Ruin

by Lila Rose

  “Must have some enemies to have a guard with you,” Low said.

  I smirked. “Some.”

  She hummed under her breath and pointed over to the men. I glanced there to see Ruin at the table with the other bikers, his arm around the woman. Another man stood with them. “As I was saying, that’s Rommy with Ruin. She’s mine and Dodge’s girl. Good friends with Ruin.”

  Friends. Were they only friends?

  I went to turn my attention back to Low, but something else caught my eye. The man named Beast had his hand gripping the back of Knife’s neck in a claiming manner. Knife turned to look up at Beast with a warm smile. He said something that had Beast’s eyes heating.

  Low knocked my arm. “Yeah, they’re together, but it’s best not to stare too long because one or both of them will rip your head off if they think you’re into one of them.”

  “Together?”

  “That’s what I said.”

  I leaned closer to Low and asked, “Pick introduced Josie as his and Billy’s.”

  Low laughed. “Lucky bitch has got the both of them twisted around her finger. They’re all totally devoted to one another.”

  A new feeling expanded in my chest. I didn’t quite understand it, but it was part jealousy and envy, if I had to guess. They could all love who they wanted and didn’t care what anyone thought. I was only becoming that way after many years. This was what I wanted for my family, but I doubted I could ever have a connection of trust and acceptance within the family like these people had.

  Mena started speaking with Ryo, and Mimi was still distracted by Josie and Della when Low leaned closer. “You’re into our boy Ruin, hey?”

  Was it that obvious?

  I didn’t say anything in case it would upset Ruin in some way. Low snorted. “It’s cool. You don’t have to say anything. I can tell.” She put her elbow to the table and rested her chin on that hand, looking at me. “Just know that if you hurt him, there will be many coming after you.”

  I clenched my jaw. “You have nothing to fear from me. Ruin isn’t into men.” I was an idiot. I fell right into her trap and gave my feelings away anyway.

  She hummed under her breath. She picked up her glass and held it out to me. “Cheers to the future.”

  This woman puzzled me, especially that glint in her eyes. I clinked my glass against hers and answered, “Yes, cheers.”

  I was happy for Ruin and what he had with these people. His family. They cared, and it was certain they would continue loving him no matter who he ended up with.

  Did I dare hope it would be me?

  Not yet.

  Chapter Ten

  Ruin

  We’d been there about an hour. Mimi looked like she was having fun with the women since she hadn’t come to seek me out, staying with them the whole time—even when others had switched tables and mingled.

  I hadn’t moved from the brothers’ table, though, because Wolf was still sitting over with Low, and now Dodge, speaking with them.

  Every time I saw him since that night on the balcony, I got flustered, having dreamt about him ever since. He had really gotten into my head, and I didn’t know what to do about that. I didn’t know how to act, besides being a fool whenever I saw him in the house, where I quickly ducked into another room to avoid him.

  Once, and with the worst possible timing, Katon saw me just after I’d army rolled into a room he was exiting. I’d knocked the poor guy over. Fortunately, I’d caught him before he’d done any damage, but hearing Wolf and Ryo approaching, I’d panicked and covered Katon’s mouth.

  I’d apologised for my actions, and thankfully, from his smile, he’d thought it was funny, but I felt like the biggest idiot. Quickly, I’d realised I had to stop dodging Wolf and deal with whatever this was between us. It had been the next morning that Wolf caught Mimi and me in the kitchen and invited himself to the pub.

  “Another round?” Dive asked as he stood.

  “I’m good, brother. Gonna ride back.”

  “I’ll take one,” Knife said, and Beast signed he wasn’t going to have one since he’d be driving. Dive tipped his chin up and went off to the bar where Fang was serving. Billy pulled out a chair beside me, flipped it backwards, and sat down.

  “You know,” he started, “that Wolf guy can’t keep his eyes off you.”

  My face burned. I had a feeling of being watched but hearing it from someone else confirmed it. There was also the fact that every time I glanced over there, Wolf was already looking my way.

  “You’re seein’ things,” I told him stupidly.

  Knife snorted. “Brother, I’ve noticed it as well.”

  I shrugged. “Then you’re both crazy.”

  Beast rose a brow at me. “Not crazy,” he signed.

  “He a problem for you?” Billy asked.

  “No,” I muttered. Even though he was because I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

  “You know it’s cool if you like dick,” Knife said.

  I choked on my own saliva. “What the fuck, man?”

  His hands went out. “What?” He smirked.

  “Fuck off.” I glared.

  “Ruin,” Billy said. “You won’t have a problem with any brother if you’re thinkin’ about somethin’ with him. We know his background. We know he runs drugs and guns. As long as none of it brushes off on Hawks, you can take a chance.”

  Crossing my arms over my chest, I clipped, “Nothin’ to take a chance on.”

  “I used to be like that,” Knife said.

  “What?” I stupidly asked.

  “In denial. But, brother, the gazing hasn’t been just comin’ from him. Don’t deny yourself when, in the end, it could work out for the better. Know it did for me.”

  Beast leaned in and kissed the back of Knife’s neck, causing Knife to grin at the big guy.

  I was swimming in so much denial I could choke on it, but the thought of dragging myself out of it and doing something about my attraction, or whatever the fuck it was, scared the fuck out of me more than anything.

  “Word of warnin’ though,” Knife said. “Don’t try wax.”

  Laughter burst out of me. “What?”

  Knife shuddered while Beast chuckled. Knife shook his head. “Nothin’, just trust me.”

  “Wax hasn’t even crossed my mind.”

  He pointed at me. “Good, leave it that way.”

  “Hey, hey, hey,” Rommy called, skipping up to us. She curled her arms around my shoulders and rested her chin on them. “Who’s going to dance with me?”

  “Not me, darlin’,” Knife said. Beast shook his head.

  “I’ve gotta take over the bar shift soon,” Billy said.

  “Ruin?” she pleaded.

  “Uh-oh, someone doesn’t like seein’ the attention Ruin’s gettin’,” Knife said.

  “Huh?” Rommy asked.

  Knife shook his head, smirking. “Nothin’, sweetheart.”

  “Can I sit here?”

  My heart skipped a beat and raced off along with my pulse when I looked up to Wolf standing beside the table.

  “Do you want to dance?” Rommy asked Wolf.

  Wolf smiled, my gut twisted, and it was time to admit my gut acted in that way because of the attraction I felt.

  I liked the look of Wolf. His smile, looks, mannerism, words.

  Fuck me.

  “Thank you for the offer, but not tonight.”

  “Dang it,” Rommy said with a pout.

  “Rommy, why don’t you try the women?” Knife asked.

  She sighed. “All right, but every time they get on the dance floor, the men drag their women off because of the guys watching them.”

  I snorted while the others laughed. Billy stood. “Can’t be helped, Rom, but I’m sure the ladies will dance with you even if it’s for a short time.”

  She smiled. “You’re right.” She kissed my cheek and quickly disappeared.

  “Here, take my seat,” Billy offered to Wolf before he moved off to the bar. Of
course, it was right next to mine. There were others at the table, but he did as Billy said, only turned it back around before sitting. Close.

  “Am I interrupting something?” Wolf asked.

  “Nah, we’re just shootin’ the shit,” Knife answered. He leaned back in his chair and eyed the man next to me.

  I could feel Wolf’s gaze on me. It burned in a funny, tingly way. “So, Joshua,” Wolf uttered, and I stilled.

  The women had been talking.

  “Taro,” I countered.

  Beast knocked the table, and I looked there. His smirk was teasing. “He looks at you like he wants to eat you.”

  Wolf chuckled. We all stared in shock when his hands moved around. “This is true.”

  Knife cracked up, Beast chuckled, but I about pissed myself.

  Wolf knew sign language. How?

  “How do you know sign language?” Beast asked. I was grateful, as I couldn’t seem to move.

  This is true. He’d said that to my brothers. That he wanted to eat me. Wasn’t I supposed to be grossed out by knowing that?

  I wasn’t.

  In fact, my body reacted the opposite to the information.

  Heart, pulse, gut. All of them went haywire and…. Christ, I wanted to reach over and take his mouth.

  I wanted to kiss a man.

  They spoke back and forth about stuff I didn’t take note of, and I watched Wolf easily charm my brothers as they laughed about something.

  If I wasn’t sitting in a bar, would I have the guts to do something about this attraction? Would I have the nerve to actually kiss him?

  There went my stomach twisting in that same way from the thought of taking his mouth.

  “Ruin?”

  Goddamn, I wished I was any place but here so I could test myself and see if I’d do anything.

  “Ruin?”

  Why did it have to be him?

  What made him different from any other guy? Shit, I’d known good-looking guys throughout my life. I had other guys hit on me, and none of them stirred something up inside of me like this.

  “Joshua?” Wolf uttered, and I blinked from a daze.

  “Huh?” I glanced to Knife and Beast. The first was smirking while taking a sip of his new beer. When had Dive brought it back? The second was chuckling low.

  A hand touched my arm, and I looked down at it.

  He had such pale skin. So different to mine.

  “Are you all right?” Wolf asked.

  Knife snorted and commented, “I’m guessin’ he is, but busy sortin’ his head out.”

  I nodded. “I’m good.” I couldn’t meet his gaze, though, aware my face was hot from being lost in my own thoughts of the man next to me. “You think Mimi is ready to go?”

  “I’ll go see,” Wolf said and stood, making his way to the dance floor where Mimi was with Rommy.

  “Babe, give us a moment,” Knife said. Beast stood and reached over to grip my shoulder. He lifted his chin at me, and I returned it.

  “What?” I asked Knife when Beast walked over to the bar where Billy was.

  “Like I said, it’s scary shit to start with, but if you got this cravin’, it’s best to give it a go so you don’t regret anythin’ in the end.”

  “Knife,” I groaned, running a hand over my face.

  Knife clasped my shoulder. “Brother, listen to me. Things change in life for a reason, and maybe your reason is on that dance floor tryin’ to get his sister to leave because he knows you want to go. I fought what I felt for Beast because women were my thing before Beast opened me up to somethin’ else. Don’t kill yourself over this. There ain’t anythin’ wrong with likin’ a guy.”

  “I know that.”

  “Good. Because I reckon it only happens to the best of us.”

  “What?”

  “Seein’ that there’s more to life than what we originally thought. Takin’ a chance on somethin’ new that could lead into somethin’ good.”

  I clenched my jaw. “His family is fucked up.”

  “He might need the support.”

  “I don’t even know….”

  “What?”

  “If I could…. Jesus.” I shook my head.

  “If you could do anythin’ with a guy?”

  I shrugged. “Maybe.”

  “You won’t unless you try. But not tryin’ is givin’ up. It’s up to you which way you wanna go about it.”

  “You… liked it?”

  Knife chuckled. “Like? Brother, no. I fuckin’ love it, because it’s with the right person. If it was anyone else but that big lug, I wouldn’t have done shit about it.”

  Beast was Knife’s one.

  That was why he went for it.

  But would Taro be my one?

  I couldn’t see it yet, but did I give up on the chance to figure it out?

  Could I ignore this attraction?

  No.

  No, I couldn’t, because Knife was right. I would regret it in the end.

  Now I just had to find the balls to do something about it.

  Chapter Eleven

  Ruin

  We’d been back for about twenty minutes. Everyone had headed to their own rooms, but along the way, Mimi kept saying how much fun she’d had. She loved my brothers and sisters, and I was glad for it. I could tell they enjoyed her company just as much.

  Taro had been quiet though.

  Taro… when had I started to think of him by his real name?

  I liked using Wolf, but there was something about using his real name that was… special.

  Groaning, I cupped my head in my hands as I sat on the edge of my bed. I couldn’t sleep. All I could do was think about him.

  I wanted to charge to his room and demand answers on how he’d bewitched me. I wanted an argument. I wanted a fight. I wanted… to go and kiss him to see if my head, dick, and gut had just been acting up and whatever I felt was only in my imagination.

  Would now be a good time to test it out?

  Standing, I fisted my hands and stomped to the bedroom door, only to pause with my hand on the door handle.

  Dropping my hand, I looked down at myself, still dressed in what I wore to the bar, minus my shoes and socks. This was all right to wear when going to the bedroom of a guy who you may or may not kiss. Right?

  I didn’t want to rock up naked. Taro could get the wrong idea, and I wasn’t ready for the next move just yet.

  Fuck me, when did I turn into such a pussy? If a woman didn’t approach me, I’d be the one to seek them out and get what I want. Mainly an orgasm. I didn’t second-guess myself, look at my clothes or worry about… shit, my breath. I quickly went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth.

  I was going to do this.

  I was.

  And without another thought, I stormed to my bedroom door, swung it open, and took the few steps to stop in front of Taro’s door.

  I didn’t pause. I didn’t piss myself. I didn’t chicken out.

  I lifted my hand and knocked once.

  If he didn’t answer, I would go back to my room and—

  The door swung open. Taro stood in the doorway wearing a pair of silk sleep pants. His body, Christ… smooth, beautiful pale skin.

  He reached out, wrapped a hand in my Henley, and dragged me into the room. The door slammed closed. I was pushed up against the wall before his body pressed against me and his mouth was on mine.

  His. Mouth. Was. On. Mine.

  Fuck.

  Lust exploded. I cupped his cheeks and deepened the kiss with a groan. Our tongues tangled, fought, and demanded from one another. I slid a hand to the back of his head and tugged, gaining control of the kiss, and when he moaned, I drank it down.

  Taro pushed his hardness against me, and when he paused for a moment, I knew he felt I was just as hard. In fact, my dick throbbed.

  I glided my hand from his cheek down over his flat chest, gently rubbing across his nipple, which brought out a shudder from him. I grunted into the kiss, liking the thought of him rea
cting to me.

  His hands on my waist tightened. They slid up to the back of my neck and held on as he allowed me to take my fill of touching him.

  My hands shifted over his body like they were made to. Down his waist, hips, lower back, and finally his arse, where I held each rounded, perky cheek tightly in my hands, forcing his cock to rub against mine.

  This…. Never had I been taken over like this, lost to just touch and taste.

  His hands moved to my shoulders when I kissed down his neck. He arched for me. Both of us held heavy breaths, but I wanted more. I wanted to taste him everywhere. Touch every inch of him.

  Him.

  Taro.

  A guy.

  Panic surfaced, making my gut drop.

  Resting my forehead to his shoulder, I sucked in a deep breath. My grip on him loosened. He rubbed up and down my arms.

  “It’s okay. It’s all right,” he said.

  I shook my head. It wasn’t.

  I didn’t understand this. I couldn’t work out why I’d changed because of him… but I knew I didn’t want to miss out on this connection.

  Not when it was already something big from even just one kiss.

  Because I fucking wanted more.

  I shook my head, lifted it enough to press my lips against his throat, and drew in his scent. Taro let out a shaky breath, which hitched when I gripped his arse.

  “What have you done to me?” I whispered.

  “I-I think it’s the other way around. What you’ve done to me.”

  I nipped at his skin, and his fingers dug into my arms.

  “Josh,” he uttered.

  “Say it again,” I ordered.

  “Josh,” he whispered, his breath hitching once more when I sucked on his neck, marking him.

  Fuck.

  Christ.

  I wanted to mark him all over.

  Where the hell was this coming from?

  What had he done to me?

  Pulling my mouth from him, I tugged his head back using his hair and stared into his glazed eyes. I ran mine over his porcelain skin, his sharp cheekbones, his gorgeous dark eyes, his nose, chin, lips.

  The fear vanished as I stared at the man who’d consumed me for the last few weeks.

  “You like me,” I told him.