Matters of the Heart

by Catherine Maiorisi

  Candace and Darcy made the rounds. Candace apologized to everyone. Andrea marveled again at the gracious and loving nature of this group of women. Tori, though, laced into Candace, letting her know how hurt and angry she was that Candace had kept her and the rest of the inner circle from Darcy when she was in desperate need of them. To Candace’s credit, she listened, cried, then begged forgiveness. Tori glanced at Darcy, who was deep in conversation with Lucia, and accepted Candace’s apology.

  Then it was dinnertime. Andrea brought Darcy to the table and Darcy invited Candace to sit on her other side. Andrea was aware of Candace watching her feed Darcy, then Darcy spoke. “Okay, ladies, last night you were talking about someone other than Andrea having a go at feeding me, so if Candace promises to do it without making choo-choo or airplane sounds, I’ll let her have a go at it now.” Darcy put her hand on Andrea’s thigh and squeezed gently.

  “I don’t know, Darce, I’m kind of shaky.”

  “Give it a try.”

  Andrea handed over Darcy’s fork. “It’s easy. Just take a forkful, not too much, and give her time to chew.” Candace’s hand shook and it took several tries to get the food to Darcy’s mouth, but as she became more confident and focused, it went more smoothly.

  Although she knew Darcy was trying to reassure Candace about their connection, Andrea still felt left out. But the heat of Darcy’s hand on her thigh and the occasional caress of her thumb reassured her.

  Darcy entertained them with stories from her and Candace’s childhood. Once or twice Candace chimed in with a story about one of their escapades. But then she spoke about how she’d come to live with Darcy’s family. “Some of you know the story of my hippie, drug-addicted parents dumping me on the Silvers when Darcy and I were three and a half, but bear with me please.”

  As she recounted her life story, of the Silvers raising her as their own—even to the point of providing an inheritance—Candace broke down. Renee poured her a glass of water, pulled a chair next to her and held her until she regained control. “There’s no way I could ever repay Mom and Dad Silver for everything. They would be horrified that I cut you all off from Darcy when she desperately needed your support. I’m ashamed that I did that and ashamed of my behavior last night.” She looked around the table. “Most of you helped me through this the last time, in college. I don’t deserve a second chance but please help me again.”

  Everyone was silent. Then Tori got up and hugged Candace. All their friends followed.

  It had occurred to Andrea while Candace was talking that she and Candace not only had had the same childhood—abandoned at three and a half years and taken in by good loving people—but they’d also both clung to impossible loves for years.

  Lucia lingered, speaking softly with Candace, then stood. “Sorry to abandon you all, but I’m backed up at the office so I’m going to stay with Candace tonight and go back to the city on the early ferry with her. I’ll pack and be right down.”

  So Darcy had made sure Candace had a babysitter tonight and an escort to get her back to the city for her appointment with Karin.

  When Lucia returned, Candace turned to Darcy. Her eyes were puffy but she appeared more at ease. “Thank you for not throwing me out on my ass like I deserve.” Candace embraced everyone again, then she and Lucia left.

  Maya jumped up. “Wow, that was heavy. Who wants to go dancing and work off some energy?”

  “Great idea,” Darcy said, “but you have to wait until Francine helps Andrea toss me into bed.”

  Tori snorted. “Maybe we could all toss you and have an orgy on your bed.”

  “That’s a fabulous idea, Tori, but I’m tired. And at best, I’d lie there like a beached whale and you all would have to service me.” Darcy’s mouth quirked. “Hmm, maybe that would work after all. What do you think, Andrea?”

  “I think it’s time for me to get you into bed.” She didn’t need the hoots and whistles to realize what she’d said. She laughed and shouted over the raucous group. “You all are terrible. I meant to say, it’s time for me and Francine to get you into bed.” She grabbed the wheelchair. “Come on, Francine, let’s get her to bed before these wild women decide to ravage her.”

  Darcy was laughing as Andrea wheeled her away. “Wait, wait, ravaging sounds good.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Finally, it was just the two of them and Darcy let her exhaustion show. Andrea hoped Darcy would go right to sleep, so she was silent as she went through their nightly ritual. Now, lying in bed with the lights off, Andrea thought about the day, about waking up next to Darcy this morning, about feeling jealous when she wasn’t the focus of Darcy’s attention, about how nice Darcy’s hand had felt on her leg.

  Suddenly Andrea felt anxious. Could Darcy be in love with Candace? No, that was ridiculous. Darcy loved Candace like a sister. Tori had confirmed Darcy and Candace had never been involved and she’d also said Darcy was hers for the taking. Surely, Tori would know. Why am I so upset by the idea of Darcy and Candace? Am I in love with Darcy? Andrea’s heart skipped. Yes, she was in love with Darcy and Darcy had made it no secret that she was in love with her. So why didn’t she say ‘I love you’ to Darcy? She couldn’t explain it, but right now it seemed safer to keep her feelings quiet.

  Damn. Why was her love life so complicated? Twenty years of unrequited love and now something she couldn’t even define was keeping her from the one she loved. Andrea groaned.

  “Are you okay, Andrea? It sounds like you’re in pain.”

  “What are you doing awake?”

  “Just thinking.”

  “You were wonderful tonight, Darcy. You’re very sensitive to people’s feelings. Have you ever thought about being a therapist?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Everything you did tonight, being beside Candace when she apologized to everyone, asking her to feed you, then talking about how she was a part of your family, helped draw Candace back from wherever she’s been, to remind her of her connection to you and her friends. And making sure she had someone with her tonight and someone to insure that she gets to her appointment tomorrow was a stroke of genius.”

  “She’s important to me, Andrea. After her breakdown last night, I realized she was freaked out by the accident, thought she’d lost me, and then couldn’t deal with me being a raging lump but didn’t want anyone else to be there in her place. Then, when she saw me with you, she knew she’d really lost me.”

  Andrea’s heart soared at Darcy’s words. But, she reminded herself, she needed to go slowly.

  “I missed you feeding me tonight. With Candace, it was eating. With you, it’s…intimate.”

  Andrea smiled, happy that Darcy couldn’t see her in the dark. “Candace did a pretty good job once she got over her nervousness and fell into your rhythm.” But I missed it too.

  “It’s not the same. And I spent too much time away from you today. Would you consider getting closer and holding my hand?”

  Andrea hesitated. Even friends held hands, though. Besides, she’d already shattered the illusion of professionalism last night. She rolled next to Darcy and searched for her hand under the light blanket. Darcy entwined their fingers.

  “When your other cast comes off this week, you’ll be able to feed yourself.”

  “Not right away, right?”

  “No, not right away.” Andrea squeezed Darcy’s hand. “Speaking of that, you need to work on strengthening your right arm and you haven’t done any arm exercises since Thursday. What do you think of asking Jennifer to work with you tomorrow?”

  “That’s a great idea. I was thinking of helping her set up her own therapy center but I’d like to know if she’s good before I invest in her.”

  “Do you put all your friends in business?”

  “I have the money. I can’t think of a better way to use it than helping the women I care about achieve their dreams.”

  This time Andrea’s groan was internal. So in addition to being beautiful, intelligent, warm, l
oving, loyal and sensitive, you’re generous. How am I supposed to resist?

  “Try her tomorrow. If you like working with her, you could hire her when the other cast comes off.”

  “What about Jean?”

  “She’s seeing you as a favor to me. As head of the department, she doesn’t do much therapy these days. If you want to work with Jennifer, I’ll ask Jean to do a transition session with her.”

  “Thank you. Let’s see how it goes tomorrow.” Darcy fiddled with Andrea’s fingers. “And have I thanked you for bringing me to Fire Island? Sometimes I forget that I had a life before the accident. But being here reminded me. And it feels wonderful to be surrounded by so much…I don’t know what to call it.”

  “How about love?”

  “Yes, love. And being here with everyone made it easier to deal with Candace. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome but I just had the idea. The others made it a reality. It’s actually been a privilege to spend so much time with your friends, to bask in the warmth of the group. I’m amazed that Francine and Jennifer were accepted into the group so easily.”

  “I thought they would fit right in. At least, Francine. I didn’t know Jennifer but I figured if Francine loved her, she was probably okay. It was you I worried about.”

  “You thought they wouldn’t like me?”

  “Not them. You’re always so held back, even when we’re alone, I was afraid you’d withdraw into your doctor persona and not connect with anyone.”

  “So how did I do?”

  “You relaxed and related like the lovely lezzie you are while still managing to take excellent care of me. Everyone loves you. Nobody as much as me, of course.”

  Andrea didn’t have to see Darcy’s face to know she was smiling. “Of course.”

  “Speaking of that, there’s something for you in my night table.”

  “What is it?”

  “You’ll have to get up and get it.”

  Andrea rolled out of bed, put the lamp on, opened the drawer and stared at a ring-sized box wrapped in silver paper. Her blood drained. Damn, she wasn’t ready for a ring. She climbed into bed and scooted close to Darcy. “How did this get here?”

  “Francine brought it with her.” Darcy grinned.

  “Darcy, I—”

  “Open it.” Darcy eyed her tense jaw and pale face, and realized they should have put it in a different shaped box. She touched Andrea’s arm. “Don’t worry.”

  Andrea carefully tore the wrapping paper, uncovering a blue Tiffany box. She looked at Darcy, then lifted the cover and removed a green velvet box. She snapped it open and gasped at the sparkling tear-shaped emerald pendant nestled on the black velvet liner. She let her breath out. “It’s beautiful.”

  Darcy grinned. “I’d love to put it on you but you’ll have to do it.”

  Andrea fastened the gold chain around her neck, then got to her knees on the bed to look at herself in the mirror. It was the perfect length.

  “It matches your eyes. It looks gorgeous.”

  Andrea’s eyes filled. “Oh, Darcy, I can’t—”

  “You’re absolutely right, you can’t refuse a gift.”

  Andrea leaned over and kissed Darcy. She lingered briefly savoring the taste and softness of Darcy’s lips, then pulled back before Darcy could respond. “Thank you, I love it.”

  Darcy’s eyebrows shot up. “Whoa, come back here, I almost missed that. Let me reciprocate.”

  Andrea laughed. “Only one gift allowed at a time.” Besides, if I really kiss you, I won’t be able to stop. “But tell me why and how you got it?”

  “I wanted to give you something beautiful because you’ve been so good to and for me. Francine made the call to Tiffany and I told my sales representative what I wanted. One night when you went out, the rep came over with a box of possibilities. This one seemed perfect.”

  Right. The night she went on her date with Denise, Karin and Julie’s friend. A nice pediatrician, attractive and, some would say, sexy. She’d enjoyed talking to her but there was no spark between them. And now that she knew what sparks felt like, she wasn’t ready to compromise. Midway through dinner Andrea had confessed she’d recently realized she was in love with someone. The woman laughed, relieved it wasn’t that Andrea found her boring or unattractive. Andrea reassured her and they went on to have an enjoyable evening and agreed to meet again as friends. “You have a Tiffany sales representative?”

  “I do.”

  “It’s so extravagant, Darcy.” Andrea fingered the pendant. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Don’t say anything.” Darcy moved her hand to Andrea’s thigh. “Just kiss me again.”

  “Uh-uh.” I would love to kiss you again. And, ravage you.

  “No dice?”

  “I already kissed you. If I kissed you again, I’d have to ravage you and you’d report me to the group tomorrow.”

  “What if I promise not to say a word?”

  “I think that’s a great idea. You need to sleep now.” She got up and turned off the lamp, then returned to bed. “Good night, Darcy.” Overcome with feelings she couldn’t express, Andrea kept her back to Darcy and faced the sliding glass door to the deck. The pendent was just a token of Darcy’s appreciation, wasn’t it? So why did it feel more like she’d just gotten engaged? Because that’s what she wanted. To be committed to Darcy, to act on her love, to announce it to the world.

  “Come closer, Andrea. Can we hold hands and sleep together again?”

  Andrea hesitated, then rolled to face Darcy. The light from outside on the grounds flickered as the curtains billowed and she could see flashes of Darcy’s face, all sharp angles and shadows except for the glittering sapphire eyes. Darcy looked mysterious and sexy and vulnerable and Andrea had to fight the impulse to kiss her. Instead, she moved closer and took Darcy’s hand. “Hush. Go to sleep.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  When Andrea woke, she was on her side facing Darcy, still holding her hand with her other arm draped over Darcy’s chest. She listened to Darcy’s ragged breathing, felt Darcy’s breath on her face and took a minute to consider what she was doing. She opened her eyes. Darcy’s face was inches away, her blue eyes searched Andrea’s green. Neither spoke.

  Andrea willed herself to move but her body had other thoughts. At least if she left her hands where they were, she could keep them from touching Darcy in ways a doctor shouldn’t think about. Every nerve in her body was throbbing. And what she saw in Darcy’s eyes and the feel of Darcy’s erect nipples rubbing against her arm was making it impossible to avoid thinking that way. She didn’t move for fear of disturbing the moment and losing the contact.

  “So, is this what they call a Boston marriage?” Neither had heard Francine enter the suite and it took them a few seconds to separate and enter the real world. Francine stood, hands on hips, eyes narrowed. “Or was there some ravaging going on here after I left you last night?”

  “None of your business,” they said simultaneously. “Or anybody else’s for that matter,” Andrea added.

  Francine made a turning-the-key motion at her lips. “Your secret is safe with me. But we’ve been holding breakfast for you and if you don’t get up soon the whole group will be in here wanting to see what’s going on.”

  Andrea rolled over and out of bed. “How about you get started with Darcy while I shower and dress?” She felt Darcy’s eyes on her but they needed to cool off. A shower would do it for her. Darcy would have to do with Francine’s hands and a little separation.

  Francine’s hand went to Andrea’s neck. “The pendant looks lovely, Andrea.”

  Andrea reached for the emerald. She’d forgotten it. “Thank you.” She flushed. “And, thanks for helping Darcy shop for it.” She gathered her clothing and headed into the bathroom. Twenty minutes later, they were at the table and she was feeding Darcy eggs and an occasional bite of waffle. She tried to keep it businesslike but their eyes keep meeting and Darcy had a goofy smile on her face. Andrea knew it
wouldn’t take Tori long to sniff out the sexual tension in the air so she tried to head it off.

  “Jennifer, we were wondering if you could help Darcy with her arm exercises this morning? She hasn’t done them since Thursday.”

  “Love to,” Jennifer said, after swallowing.

  “Is that a new necklace, Andrea?” Elle pointed to the pendant. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Thank you. “It’s a gift from Darcy.” She tried for nonchalance but couldn’t stop the rush of blood to her face.

  Gina smiled. It’s perfect for you, Andrea. Impeccable taste as usual, Darce.”

  Had Darcy given expensive gifts of jewelry to other lovers? Maybe it wasn’t so special if she’d given gifts like this to the women in her inner circle when they were lovers. Christ. Other lovers? What was she thinking? She and Darcy weren’t lovers.

  Darcy put her hand on Andrea’s thigh.

  Maybe they weren’t technically lovers, but after waking and drowning in those eyes Andrea had to admit her connection with Darcy felt intensely sexual and profoundly intimate. It sure felt like they were lovers. Had she ever felt this way with Julie?

  As they were eating, Tori cleared her throat, her smile mischievous. “So, as we were saying about ravaging…” She wiggled her eyebrows at Darcy.

  “Who was saying? I don’t remember any mention of ravaging.” Darcy nodded toward her glass of juice and Andrea lifted it to her lips.

  “Gee, weren’t we just talking about ravaging? Oh, right, that was last night.” Tori’s glance included the table. “I think there was a lot of ravaging going on around here last night.”

  “Really?” Darcy tried to keep a straight face. “Speak for yourself, Tori. I wasn’t that lucky. No ravaging at all in my bed last night.”

  Andrea avoided looking at Tori, but didn’t miss the smile on Francine’s face as she watched Tori and Darcy fence.

  “Oh, Darcy, giving lovely ladies gorgeous emerald pendants usually follows ravaging. I’m sure I smell ravaged this morning and it seems to be wafting down from your end of the table.”