Ruin

by Lila Rose

“Yes,” he said softly.

  “Okay.” I nodded.

  “Josh—”

  Cutting him off, I kissed him, clutching him to me, holding on to him like my life depended on it. Taro returned the fierce need and rubbed himself against me.

  I wanted him.

  I wanted all of him.

  But not yet.

  For once in my life, I didn’t want to just fuck a person and get them out of my system before moving to the next.

  I wanted to savour every second we had together and not rush into anything sexual.

  Breaking the kiss, I rested my forehead against his. “Who told you my name?”

  “Huh?” He blinked and eased his head back to look at me.

  Sliding my palms to his waist, I then took his hand and pulled him over to the bed. He seemed a little stunned by my actions, which was good as I twisted us and dropped to the bed. I pulled him up and over me. I would have left him on top of me, but that position would lead to something more, so I moved him to the side, where he lay half on and off the bed with me on his side.

  “What are you doing?” he asked, his eyes a little wide.

  “Talkin’,” I said with a smirk. I shifted us again and rolled to my side to face him. I reached out and traced his bottom lip with a finger. “Who told you my real name?”

  “Does it matter?” he asked breathily.

  “Not really.”

  His eyes watched my mouth. “You like it? Me calling you that?”

  “Yeah,” I admitted. As my mind summoned the sensation, my cock ached.

  Christ.

  “I like hearing Taro from you.”

  I smirked. “Yeah?”

  “Yes.”

  I traced a couple of fingers over his shoulder, his arm, and back up again to circle them over his chest. I laughed to myself.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Just didn’t know I’d be where I am now and gettin’ hard over it too.”

  Taro’s smile widened, and he started laughing, rolling to his back. I watched him. I could do so now, freely. Though shyness slipped in, and my face burned as once more nerves flickered to life. My gut acted up when he rolled back to face me.

  Swiftly, Taro pushed me to my back and straddled my waist. My heart thumped hard in my chest as he pushed up my top.

  “I had hoped, but I didn’t think you would be here in my room wanting to ‘talk’ after that kiss we shared.” His hands paused from pushing up my Henley. “You did come in here for something?” He groaned, closing his eyes. “I didn’t force myself—”

  “No,” I said quickly. “I wanted to— Christ, this is embarrassing.”

  His grin slipped back in place as he tugged at my top. I lifted enough for Taro to helpfully remove it from my body. He bit his bottom lip, looking down at me. “What’s embarrassing?” he asked.

  “This. I don’t know. I wanted to taste you.”

  His eyes fluttered closed. “Josh.”

  Reaching up, I cupped the side of his neck and pulled him down to have his mouth. To claim it. He rocked over my hardness, and I pushed up to match his rhythm.

  I didn’t care any longer.

  This, being with Taro, having him in my arms, was a wild ride, and the feeling was a high I didn’t want to give up yet.

  It felt good.

  Right. In my head, chest, and body.

  The man made me harder than a damn drumstick.

  His lips trailed down my chin, my cheek, my neck. I wanted to sink into his skin and feel this forever.

  Jesus Christ. Mind blown.

  Taro kissed down my chest and licked at my nipple before biting. I hissed out a breath and rubbed my hands up and down his skin, his arms, back, head, then fingers through his hair. He kissed down further, where he was trying to head clear, but it wasn’t the time for it.

  I had to laugh at myself, because I didn’t know where the fuck I had gone.

  I loved sex.

  I could fuck day and night for that sweet release, yet here I was, holding back because, and fuck me for thinking it, I wanted to know him.

  Yet did he want that from me, or was he only after one thing?

  Shit, did he want a one-night stand?

  Taro paused at the top of my pants and lifted up. “What’s wrong?”

  “What?”

  “You tensed up.”

  Shit, fuck, shit. What did I do? What did I say? Something where I didn’t sound like a moron with a crush?

  A crush. I’d never had one before.

  Taro lay over me, folding his hands on my chest to rest his chin on them. Waiting for me to say something. I didn’t know what to say though.

  Instead, I brushed his hair away from his eyes and ran my gaze over his face.

  What was it about this that had me fucking weak in the knees?

  “Like your hair colour,” I said softly.

  He flashed me his teeth in a grin. “Good to know.”

  When I started running my fingers through his hair and watching it drop from my grasp, only to do it over again, his eyes drifted closed. How did a guy have such soft hair? A small smile touched his lips, his head tipped to the side, cheek resting on my chest. I could play with his hair all damn day long.

  My heart thundered. Could he hear it?

  He rubbed his head against my chest, and I wrapped my other arm around his shoulders, holding him to me. His weight settled in more. He wasn’t heavy. He fit perfectly. I liked the pressure of having him on top of me.

  I squeezed my eyes shut while continuing to play with his hair.

  Why did this work for me?

  Eventually, his breathing evened out, and I relaxed more into the bed by putting both arms around his body. Holding him. I didn’t hold anyone in bed. Not like this.

  Sleep started to drag me under, and all I could think was that I’d lost the will to fight this. I wanted to take that chance.

  Chapter Twelve

  Wolf

  I had never slept as soundly as I had last night. It was all to do with the man curled into my back with his nose buried in my hair. A smile overtook me. I had thought he would have run after he had tensed up. He hadn’t. He’d played with my hair, touched me, held me like he wanted to do that more than anything else, more than I thought he would.

  I couldn’t believe I had fallen asleep on him, and he’d stayed.

  It meant something, didn’t it?

  Josh liked me. That sounded juvenile, but I was sure it was true.

  Josh.

  Not Ruin.

  It was good to call him by his real name. To me, it meant a lot, just like when he used my name. It was a connection we hadn’t had before.

  His arm around my waist tightened as he stretched and made a noise in the back of his throat. My cock responded.

  A knock sounded on the door, and Josh woke with a start, cursing. He leaped over my body and landed on the floor with a thud.

  “Wolf?” Ryo called because of the sound. Before I could stop Ryo, he had the door open and stood in it, looking around frantically with a gun pointed. “What’s going on?”

  Tension slapped at me. Would Josh stay hidden? Would he want no one to know? I could understand why, but annoyance didn’t begin to describe my reaction if that was the case.

  “I—”

  “Nothin’” came from the floor before Josh stood with his hands on his waist. He glared from Ryo down to me, then back to Ryo. When his gaze dropped to me once more, it ran over my body, and his eyes narrowed even more. He moved quickly and picked up the sheet to wrap around me, covering half of my head as well.

  My breath caught in my throat. Was he seriously hiding me from Ryo’s gaze?

  Ryo snorted out a laugh before he covered it with a cough.

  “Can I help you, Ryo?” I asked and tried to slap the sheet away, but Josh held it in place.

  My chest expanded at the thought of Josh being possessive, but it was only Ryo.

  “You were late,” Ryo said.

  �
�What time is it?” I tried to pull the sheet away again, but Josh sank to the bed behind me and held it in place. “What are you doing?” I demanded.

  “Nothin’,” he clipped.

  “It’s after eight, Wolf,” Ryo called.

  “I’ll be out soon,” I told him.

  “Very well. Ruin, I also closed your bedroom door, since you left it open sometime through the night.”

  Ruin grunted. “Thanks.”

  Ryo laughed again before I heard the door close. Josh’s hold on the sheet loosened, and I thrashed my hands around until the sheet dropped off my head, pooling around my waist. I went to turn until Josh tugged my back into his chest, and his lips met my shoulders.

  “Sorry,” he offered sheepishly.

  “What was that?” I asked.

  “I panicked.”

  “Panicked? Not over being seen in my room, but over Ryo seeing me half-naked?”

  My pulse raced even before he answered with “Yeah. I didn’t like the thought of anyone seein’ you like that.”

  “I could have felt the same way, with me not wanting him to see you like that,” I pointed out.

  “I thought that too. It’s why I sat behind you.”

  I couldn’t help it. I laughed. He was crazy, but I liked it.

  With another surprising kiss to my neck, he stood. I turned and placed my feet on the floor. I used my hands at the backs of his thighs to tug him between my legs.

  I stilled when my emotions bubbled up. Why did I suddenly feel like crying?

  It was stupid.

  But staring up at what I desired, knowing he had come to me willingly to try this out, meant everything to me. Where had my flirty, confident side gone?

  “Hey,” Josh uttered, cupping the side of my face.

  Pushing the wild emotions back, I smirked up at him. “Morning wood again?”

  His chuckle was low. “Yeah, you could say that. Plus, my balls are sweatin’ up a storm sleepin’ in these pants.”

  He still had his leather pants on. I snorted. “Thanks for that image, but at least you look good.”

  His eyes warmed. “Do I?”

  Rolling mine, I said, “You know it, pet.”

  “Pet?”

  “Yes, my little pet.”

  “Ain’t anythin’ little about it.”

  “Oh, I know. I felt it last night.”

  He winked, dipped down, and pressed his lips against mine. “Better let you get ready for work, busy man.”

  I whimpered against his lips. “I don’t want to.”

  It drew another chuckle from him, and I loved hearing it. “Too bad. I promised Mimi we’d go bloody horseback riding.” His mouth met mine in another brief kiss, and he started for the door. Was he leaving to get away? Did he regret anything? Would he go back to how he was and tell me to fuck off?

  A new pressure clutched at my heart. “Josh,” I called, my tone a little higher than normal.

  He turned. “Yeah?”

  “I’ll see you tonight?” Please don’t run. Don’t listen to your inner demons saying this is wrong. Please like me. Yes, my confidence had walked out onto the balcony and taken a jump off, fearing losing what I had gained. The thought twisted my stomach into knots. Already Josh was something important to me, and I was all mixed up within myself. I didn’t know how to act or what to do to make sure I could keep him at my side.

  His smile was big and bright. “I’ll be seein’ you, Taro.”

  The pressure eased. “Have fun,” I told Josh, still wanting him to stay.

  “You also,” he teased, and I glared. But it faded as soon as he was out of the room, closing the door behind him.

  “My God,” I breathed, and slapped a hand over my mouth. A thrill ran up my spine. Josh came to my room with his own free will. I may have started the kiss, but he knew what he was doing and who he was doing it with.

  It shocked me we didn’t go further than making out like some horny teenage boys, but I also liked the fact we hadn’t. I was used to being used for my position in the family. I was used to being wanted for money and the lifestyle.

  I had never been treated as I had the previous night, like Josh had done.

  No one had wanted to only kiss me, hold me, be with me without an ulterior motive.

  What was that man doing to me?

  One night and I felt… excited, giddy, overwhelmed, but in a good way.

  Though, what happened if it all ended because this wasn’t what Josh wanted? Because I wasn’t what Josh wanted.

  I was a guy after all, and he’d never been with one. That I was sure of.

  Standing, I shook my head and made my way to the bathroom. I refused to think about the what-ifs. I would enjoy what we had, even if it lasted for just now. There wasn’t a chance in hell I would miss having a piece of Josh. I could only hope my confidence would return and I’d stop worrying to the point I second-guessed myself.

  Ruin

  Mimi bumped her shoulder into mine as we made our way back to the house after a ride, which wasn’t too bad considering it had been on a horse and not my bike.

  “What?” I asked.

  “You seem happier this morning,” she commented with a smile.

  I shrugged. “Good ride, good company, got nothin’ to complain about.”

  She snorted and rolled her eyes. “Really? There’s nothing else that’s made you happy?”

  I ruffled her hair, which she scowled at. “I’m always in a good mood. Nothin’ new there.” Except for the fact I’d slept like a baby beside a guy I had a goddamn major crush on. If I hadn’t walked out of his room this morning, I would have taken things further. That was why I bolted quickly. He’d taken my damn breath away with the morning light shining in from the balcony window. Right before I hid him under some blankets. I still couldn’t believe I acted like that, but shit, I’d hated having another guy seeing Taro that way. Half-naked, hair rumpled, eyes hooded from sleep.

  “And you’re spacing out with a weird little smile on your face,” she accused, moving to stop in front of me with her hands on her hips.

  “What do you want, Mimi?” I asked, amused.

  She slapped my stomach. “We’re friends. We tell each other things now. Like, say, I don’t know, the fact you slept in my brother’s room.”

  “Okay, I slept in Wolf’s room.” She didn’t need the little details of how I called him by his first name. That was for me.

  “You’re a pain in the butt. What happened?”

  “You do know that even though I kissed a dude, I’m still a guy, and I don’t do this woman-gossip session, right?”

  She beamed at me. “You two kissed?”

  I groaned and gently shoved her out of the way, starting for the house again. With a laugh, she strode to catch up. “How was it? Your first kiss from a guy.”

  “Mimi,” I whined. “Shut it.”

  “No way. This is too juicy. Ruin, the man-whore member who only does women, has been kissed by a man. My brother.” She clapped. “This is awesome.”

  Snorting, I stared down at her as she rambled on. She looked at ease. Happy even. She had been this way in Ballarat, but she was also different back home. Shy. Quiet. Here she wasn’t. Would she stay on after her dad died? Whatever she decided, I’d stick by her choice, but I knew one thing. Melbourne wasn’t for me. Ballarat was my pace of things.

  So what did that mean for Taro and me?

  Shaking my head, I pushed that thought away. I was going to live in the moment, and right then, my gut needed some food in it.

  “I can’t believe you’re not telling me anything.”

  “How did you know I was in there anyway?”

  “You left your door open, dingbat.”

  “I could have gotten up early and gone for a walk.”

  She shook her head. “You would have told me if you were going far.” She bumped into me again, easily showing affection. “You’re a good friend like that.”

  She did seem cool that I slept in her bro
ther’s room, but wasn’t it weird for her also? I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable.

  “Mimi,” I said.

  “Yes?”

  “Ain’t it weird knowin’ I was in your brother’s room after we—”

  “Let’s not speak of that. It was a one-night slip-up from me when I thought I’d lose the company I had and the safe place. I promise I’m okay with whatever happens. I wish you both luck because you’re both pains in the butt.”

  I curled an arm around her shoulder and tugged her close, kissing her temple. “You’re a good chick, Mimi. Cowboy’s a lucky guy to have you.”

  Her cheeks pinked. “He doesn’t have me.”

  “But you want him to?”

  “No… I don’t know…. We’ve been texting.”

  “Textin’s good. Get to know one another.”

  “I do miss him,” she admitted softly.

  “Honey, if you want him here, I’m sure he’d come.”

  She shook her head. “It’s too much of a hassle.”

  “I don’t think he’d see it that way. He’d be honoured to be here for you.”

  “Hmm, maybe,” she mumbled, biting her bottom lip. “I’ll see.”

  I smiled. I hadn’t realised how serious it was with Cowboy, since she’d held so much annoyance for me. Then again, it could have also been because I made her feel like an idiot in front of the brothers when I announced there’d be nothing more between us. Although, I guess it worked out if Cowboy and Mimi were getting closer. I hoped it did because Cowboy would be good for her. He was a great guy. At first, I was surprised he joined Hawks, but I’d found out his foster dad was a dick, and Cowboy wanted an out. Hawks gave him that, and we took care of the foster dad. The guy had talent in making signs and worked hard at Coyote’s shop.

  Yeah, he’d be good for Mimi, if she rocked up back to Ballarat with me. Though here wasn’t too far from Ballarat; a couple of hours’ drive.

  Letting that sink in helped me ease the slight fear I had for when I returned without Taro.

  Christ, this “feeling” shit is happening too fast.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Wolf

  Dead on my feet, I dragged myself up the stairs and down the hall to my bedroom. It was late. I glanced at Josh’s door, hoping it was open or he would step out. There wasn’t the chance to see him earlier, since Jiro had attempted to take his daughters back. It hadn’t worked, of course. There were too many people backing me in the changes I was making within the family.