Matters of the Heart

by Catherine Maiorisi

Darcy started laughing. “Oh, God, Tori, would that you were right. Unfortunately, it’s been a very long time since I’ve been ravaged.”

  “Hmm, I think I need to have a conversation with Dr. Trapani, who’s awfully quiet this morning and looks, I don’t know, ravaged.”

  Andrea burst out laughing. “Given what Darcy just reported, are you insinuating that I ravaged myself?”

  The whole table broke into laughter. Tori managed to snort out, “We all do what we have to, Andrea.”

  Elle punched Tori in the arm. “You are relentless. Leave them alone, you beast.”

  Tori raised her hands in a helpless gesture. “Just making breakfast conversation.”

  * * *

  Elle sat next to Andrea watching Jennifer work with Darcy. “Tori’s in the kitchen where she belongs, preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner for tomorrow so you don’t have to think about it. I hope that makes amends for her relentless teasing.”

  “Actually, the teasing makes me feel part of the group. And, Tori is so witty and funny that it’s hard to take offense. Darcy is lucky to have such wonderful friends.”

  “We’re lucky to have Darcy. And I know I speak for the others, we hope you’ll consider us your friends as well.”

  “Thanks, Elle. I do. Especially you and Tori.”

  After the physical therapy session, Elle and Jennifer drifted out to the kitchen to assist. The others were on the beach. Andrea and Darcy sat in a sunny spot on the deck facing the ocean, enjoying the sunlight and the breeze. Andrea was careful to monitor Darcy’s time in the sun to avoid overheating her arm and legs in their casts. A couple more weeks and Darcy would be cast-free. What would she, Andrea, do? About Darcy? About work? About her life?

  “Why so quiet? Thinking about your non-ravaging?”

  Andrea kicked her cast lightly. “Don’t you start.” She waved her arm, indicating the beach and the house. “I love it here. I’m savoring it. You’re lucky to have this, Darcy.”

  “I am, aren’t I? Share it with me?” Darcy knew she was pushing it. She’d vowed to go as slowly as Andrea needed, and if she doubted they were moving closer, this morning clinched it. But she’d waited so long for the right one and she was impatient. Damn, she didn’t want to frighten her away. “I hope Tori’s teasing didn’t upset you.”

  She answered the easy question. “No, it didn’t upset me at all. She’s fun. I enjoy seeing you two together.” Her fingers found the pendant. Share it with me felt like a marriage proposal. She wanted to shout yes. Yes, I want you, yes, I want to share your life, yes, I want to be with you forever, but she had vowed to stand back, let things unfold as they may. It was getting harder and harder but she was disciplined, had twenty years’ practice, if nothing else. A voice in her head said, oh, was that discipline in bed this morning?

  “Tell me about the house, Darcy, I’m curious about this place.”

  “Well, my grandparents picked the perfect location to build the house. The Pines and Cherry Grove, the epicenter of the gay and lesbian action on Fire Island, are just a short walk,” she pointed, “in that direction. The women in the family used to spend the whole summer here and the men came on the weekends.”

  “Has it changed much?”

  “Some. It was originally only the big houses on the beach but over the years, smaller houses have been built. It’s pretty exclusive.”

  Someone banged the gong and the women straggled in from the beach. The air was redolent with coconut oil and almost everyone had that wonderful sun-drenched, bedraggled look of people after a day at the beach. Despite sunburned noses and shoulders, spirits were high as they gathered around the table on the deck to eat the delicious seafood salad prepared by Renee with the assistance of Francine and Maya, who had stepped in for Lucia.

  Darcy’s phone rang and Andrea held it to her ear. She spoke for a few minutes. “You can turn it off, Andrea.” She turned to the group. “Lucia just deposited Candace at Dr. Simons’ office and arranged to meet her after the session to hang out and have dinner.” Darcy breathed a sigh of relief. “Now it’s up to Candace and Dr. Simons.”

  Darcy napped for an hour after lunch, then they spent the rest of the afternoon socializing on the deck as the women trickled back from the beach to shower and pack to return to the city later.

  At five thirty they sat down to the dinner prepared by Tori and her assistants—thinly sliced chicken breast sautéed with marinated artichoke hearts, Greek olives, cherry tomatoes and white wine, accompanied by a quinoa pilaf and broccoli with a lemon butter dressing. With the weekend winding down, Lucia in the city, and Maya having dinner with a woman she’d met last night, the conversation was more low-key than the previous two nights, but still lively and filled with laughter.

  Francine and Jennifer volunteered to clean up. Darcy and Andrea walked Tori, Elle, Beth, Gina, Monica and Renee to the dock to catch the seven o’clock ferry. As they waited, Darcy asked Tori, “So how much do I owe you for everything?”

  “Nada. The eight of us chipped in to treat you and your medical team.” Tori grabbed Darcy’s face and kissed her on the lips. “Next time, my sweets, you can share the cost as usual.”

  “Thanks. I had a wonderful time…even if I didn’t get ravaged.”

  Elle stepped over. “Please don’t get her started on that again, Darcy.”

  There were hugs and kisses all around as the ferry docked and started to board. Tori whispered as she hugged Andrea. “You have my permission to ravage her.” Then she followed Elle onto the ferry and waved innocently.

  Andrea smiled and shook her head as she waved back.

  They watched the ferry pull away then turned toward the house. Except for dealing with Candace, it had been a laughter-filled weekend. Darcy had spent enough time with her friends to reconnect and feel the love and support she had missed because of Candace’s jealousy. The next month or so promised to be difficult physically and emotionally and Andrea hoped Darcy’s friends and the glimpse of her old life would get her through it without stressing her heart. As they rolled along, Andrea put her hand on Darcy’s shoulder. “You all right?”

  “Sad they’re leaving, happy to have you to myself.”

  Not quite. When they got back to the house, Francine and Jennifer were sitting on the deck talking. Darcy and Andrea joined them. It was the first time since Friday that the four of them were alone.

  Darcy waved her hand at Jennifer and Francine. “So, ladies, did you enjoy yourselves?”

  Jennifer and Francine exchanged a look but Jennifer spoke. “I love your friends, Darcy, and I think Francine does too. I’m usually shy in groups, but I felt welcome. And, seen. Everyone was connected and so…kind, so caring. I enjoyed it tremendously. Thank you for including us.”

  “It’s a special group and you two fit right in.” Her phone rang. “It’s Candace.” She addressed Andrea. “Please turn on my speaker phone and move me to the other side of the deck so we can talk privately.”

  Andrea rejoined Francine and Jennifer. “So what did you two think was the best thing about the weekend?”

  “That’s easy.” Jennifer laughed. “Having my woman to myself in this fabulous place.”

  “That,” Francine giggled, “and I thought Tori’s riff on ravaging was hysterical.” She looked at Andrea. “I can’t thank you enough for doing my job so I could be with Jennifer.”

  “My pleasure.”

  “Hey, could someone come and get me?” Darcy called from across the deck.

  “Coming.” Andrea stood.

  “What about you, what did you think was best?”

  “Just between us,” she said, throwing the words over her shoulder, “being forced to sleep in the room with Darcy.”

  Darcy was grinning. “Candace is in love with Dr. Simons, couldn’t stop talking about her. Dr. Simons said this and Dr. Simons said that. If Lucia wasn’t with her, I would have assumed she’d been drinking. One of the many wise things Dr. Simons said is that Candace shouldn’t be alone, that she’s i
n a very fragile place and needs someone to watch over her. So Lucia invited her to move in. Temporarily.”

  “That’s wonderful.”

  “Thanks to you, Andrea, she’s found Dr. Simons.”

  “And, thanks to you, she may have found Lucia.”

  “Lucia is pretty quiet but I always sensed interest and a spark when Candace was near. It would be great if they connected. Dr. Simons also suggested that Candace call her friends and set up a schedule so she has someone to go with her to two AA meetings every day for the first few weeks.”

  Jennifer pulled her hair into a ponytail. “Since I’m not working I’m happy to go with her or just be a backup in case she needs someone.”

  “Great, I’ll give her your number. Not to change the subject, Jennifer, but I was wondering if you would consider coming on board as my physical therapist?”

  Jennifer glanced at Francine. “Are you kidding? I would love to. But I thought you had a therapist.”

  “I do, but she only comes as a favor to Andrea. I’ll ask her to do a joint session with you to pass the baton, so to speak. Hopefully, my arm cast will come off this week. Andrea tells me that the stronger my arms are, the easier it will be when the leg casts come off. Can you handle legs?”

  “Sure. I worked at a veteran’s hospital for a couple of years and I got lots of experience with legs. With everything actually. When do we start?”

  “Jean is scheduled for the day after tomorrow in the afternoon. If you’re free, Andrea will give her a call tomorrow and arrange it.”

  “Whenever you need me, I’ll be there.”

  “I don’t know what we pay Jean but I’ll find out. Once we decide on the rate you can talk to Candace about the paperwork.”

  “Thanks for the opportunity.” Jennifer kissed Darcy on the cheek. “And, thanks for the weekend.” She took Francine’s hand. “I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed myself so much.”

  They chatted some more about the weekend, then Darcy yawned.

  “While I’m thinking of it,” Andrea said, “I’d like to run on the beach tomorrow morning. Can you come in early to take care of Darcy?”

  “Sure. And, since it’s our last night, I’d like to take another walk on the beach with Jennifer. What time should I get back to help you into bed, Darcy?”

  “If it’s all right with Andrea, I’d like to do it now.”

  “Sure let’s go.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Francine poked her head in early to wash and dress Darcy so Andrea could run on the beach while it was still relatively cool. “Don’t I get to have an opinion on this? It is my body you two are talking about.”

  “Come on, grumpy, you and Andrea have been together twenty-four-seven since Friday morning, surely you don’t begrudge her an hour to herself.”

  “Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong, Francine. I’m an egocentric bitch and twenty-four-seven sounds exactly right to me.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

  Andrea came out of the bathroom in her running shorts, tank top and sneakers. Darcy whistled softly. “Very nice, my beautiful Andrea.”

  “Don’t be piggy, Darcy.”

  “Me piggy? I was expressing my appreciation.”

  “That’s what they all say.” Interesting. Now that she’d let herself feel her love for Darcy, she wasn’t put off by the sexual comments. But the woman did need to control those flip remarks.

  “Wave goodbye to the nice doctor and let’s get on with your morning ablutions so when she gets back you’ll be ready to get in the wheelchair.”

  Forty-five minutes later, a sweaty Andrea ran on to the deck, surprised to find Darcy already working with Jennifer. “Ah, good, you didn’t waste time waiting for me. What smells so good?”

  Darcy looked up from her bicep curls. “Francine’s baking the vegetarian strata that Tori left us for breakfast. It should be ready in about fifteen minutes.”

  “God bless Tori. I’m going to jump in the shower. Be out in ten.”

  Breakfast with just the four of them was relaxed but Andrea missed the animated give-and-take at the weekend meals. Without it, her mind wandered as she fed Darcy and she was overcome with sadness. In a few days, Darcy’s arm cast would be gone and not too long after that Darcy would be able to feed herself. Darcy was unusually quiet, maybe thinking the same thoughts, maybe not.

  Andrea was aware of Francine’s eyes on her. Francine was the only one who knew for sure that she was in love with Darcy and it seemed to puzzle her that Andrea didn’t declare herself to Darcy, especially since Darcy made no secret of her feelings for Andrea. She wondered why herself. Yes, professionalism, but she’d gone way beyond those boundaries already, holding hands, sleeping with Darcy. Darcy’s vulnerability, yes as well, but in her heart she believed Darcy knew her own feelings and Tori had confirmed them. Fear? Hmm, interesting. She hadn’t considered that before. But fear of what? Of loving someone who wanted her? Of letting go of Julie who’d been her ostensible reason for never letting anyone touch her heart. Of loving and losing that love as had happened before. All of the above?

  Darcy touched Andrea. “Hey there, dreamy girl, remember me? I’m hungry.”

  She was holding Darcy’s fork in the air but she hadn’t moved it close to her mouth. Maybe that’s why Francine was staring at her. “Sorry, I seem to have wandered off.”

  Darcy swallowed. “Dreaming about your girlfriend?”

  “As a matter of fact.” Andrea knew her smile was mischievous, but she couldn’t hide it.

  “Oh, ready to share?”

  “Not yet.” It had occurred to her while she was running that Karin might tell Candace to fight for what she wanted and that Candace would launch a campaign to win Darcy. Andrea resolved to fight for her, aware she needed to figure this out sooner rather than later if she wanted Darcy.

  They had a low-key day, talking, enjoying the ocean breezes, reading, doing puzzles and dozing in the fresh air. They caught a late ferry and while Jennifer and Darcy were in a serious discussion about boats, Andrea took the opportunity to tell Francine that she would stay with Darcy tonight and she could have another night off.

  “Hey, you’re not trying to steal my job, are you?”

  Andrea laughed. “Not at all. It’ll be late when we get back. I’m sure once we get her into bed, Darcy will go right to sleep. Take the night to get some rest and we’ll go back on our regular schedule tomorrow.”

  “Are you going to sleep with her again?”

  “Of course I’ll be in her room with her all night.”

  That’s not what I asked, Andrea. Are you going to sleep in that narrow hospital bed with her?”

  Andrea blushed. “Busted.” I’m not ready to separate. I love her, want to hold her close forever. And narrow is better, easier to justify sleeping on top of her.

  “Is it all right with Darcy?”

  Andrea raised her eyebrows.

  “Duh. Of course, Darcy would want you all to herself another night. So when are you going to tell—” Andrea put a finger on Francine’s lips to prevent her from asking the question.

  “You’re right, Andrea, it’s none of my business, but you’re obviously in love with her and it hurts me to see her yearning for you.”

  “I’m doing the best I can, Francine.” But she needed to figure this out. Why she couldn’t say the words but acted as if she’d said them when it pleased her, then pretended she wasn’t in love with Darcy.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Since returning from Fire Island two days ago, Darcy and Andrea had existed in a warm bubble of connection, sitting in the garden or in Darcy’s room talking, reading, doing a puzzle, listening to music together. They’d interacted with Maria and Carlo and Gregg around meals and Jennifer around physical therapy, then slipped back into their comfortable world.

  But Darcy wasn’t serene and content this morning. Instead, from the minute she’d opened her eyes Darcy had vacillated between crabbiness and withdrawal. Francine had l
eft a note in the chart for Andrea. She wouldn’t say but I think she’s worried about the doctor’s appointment today.

  Now, in the examining room waiting for Dr. Stern to review the X-ray of her left arm, Darcy looked miserable. Andrea held her hand and tried to get her to talk about what was bothering her, but she just shook her head.

  A grinning Dr. Stern burst into the room. “The arm looks great, Darcy. It’ll take a couple of minutes to remove the cast, then you’re good to go. Pick up a prescription for therapy at the front desk and I’ll see you in two weeks to hopefully get these leg casts off.”

  Darcy glanced at Andrea but didn’t say anything.

  The doctor frowned. “Hey, what’s this? I thought you’d be ecstatic.”

  “I am ecstatic, Doctor.” Darcy attempted a smile. “In a couple of days I should be able to do most things for myself, right?”

  “Yes, if you work the arm in therapy.”

  Jennifer was sitting in the van outside the doctor’s office waiting for them. She jumped out to help Andrea get Darcy into the van but her smile faltered when she noticed Darcy’s hunched shoulders and downcast face. Behind Darcy’s back, Andrea lifted her shoulders in answer to Jennifer’s questioning look.

  They drove home in silence. When they rolled Darcy out, she spoke for the first time since leaving the doctor’s office. “I’d prefer to start working tomorrow morning, Jennifer, so you don’t need to come back after you return the van.”

  “Are you sure? I could just massage the arm, if you’d like.”

  Darcy shook her head. “Let’s start fresh tomorrow, about eleven.”

  Andrea took Darcy up to her room, then called down to let Maria know they’d have dinner inside tonight. She sat facing Darcy. “Would you like me to massage your arms?”

  Darcy nodded.

  Andrea washed her hands, warmed Darcy’s lotion between them and gently rubbed the newly freed arm. Darcy closed her eyes.

  In a couple of days, Darcy would be able to feed herself, a major milestone in her recovery. But rather than the elation Andrea had expected at this significant progress toward independence, it felt like a loss. She was positive that Darcy’s mood had soured because she was anticipating the loss as well. She needed to do something to shift Darcy’s mood—and her own, of course. She switched to the other arm and thought about what to do.