by Kris Bryant
“That’s great, Agnes. That even surprises me. When did you find out?”
“About two minutes ago. I’m just in shock.”
I wanted to ask if Hope knew. Excitement bubbled up inside me, pushing aside my anger and my stubbornness. I was going to have to call my boss as soon as I got off the phone with Agnes.
“I can’t wait to tell the others. I wanted to call and thank you first, though.”
My mind was already two steps ahead. Their lease was up in a few months. What about the new kids they acquired from that neighborhood? Would they continue their lessons in the new place? How were they going to move everything? The baby grand was going to be a bitch to move. And those instruments? Some of them needed to be recycled. Correction. They needed to be retired.
“Sure, sure, Agnes. You’re welcome. I think Leading Note does amazing work and I’m happy to be a part of it.”
I called Gene the second we hung up. “You gave them the Bennington building? That’s incredible.” I sounded happy even to myself.
“We don’t have any plans for it anytime soon, and this is a great way to help out. This is the first thing you’ve ever been excited about, and you’re one of our best employees. Plus, my daughter-in-law wants to do a story on it when they get set up. It will be good for us and for them.”
I couldn’t argue that logic. Any exposure for Leading Note would be appreciated, even if it was more for Banks’ benefit. Gene’s daughter-in-law worked as a feature reporter for WGN. She was cute and popular and had a large following.
“Thank you. That was incredibly thoughtful.” I loved my company even more right now. I was excited for Leading Note. This was the best case scenario for them, and I was proud to be a part of it.
I hung up with Gene and grabbed my laptop to study the location. It was close to the place where they were before, so Hope was probably pumped. My money was a chunk, but I doubted it would go far with the costs it would take to convert the building and soundproof the walls. I told myself to relax. This wasn’t my problem. I kept telling myself that as I grabbed my purse and walked out the door. I even forgot to say good-bye to Clio.
Chapter Twenty-five
I walked right up the steps and into the Leading Note. Nobody was at the front desk, and all of the music rooms were either occupied or locked. I went up the steps to the second level and pretended I was just waiting for Hope to suddenly appear, but I had a mission. I needed to talk to Hope. I opened the door to the concert room and closed it behind me.
I took a deep breath and walked the twenty steps to the Steinway baby grand. I circled it, admired the soundboard, and ran my fingers along the smooth edge of the piano. I was familiarizing myself with it. I wondered if we’d connect well. I pulled out the bench at just the right distance, wiggled down on it until I was comfortable, and lifted the fallboard. My heart leapt and fluttered in my throat. I placed my hands on the keys and waited to see if I was going to freak out, but all I felt was excitement. The good kind that made me want to press down on the keys. I hit four successive notes. A flat, C, E flat, and A flat. The keys were touch sensitive and adjusted for children’s hands, which made me smile. I momentarily forgot I was at a center that specifically taught children. The keys returned to my hand effortlessly. I was used to this setup. I brushed my fingertips along the tops of the keys, barely touching them, pressing them just to get a feel but not to make a sound. It was time and I was ready.
I played “The Entertainer” by Scott Joplin as my quick warm-up before I dug into one of my own songs. “Stars at Twilight in A Flat Major” had been on my mind since I heard it on Hope’s phone. I eased into it. The entire piece was just under sixteen minutes. It was ambitious for my first time back in over a decade, but the need to play it again was strong. Hope was the first person to get me to listen to classical music again and the first one who made me want to play it in over a decade.
The first movement was shorter than most pieces, but I’d wanted to get the interest of the listener immediately instead of lulling them into the song. It was a battle with one of my mentors, but I won because I was good—no, I was great at eliciting emotions right away with my music. The one thing that made me stand out from all of the other child prodigies I’d known was that I felt the music from a place I couldn’t explain. It was deeper than in my soul. When I lost that focus and made it my mission to conquer everything and everyone, I lost that connection. I fell apart once I realized music was greater than anything I could comprehend and I was merely its outlet.
Once I hit the third movement, I found a change that I wanted to make. I would note it when I was done. I didn’t want to interrupt the flow since it had taken so long to get to this point. This piano was lovely, a classic that Hope obviously took care of. I had been afraid it wouldn’t be in tune or I would have to adjust my playing to the weight of the keys, but it was almost perfect. By the time I was done, I was exhausted. Emotionally drained. I closed the fallboard, leaned forward so that my elbows rested on it, and cried. I was so tired of crying, but these tears were liberating. All of the therapy to get me to this point, all of the love I finally felt for people and things, came down to this moment.
“Lily, oh, my God. That was…”
I turned in alarm. Hope was leaning against the wall, tears that matched mine streaming down her cheeks. I wasn’t ready for her to be here. I wasn’t ready to face her while feeling this vulnerable.
“You weren’t supposed to be here,” I said quietly.
“I’m so happy that I was. That was beautiful, Lily. Incredible.” She walked toward me, brushing the tears off her cheeks. I couldn’t look at her yet. She was respectful of my wishes and kept her distance, finally sitting in a chair in the front row.
I was here for a reason. Playing her piano was a whim—a life changing one, but I was there to talk to Hope. I finally looked at her. She bit her bottom lip to keep from crying again. I hated to see her cry. Even though I was guarded, seeing tears on her cheeks was heartbreaking. We were both crying for the same reason, but I was still responsible and it hurt to see someone I loved cry.
“I came here because you were right.” I held up my hand when she stood to walk over to me. She sat back down and waited for me to finish. “I did change my name and walked away from music. I figured if I stayed away from music, it would return the favor. Instead, I heard you play, and that sparked something inside me again, but I had to do it in my own way. Even though you respected my wishes and I get why you didn’t tell me, it still hurt.” I stood up and walked away. I wasn’t leaving, I just needed to put more space between us. Communicating wasn’t my strongest suit, so I had to think before I blurted out the wrong thing. “I didn’t plan for this to happen. Us. I didn’t know how I was going to tell you or anyone about the old me. I didn’t realize how important it was until our friendship took a turn. Then I got scared.”
“Lily, I really didn’t mean to hurt you or lie to you. That’s not who I am. I want us to work. I want to be with you, Lily Croft. I thought I was doing the right thing by waiting for you to tell me, but maybe I should have dropped hints or said something sooner. I just knew you were scared and that this was a big step for you. You literally fell off the face of the earth thirteen years ago.” She stood but didn’t approach me. “You were so important to me then and even more so now, but in a totally new way.” She was going to cry again, which meant I was going to cry, too.
“I want us to work, too. Can we start over?” I asked.
“No.”
I looked at her in surprise. “No?”
“No. We can take a few steps back, but I don’t want to start over. Getting through to you is my biggest accomplishment. I want you. I want to hold your hand and watch movies. I want to kiss you again. I miss your lips and your tenderness. I even miss Clio and his sweet face.” She walked over to me. I stood firm. “I need you in my life as my girlfriend. Yes, we can slow down until you can trust me again, but no, I’m not starting over.”
&n
bsp; I almost smiled at the fierceness I saw in her eyes. She was serious, and I felt my heart flutter up and threaten to jump out of my chest at her devotion. Hope was everything I ever wanted. “Okay. I can do that.”
“Will you have dinner with me tonight? Or sometime soon?”
“Today is kind of overwhelming. Can we try for tomorrow?”
She smiled and nodded. “I can bring food over and maybe we can talk more about this.” She paused at my reaction. “Or we can just move past this and talk when you are ready.”
“Okay.” I stood there awkwardly because even though I didn’t want to leave, I really needed time to myself.
She reached out and squeezed my hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow about six thirty. Thank you for giving me another chance.”
I walked out of the building even though I wanted to run. These goddamn tears were going to be the death of me.
Chapter Twenty-six
I took the day off. I deserved it. When I got home yesterday after talking to Hope, I could barely sit still. I was exhausted but couldn’t sleep. I had played the piano. For the first time in thirteen years, I wasn’t afraid of it. I wanted to call Dr. Monroe, but it was well after hours, so I sent her an email telling her about my day instead. She knew I was on the cusp of another breakthrough but wanted me to find out for myself. We were going to have a lot to talk about later this week.
“Are you excited that you get to see Hope again? I know I am.” Clio was in the windowsill, but instead of being interested in the world outside, he was watching me pace. It was ridiculous, so I sat on the couch. He sauntered to me and curled up on my lap. There was nothing for me to do but watch the clock. I’d cleaned the condo all morning, picked up snacks at the market downstairs, and taken the longest, hottest shower until the water cooled. I was going to change before Hope came over. My clothes were already out and ready to slip into. When my phone rang, I panicked. It was Hope.
“Hello?” I was so afraid she was going to cancel.
“Hi. I know it’s early, but my schedule freed up and I was wondering if I could come over early. As long as that doesn’t mess you up.”
I closed my eyes and counted to five before I answered. My schedule was completely out of whack, and I had to learn to adjust or I would fall back into the hole it took so long to climb out of. Plus, I was happy. “What time are you thinking, because Clio and I are on the couch doing absolutely nothing but waiting for you.”
“I’ve missed your quiet humor,” she said. It made me smile. “I was thinking about thirty minutes? Is that okay?”
I couldn’t get Clio off my lap fast enough. My heart pounded as I rushed to my room to get dressed.
“That’s fine.” I sounded winded even to myself. I held the phone away from my mouth and took a deep breath. “We’ll be here.”
I hung up and I stripped off what I was wearing and slipped on the new dress that was spread out on my bed. It was bright and yellow with thin straps. Even though we were taking things slow, I wanted to look nice. I carefully applied makeup, just enough to look natural. I pulled my hair back with a tie but left it long down the center of my back. Hope once told me she loved my hair down, even though I thought it was wild. The intercom buzzed and set me in a tailspin. Had thirty minutes already passed? I took three deep breaths before I answered it. She was here. Clio was perched on the arm of the couch, almost as if he knew Hope was coming over.
“Hi,” Hope said. I melted at how beautiful she looked. She wore a red summer dress that ended below her knees but hugged her curves nicely. Her hair was down and rested over her shoulder. I almost pulled her into my arms, but I remembered we weren’t there yet. “Can I come in?”
I immediately stood back and allowed her entry. I’d already forgotten my manners. “Sorry about that.”
“Hi, Clio. Did you miss me?” She rubbed the top of his head and scratched his chin when he lifted his face to her for easier access. “I got you something.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a fresh sprig of catnip. He turned wild immediately and batted it out of her hand. Hope wisely dropped it.
“I’m sorry, but did you just give my cat drugs?”
“He’s never had catnip before?”
We watched as he rubbed over the sprig, bit it, shook it, and flung it across the room only to chase immediately after it.
“Huh. I guess not. I don’t know how I feel about him having it. Hopefully, you didn’t get him hooked on a bad habit.”
“My mom’s cat loves it and she’s still sweet. When it’s not around,” she said. “Maybe that was a bad idea.” She pointed to Clio, who was now hiding under a dining room chair with the catnip tucked underneath him. She turned to me after ten seconds of staring at my weird cat. “Are you hungry?”
“I think so.” I was too nervous to eat, but I went through the motions. I stood beside her while we fixed our plates. Shrimp stir-fry and veggie rolls. She didn’t give me a hard time when I only put a little bit on my plate. I grabbed a bottle of wine, Hope’s favorite chardonnay, and joined her at the dining room table.
“How was work?” she asked.
“I took the day off.”
“Wow. You never take time off. Good for you.”
“Yesterday was a big day for me, and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to concentrate today, so Clio and I hung out instead.” She didn’t need to know that I’d cleaned my place from top to bottom, done eight loads of neglected laundry, and taken a nap since sleep was fleeting last night.
“Can we talk about yesterday?”
I took a deep breath and nodded. “Yesterday was big.”
“Yesterday was huge.” She reached over and squeezed my forearm. “I don’t know if this means anything to you, but I’m very proud of you.”
“Thank you. I don’t know if I meant to play, but I went there to find you and my journey took a turn. I stopped on the second floor instead of heading up to your office. I saw the piano and just went for it. It’s a beautiful piano. You take such good care of it.” I took a small bite of food so I wouldn’t choke on it, and washed it down with a large mouthful of wine.
“I literally hung up on the person I was talking to because I could hear it and I wondered who was playing your music as well as you do. The thought that it was you didn’t even cross my mind.” She touched my hand briefly. “I’m sorry I sneaked in, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to burst open at everything I was feeling. I was happy, and proud, and overwhelmed. It was so incredible.”
I offered her a small smile. I was proud of myself, too, but playing made me vulnerable again. “I didn’t think I would remember it after so long, but it flowed well, I thought.” I shrugged like it was no big deal.
“See? Here’s the part where I’m trying not to fangirl over you and I’m just pretending I’m having dinner with my girlfriend who definitely isn’t one of the best pianists and composers of our time. Just dinner. Just hanging out.”
Hope was good for my ego, especially my old one. Maybe I did still have it, but I refused to let it consume me like it did before. “You’re sweet. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me to get me to this point.”
She leaned over and kissed my cheek. Her warm breath against my skin made me shiver. It was impossible for me not to have a reaction around her. I knew what her mouth, her hands, her body was capable of. Love, appreciation, and devotion.
“Thank you for letting me into your life and giving me a second chance.”
Too wound up to eat, I pushed my plate away but kept my wineglass in front of me. Since meeting Hope, I found I enjoyed wine, especially the calmness that washed over me after a glass. I needed to relax tonight.
“This is a second chance, right?” she asked.
“Yes.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“Thank you.” She quickly brushed away a tear.
I pretended that I didn’t see it. I didn’t want this night to turn into a pile of mush. I wanted to stay strong and ride this confident high for
as long as I could. We cleaned up and headed to the couch.
“Where do you think Clio is?” I couldn’t find him in the living room or the dining room.
“He probably packed a bag and is headed to Catnipville. I’m afraid I created a monster.” We heard a growl and a scuffle down the hall.
“Way to go,” I said.
She leaned against me and I automatically put my arm around her. “Can we talk about us? Or can I tell you how I feel and what I want?”
I looked at her in surprise.
“Not that I’m making demands here. Please don’t think that. I just have things I want to say, and I think they need to be said.”
“I think that’s fair,” I said. My maturity level was at an all-time high. Being in a relationship really made me see things clearly, differently than I thought I would.
She scooted away and twisted her body so she could face me. “It was the worst two weeks of my life. I’ve been in relationships before, we both know that, but I was always so involved in things that I was able to move on quickly. I’ve been a mess. I found the perfect relationship with you.”
I took her hands. She was shaking. I squeezed them for encouragement. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
“Yes, I know there was a big thing between us, but I think now that it’s out in the open, it will only strengthen us.”
“I will try to tell you things, but just know that I’ve been private my entire life, so it’s going to take me some time to get used to sharing,” I said. She couldn’t expect me to just blurt out everything all of the time. That was never going to be me.
“I do a pretty good job of giving you space when you need it,” she said.
“I know and I agree. You’ve been extremely patient and sweet with my craziness and issues.”
She touched my face. “You’re not crazy. You just are working through life the best way you know how. I hope that I can help along the way.” She kissed me swiftly, tentatively, as if I would reject her.