls went beyond Momentso posts.

  “Tell me, Keira,” her grandmother—Nana, Keira decided—said. “How long has Robbie been in love with you?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Inquiring minds want to know. I saw how he looked at you last night. The way he comforted you at the store. I know love when I see it. How long have you known each other?”

  “Growing up in a small town like West Yellowstone, you know everyone your age. But he was Mr. Popular, all the way back in kindergarten. I was timid—didn’t talk much, didn’t have any real friends. In high school, while he was off dating other girls and winning football games, I focused on my grades. My dad told me I wasn’t allowed to go to college. His goal for me was to marry someone suitable. Someone like him. If college was my plan, then I’d need a scholarship.”

  Nana tsked. From the looks of it, they could have funded her college easy peasy. If they’d known she existed.

  “Sorry to interrupt. Do you girls need anything?” Her papa carried two blankets. After handing one to his wife, he shook out the second, then placed it over Keira’s legs where she sat in the Adirondack chair.

  “Join us,” Nana said. “Keira is telling me about her and Robbie.”

  He dipped down into the chair next to Nana. “You do realize he’s in love with you, right?”

  Keira snickered behind her mug.

  “I’m getting to that. One day, after a particularly bad night at home, I failed a trigonometry test. Robbie found me outside the bathroom on the verge of a panic attack. He schmoozed the teacher into letting me retake it.” The memory tugged at her cheeks. “For the next two months, he came to eat lunch with me in the English classroom.”

  Above the far ridge of the canyon, a hawk circled, then swooped down, out of sight.

  “That summer, I worked for our public library’s tutoring program. Robbie, once again, finagled his way to my table.”

  “He does seem to be a charmer.” When her nana laughed, it was what Keira imagined the spreading of an angel’s wings might sound like.

  “He certainly is that. But I discovered he had a severe learning disability that the school never diagnosed. He thought he was dumb. That’s what he’d been told. Without help, he wouldn’t graduate from high school. I learned everything I could about teaching strategies, tips, and tricks to help him. We grew close. Of course, I wasn’t allowed to date, so we only ever saw each other at school or tutoring.

  “When Robbie discovered what my father was like, he went on a crusade to get me out of that home. It nearly got him thrown in juvenile detention, in fact. But he was willing to deal with the consequences or even lose his chance to play college football to keep me safe. Luckily, that wasn’t necessary.

  “Together, we headed to Montana State. I got my teaching degree and tutored Robbie so he could keep his scholarship.” Keira sighed. “We were great together. At least, that’s what I thought.”

  “What happened, dear?”

  “There was nothing in the world I wanted more than to marry him and be his wife. But I realized that Robbie would never marry me. He didn’t need me the way I needed him. The moment I realized that—that I’d become my mother, offering herself on a platter to a man—it was as if I was suffocating. Even prayer couldn’t open the window to let in fresh air. If I’d been able to find my breath, maybe I would have explained why I was running away, or at least said goodbye.”

  “That must have been hard.”

  Keira bit her lip.

  The hawk emerged out of the canyon, then flew into the sunrise.

  “I joined up with this six-month mission trip my friend was doing. We traveled country to country, serving and ministering to the local people. When it ended, I came home. I’d learned a lot about myself and grown a bit stronger, but most of all, I missed Robbie. I missed my best friend.”

  While she was swallowing a large gulp from her mug, Nana patted her knee.

  “But it was too late. He was living with a girl we’d known in school. She was pregnant with Anabelle.” Keira shrugged. “Now here we are, on this crazy whirlwind adventure together.”

  Rapping his knuckles on the wooden armrest, Papa worked his jaw. After a moment, his forehead wrinkles deepened. “Sounds to me like there are more questions here than answers. What’s holding you back from asking them?”

  “I’ve come so far. What if I find out something that sends me tumbling right back to where I used to be?”

  Her grandparents exchanged looks. Finally, her grandfather leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees. “The girl I see, the one who came here to meet us, isn’t scared of a little tumble. If anyone could turn such a thing into an adventure, it’d be you. Also, you said something last night. That you want to show people far-off worlds they could never see for themselves. What if one of the answers you get from Robbie is your ticket to a world far beyond anything you could ask or imagine? What then?”

  * * *

  * * *

  You’ve got a long road ahead, Robbie.” Cassie Beck’s voice lacked a touch of her usual confident tone. “Vivian isn’t playing around.”

  If it would have any effect at all, he’d shake the phone and tell her to snap out of it. As his lawyer, she needed to believe Robbie had a case to retain primary custody. They couldn’t both see only gloom and doom.

  “Vivian rejected my proposed parenting plan outright?”

  “You got it.”

  Vivian likes to win. He shouldn’t be surprised. While she’d initially pressed for the extreme schedule that would allow him to only see Anabelle four days a month, he’d opted for a more moderate and logical proposal. Anabelle would be with him Monday through Friday always. For the first month, she would spend twenty-four hours tops each weekend with Vivian. Then, once Anabelle had eased into being away from Robbie for that amount of time, they could bump the schedule to every Saturday and Sunday. Did Robbie like the idea of handing his daughter over to Vivian? No. But the football-sized pit in his stomach told him if he didn’t, Vivian would bare her fangs.

  “We have a mediation scheduled for two weeks from tomorrow at the courthouse.”

  “Wait a
minute. Will a judge be there for the mediation?” Below the table, his knee bounced.

  “Not for the mediation. There’s a neutral meeting room we can use. I figured you’d be more comfortable there than the office of Moneybags and Diamonds, Attorneys at Law.”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Now, if through mediation there’s still no agreed-upon parenting plan, you’ll have a preliminary hearing with Judge Rice.”

  “Who’s he?”

  “She is a tough one. I’ll be honest. It would be better to come to an agreement before the hearing. Rice has a history of siding with the mothers in cases like these.”

  “Vivian has hardly been a mother, though.”

  “That is exactly what we will have to prove to the court if or when that day comes. It may be ridiculous for me to say, but try to enjoy your vacation. Thomas and I were dragged through a mean custody battle as kids. Two things helped us survive. First was knowing they were fighting over us because they both loved us like crazy. Second? Whenever we were with each parent, they were intentional about spending time with us and building memories because, I think, they feared the other might take us away. So go build memories with your daughter.”

  “I will.” Robbie ended the call and placed the phone on the white plastic table. After peeling off his T-shirt, he piled the fabric on top of the phone for protection from splashes. The sight of Anabelle broke his anxious mood.

  In addition to her bathing suit and floatie, which wrapped her chest and arms, she wore her swim goggles upside down.

  “You ready for this, little bug?”

  Nodding, Anabelle held out her hand.

  He took it, holding it tight. “Ready, set, go!”

  Together, they ran, jumped, and plunged beneath the surface of the hotel pool.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Two days with her grandparents wasn’t nearly enough to recoup a lifetime of missed visits, phone calls, and holidays. Saying goodbye to them wasn’t easy, but Keira had a job to do and a cable channel to impress. Interesting how after being around Nana and Papa’s light, her goals seemed dimmer somehow. Sure, they were still there, but they’d lost some sheen. The filter had changed.