Matters of the Heart

by Catherine Maiorisi

  “Maria and Carlo don’t have children?”

  “No. Something about the war and the bad nutrition. In fact, everyone was surprised when my mom got pregnant with me in her mid-forties. I’m just as much their child as I was my parents’.”

  “And, it’s your villa they’ll live in?”

  “Yes, my mom’s family’s place which we’ve always kept up. They’re not sure they’ll feel comfortable there but my parents left them quite a bit of money so they can buy an apartment if they’d rather. I plan to visit often.”

  “It’s a nice story.”

  “It is. I wish my mom and dad were still in it.”

  “So besides this house, you own various apartment buildings, a villa in Italy and a house on Fire Island?”

  Darcy snickered. “Did I forget to tell you that besides being beautiful, intelligent and sexy, I’m very, very wealthy and a great catch for some woman?”

  “Umm, I’ll keep that in mind.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  As Carlo set lunch on the table in the garden, Andrea wheeled Darcy over. He smiled. “Candace is coming for dinner tonight and she brings a special guest for you.”

  “Did she say who?”

  “No, just she is special guest.”

  Andrea fed Darcy some salad. “Do you have any idea who she might surprise you with?”

  Darcy chewed slowly and swallowed before answering. “She knows how much I love Tori so she’s the most likely surprise. Or maybe Lucia, since she got my clothes from her. But I’d be happy to see any of the others from the inner circle, even though none of them has bothered to visit.”

  Andrea extended a bite of chicken. Darcy hesitated. “I just hope it’s not someone I would be embarrassed to have see me being fed.” She opened her mouth for the chicken.

  “Would Candace do that to you?”

  She swallowed. “Maria did say she was jealous.” Darcy tipped her head toward the iced tea. “And she’s been strange lately, don’t you think? I look up and she’s staring at you or at me. She thinks we’re hiding something from her and she gets pissy when she feels excluded.” She sipped from the straw in the glass Andrea held for her.

  “She senses you’re more at peace and doesn’t know what to make of it.” And she senses our relationship has shifted in some profound way, and it confuses her, fuels what Maria indicated was her usual jealousy of Darcy.

  Darcy shrugged. “I guess we’ll see later. More iced tea, please.”

  After lunch, they sat in the garden reading until Darcy started yawning, then Andrea wheeled her upstairs for a nap so she would be refreshed for Candace and the mystery guest. Andrea noted in the chart that Darcy tired easily and was napping more, sleeping more overnight. Her heart was slowing her down and underneath the tan she’d acquired sitting in the garden, she was often pale.

  Andrea took advantage of the time to do some research on physical therapists. The appointment with the ortho surgeon was in just three days and she wanted to be ready to bring someone in immediately. She called people she knew at the hospital to get recommendations. Three people recommended someone she knew so she called and arranged for her to be on standby the day of Darcy’s appointment. It was important that Darcy start therapy right away so she could feel that she was making progress. Once Darcy’s cast was off she would be able to feed herself. Good for Darcy, a loss for her.

  When she woke, Darcy wanted to dress for dinner so she’d look nice for her mystery guest. The blue of the outfit she selected was lighter than her eyes but, as always, she looked stunning. Andrea brushed Darcy’s hair, musing about the guest. It might be nice to meet Lucia, the talented clothing designer, although if Tori was the tall blonde in the picture in the bedroom, it would be much more interesting to meet her. When Darcy’s hair was glossy, Andrea dabbed some of her spicy, sexy perfume behind her ears and applied the lipstick she requested. Then, Andrea buzzed Gregg to come up and help move Darcy to the wheelchair.

  But it was Carlo who came. When he saw Darcy propped up in bed, he grinned. “Che bella. How beautiful.”

  Darcy reflected back his grin. “Thank you, sir.”

  The three of them rode down in the elevator. Carlo went back to the kitchen; doctor and patient settled in the garden to wait for the guests. Andrea hoped they would be on time, since three hours seemed to be the longest Darcy could go without a nap.

  “Continue reading, please. I’m anxious to know how it ends.”

  At Andrea’s skeptical look, Darcy laughed. “Yeah, yeah, I know the girl always gets the girl, but I like to see how the writer works it out.”

  Andrea picked up the romance they were reading. “Have you ever thought about writing?”

  “Hasn’t everyone? Actually, I took some writing courses in college and my professor said I had promise, but I didn’t have what it takes. Writing a novel seems easy when you read a well-written one, but it takes fortitude and persistence and butt-in-the-chair hard work. I wasn’t serious enough about it to ever write more than a chapter or two, so I gave it up.”

  “You like history and politics; have you tried nonfiction?”

  She laughed. “That too. I started a book on the Italian resistance, but I didn’t think it was good enough, so I put it in the drawer with my novels.”

  “Maybe my dad could take a look—”

  “Where’s Darcy?” Candace’s voice boomed from the kitchen.

  “Oh, oh. This can’t be good.” Darcy glanced at the door to the house. “Candace isn’t usually so loud.”

  Candace burst through the door. “Ta-da. Look who I brought.” She opened her arms and swiveled so they could see the woman behind her. Gerri.

  Darcy stiffened. Andrea put a hand on her shoulder. “Stay calm.”

  Candace stumbled toward them. Gerri followed slowly, as if not sure of her welcome.

  “Ya said you wanted to send her flowers to thank her, so I sent them and the check for what you owed her for Francine, with a note inviting her to dinner. I figured now that the doctor has cured your temper you and Gerri should reconnect.” She plopped down on the bench.

  Gerri looked mortified.

  As Gerri approached, Andrea smiled and lifted a hand in greeting. “Hi Gerri, I’m Dr. Trapani. We sort of met in passing.”

  “Hi Gerri, nice to see you again.” Darcy’s voice was gentle. “Please sit, I tire if I have to look up too long. I did want to tell you how sorry I am for treating you so badly and how much I appreciate your kindness in spite of it.” She looked at Andrea. “Dr. Trapani tells me if you hadn’t intervened I probably would have blown my mind or my heart. I owe you for that. Thank you for coming.”

  Carlo arrived with the food and, with his usual flair, set the plates on the table, then poured the wine. He waved them over. “Please, sit.” He helped Candace and Gerri with their chairs, placed napkins on everyone’s laps, tipped his head to Darcy, then walked away.

  Darcy smiled at Gerri. “How is art school?”

  Gerri looked grateful. “It’s good, Darcy. Thank you for continuing to pay the tuition. I was sure you’d stop it when I left.”

  “A promise is a promise. Besides, you’re a gifted artist and I’d love to see you make a success of your art. Let me know when you think you’re ready to show your work and I’ll introduce you to some women who can help you.”

  A month ago, Andrea would have bet these two women would have ripped each other’s throats out. But now she felt the connection and caring that must have brought them together in the first place. And, Darcy’s generosity and desire to support Gerri’s talent was touching.

  Darcy indicated she was ready to eat and Andrea fed her salmon followed by rice pilaf.

  “See, I told you she needed you, Gerri.” Candace waved her fork at Darcy. “Look, she still can’t even feed herself.”

  Darcy chose to ignore Candace. “Where are you living, Gerri?”

  “I moved in with my friend Annie. And because you’re paying my tuition, I’m able to get by with
a part-time job. I have a painting for you. Maybe I’ll drop it off one of these days.” Gerri smiled. “I know I was kind of nasty too and I apologize.”

  “No need, Gerri. Dr. Trapani didn’t see half of it but she can testify to how abusive I was to you. And you were right. I would have dumped you. I can only hope that I would have done it in as positive a way as you did. Anyway, let’s put it behind us and move on.”

  Andrea fed her some more salmon.

  Candace poured herself more wine. “Did you see, Gerri? Did you see she’s still helpless? She needs you. And if you come back, we won’t need Dr. Trapani.”

  Gerri looked down at her plate.

  Darcy stiffened.

  So that was it. Blinded by her jealousy, Candace thought only about getting rid of her perceived competition and chose to ignore Andrea’s warnings about the precariousness of Darcy’s health. Andrea fought the desire to scream at Candace, to ask her if she couldn’t see how much she was hurting the woman she supposedly loved. But this was Darcy’s fight.

  Gerri stood. “Thank you for everything, Darcy, but I think I’d better leave.”

  “I’d like us to have dinner sometime. In a couple of weeks all these casts should be gone and I’ll give you a call. I’m sorry this—”

  “No, Darcy, I’m sorry. I knew it couldn’t be true, but Candace convinced me you wanted me back.” She walked out with her back straight and her head high.

  “What’s the mat—”

  Darcy turned her attention to Candace. “Who do you think you are screwing with people’s heads? Don’t you ever do anything like this again and don’t you ever, ever show up here drunk again.”

  Candace started to cry. “I was just trying to help.”

  “I don’t want to see you until you’re sober and you’ve figured out what was wrong about what you did here today. You owe me, Dr. Trapani and Gerri, especially Gerri, an apology. Now, get the fuck out.”

  Darcy was shaking, her face was fuchsia and her veins were popping. The very last thing she needed.

  Candace was having trouble getting out of her chair so Andrea went to help her. “Stay away from me, bitch.” Candace pushed herself up and staggered to the garden door. Maria and Carlo, who must have heard the ruckus from the kitchen, stood silently watching. Carlo put his arm around Candace and helped her up the three steps into the house. Maria looked at Andrea and pointed at herself. Andrea shook her head. Darcy needed time to process this. Maria turned and went into the house.

  Andrea knelt next to Darcy and put her hands on her shoulders, the closest she could get with the casts in the way. “Take a deep breath, sweetie, come on, a really deep one. Now do it again. You’ve every right to be angry but it’s not good for your heart.” Andrea held on to Darcy until she stopped shaking and her breathing slowed, then she leaned back to look at Darcy’s face. The pain she saw there brought on an overwhelming urge to comfort her. She looked away. She was attracted to Darcy, but was this love? No, it was probably compassion. Julie always teased that she was too compassionate to be a doctor. She had to admit though, as she spent time with Darcy, she became more loveable, less awful.

  Darcy offered a small smile. “Throwing yourself on your knees in front of me is a lovely gesture, but you ain’t as young as you used to be, my sweet doctor. Besides, it would be nice if you could save it for when we have sex.”

  “You are incorrigible. And, how did we get from my comforting you to having sex?” Andrea leaned on the wheelchair and dragged herself up. She bent over stretching her legs and her back.

  “We’ll always get to sex, my lovely doctor, always, and don’t you forget it. You’re lucky I didn’t kiss you when you were holding me.”

  “Yuk, what a disgusting thought.” She pushed the hair out of Darcy’s eyes, then took a tissue out of her pocket and dried Darcy’s face. “Please don’t push me away with jokes, Darcy. I’m sure this is painful for you. Want to talk about it, while we eat our cold dinners?”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “Doesn’t matter. You have to eat. Don’t make me force feed you.” Darcy’s pressure was probably up in the stratosphere and Andrea was hoping that the intimacy of eating together would relax her. “First a sip of wine.” They ate in silence for a while. “So, do you want to talk about it?”

  Darcy shrugged and looked away. “I guess it would be better.” After a long pause, Darcy spoke. “I feel betrayed.” Her anger was underscored by sadness. “I haven’t seen Candace drunk since college. And telling Gerri I want her back is beyond the pale. She’s the one who advised me to wait a few months before contacting Gerri so she wouldn’t get the wrong idea and think I wanted her back.” She shook her head. “I don’t get it.”

  “Would you like a little more wine?”

  “Sure. Are you trying to get me drunk so we can get back to the sex part?”

  “It seems I don’t have to get you drunk for that, but I do for you to relax.”

  “As an outsider, what’s your take on it, my dear doctor?”

  Andrea took a minute to think about what she wanted to say. Candace’s friendship was important to Darcy and she didn’t want to get in the middle of that. But, maybe she was already in the middle. “Since your meltdown the night you found out the casts weren’t coming off, you’ve been different. Something shifted for you, in you, and in our relationship. I think Candace senses that and imagines you’re hiding something from her. Remember when she asked whether we’d gotten married or engaged while she was away?”

  Darcy nodded.

  “My interpretation might be off the wall, but I think she believes she’s losing you to me and that scares the hell out of her. Maybe Candace sees Gerri as a placeholder until you’re ready to commit to her. Is that crazy?”

  “It is a little weird, but Candace is definitely capable of that kind of convoluted thinking.”

  “You need to talk to her, help her work through it.”

  “Are you kidding?”

  “No, Darcy, I’m not. Candace is important to you and you should do whatever is necessary to keep her in your life. It is possible for women to be friends even if one is in love with the other.”

  Darcy studied Andrea, but Andrea had slipped that bland emergency room face on. “I have friends who have done it.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Candace called five times the next day and five times the day after that. On the third day, with Andrea’s encouragement, Darcy relented and agreed to see her. They were waiting in the garden, when Darcy decided she’d rather meet Candace in her room with Andrea out of sight but nearby in her bedroom. Andrea settled Darcy near the windows and when they heard the elevator open and close, she went into her bedroom, leaving the two old friends alone. She sat in the chair by the window with her book in her hands, but she was poised to dash in to protect Darcy if she heard raised voices. She closed her eyes and listened to the murmur of voices but was unable to hear the words.

  * * *

  Candace slunk in like a cat who didn’t want to be noticed. Her eyes skittered around the room and landed on Darcy. She did a quick double-check to see whether they were truly alone. “Hi Darcy.” Her smile was bright but strained. Her voice pitched low.

  “Hi yourself.” Darcy’s concern for Candace had replaced her anger. She hoped Candace was sober. “Sit.” She thrust her chin in the direction of the chair she’d had Andrea place directly in front of her. “We need to talk.”

  “I guess I owe you an apology.”

  “I’m not the only one.”

  “I’ve already called Gerri and smoothed things over. And I apologized to Maria and Carlo at their apartment last night. I’m mortified that I was drunk in front of them.” Her foot tapped the floor. “Where is the doctor?”

  “Dr. Trapani is in the next room; you can see her before you leave. Does smooth over mean apologize or does it mean dance around what you did?”

  Candace flushed. “I apologized. I practically had to prostrate myself before she would eve
n let me speak.”

  “Glad to hear it. Now, how about you tell your oldest and dearest friend what the hell is going on with you.”

  Candace looked over Darcy’s shoulder, out the window. “I’m not sure.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t believe that for a minute. This is me you’re talking to, Candace. You knew exactly what you were doing but had to get wildly drunk to do it.”

  Candace’s lips quivered. Darcy had loved Candace for almost her entire life and it pained her to see her so unhappy. But she refused to comfort her as she always had in the past. Candace needed to take responsibility for her feelings and her actions. Darcy needed to help Candace understand it was time to move on. To understand that she could never love Candace in the way she desired, that if it wasn’t Andrea, it would be someone else, never her.

  Candace lifted her shoulders, arms out, palms up, in a gesture of helplessness.

  Darcy was losing patience. “Come on, Candace, how bad can it be? Spit it out.”

  Candace looked down at her hands, then out the window. “I’m afraid I’m losing you. You seem so far away. At least when Gerri was here I was the one you talked to about her, about how you felt, about your frustration. Now you and Andrea seem like a closed unit. I guess I thought if Gerri came back, things would go back to the way they were.”

  “You know, Candace, Andrea and I spend just about every waking hour and some hours when I’m asleep together. She does everything for me, every single thing. And she never infantilizes me or makes me feel unseen or less than her. She’s focused on making my life the best it can be in these circumstances and helping me get well as fast as I can. As I recall, when I asked you to come here and help me so I wouldn’t have to be dependent on Gerri, you ran the other way. Of course, Andrea is paid to do these things, but I would have paid you to be with me and help out if that’s what you wanted.”

  Candace opened her mouth to speak but Darcy shook her head. “I’m not done yet. So yes the doctor and I are kind of a unit, but it’s certainly not exclusive. Actually, you exclude yourself. You make fun of me because I’m unable to feed myself. I wonder what you would do if you saw her put me on the bedpan. You’re the one putting up the walls. You want things to go back to the way they were before the accident? Well, I sure wish they could, but you know what, I’m not the person I was then and things will never be the same.”